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SLAVEBOY32 -> RE: Now concentrate..... (4/14/2007 10:17:43 AM)
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Hey everyone, thanks alot for your input.
Elorin and DiurnalVampire, i appreciate your reassurance about the situation and compassion, it was good to hear there are some W/women out there who are not completely freaked out by it.
Diurnal, i tried your idea, with jotting down ideas, and got mixed results. Basically, it is on my mind ALOT it seems when i am not working, or if work is slow and not much going on. While it always pertained to BDSM, it wasn't always play or sexual related. Many times i would want to post my thoughts on the board, but i would end up being a board hog and i dont want to do that. Anyway i suspect, i am thinking about it maybe a little more then the average guy thinks about sex. I don't really play casually, and ahve always been involved with someone in a relationship whenever i play with them, so for me i associate BDSM with sex. For me, vanilla sex basically sucks in comparison to being Dominated by a lover. If i want to really "make love", it has to be BDSM style, the things i share with someone are so intense, so much trust involved on alot of levels, for me vanilla sex is basically "fucking". I don't get off on anywhere near the same level with vanilla and have turned down vanilla sex quite often. (kind of like if you recently had really good pizza then someone offers you pizza hut)
Miss Dolly, i thought about what you mentioned, at first i thought maybe you were right, because the truth is, ive never really been fulfilled, ive never met someone who matched my interest in this, who was as freaky as me, or who wanted to play as often as i do. I always attributed that to me being a guy. Since about age 20 i have only been involved with Dommes. It would be frequent of course at first, but always taper off. My longest relationship was with former Domme. We were together for 5 years, we played more of course at first, not enough for my liking....few times a week? By the end of year one, we were on the same schedule as year 5, once a week typically. Saturday night, AND if something went wrong, like she got in a bad mood while we were out or something, nothing happend until the following week. I would get pretty frustrated, i would look forward to playing all week, and wanted it ALOT more then once a week. She would tell me i think about it too much. I'm wanting to dedicate a room in our house just for playing, and she was telling me i had play on my mind too much. I felt guilty and rejected bugging her for it and would basically stop asking for it. I was of the mindset of it being my favorite thing to do, so, whenever we had free time, i'd suggest we play, and she'd usually say no. So at first i thought you were maybe correct. However i thought of something else, when i was younger, i wished this side of me would go away. I hoped i would grow out of it. I knew i was VERY into this when i was quite young, and never mentioned it to anyone my age in school. I also recognized it would really narrow the field for me when it came to relationship choices. I hoped it was something i would grow out of. The opposite has happend, instead as i get older, i find it on my mind more and more. Instead of losing an interest in it, as the years go on, or it not being such a priority for me, i find i can not be happy without it. I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone, but, if my interest in BDSM grows as time passes and i have more experience with it, would my interest in the frequency of play increase or decrease if i were to find someone who wanted to be as involved in this as me? I guess i'm thinking, i shouldn't commit to someone else unless they seem to be as interested in this as me.
Then maybe i can find out these answers for sure once and for all.
Milady, you are still SUCH a freak! Duct tape, rope, ping ong balls...OMG you are off the deep end ;)
Thanks again for everybodies thoughts/help.
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