Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 4/10/2007 8:56:46 PM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Your miles may vary, but I can submit to a person without wanting them sexually. Recognizing someone as dominant, and being attracted to them are two totally differant gears for me. It is particularly delicious and tempting when it is a strong hit of both of those. Service has a wide range for me. Lots of types and styles of service are beautiful to me.


I can give you a weird example that happened in the vanilla world. One time I was helping my grandmother move and this gentleman that was as old as God was helping. He was an old south gentleman. He was hugely formal and polite, and danged if I didn't instinctively recognize him as Dominant. Sweet, sweet old fellow. The first time I was trying to get through the door, he went out of his way to make sure it was open for me. I spent the rest of the day in this endlessly lovely dance with him. I had to at times adjust my pace or make choices to do things in a way that would make room and time for him to do his part of the polite dance. It was really beautiful. I treated him the way I would treat any young virile man, as a man, and with respect. The only differance is that sometimes I had to consiously move slower. I gave him respect that in my opinion he deserved. It was a lovely day, and when I think of that day I always smile. It was a very tiny bit of service. There was utterly no sexual aspect to it, and a lot of people would say it was only old  south manners, and not really D&s. But to me, physically waiting for him to open doors for me, making sure that he could be in the lead, being polite, defering to him, were all D&s modalities.

I loved it. He was a doll baby. No sexual spark of any kind, but lovely to serve.

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 4/10/2007 10:03:29 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I'm starting to learn I can't do so. I don't necessarily want a dominant woman sexually, but I do want her intimately, and if that's never going to be part of the picture, I really don't think it's worth my time or effort. Yeah, this is a departure from my older way of thinking, but I'm starting to realize that way too often I've been integrated into relationships that aren't all that beneficial for me, and I'm a bit tired of that.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 4/10/2007 10:17:45 PM   
RowanJ


Posts: 27
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		I definitely could NOT submit to someone that I did not completely love, want, etc.  It isn't possible for me.  Then again, I have trust issues.  But trust is very important in any relationship.  You can't just submit to someone out of the blue.  These things take time.

~Rowan

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 4/11/2007 8:09:30 AM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		For me If I felt they did not have any love or caring for me No Way . I have major trust issues and I need to feel that love ,caring , and trust are a big part. For me to submit to someone , I can not let go totally and have what they and I want without trust , true caring and Love for them and from them.

(in reply to RowanJ)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 4/11/2007 8:24:28 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

So I started wondering..could you submit to a person without wanting them?



If you mean "wanting" them sexually, Yes, I can and have submitted in a relationship that wasn't sexual at all.  In fact, I didn't even visualize or fantasize about him in a sexual way.  If I hadn't experienced it myself, I probably would have a hard time believing anyone who said the same thing.  Furthermore it was the most intense level of submission that I have experienced thus far, though I don't attribute that necessarily to the lack of sex.  

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/1/2007 5:26:29 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WillowRain

I can give you a weird example that happened in the vanilla world. One time I was helping my grandmother move and this gentleman that was as old as God was helping. He was an old south gentleman. He was hugely formal and polite, and danged if I didn't instinctively recognize him as Dominant. Sweet, sweet old fellow. The first time I was trying to get through the door, he went out of his way to make sure it was open for me. I spent the rest of the day in this endlessly lovely dance with him. I had to at times adjust my pace or make choices to do things in a way that would make room and time for him to do his part of the polite dance. It was really beautiful. I treated him the way I would treat any young virile man, as a man, and with respect. The only differance is that sometimes I had to consiously move slower. I gave him respect that in my opinion he deserved. It was a lovely day, and when I think of that day I always smile. It was a very tiny bit of service. There was utterly no sexual aspect to it, and a lot of people would say it was only old  south manners, and not really D&s. But to me, physically waiting for him to open doors for me, making sure that he could be in the lead, being polite, defering to him, were all D&s modalities.

I loved it. He was a doll baby. No sexual spark of any kind, but lovely to serve.


Lordy...what a beautiful story.  Thank you soooooooo much!  It is amazing how we can meet some of our D/s needs in every day life. 

bearlee

(in reply to WillowRain)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/1/2007 5:30:23 PM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline 		Uncertain. Daddy and I have discussed the idea of him loaning me to others, but trusting him and trusting them are two different things for me. That Daddy doesn't switch and thus would have no exeprience with these people in that manner doesn't help matters much.

We're not yet in a dymanic where he'll be loaning me out, and I'm certainly not jonesing for it.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/1/2007 7:36:55 PM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		I just wont submit to anyone besides Master.........unless i am told otherwise, but it would be very hard for me. 

_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/3/2007 12:51:50 AM   
calcaneus


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		very much so. i think in "the community" there are those who would like to find a play partner (could even mean 24/7 relation, but there will need to be "playtime"). There are alos those who are natural slaves or natural Owners. They feel (and know) they have been created to either serve or to rule. This is in now way the same as in a tradtional BDSM relationship. Therefore if such natural Owner find His or Her natural slave (or the other way around) the match that is made is based on their beings, and does not have a romantic basis. The Owner could of course request to be pleased in ways that would seem fitting in a traditional BDSM relation, but the reason they are joined is because of the "predetermination".

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/3/2007 1:20:46 AM   
Michaelat92544


Posts: 52
Joined: 8/21/2005
Status: offline 		Community? Get real. It's a society, not a community. Dead Marxists....

(in reply to WillowRain)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/3/2007 4:45:32 AM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline
quote:

could you submit to a person without wanting them?

Yes, I could bottom to someone if that was what I really wanted to do.

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/3/2007 7:11:13 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		I think that SirDiscipliner69 said it best. Since there doensn't need to be emotions involved I have Dominated many I don't "like" but it is still Dominating, which I Love. I have also submitted as I am a Switch to some I didn't "like". It is all about what you need at the moment and who can give it to you. I agree that in a long term situation that feeling and emotions come in to play a lot more.
LordVelvet

(in reply to ana85)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/5/2007 9:06:05 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

I started wondering, because of a thread in the Mistress section..there's this question "Do you want your subs to want you? "
So I started wondering..could you submit to a person without wanting them?
Personally I don't think I couldn't do it.


no, but i could certainly bottom to them just fine if they had something that i wanted, such a skill-set in areas that i love!

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/5/2007 9:45:19 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I spent some time thinking about this question.
Intellectually I think.. yes of course I could submit without 'wanting' that person but then I wonder..submission is strongly linked to my desire to please. Would I desire strongly to please someone I didn't want? Sigh, it is confusing.
We submit every day in a sense, following laws or work related rules etc. I don't want those folks lol. Yet there is still submission involved, a choice to obey. Jeez maybe I need more thinkin'.

If my dom wanted me to submit to another man I think I could do it and do it well.

In other words I dunno. I've not been in that position before so I can only imagine.

yadda yadda & that IMO thingie

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? - 5/8/2007 6:53:10 PM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jessk

Yes, I could bottom to someone if that was what I really wanted to do.


I think that this is a fairly important distinction. Bottoming to someone -- undergoing sensations presumably because they're good at delivering them, performing tasks while in predicament bondage, etc -- is different, to me, than submitting to someone. I match submitting to someone as the same as being submissive to them, as accepting their domination of me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

I spent some time thinking about this question.
Intellectually I think.. yes of course I could submit without 'wanting' that person but then I wonder..submission is strongly linked to my desire to please. Would I desire strongly to please someone I didn't want? Sigh, it is confusing.


I'd find this akin to lying: to faking an orgasm during sex, or some other deception. It'd leave me feeling rather slimed.

(in reply to jessk)
Profile   Post #: 55
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Can you submit to a person without wanting them? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063