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Recently updated my profile - 4/19/2005 10:38:22 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
After having experienced something of an epiphany, recently, i was inspired to completely scrap my old profile and start anew. I'm pretty content with what I've written but I would love additional opinions. My girl thinks I've nailed it but she may be a tad bit biased, lol.
I look forward to reading your critiques
Timothy
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/20/2005 2:03:57 AM   
lil1v


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline
Do we have a separate forum for profile critiquing?

Do you really need my approval?

Do I really care?

I just be in bitch mode.. most times I would just read post like this.. and ignore it.. but today..

I wanna just get a bat and beat someone.

Does this make me a bad person?

(please critique me and let me know.. please..)



_____________________________

V



(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/20/2005 6:20:28 AM   
BobcatsLilMinx


Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
Lil V! I'm shocked! *giggles* Yes it does make you a bad person, very bad, come here and be spanked.

Anyways, the profile...

Well, I think it's good, I think having everything listed, children, other servants/ slaves is important. Personally profiles that begin with a ton of questions annoy me, because they remind me of car insurance/ injury lawyer adverts. "did you suffer an injury in the last 12 months that wasn't your fault..?"

Mentioning the children straight away is a good idea, cuz that tells a slave instantly what the household is. I'd personally love to join a household with children, and that would put you high up on my list, but another slave might find it a dead turn off. But the whole thing is very honest and straightforward, so that's great :)

Anyways, I don't have much I can say, but I hope that helps some.
Minx

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/20/2005 6:38:00 AM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Whiat I want to know is, how did you get a new/revised profile to come up so quickly???? Wow!

The only suggestion I would make and of course Minx made me think of it with her comments, would be to change the order of your paragraphs. Three paragraphs of questions at the very beginnings seems a bit like an interrogation (unless you're looking to find people who like that ).

I would put them in this order, I hope you can figure out the numbering here:

Original placement New placement
7 1
5 2
6 3
4 4
8 5

Leave the interrogation out. If you must ask all those questions, put them at the end, number them, and preface them with something like "Please (no, you're not less of a Dom if you use the word please, you are polite and are showing you have manners) take the time to go through these questions and reflect upon how you would answer them". Not the best wording probably, but I'm still on my first cup of coffee! I think you get the idea.

cello

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/20/2005 7:29:44 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
What motivates you to surrender your all to another? Are you looking for the love of a lifetime or the opportunity to fully immerse yourself in service? Does physical sensation play a pivotal role in your screening process or is your body merely another tool with which to please another? Do you need to feel the dominant energy that compels your submission or does your need to serve compel you in every aspect of your life?

You've already lost most of the people reading. A profile is to project who YOU are.

Does the possibility of becoming a household servant excite you? Is recognition of your service more rewarding than intimacy? Are you driven to become ever more pleasing, obedient and skilled in your duties? Do you feel that serving is its own reward?

More of the same. Change these into "Looking for person who wants:..." And put at the end.

Are you willing to serve within a household that contains children and other servants? Are you disciplined enough to be able to share household duties without acrimony? Are you emotionally secure enough to serve properly regardless of who is sleeping with whom? Do you possess the intellectual honesty to distinguish between fantasy and reality? Are you capable of honestly addressing your emotional needs in an adult manner?

STILL? You can put this much more succintly and clearly what exactly you are looking for- a new female slave to become part of your family.

My girl, toy, 35, has a lifetime of training in managing a household and serves me as domo. She is attuned to my requirements and would be instrumental in assisting a new servant in my personal preferences and eccentricities. While she represents my authority, she has no desire for her own. She might well play the part of mentor for a new girl but has no dominant agenda of her own. She is modest,friendly, honest and confident in her skills.

I'd make this your second paragraph.

My children, 14 and 15, are in high school and, while basically well-behaved, they are subject to the normal mood swings. They are aware of the structure of the house and view it as a valid alternative lifestyle choice. They are generally friendly and easy-going.

Good follow-up.

I am 38 and, I am told, knowledgeable, articulate, focused and intense. I believe in honesty, integrity, honor and respect as a way of life. I believe that dedication to service is a calling that requires great strength of character and I have the utmost respect for those who pursue that vocation. My goal is to ensure that each who serves me has the opportunity to live a completely fulfilled life. I view the master/servant relationship as an endless journey in pursuit of unattainable perfection.

THIS should be your first paragraph. But I'd scrap most of it for being cliched and redundant. Who is going to say they don't believe in honesty? Let's get to know YOU- what's your education? Profession? Religious affiliation? Hobbies? Quirks? What makes you SPECIAL?

If you find yourself drawn to the scenario I've described, contact me and toy and I will be happy to begin getting to know you. A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step and it's one you must take for yourself. Know yourself, know what drives you and be true to who and what you are.

More cliches!! Your profile sounds like one of a thousand others...I'm amazed you didn't have a question about "do you feel the longing when looking into your dominants eyes?"

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/22/2005 4:37:33 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
I just wanted to take moment and thank those of you who were kind enough to give your honest opinions. As much as I enjoy writing, I've often found that I'm not always my own best editor. I found the idea of re-ordering the paragraphs especially enlightening.
Many thanks,
Timothy

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/23/2005 8:45:58 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
Well, I like it. To me, your profile seems directed towards someone who is sincere and knows what they seek. Regardless of how many people have that they are seeking honesty, etc. in their profile, that would not preclude me from putting it in mine. If something is important to me, it is not a cliche'.

I think your writing style is succinct and gives a bit of a feel of who you are, and yet leaves out the personal stuff that should be discovered in layers anyway...like peeling an onion, imo. I have to disagree with Liz on most of her points...someone's education, profession, religious affiliation, etc. are very personal things and I would think twice about posting it on an internet website for the world to see, when really the only ones who have a vested interest in knowing these things are those who I interact with one on one.

Were I seeking that type of situation, I would give your profile serious consideration. Its actually one of the better ones I have seen.


best regards,
fate

(who wonders if we will ever see toy posting...inquiring minds want to know She sounds like a wonderful girl)





_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/23/2005 1:08:51 PM   
playtoy6913


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline
Hi stormsfate
I really do exist...im just bashful.

playtoy

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Recently updated my profile - 4/23/2005 1:51:39 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
Oh kewl! So nice to see you here. We hear so much about you, but never hear from you. I had begun to wonder if your Master kept you gagged <giggling>

I do hope we will hear more from you :)


best regards,
fate



_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to playtoy6913)
Profile   Post #: 9
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