How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (Full Version)

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Quiatete -> How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:14:06 PM)

I'd like to get all forms of responses here. If you could also note how you ID, sub or slave, or however you like to ID yourself, I would appreciate that, too.

My question comes from this: I love to please. I don't like to make people frustrated or mad. I like to be respectful. In fact, being respectful is one of my number one values.

However, I talk to plenty of Doms who want me to do things like strip for them on cam within minutes of talking to me. While I know that's a little extreme, I'm finding it hard to know where to draw the line between protecting my own wants/desires/limits and being frustrating by saying that I'm submissive, while not acting it.

So any imput would be great.

Thanks!

~Sarah.



sleazybutterfly -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:15:52 PM)

I am a slave.  I present myself the same way I would to anyone I was meeting or talking to.  I am polite (as long as they are), and just try to be myself.  I wouldn't strip for a stranger on the street on command, so I sure wouldn't do it because someone called themselves a dom.



megan2007 -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:20:44 PM)

dear Sarah,

your submission is a gift.  not something that can be 'required' from you.  something you give freely, willingly.  becouse YOU want to.  i well understand the desire/need to be pleasing, i know such for myself as also.  but if i had a webcam (which i dont), and a Dom asked me to strip for Him, within a very short time of intial aquaintance, i'd frankly...respectfuly, politely...tell Him 'NO' in a quite clear and decided fashion.  until YOU feel that One has earned Your submission, to whatever degree and for however long you wish to give it, you owe Them nothing.

respect is one thing...letting yourself get taken advantage of, becouse you worry about saying no, is anouther.

submission takes great strength, to give one's self up to the care and orders of Anouther.  be strong, be proud!*smiles*

take care and blessed be.



Quiatete -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:28:06 PM)

:) Thank you both... very reassuring messages.

When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?



GeekyGirl -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:29:18 PM)

I identify as sub but can be a slave *for the right type of person*.

I always come across slightly bratty and bitchy in initial contacts because that's honestly the kind of person I am. I am very sweet and loving to my friends, but a person has to work hard to get to that point with me.

I believe in putting my worst foot forward cause it just honestly saves me a whole lot of time.

I *don't* like to please anyone except my close friends and my monogamous partner. Everyone else can go suck a toe. I've often been accused of being somewhat rude and disrespectful but I feel I'm just blunt and many people don't handle that well.

I certainly wouldn't feel the need to "prove" that I'm submissive to some asshole over the internet.

Those guys who want you to strip for them on cam aren't "doms". They're horny losers who are too socially inept to find real live women. Either that, or they're married.



sillygirl09 -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:31:16 PM)

Sarah, I identify as a slave, but I am not a slave to every dominant, not even submissive to them all.  Certain personalities draw it out in me so it's something I feel.  While I would never strip for someone I had just met... I might be inclined to call them "Sir" pretty early on and I try to be respectful of anyone I'm trying to get to know.



Quiatete -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:33:28 PM)

I see what you mean... no point in putting something out  there that really isn't you.

That, and I adore your handle.



GeekyGirl -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:34:20 PM)

quote:

When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete

:) Thank you both... very reassuring messages.

When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?



They proved themselves by showing intelligence, putting forth the effort to find time to talk to me, and getting to know me as a human being without discussing sex.

I "knew" they were one I should submit to for one reason: I felt submissive towards them and found myself deferring to them. This is a rare behavior for me and it takes a very special man to bring it out in me, so when I feel the urge to be sub towards him, I know something is "right."




GeekyGirl -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:35:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete

I see what you mean... no point in putting something out  there that really isn't you.

That, and I adore your handle.



Thank You :) It's very me. I am very into just "being yourself." If you're not naturally sweet, polite, and respectful, then that's not how you should act online. If that IS who you are, then let that show through.



Quiatete -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 12:44:00 PM)

very good point, Geeky. you've gotta have a lot of integrity to do that, and that just points out your great parts. :)



spanklette -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 1:38:47 PM)

I met my Daddy on the internet. I wasn't having a problem meeting local kinksters...in fact, when we got into a LDR it took a toll on my local life. But, there was a reason that I liked Him. He talked to me like a person. He wanted to know about me and He wanted to share some of Himself. It wasn't an immediate connection and there was certainly no cybering. It was just right. It felt good and the communication came easily. I felt like I could tell Him anything. That's how I knew.
 
How will you know? I have no idea, but it probably won't have anything to do with giving random peep shows. [:D]



OnlyHis -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 1:47:10 PM)

I am Master's slave.  How did i know when i found him that i would want to submit to him. First it was his knowledge of the lifestyle. And the way he helped me to understand the feelings that i was just beginning to have within myself. That caused the trust i have in him to begin to grow.  From there it was the feelings of security i had giving more and more control over to him and knowing i was safe with him and that no real harm would come to me at his hands.
Everything just continued to grow from there. The trust, love, peacefulness i had found and the desire i have to surrender all of who i am to him. 



ownedgirlie -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:10:31 PM)

Master and I met online.  I think it was a month or so after we began talking that he ever saw me naked, by way of photo.  Had he requested that of me minutes after we began talking, I likely would have filed him with the rest of the wankers who wanted a quick jack-off job. 

Remember, please, anyone can take still shots of what you expose on cam.  Trust who you are exposing yourself to, lest you find pictures of yourself on someone's website.



SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:15:23 PM)


Well, I come at it from a different angle. I'm a male sub/slave who loves to serve, but in my normal mode, I'm not submissive. I don't defer to anyone or feel I need to be overly respectful to people in my normal mode, so for me it's actually a change of state.

In my day to day life, I've very much in control, tell people what I think and, while I treat people well and with respect, I don't feel the need to submit to everyone I run into.

Some of the emails I get on here are laughable in that the 'dommes' basically tell me that I am their slaves and I need to do anything they want, which shockingly enough involves money. I feel no need to serve for the hell of it.

Personally, I would never serve someone within ten minutes of them contacting me or anything like that. I'm not casual in my relationships, so I need to establish something more.

It seems like the OPs personlity is more submissive as it's default, which is fine, but you just need to figure out where you stand and what is acceptable to you. If you feel conflicted about something, you shouldn't do it. Simple as that.

I think my being submissive has helped me figure a lot about my personality and how I relate to others and what is important to me. It's allowed me to take a look at different aspects of my mind and try and either cultivate them or get rid of them.

As for the initial subject line of the thread, I present myself to a potential Domme as I would anyone else. I'm respectful, friendly and fun. I don't change my personality to much because I want to give her an idea of who I am, not some faked incarnation of me. The woman who is going to be with me is going to have to understand I'm strong and masculine as well as submissive and puddy in her hands. 



missturbation -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:18:56 PM)

I am a slave and i present myself to a Dom. Anything else would be fake as far as i'm concerned.



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:32:13 PM)

So I need a mind connection.  About ideas.  I'm pretty darn clear about that.  And if the conversation heads towards sex quickly, wihout balance I know we are not compatible.  And that is fine.  I don't webcam.  Period.  I don't chat.  Period.  I weed out those who just want a fuck, or just want a jerkoff.  Just not what I'm seeking.  For me this has zero to do with respect unless it is about respect for yourself.    But then pleasing the world is not my kink.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:32:53 PM)

You have the right to have you own personal boundaries. How others act is, ultimately, not a reflection of you or your behavior, but of them and their behavior. For them, it's all about "thier stuff". It really has little to do with you. Find those who respect your personal boundaries and you'll be much closer to finding the Dominant who matches you.

Master Fire



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:37:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete
When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?

In the end I don't look for someone to "prove" himself.  It sin't a series of tests.  It is an unfolding about intersts, values, goals and the like.  It is a meeting of minds over time.  He's not on the hot seat with me sitting back and saying "show me".  It is more about learning over time about whether I want to spend time with him.  And for me that doesn't take a long time.  A few back and forths and I can get a sense of whether I want to meet for a meal  Does he fascinate me?  Is he curious?  Is he balanced?  Is he interested in me?  Would I enjoy getting know more about him over a long decadent meal.  If so, then I go for it. 



devonmaid -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 2:56:19 PM)

Hi Megan Rachel here
Can only agree with you there, was one Dom I was speaking to, and just because he was going on holiday in a few weeks thought that 'we could hurry things along' I was polite enough, but like you if you feel a connection the rest will willingly follow. Recently I have been speaking with a Dom who is just good fella old school I feel polite, but not smarmy now  if he carries on the way hes going I will happily follow :-)  .So girls Subbies one and all slaves included, be kind to you first that is the most important thing and if he is any man/ Dom at all he will allow you to be who you are. Then where is the harm in following?



oceangem -> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? (4/7/2007 3:38:39 PM)

i am a submissive, i am respectful to those that i am talking with as long as they are in turn respectful to me.

If asked if i cam within the first few minutes of saying hi, i will say no i dont cam. Same goes for voice chat.

Asking of photos is usually questionable as a well, i may give one or two but when they ask for any nudes i refuse or if they ask in trade of nudes ... i will say i want to get know whats between the ears before i want to see whats between the legs.

Also goes for the inital conversation if all they want to talk about is sex or immediately ask what my limits are i know where the conversation is heading.

Anyways be you Quiatete.



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