Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others

Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (Full Version)

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womanworshipper -> Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 4:48:26 AM)
Any other subs who serve a non-ProDom/me who is in a long-term vanilla relationship with a third person? What are the practicalties of your relationship? Do you live with them both? What relationship do you have to the partner and (if appropriate) any adult children?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 7:51:25 AM)
I've been on the Dominant side of this equation. For my submissive and I, it meant: BDSM events were private, get away time for us. he wasn't expected to serve my husband. he could come and visit as I saw fit...but I usually chose times when my husband would be home. My husband knew EVERYTHING...they even met and were civil. There was no sex penis/vagina sex...in fact, this turned into a no sex situation for me. Time with family took priority. My friends and family no in the lifestyle knew him as a close friend. Master Fire

womanworshipper -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 9:15:09 AM)
Master Fire, Thank You for Your reply. What You describe is very similar to the framework of the relationship i am currently in except that neither Madam nor myself attend bdsm events (She has only recently "discovered" bdsm through me). At present any bdsm activity between Us/us happens in her home when Her husband is not at home (though with his knowledge and consent). There is no genital sex. For a number of reasons, We/we are not completely happy with this situation. Perhaps getting involved in the bdsm social scene might help Us/us to find different venues and opportunities.

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 4:42:07 PM)
Some people play with fire and never get burned. Others, fingerless, keep trying to light matches... There are obvious inherent pitfalls in such an arrangement, but anyone intent on pursuing it is unlikely to be dissuaded by logic.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 7:36:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt Some people play with fire and never get burned. Others, fingerless, keep trying to light matches... There are obvious inherent pitfalls in such an arrangement, but anyone intent on pursuing it is unlikely to be dissuaded by logic. It depends on what is being sought after. The things you want in your relationship might not be of importance here. I had service, mild SM, great bondage opportunity, control all wound up in a wonderful friend and companion who I could relate to in many intellectual areas. We are still friends today and each of us knows that if we call the other and said, "I need help," the other would come. I've done this. he came. That means the world to me and I am blessed to have had him as my submissive. Master Fire

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 8:10:11 PM)
And why are people doing bdsm with a spouces blessing "playing with fire" persay?

littlesarbonn -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/10/2007 10:01:40 PM)
I seem to get into these kinds of relationships a lot. They never really work out for me, but usually leave me feeling like a third wheel. For the future, I'm going to avoid such possible relationships.

womanworshipper -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/11/2007 6:06:23 AM)
Thanks A/all. i am aware that there are practical difficulties with this type of relationship which W/we are striving to overcome but i do not see how anyone could know it can't work as a matter of logic. If W/we find the obstacles insurmountable then W/we may well have to end it but it has too much value for U/us not to try. Without O/our relationship, my Domme will have an important aspect of Her personality unfulfilled which may place an equal strain on Her marriage; Her husband risks losing Her and i will lose the most meaningful D/s relationship i have ever had. i would hope that W/we would remain close but even that might not be possible. Much preferable to persevere in working through the practicalities if W/we can.

angielouwhos -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 12:11:53 AM)
My husband and I have served Dominant males and couples together, in one case for several years. Its all doable and wonderful like any other poly relationship.

sweetstorm -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 6:16:04 AM)
My Dom has a vanilla SO and lives with her. I don't live with them. Our arrangement fits me just fine. We get together when our schedules both permit without compromising our individual family time. We are strictly Ds and in the bedroom. We live out our fantasies and explore our deviant sides. I don't need romance right now. It would be a real pain in the ass to me. He gets His needs filled and so do I. His vanilla relationship isn't strained for His sexual needs and as a bonus, I don't have to even think about having to sleep with guys that snore just for a little nookie.

Rose4Mistress -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 9:10:56 AM)
I think that as long as the relationship is consentual all around, there is no reason why it can't work out. A sub would just have to realize that their Dom/me would be out with family on holidays, and that family would come first. Were the two committed to that relationship, there would still be plenty of time for play and spending time together.

ayasha -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 1:26:39 PM)
one has had opportunities to serve Dominants with vanilla wives. one has always turned these invitations down. one does not wish to spend holidays alone, birthdays alone, be unable to have His support if needed because He is busy with His vanilla wife/family. To this one, it was just asking to be hurt, a no-win situation.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 1:53:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ayasha one has had opportunities to serve Dominants with vanilla wives. one has always turned these invitations down. one does not wish to spend holidays alone, birthdays alone, be unable to have His support if needed because He is busy with His vanilla wife/family. To this one, it was just asking to be hurt, a no-win situation. Again, it depends on what you are looking for. If someone also have obligations on these events, it could work for them. This arrangement wouldn't work for you, so it's good that you know that and don't get involved. Master Fire

KuffedKitten -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 2:20:04 PM)
Currently I am not looking for something that is 24/7 nor do I require someone to be there as I need..though I do anticipate in time I would enjoy the latter only if the right One were to come along. The way I see it is that everyone wants and needs soemthing different and as long as honesty is equal across the board about family , SO , and what each side needs..as long as there is mutual agreement I do not see the harm. But this is just a humble opinon. --kuffed

aidan -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 6:17:01 PM)
I've subbed to two people who were married, though it was in a friendly, playful sense. I couldn't take a collar from somebody married or sub to them in a more permanent sense. The fact of the matter is, I'm greedy. I'm greedy and jealous and I want to be the primary. I couldn't wear the collar of somebody who was married or had another main sub because I know eventually I'd grow resentful. I wouldn't be able to give of myself as much and have to keep a certain distance.

CandleInTheWind -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 6:24:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: womanworshipper Any other subs who serve a non-ProDom/me who is in a long-term vanilla relationship with a third person? What are the practicalties of your relationship? Do you live with them both? What relationship do you have to the partner and (if appropriate) any adult children? The one time i got myself invovled in this type of relationship I got nowhere other than continuously tormented I suppose it is like being a swinger in some respects if the primary relationship (in that case the vanilla relationship) isnt strong enough, then the extra one ( in this case the D/s relationship) cause friction int he primary relationship......There were no problems in the D/s relationship, but the friction in the vanilla one was brought into our relationship and I eventually had to be the grown up and respectfully ask that we end things becasue of my wish for his happiness.....he couldnt possibly be happy if what was supposed t be his primaary relationship was beig stressed.... It turned out later that the vanilla relationship ended very soon thereafter and although he once again came sniffing about...I was unable to put myself into the relationship becasue oI had lost respect for him having permitted me to be disrespected and abused by his vanilla partner. red

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 8:04:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CandleInTheWind quote: ORIGINAL: womanworshipper Any other subs who serve a non-ProDom/me who is in a long-term vanilla relationship with a third person? What are the practicalties of your relationship? Do you live with them both? What relationship do you have to the partner and (if appropriate) any adult children? The one time i got myself invovled in this type of relationship I got nowhere other than continuously tormented I suppose it is like being a swinger in some respects if the primary relationship (in that case the vanilla relationship) isnt strong enough, then the extra one ( in this case the D/s relationship) cause friction int he primary relationship......There were no problems in the D/s relationship, but the friction in the vanilla one was brought into our relationship and I eventually had to be the grown up and respectfully ask that we end things becasue of my wish for his happiness.....he couldnt possibly be happy if what was supposed t be his primaary relationship was beig stressed.... It turned out later that the vanilla relationship ended very soon thereafter and although he once again came sniffing about...I was unable to put myself into the relationship becasue oI had lost respect for him having permitted me to be disrespected and abused by his vanilla partner. red I can understand this. Poly relationships done poorly in the hopes that they will improve the primary relationship are doomed from the start. It's just like when two people decide to have a baby in order to fix a marraige. It simply doesn't work. Master Fire

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/12/2007 10:43:24 PM)
Daddy is married. And has another woman who surrenders to him. My relationship is with him, not eitehr of the other women. I don't live with him. His son is not an adult and I have no idea what we might do when he becomes one. It's worked fine/well for us for 2 years.

womanworshipper -> RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others (4/13/2007 2:13:52 AM)
Thanks A/all. Personally, i had a relationship with a married Lady where i was one of a stable of four and i did not find it very fulfilling because i had so little of Her time. i am currently in a D/s relationship that developed out of a close friendship with another married Lady, which is very fulfilling. i became a friend of Her family generally as O/our relationship grew. Their marriage is quite strong but he cannot/will not satisfy Her need for a submissive partner. That is where i come in. if it was just a question of occasional bdsm sessions, then W/we would probably not have a problem, but She wants something deeper and more permanent and so do i. Her husband is ok with Her having me as Her sub/servant but we can only relate as equals and he finds that difficult when W/we are all together and i am clearly very submissive to his wife. He then acts as if i serve them both, which neither Madam nor myself are comfortable with. At present, therefore, things are relatively conventional when W/we are all together and O/our D/s relationship is only fully explicit (for want of a better phrase) when Madam and me are alone. Getting time alone can be difficult too as he is retired and spends most of his time there and there is a considerable distance between O/our homes. Madam would like U/us all to form one (matriarchal) household, but at present this does not seem practicable. Incidentally, Her adult daughter is fully aware of the nature of O/our relationship and is quite supportive. She lives in Her own home with Her own family.

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