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Rejection. Oh no. - 4/17/2005 9:36:32 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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How do you handle it without being a psycho-bitch?

Or how do you deal with half-way rejection?

As in when someone is like, "Hi, My name is Mr. Dom. I am also a pansy and refuse to be emotionally close with people even though I did not tell you that before we met. I want you to like me a lot, but I'm only going to like you a little. And it's going to stay that way because I'm a stupid ass who wants a static one-sided relationship."

I try to look at others and say, "Be attracted to them! They want to pet you and buy you things!" But some force within compels me to be attracted to this particular Mr. Dom.

Alright this is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I'm interested in some honest answers. What do you do when people reject you?

Post #: 1

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/17/2005 9:46:04 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Well, this is very chiche, but I cry myself a river, build a bridge and get over it.
It can hurt, so you cry a while, then you work and build yourself up and then you move on. That's how I deal with some of the bad things that happen, it may not work for everyone, but it works for me.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 2

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/17/2005 9:47:22 PM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

Move on.

Take care & good luck,

Attachment (1)

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Post #: 3

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/17/2005 10:13:10 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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Rejection sucks.

I pretty much agree with siamsa's post. You do what you have to do to get it out of your system then pick yourself up and get on with things. They probably didn't deserve you anyway.

~stef

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RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/17/2005 10:32:55 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
How do you handle it without being a psycho-bitch?

Be a psycho bitch by getting it out of your system with your sister, your very good friend or in your own private moment; Never let him see you affected that way is my position.

quote:

As in when someone is like, "Hi, My name is Mr. Dom. I am also a pansy and refuse to be emotionally close with people even though I did not tell you that before we met.

You didn't want a pansy for a Dom anyway right? So thank God he showed his pansy self now rather than later.

quote:

I try to look at others and say, "Be attracted to them! They want to pet you and buy you things!" But some force within compels me to be attracted to this particular Mr. Dom.

Sorry there MiLady, I feel your pain.
Best thing to do is follow Siamsa's advice, and try to stay away from emotional criples... How, don't ask girl, I've no idea, am still trying to learn for myself. M

Damn spelling errors!..
P.S. How did you get to be so smart at 18? Good luck in the future. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/17/2005 10:36:05 PM >

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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Post #: 5

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 1:07:19 AM

lil1v

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

How do you handle it without being a psycho-bitch?

Or how do you deal with half-way rejection?

Depends on what rejection you're talking about. Most times I just shrug it off and move on. Now if I've become emotionally invested.. Thats much harder.

In past relationships, I didn't deal so healthily with it. I would find the nearest attractive male and screw him silly. I wouldn't recommend it.

You have to deal with the pain, accept the truth of reality, and move on. Evaluate yourself. Make changes/improvements if you find something you don't like. Take time and focus on yourself and heal. Eventually, when you're strong enough again you'll be able to move on and find a healthy relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I try to look at others and say, "Be attracted to them! They want to pet you and buy you things!" But some force within compels me to be attracted to this particular Mr. Dom.

Moving on isn't going to happen instantly. I took myself "off the market" for several reasons, one of which being that I was still hung up on my ex-Master. No one measured up. No one was "HIM".. Such as junecleaver described above.

I'd tell myself "He's a great guy, you're lucky to have found him".. and in my head I'd be thinking "But he's not Mark".

Healing takes time, and the deeper the relationship the more time it takes. Mark and I still talk from time to time as we are still friends. I'm still struggling with getting over the relationship but each day I make progress. I'm finding that being friends .. while at first was terribly difficult.. is actually helping matters. Last week, we had a conversation where one of his major faults that while he was Master I just ignored. Now it irritates me to no end. Just brings me a little "reality" rather than "romanticising" the relationship.

Hope that was .. somewhat helpful. maybe..

_____________________________

V

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Post #: 6

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 4:39:43 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
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junecleaver, if you don't mind me saying? I feel that your recognizing of the situation is half the battle won.

For me, I have learned that if a situation/relationship makes me question myself? If I feel frustrated, needy, or even wondering where I stand with them? Then they just aren't that into me. It's a jagged pill to swallow, but with awareness of the feelings inside, it is much easier to avoid heartache by detaching earlier into things. As the old saying goes, don't put more effort into someone than they are willing to put into you.

(in reply to lil1v)

Post #: 7

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 7:12:56 AM

liltxsubby

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

I stock up on Ben and Jerrys and other junk food, invite gal pals over, get all my sappy chic flicks and have a girls night in. Watch the movies. eat the junk, relax...and it will almost surely turn into guy bashing time. Your pals will tell you everything that was wrong with the guy and then it turns to guys in general. Always helps me cheer up, even if for just a little bit.

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RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 7:20:04 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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Sometimes my friends and I do this anyway just for the fun of it. The boys go out to drink and play poker so we stock up on junk food and girly drinks, bust out the chick flicks and have a wonderful time. Sometimes we will wear comfy sweats, other times we have a "movie premier" night. We will get the newest movies and everyone will dress in their finest evening wear (with an overnight bag with sweats of course

) and we will treat it like a movie premier. My roommate and I started this tradition a while ago and we still keep it going. It's a great excuse to get all dressed up and pretend that we are rich and famous

(in reply to liltxsubby)

Post #: 9

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 7:59:27 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How do you handle it without being a psycho-bitch?

Or how do you deal with half-way rejection?

June, I spent the largest part of my life giving my heart to people that got their kicks out of ripping it to shreds. I could adore them, want to spend every waking moment with them but I couldn't expect them to do the same thing. I finally realized it wasn't them, it was me... I was making the wrong choices. I was attracted (for whatever masochistic reasons) to men that couldn't or wouldn't appreciate me for who I am and what I offered. I refined my criteria, did a full 180 and searched in a totally different area. I now have what I've wanted all along.

You aren't a bad person and you deserve so much more, now all you have to do is convince yourself of that.

As far as being a psycho-bitch.... my opinion is that men that do that to women deserve everything they get. Not that it will matter, if they aren't capable of investing all of themselves in a relationship they aren't gonna understand the psycho reaction anyway.

Jewel

_____________________________

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Post #: 10

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 6:04:07 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for all the advice.

A girly junkfood fest has already been planned! I'm actually very excited. Yay for being a girl. lol

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 11

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/18/2005 6:57:29 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

This is one of my favorite subjects :)

I've been dating alot for the past 8 months and have been on both sides of this issue. Rejecting someone else is not easy either. Anyway, I employ the following strategies depending on how attached/disappointed I'm feeling:

1. Don't personalize it: their "rejection" is not in anyway a comment on your self-worth, beauty or importance in the world.
2. Don't spend time analyzing why they did/didn't do...whatever. It's a waste of time to try to analyze someone else. They made their decision and your healing will happen faster if you focus on YOU and your happiness, not them.
3. Thank them (to yourself) for giving you this gift: they probably saved you tons of time and released you to find someone much more worthy of your love.
4. That person just isn't the one (or one of the ones). If it was the right match, it would have lasted.
5. Don't try to be friends if you're hurt - it'll just keep you stagnant and re-experiencing the pain. Take time away and perhaps down the road you can be friends.
6. Do something that will contribute to your personal growth: take a class, learn a new sport, ask someone out to dinner who you'd like to become friends with, change your hairstyle, reorganize your home.

I have a very close friend that has helped me so much - and her techniques are harsh and confrontive. It's like a verbal slap in the face but having a trusted friend be completely honest with you can be very helpful!

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 12

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/19/2005 5:55:44 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

june: rejection hurts and it generally sucks, no question about it. I've been on both sides of the equation but I've been the 'rejectee' more often than not. What it's forced me to do over the years is to rethink my feelings about being attracted to people, to whit: it has more to do with you than with them. If you're very lucky, the attraction is shared, but if it isn't, there will never be anything you can do about it. Dust yourself off, remember that many fine folks are attracted to you and that you won't be alone forever.

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Post #: 13

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/19/2005 9:46:05 PM

gretchen

Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

At least he is telling you that you are unwanted...at least he is talking to you and putting it clear. It is so much easier to move on after this.

It hurts so much more to suspect that the person by your side has no atraction for you anymore (or never had), and finally, after a long and distant relationship, you realize, that he won't even dare to talk to you about it and avoids you. You will never know what to think of it... you will make up the most fuked up reasons for his behavior, while you're waiting for him to touch you, or at least take a look at you (even a dirty one). After a while, you will get stucked in a "cold as ice" relationship (an eternal wait).

Just be happy of the new oportunity and move on. Don't waist your precious time.

(in reply to Manawyddan)

Post #: 14

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/20/2005 1:55:45 AM

lil1v

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gretchen

At least he is telling you that you are unwanted...at least he is talking to you and putting it clear. It is so much easier to move on after this.

It hurts so much more to suspect that the person by your side has no atraction for you anymore (or never had), and finally, after a long and distant relationship, you realize, that he won't even dare to talk to you about it and avoids you. You will never know what to think of it... you will make up the most fuked up reasons for his behavior, while you're waiting for him to touch you, or at least take a look at you (even a dirty one). After a while, you will get stucked in a "cold as ice" relationship (an eternal wait).

Just be happy of the new oportunity and move on. Don't waist your precious time.

Oh gretchen.. my heart goes out to you if you had to endure that.

One of my ex-bf's put me through that. Dragged out faking the relationship because he didn't want to lose my friendship. (insert string of cuss words here) And the whole time here I was thinking I was in love.

So I understand.. I've been there.. and I sometimes wonder if I'm not there again..

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V

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Post #: 15

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/20/2005 7:40:46 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

Hi, My name is Mr. Dom. I am also a pansy and refuse to be emotionally close with people even though I did not tell you that before we met. I want you to like me a lot, but I'm only going to like you a little. And it's going to stay that way because I'm a stupid ass who wants a static one-sided relationship."

That's an example of what I do. I focus on all the flaws I tried to overlook when I was interested in that person, and then wonder "How could I have EVER been attracted to that dope? I was really slumming it there and should raise my standards." So that changes the situation to kicking yourself for temporarily having bad taste (or being victimized by your own hormones) instead of seeing yourself as rejected. Works for me.

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Post #: 16

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/20/2005 8:29:23 PM

gretchen

Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Actually I was in this situation for THREE years!!.

Just like you, I was very much in love, but his coldness was killing me, so I stop being afraid and end it up. I was feeling so much better after this, until I could see the huge "L" of "looser" stamped in my forehead when I came to realize that the guy was in fact gay...(quite funny now, but terribly painful then).

If something is going wrong or doubtfull in our relationship, we should observe it with clinic eye first, because you never know how blinded you are by this person.

(in reply to lil1v)

Post #: 17

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/21/2005 12:20:43 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gretchen
Actually I was in this situation for THREE years!!.

Just like you, I was very much in love, but his coldness was killing me, so I stop being afraid and end it up. I was feeling so much better after this, until I could see the huge "L" of "looser" stamped in my forehead when I came to realize that the guy was in fact gay...(quite funny now, but terribly painful then).

You and Lil1v are very patient people... I am simply too emotional to stay in something dead for 3years. It might indeed kill me to block all my feelings for that long, and not react in some psycho byotch way. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to gretchen)

Post #: 18

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/21/2005 2:35:31 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shayna
2. Don't spend time analyzing why they did/didn't do...whatever. It's a waste of time to try to analyze someone else. They made their decision and your healing will happen faster if you focus on YOU and your happiness, not them.
6. Do something that will contribute to your personal growth: take a class, learn a new sport, ask someone out to dinner who you'd like to become friends with, change your hairstyle, reorganize your home.

I would add to go ahead and let yourself hurt. I realized at one point that I was prolonging the hurt by burying it in work and going out and shopping and anything that would take my mind off of it. It wasn't until I just sat down and had a really good cry and felt bad for a little while that I was able to then put it behind me. At least for me, ignoring it won't make it go away.

The point mentioned above by Shayna about not analyzing someone else is something I wish I would have learned a long time ago, but finally had that epiphany at the break up of my last relationship. I just suddenly (and finally) thought -- you know, this is rediculous sitting here trying to figure out what he REALLY meant or felt because the bottom line is I'll never really know the truth so don't bother to try. It's an unanswerable question so give it up.

Yes, yes, yes to doing something for yourself. I'm all for self-comfort, especially in a way that contributes to your self growth. Or in my case, to my collection of leingerie!! Or going out and buying that new horribly expensive body lotion that I really want........you know, whatever works for you!

Have fun with your girls night out.............those are absolutely great as well and very healing. Then brush yourself off and get back on the horse!!

Be well,
harmony

(in reply to Shayna)

Post #: 19

RE: Rejection. Oh no. - 4/22/2005 11:51:51 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

But some force within compels me to be attracted to this particular Mr. Dom.

i like v's response.

but from a differ perspective....
Is it really rejection?

and i cannot help but drive back to the statement i did not snip.
so, that being said, do what your gut tells you.

i did.

was it eaasy? for god sake, absolutely NOT !

but i healed alot, grew alot and made some major discoveries while i did so.

and you might want to ask what furiousangel did...is he really THAT into you, if not, its your choice to do as you need to do for yourself.

a year ago i was told emphatically RUN LIKE HELL. i didnt. my gut was right.

God gave you instincts for a reason, use them.

just my 2 cents on a majorly painful subject.

~~shy

_____________________________

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"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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Post #: 20

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