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Torment - 4/7/2007 11:23:51 AM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		I do not know if this will remain in the Off Topic Discussion or be moved but this is where it starts.
Nor am I seeking comments or discussion truly, but more or less just a statement of things that have happened and what I fear each day that passes.
Everyone of us has experienced heartbreak and I do not think it is something that any of us wishes to experience again. Most of us do our best not to inflict it upon others but there seems to be a few that either do not care or seem to be caught up in the middle of many heartbreaks over and over again.
I seem to be one of those. It is not that I do not care, but that I often seem to be caught up in many of them. Not only those that I have suffered myself, and believe me I have suffered a lot, but also I seem to have been the cause of more than my fair share.
I have not tried to do this, I just have a way of being open and friendly, flirty and caring and I do truly care, but many times some take my words or deeds deeper than I meant them or they think I have gone exclusively talking to them when we have made no such commitment and then are hurt when I find someone I do want to commit to.
However, the worst of the heartbreaks come from those that I actually have started relationships with and it is my own mistrust that steps in.
Having been lied to and misled so many times by others it is very hard for me to trust someone, and even one lie can cause me to become so distrustful of them that it is hard to recover no matter how much I care for them or how hard they are trying to make things right. This gets worse, of course, if things around them continue to appear misleading or confusing, and my trust gets strained.
Since I joined CollarMe I have attempted 19 relationships prior to my current one and of those 19 most ended because of the person lying to me repeatedly. So trust is difficult for me...
My babygirl has even told me a couple of lies but they have been minor and not something that affected our relationship yet it still has strained things a bit... I am emphasizing to her that truth is important, and working on that, so perhaps this issue will be fixed... but this is not the real reason for this post...

The real reason for this post is to apologize to all those whose hearts I have broken... for I wish I could heal every one of them. I wish I could have done something to prevent all the pain they felt and not caused the heartache. I truly regret it. I would gladly have taken their pain and suffered it myself to relieve them of that. I truly am sorry for the pain I may have caused. Yet, I will also say, though sorry, I had to be true as well. Please understand that, the only thing I could not have done was to lie to you to keep your heart from breaking, for in the long run the pain would have been greater. I still wish I could have suffered the pain for you.

Robert Cloud

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RE: Torment - 4/7/2007 11:31:18 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I don't think i know one person who hasn't caused or suffered a heartache. I do however know many who have no sense of remorse for what they did intentionally or unintentionally. Facing down demons of what we have done or had done to us is extremely hard and giving forgiveness is just as hard as asking for it.
Your sentiments here are lovely and i'm sure that you are true in asking for the forgiveness of others. Just remember though that no matter how sorry you are the power to forgive you may not be in the people you have hurts hearts at present.
I do hope you find the forgiveness and peace you see though.

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RE: Torment - 4/7/2007 11:36:23 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Time heals all wounds, even those left by jerky guys.  I have found that living well and happily without giving them much thought is the best revenge.

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RE: Torment - 4/7/2007 11:40:58 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		Dude you talk like you are the pillar of all hurt in tyhe world..    if your name were gw, rothschild, and a host of other names i could add to that list i would be inclined to agree. 

However since you are having lets say a moment, for your own benefit, apologies are best made in future action rather than words.


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RE: Torment - 4/7/2007 12:08:57 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Since I joined CollarMe I have attempted 19 relationships prior to my current one and of those 19 most ended because of the person lying to me repeatedly. So trust is difficult for me...


Have you considered that there is the possibility that you are choosing the wrong people? 


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RE: Torment - 4/7/2007 12:18:23 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

However since you are having lets say a moment, for your own benefit, apologies are best made in future action rather than words.



I dislike being apologized to.  The only true form of contrition is self-control and not engaging in the behavior one is apologizing for.

Sinergy

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RE: Torment - 4/7/2007 12:24:58 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Since I joined CollarMe I have attempted 19 relationships prior to my current one and of those 19 most ended because of the person lying to me repeatedly. So trust is difficult for me...


Have you considered that there is the possibility that you are choosing the wrong people? 



Sure!   That goes without saying...  The problem of course is that there are many areas that simply require "faith" as a prerequisite of not being presumptuous and falsely accusing someone, (guilty before proven innocent), concept that would result in throwing a potential relationship away before it got off the ground based on wrongful suspicion.  In the process of discovery however, (which depending on circumstances can take years in some cases), one can be very hurt.

Unfortunately many issues simply do not become apparent in a timely manner and only in dealing with a person do you find out over time who they really are if it is not obvious on firstr glance.   In that, (and other reasons), it is quite easy to choose all the wrong people, especially if the pool of people to choose from fit in that category.

In reading many peoples journals on this subject i get the impression that i am not the only one with this problem which only goes to illustrate there are players in all walks of life,


_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

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Profile   Post #: 7
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