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BsBeatch -> New Master (4/9/2007 11:10:03 AM)
I am very new to the BDSM scene and have many questions. In previous relationships I was always submissive, that was just my nature. Now I have a sub who is asking me to have an other lover. Yes, it does turn me on when we are having sex and fantisize about it, but we are a couple and I am worried that it will ruin our relationship, but on the other hand I don't want to loose him. From what I read here he is a good sub and would be hard pressed to find another like him. So what Im asking is do you think that bringing another into this relationship would be a mistake. BsBeatch

FukinTroll -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 11:13:36 AM)
Well.... first I think the Master concept may be the wrong venue for you. Perhaps you should try to handle this as a poly household.

WiseCracknSadist -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 11:31:25 AM)
So you're submissive and now have a sub? Then that sub wants more people in the relationship? You're worried about losing them by not pleasing them? I think first y'all need to define the roles of your relationship better. Then from there you can see what other pieces you can add. If you're a sub, be the sub. If they want to make demands and get their way, let them be the Dom. But if there's a power struggle going on while trying to add someone to the relationship.... those are the kind of disasters that get reported on the six o'clock news.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 11:43:10 AM)
You first need to make sure your relationship is solid before you begin to bring in more people. Also, define what role they are to play...just a sex partner or as a submissive. If a submissive, then to whom? Etc. etc. Master Fire

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 3:23:00 PM)
Fear is never a good place to make decisions from.

sleazybutterfly -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 3:36:08 PM)
I would agree with the others. You need to make sure what you want before you even attempt to do anything like that. It sounds like you have a lot of doubts, and that is never a good sign in any choice you have to make. We are talking of getting a third and it's a long process. I have my worries, but we are open and talk them out. You have to make sure what you have is solid, before you even think starting. Also, make sure it's what you want also. I have heard of too many that only go along with it, then not only does that relationship get hurt, it hurts the innocent person that thought they were welcome into the dynamic.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 3:51:11 PM)
You need to make certain your relationship is stable and solid first and foremost. If it is not, then there is potential for problems to occur. Also, you need to have a clear understanding what actions will be taken if a lot of DRAMA starts to unfold. That you will be ejecting the others out the door. A Dom/me should always protect their primary investments first. Having other people in the mix on a day to day basis may become a challenge. You should go into this, knowing a head of time what to expect in the event things do not work out right.

RPdom -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 7:43:12 PM)
I agree with the others here that you need to define and secure your relationship before playing with others. I find it interesting that you stated by nature you are submissive but now you have changed roles. Are you sure your sub isn’t topping from the bottom. If you are the Dominate one you will dictate what will and will not happen in the relationship. I’m not implying that you won’t consider your subs feelings and desires. Personally I think bringing someone else into the relationship at this point is a recipe for disaster, however I may be wrong

MasterGremlin -> RE: New Master (4/9/2007 7:51:13 PM)
This may be a silly question, but with all due respect, who is in charge in this relationship? Sincerely, minxy

WhiplashSmile -> RE: New Master (4/10/2007 12:43:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterGremlin This may be a silly question, but with all due respect, who is in charge in this relationship? Sincerely, minxy That might end up being the Third Wheel from the sound of this...

Totalmaster4you -> RE: New Master (4/10/2007 2:22:24 AM)
Why don't both of you submit to a Dom/Domme-problem solved![image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image]

softness -> RE: New Master (4/10/2007 5:07:57 AM)
tpam is joking right? apologies s.. sub posting in Masters thread ... but saw that scroll by on the window and almost choked on lunch

SimplyMichael -> RE: New Master (4/10/2007 7:35:23 AM)
Never forget talking about two, three, or ten cocks is often vastly hotter than the reality.

softness -> RE: New Master (4/10/2007 10:16:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness tpam is joking right? apologies s.. sub posting in Masters thread ... but saw that scroll by on the window and almost choked on lunch GAH!!! .. double apologies .. posted the wrong post to the wrong thread ... sorry sorrry!!!! puts myself on bread and water

BsBeatch -> RE: New Master (4/12/2007 2:46:25 PM)
In our relationship I am the dom and do tell him what too do. The thought of bringing in another was his idea so he could serve us both. It intreged me. Thanks all for your input.

notlooking2 -> RE: New Master (4/29/2007 8:34:25 PM)
[ I have heard of too many that only go along with it, then not only does that relationship get hurt, it hurts the innocent person that thought they were welcome into the dynamic. [/quote] That is absolutely true and has happened to me. Over a year ago I met a Dom online, who just happened to live about 5 min away from me... We chatted for a while and I became very interested in pursuing things further. He already had a submissive and was interested in a second one. Up to that point, I had never thought I would be open to a poly relationship. All three of us went out a few times, and hit it off quite well. However, the more time I spent with them, the more I became aware of her being uncomfortable with the attention he gave me. I approached him about it, and he assured me this is what she wanted... as time went on, I could clearly see, deep down inside it was not what she wanted at all, but only said she did to please him.... this is one case where pleasing him at the cost of hurting someone else is not the right thing to do. Of course, I also lay blame on him, for not caring enough about her to see the truth.

mp072004 -> RE: New Master (4/30/2007 6:48:55 PM)
Yes, you should examine your current relationship. It's okay if it doesn't have absolutely everything you want--that may be the point of having multiple relationships! But "relationship broken--add more people" is a phrase frequently, and all too accurately, used to deride irresponsible polyamorous people. Additionally, you should figure out what you are hoping to get from a second partner or playmate. Note that I say you--you're having a relationship, therefore it's for your benefit, and you're responsible for making it do good things for YOU--not for your partner. You should make sure that it's okay with your partner, and it's lovely if it does make him or her happy, but it's generally unwise for you to develop a relationship with someone with the chief goal of making someone not in the relationship happy. Look into polyamory and open relationships. There is a book titled The Ethical Slut, by Easton and Liszt, that might help you out. Also check out this website: www.xeromag.com/fvpoly

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