RE: Acceptance of submission

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RE: Acceptance of submission - 4/12/2007 3:32:24 AM

MistressMelissa

Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hawkwolf7

First, I was brought up to be very independent. I know how to cook, clean, do laundry, all of that stuff, and must admit to feeling some level of contempt for those who are able but refuse to learn. I have never needed nor desired having someone take care of me. Yet, it gave this woman great joy to take care of me in these ways. How do I resolve that contradiction?

Second, I've been struggling with my health for a couple of years now. The net effect is that my self-esteem has taken a fair amount of damage. I cannot help but wonder if there is a part of me that questions whether or not I deserve to be served in this way.

Or, maybe, it is some combination of the two?

Greetings,

Let me start with BDSM is what I do, Ds is how I live. Many of us understand the play part or the SM component as you state but few seem to understand the living Ds part. As someone who spent years in the military and again as many years on the road I was a very independent person. I'm a firm believer in "if you want it done right, do it yourself." I was programmed to be self sufficient.

Then Phoenix entered my life. She is extremely service oriented and I found I had to reprogram myself to make room for her. The key that you might be looking for is Phoenix serves me because I allow her too. Phoenix has a need to serve, thus as her owner I must make room in my life to allow her this outlet. I allow her to be of use where others might just use her. That's important. I can punish her by not allowing her to serve me. It take will power at times for me not to get up and do it myself. But I know that she needs to serve me and thus I need to allow her to do it.

Another lesson I had to learn was it does not matter how something is done, as long as it was done correctly in the end. Example: I don't care how she cleans the house, as long as it's clean when she is done. I bought the dishwasher, but I've never put a dish in or out of it. I did my part by making the purchase, she does her part by operating it.

Part of an owners "gift" is that we accept who slaves are, we do this by making room for them to be themselves, by allowing them to serve. I can't enslave anyone. I can create an environment where they can serve and be who they need to be in a safe and caring environment. What I can promise you is that if you don't make room and allow a service slave to serve you, someone else will. "Build it and they will come."

You might find other answers on the pages of Ds Haven.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to hawkwolf7)

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Post #: 41

RE: Acceptance of submission - 4/12/2007 10:41:41 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

I was reading a thread today regarding about how to change to a submissive. While certain habits or behaviors can be changed, how much about the submissive do we accept and how much do we wish to otherwise mold and change. The changes being either for the subs own good or for our own taste, pleasure and purpose.

I myself can not accept any old sub/slave girlie. I tend to look for qualities that already exist in one. I know I have turned away a few that would have made perhaps excellent play partners, however I did not feel was right for 24/7.

There are certain things I am simply not accepting of at all that are hard limits.

(in reply to MistressMelissa)

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Post #: 42

RE: Acceptance of submission - 4/12/2007 4:16:42 PM

MistressMelissa

Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

While certain habits or behaviors can be changed, how much about the submissive do we accept and how much do we wish to otherwise mold and change. The changes being either for the subs own good or for our own taste, pleasure and purpose.

I don't think change is exactly the right word. We should pick slaves that are close to what we are looking for. By accepting them for who and what they are, IE allowing them to be a slave, I allow them to grow into who they already are. Society has taught them that its improper for them to feel as they do. I show them that they can be true to themselves and still be appreciated and desired. Things like controlling speech, when and what they might eat, and even teaching them how to serve me are but tools for them to experience their slavery and to embrace who they are.

A sculptor was once asked "how do you chose what to sculpt?" He replied "the rock tells me what it is, I just remove the extra pieces." I don't make the slave. I just help them to be a better slave by knocking off a few of the extra pieces. Likewise every sculpture is different and every slave will be different. I have to find out who they are and then help them to be the best at being who they are.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

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Post #: 43