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Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/10/2007 6:14:21 PM

BondageTopJere

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I'm going to try very not to sound incoherent as I explain this, I'm just not sure the english language has the words for it.

I have fantasies, just like every one does. Since I'm someone whos into BDSM, nearly all of my fantasies revolve around bondage, SM, nipple clamps, what have you. The "what isn't so important, but the "who" has got me somewhat confused. We all have what I like to call "daytime" fantasies, something we fantasize about while were engaged in something else, and "self-pleasure" ones, which is the running scene we have in our heads when we are... self-pleasuring

. Heres where it gets the confusing part.

For me the two aren't one in the same. By and large in my "daytime" ones, my perspectives usually from my side or third person. My "self-pleasure" though, for some strange reason, I find myself looking at from the subs point of view, quite literally through her eyes and feeling in her emotions.

For the life of me, I can't simply figure out why. Is it me trying to understand how she would see it, kinda like an emotional vampirism? Latent bottom tendecies I should explore? I need to go have a sex change op (err.. maybe not that one. I'd be a really ugly girl

)? I can't imagine this is unique to me.

Please note this is solely in reagard to play, not my life/relationship side.

Post #: 1

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/10/2007 7:07:30 PM

Celeste43

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From: NYS
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I know that he gets his energy ramped up, and his libido as well, from my reactions. If I'm out of control with lust, he's likely to be the same whereas his interest drops if I'm not interested. So maybe you're the same way? If you need the sub's response to get you hot then in your masturbation fantasies you are providing the sub's response by viewing it through her eyes.

Does that resonate? In any case, I wouldn't worry. If you get an itch at some point to try it from the bottom, it will come over to your daytime thoughts as well. Until then, you can stay as you are.

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/10/2007 7:10:50 PM

BondageTopJere

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Hmm. it makes sense and that was one of the possible explanations for it. I've just never ran across any other dom ever expressing that from a fantasy viewpoint before. Pretty sure I wasn't reinventing the wheel, but hye, you never know

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/10/2007 7:11:30 PM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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being a sub in some ways is being pamperd, relaxing recieving....being a dom is about control focus and giving...after a long day at work, you want to masterbate which are you going to want to do? recieve...yes ...relax...mastubation can be wonderfully self indulgent....that is what we all love about it.

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(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 4

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/10/2007 8:10:58 PM

WhiplashSmile

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I think you want to know and explore the effect you are having on your submissive. You role play it out in your mind from their mindset, to see how you would respond. A form of empathy. This probally makes you aware of the possiable reactions you will get from your submissive in scene play. Some of these reactions and thoughts are just plain Hot! when you think about it.

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/10/2007 8:37:51 PM

Smythe

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I think it might be interesting and rewarding for you to try switching, and taking the submissive role.

you may find that it is literally a fantasy come to life. you never know!

Smythe

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Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 12:10:39 AM

SusanofO

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I also think you might be referring to having an above-average level of empathy, even if it might seem like something else, or even not that attached to your feelings. I could be wrong, but it sounds like it could be that (empathy).

Partly, I think this ability has to do with having a good imagination, as well as having ability to imagine what something feels like (or might) for another to experience. Fantasizing can take you lots of places - I'd roll with it, and enjoy it.

I consider empathizing (whether I am with someone else, or alone, when I feel it) to be an art, a gift, and something valuable to a deep essence of give-and-take in a relationship, and certainly not something everyone can do.

I think it can also be a honed skill (to some degree). If empathy is what it is, count yourself very lucky indeed, IMO. I can do what I think you're talking about (in reverse), and it doesn't disturb me that I can.

It's also possible you're a Switch, but I do know other Dominants who don't Switch at all (as well as submissives who don't) who can do what you describe - I've heard them describe something they can do, that sounds a whole lot like what you mentioned. I think it's interesting, and can be kind of fun, too.

People can mis-use having this ability, but then again, those people are usually pretty _ucked up to begin with, IMO.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/11/2007 12:33:17 AM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 5:47:21 AM

BondageTopJere

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quote:

I think it might be interesting and rewarding for you to try switching, and taking the submissive role

quote:

I have actualy done some exploring of this aspect several years, just to see if I was a Switch. From a play side, I somewhat enjoyed the bondage, but I'm already a bondage aficianado so that wasn't a total suprise. Past that, I didn't hardly find anything I was able to tolerate, much less enjoy, with both men and women. It was enough for me to realize I might enjoy the play from a fantasy side, actual doing so was quite simply not for me.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 8

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 5:52:25 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
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While there was a topic here last week called "maso doms," it sounds like you're mainly enjoying fantasies that should probably just stay fantasies. I don't know how common it is for a top to fantasize about the bottom role, but hey -- if it works for you and don't feel like you're missing out on anything, it sounds perfectly fine.

Though it is also possible that you're a bondage switch.

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 9

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 5:52:36 AM

MstrssPassion

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hmmmm.... I'm going to toss this out there because I had a conversation with someone that had the same thing happening

Maybe, just maybe you have submissive tendencies & because you are male the only way you can explore these feelings is to do so in a feminine sense... meaning that somehow you don't sense guilt or apply guilt when submissive is female

I'm going to toss something else out there

stop trying to pigeonhole these activities into a role... engaging in bdsm activities doesn't mean someone is dom or sub

example:being tied up doesn't mean one is submissive & tieing someone up doesn't make someone a dom

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/11/2007 5:55:31 AM >

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 11:44:59 AM

BondageTopJere

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

hmmmm.... I'm going to toss this out there because I had a conversation with someone that had the same thing happening

Maybe, just maybe you have submissive tendencies & because you are male the only way you can explore these feelings is to do so in a feminine sense... meaning that somehow you don't sense guilt or apply guilt when submissive is female

That is possiblity that has occured to me in the past. It was what prompted me to play on a few occasion as the bottom; to explore that aspect and see where it lead. And you are correct in regards to the feminine sense, in regards to how I found myself acting.

Another thought occured to me as I was re-reading these posts, in that my fantasies might be prompted by my not being in relationship i.e. I don't have an actual sub, so I play the role in my head for lack fo a better explanation.

quote:

stop trying to pigeonhole these activities into a role... engaging in bdsm activities doesn't mean someone is dom or sub

example:being tied up doesn't mean one is submissive & tieing someone up doesn't make someone a dom

My fingers and brain to equate bottoming to sub, topping to dom whenever I'm typing. Its just a quick reference without any due to the specifics of the situation for me.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 1:02:52 PM

mixielicous

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Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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fast reply,

cant really tell what the Q/OP was looking for, but when i *do myself* i am always talking to myself as if i were D. dunno, thats just what does it for me. somewhat similar in a way

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(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 1:20:52 PM

BondageTopJere

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Joined: 8/22/2006
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SOunds like much the same thing, but the flip side of the coin. Well, that I don't actually speak out loud to myself

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 2:20:31 PM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
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I'm not sure if this is the same thing you're talking about, but for as long as I can remember I've not necessarily been 'me' in my fantasies. Often I'm just thinking about something really fun, and I'm none of the people involved! I don't usually envisage something happening to me, or doing something to someone else, but often move around mentally between all the participants, or none. It's just like it's the situation that is sexy, and I can be any or none of the people.

Actually, since I've been in a relationship, I most often imagine him with others, perhaps also with me, but I do imagine things through his eyes, or his excitement, more often than my own. No idea why that would be, and I've never thought it was to do with a desire to switch roles, since this kind of 'being in everyone's mind' fantasy pre-dates any real knowledge of D/s.

Not sure it's relevant whether or not I'm the D or the s, but I'm the s, for the record, and have never had any desire or interest in domming anyone, or even to explore it.

Oh, and when I'm actually involved in a real experience (rather than imagining something), I'll often be thinking of his pleasure more than my own... but somehow the two mingle... very hard to explain!

Anyway... is that anything like you meant?

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 2:21:46 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
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From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere

SOunds like much the same thing, but the flip side of the coin. Well, that I don't actually speak out loud to myself

haha, sometimes i catch myself speaking out loud, especially if i am having *trouble*

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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Post #: 15

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 3:09:33 PM

BondageTopJere

Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
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Just goes to Illustrate the difference between men and women, regardless of what our paticular kink is

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 6:27:05 PM

mp072004

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Hm, that's odd. I don't see anything wrong with it--for private self pleasure, do whatever ethical activities you want to get off. But it's worth examining, as it might lead to greater other-pleasure. When you tried bottoming before, did you control the action, or did the top control the action? Being in charge while bottoming might appeal to you--at least, it's worth considering whether it appeals to you.

I tend to fantasize in omniscient third person, which means that I know what is going on in the heads of the top(s) and of the bottom(s). I often am attracted to scripting and orchestrating an organized experience, so it makes sense for me--I can direct, in my fantasy, the minds and bodies of all players in it.

Monica

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 6:40:01 PM

Suleiman

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For some tops, a large part of the pleasure they derive comes from the reaction of their partners. Hell - that's true for a distinct segment of the population. Dom or sub, I get more out of pleasing my partner than I get out of the act itself. I enjoy their reactions, I enjoy knowing how it must feel for them. One of the reasons I sub is so that I can get a clearer idea of what I want from my partner when I am being dominant. If your fantasies lead you to experiment with switching, that's not a bad thing, but it it's just a private fantasy to enjoy the game from the other person's perspective, that's good too. There dosen't really need to be a why involved. It's just part of who you are. Empathy does not make you weak.

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom fantasies from the sub side. - 4/11/2007 9:13:51 PM

BondageTopJere

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Joined: 8/22/2006
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quote:

When you tried bottoming before, did you control the action, or did the top control the action? Being in charge while bottoming might appeal to you--at least, it's worth considering whether it appeals to you.

Interesting question as no quick answer pops into mind. It was at once both the top controlling the action and neither one of us were in control, as it wasn't a deep emotional sort of play for either me or whichever top I was with. "An experiment in physicality" seems to be apt description. "Hey, there this thing I wanted to try (fill in the blank), do you mind?" "Sounds neat, get on the bed" would be about the level of conversation and emotional involvment.

quote:

I tend to fantasize in omniscient third person, which means that I know what is going on in the heads of the top(s) and of the bottom(s). I often am attracted to scripting and orchestrating an organized experience, so it makes sense for me--I can direct, in my fantasy, the minds and bodies of all players in it.

I'll admit this is the total opposite of my way. Free-form brainstorming, if your of a literary bent, would be extremely close. Bits and peices float in and out, and everything about the scene can change in the blink of an eye.

< Message edited by BondageTopJere -- 4/11/2007 9:14:33 PM >

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 19

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