|
MaamJay -> RE: What is subspace? And other newbie questions (4/9/2007 7:53:05 PM)
|
I agree with what has been said so far. And I applaud You for asking questions, as a newbie Dom, that is definitely the way to go. And also getting out into Your local scene, a good way to watch and learn and find some Mentor Dom/mes (and/or experienced subs).
Regarding space ... as one who is both Domme and sub, I find My Domme space is entirely different from my sub space. As others have described, My Domme space is one of intense focus, completely removing the sense of others around Me beyond My sub. My focus is on control of Myself and My sub, it is not a heady space at all. The only heady part of Domme space can occur well after the scene, after the aftercare, when I am reflecting on the scene ... then I might feel warm and fuzzy if it went particularly well, though I usually feel good during the aftercare too because of the intense closeness I feel with My sub.
subspace for me is something i progress through ... W/we use numbers from 1-9 as an indicator, 1 is normal, 3 is what Master calls my "goo-girl" or "Cheshire cat" stage ... one big happy grin and gooey-eyed look, through 5 which is my "giggle stage" (then He knows He's getting somewhere!) and then from 7 on i am into my drifty quiet stage when about all i can say is "i'm fine" and "more please Master". i have occasionally cried at this stage, other times i have drifted into sleep, other times i just come back out gradually. i have been known to be in so deep (W/we call that deep space 9 ;-) that i have ended up on the floor on my knees (not something that i can usually tolerate for long at my age LOL!) and Master has had to instruct me very carefully and assist me to even stand or move. It's awesome! Not everyone goes through the same stages, though an inability to process thoughts and respond are fairly common signs of subspace. This is why it is so important for the Dominant to be in control of Him/Herself so they can judge when the sub has had enough, as the sub may be beyond uttering a safeword even if both have agreed to use one. And they may be at the "begging for more" stage when really they should not have more. At the play parties W/we used to run, there was another giggly sub though. Sometimes Our Masters liked to start spanking us at the same time on different equipment and see who got to the giggles first LOL! I think it's important for new Dom/mes to realise that subs may do something unexpected like laugh or cry (and I've seen 1 or 2 get very angry and start swearing too!) in subspace, otherwise it can be rather disconcerting! It's a release and it can take many forms, both with different subs and with the same sub under different circumstances.
Generally, until trust is built up, You can't expect a sub to float off into deep space 9 the first time Y/you play. In fact, probably as well if they don't as it can be a scary space for some, to feel so totally vulnerable. That said, Master and I played with a fem sub twice before We moved here, and she went in very deep both times, almost instantly, yet We weren't doing anything particularly intense (introductory spanking, flogging and sensation play). That really surprised Us, and unfortunately she turned out to be prone to bad sub drop too, so even though We provided the aftercare at the scene and over the next couple of days, she got really down and even had to skip work one day. However, she had a lot of other issues in her life at the time, which may have accounted for her very deep release, and, unfortunately, the equal and opposite reaction! That highlights the need to get to know something about the person, even at a play party, if You engage in a scene with them. Spend a bit of time first in a quiet corner having a chat and make sure You have some means of contacting them next day.
Aftercare ... I find a blanket is a must, usually the Dominant is dressed and has been moving around whereas the sub is not and frequently feels cold, plus there is something wonderfully snuggly about a soft blanket. Water and food yes, I get a bad attack of the munchies after play, whether I was Domming or subbing! That's why there was always a "bring a plate" supper at play parties. Some need a little nap or just a quiet time before rejoining the social side of the group, Our Dungeon had a sofa and some chairs in a quiet space labelled the AFTERCARE area. Make sure the sub is grounded, able to talk coherently etc before leaving them, especially if they are driving home alone. If in any doubt ... offer to drive them/organise a lift for them with someone they feel safe with/ask if they can stay over/get and pay for a taxi. I wouldn't want their injury or death on My conscience!
The Mistress in the scene You watched may have been comforting/encouraging/humiliating Her sub, depends on their way of playing. However most likely She was asking him how he was going, trying to ascertain his level of space, how much more he could take, whether he was safewording. Especially when playing in a noisy space, it's important to get right up close and personal, and to not only listen to but eyeball Your sub to see how they are going. They might think they have called their safeword when in fact they whispered it. It's also advisable to check on other parts of them ... for example, if they are strung up to a cross for You to flog their back ... don't forget to check their fingers for circulation, ask if their arms are going numb etc. Extraneous discomfort like that can ruin an otherwise good scene!
I wish You luck in this exciting learning journey to Domhood. Remember, the only dumb question is the one You DON'T ask!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
|
|
|
|
