How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (Full Version)

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littlesarbonn -> How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 10:52:41 PM)

I've been giving this a lot of thought lately. No, this isn't a depresso, oh woe is I (or me) kind of post. I've just never really found the person for whom I'm seeking, and I'm wondering if it's probably just a better idea to give up looking in the first place. I often see a lot of very successful searchers that talk about finding the right person they were seeking, but when it doesn't happen for you, do you continue giving it more and more time (kind of like Einstein's definition of insanity), or is there eventually a breaking point where you decide, you know, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be?

I know there's a lot of artsy-fartsy kind of responses that indicate that you never finish the road you're on until you reach your destination, and all that sort of stuff. That may work for some people, but for the meat and potato type of philosophers, do you continue searching, or do you hang up your unused collar and join the circus?



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 10:58:19 PM)

pointless to give up because you end up smacking yourself into searching again.



juliaoceania -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:01:28 PM)

How about keeping an open heart and an open mind, but living life each day as if you have everything you want and need in this world? Being open and putting yourself "out there", but keeping mentally and physically and emotionally occupied are always good ideas..

My mom told me watched pots never boil... there is something to that in my opinion.



leakylee -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:04:33 PM)

shoot even after my release, nearly two years, when i was a total mess, i still hungered and was on the look out. i knew that i was in no condition to even comtemplate a healthy relationship but i still talked and met.

it has only been in the last 6 months that i have really started "searching" again, and it isnt being done in earnest. it is more along the lines of if it happens it happens. i know what i am capable of, and wont, or hope that i wont settle for less than that.

of course there is always the dating option to keep one occupied during the process..hehe.. Mr. or Miss Right Now may turn out to be the One, but if not they hopefully will be a great friend in the future..

love and light
lee



Alloces -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:22:27 PM)

I personally have been single now for 2+ years......dismissed My last back that long ago and I have been really enjoying the "Me" time I have had ......I have just recently returned to on line as well ..it has been nice really..and besides what are ya gonna give up ?..it is all life even the single times just be happy ya have good health and stop worying about "finding"........when the time is right that right person will be there ...take this time to work on yourself improving yourself..and then when the right person shows up you'll have a lot more to offer..



SimplyMichael -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:30:39 PM)

Sometimes letting go a bit helps, especially if it is something about your own patterns.

As a hint, that picture of you in the blue velvet suit with the '70s tie has GOT to go.  You are good looking, trim, have someone take some nice shots of you instead of standing in front of a run down fridge.

Love sometimes just comes out of left field and nails you in the head and sometimes well, sometimes it just sucks.  I wouldn't say this in the Mistress section but you asking here in the general section and I don't mean this in a bad way.  Knowing the quality of male submissives if you are 1/2 as good as you say you are you should have no trouble finding someone so you need to get some good honest advice somewhere about what you are doing wrong.

But I wouldn't give up that's for sure.  Even if the goddamn woman lives on the other side of the earth, you make it work because connections are rare and you should treasure them if and when you find them.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:36:49 PM)

Awhile ago I felt this same frustration.  I was going to kill off my account and give up searching.  Instead I tweaked up my profile some, I hit the chat rooms.  I met a few from there.  Still no luck.  I tweaked up my profile a little more, adding things I felt were more useful.   In short I was eliminating most of the 50 question game up front in my profile.  I ended up coming over here to the message boards.  I started to post questions, answer questions, make jokes and see just where in the hell I fit into things.  I was not having much luck responding to profiles.  I know I wrote countless emails.  My god, I felt it was complete waste of time.

I found myself making more posts to the message boards, and was not wasting time responding to profiles.  Strangest thing started happening, I was recieving unexpected comments and emails regarding some of my posts.  I found a place and a use for being on this website.  Anyways, I stopped thinking about meeting somebody and focused more upon BDSM itself and the community.   It took my mind off from my search.  I tweaked up my profile a little more, to be more specific about what I was looking for and not looking for.   Sometimes it's just a matter of putting yourself out there and being patient that what you are looking for will come and find you instead.

Be patient, keep posting to the boards, tweak your profile, and most of all keep it real.  Simply put yourself out there as best you can.  Many of the women on this site get bombed with literally 100-400+ emails/day in their inbox if they have pictures up on their profile.  When you are responding to profiles, yours is just another one in the inBOX.   When responding to a profile, you have to think about the type of email that would stand out and making an impression.   You sometimes might try to respond to a profile again a week later, if it's somebody you think you are interested in.  I personally had a 3 email limit.  If I sent them 3 emails and no response.  I simply write them off.   I actually had a few respond to me on the 2nd or 3rd email believe it or not.   Do not be quick to give up or write off somebody you find you have an interest in.   Remember they may be overloaded with email.  They may have intended to get back to you, but simply forget while managing the email load.  Call it ADD inBOX mail overload.    Sending out a couple more emails, might refresh their memory about your first email.  You'd be amazed.   Sometimes they don't even get around to reading your first email, because they ran out of time to read emails for the day. 

These are just a few things I can share with you.  Be patient, be strong, put yourself out there.  What you are looking for may be looking for you. 



SimplyMichael -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:43:53 PM)

Finding someone is HARD if you are a man.  I am sure there are any number of dominants on here who get more responses than I do but I am still happy on those days my inbox is red.  I post on here WAY too much and trust me there is a LOT of dust on every one of the pillows in my harem.  Finding that one woman is never easy but it is always worth it.



MistressLorelei -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:49:17 PM)

I have seen this question (or similar ones) asked here before, and since the last time I have answered it,  my attitude has changed... sort of.

I used to have a more hopeful way of thinking.  Figuring that the right person would be around sooner or later, but that I was happy as I was in the meantime.

After a lot of disappointment and frustration with some that I have met or communicated with on this site, I think I have more of an expect nothing much from anyone attitude.  There are so many here to play games that it may have tainted my view of the few worthwhile ones.  I still hope to find "the one", but doubt it will be from an online site, and like before, I am happy as I am, but do hope that eventually I will bump into the person who will add the extra something that will highlight my already happy existence.

littlesarbonn, I wouldn't give up, but perhaps just adjust your expectations and high hopes and enjoy the "meantime".



Padriag -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/10/2007 11:52:42 PM)

Ultimately its a personal choice, when do YOU think you should give up.  If you're asking me when I would give up, the answer is never.  That's me, I know what I want, I know its very important to me to eventually have it, and I know if I give up then that means giving up on a lot of things that are important to me.  For me, that's unacceptable.  For you it might be different.

I've been through some tough experiences in my life, including burying a fiance.  You can never know what challenges you will face, or what surprises are around the next bend.  All I can do is keep going.  Meanwhile I live my life.  I do other things, my life does not revolve around finding and creating that family.  Right now its not even the focus.  But the goal is there, and if opportunity knocks you can damn well bet I'll answer.

Maybe all you need to do is shift focus a bit.  Not give up, just not focus on it so much.  Enjoy living your life as it is.  Take the pressure off yourself.

And as for joining the circus... did that when I was 16.  Was a blast, just one thing... never turn your back on a 2 year old elephant... you wouldn't think a two ton animal could sneak up on you... but they can! [8D]



jj292 -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 12:32:34 AM)

I've never really given much hope into on-line dating type sites. I know some have had success but I've heard my share of horror stories.

I read an article that said that the reason on-line dating has such a high failure rate is because of unrealistic expectations. For some reason people have this idea in their head that they can go on line and magically find "the one" they have been searching for all their life. But they are shocked to find out that the people on line are not any different than the people you meet off the street.



DocTSH -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 2:10:50 AM)

You have to be " In it to win it".  There really is no point to go on if it isn't where your heart is.  On the other hand, why stop looking?  It's been my experience that it will happen when you least expect it, and in my case, when I wasn't even looking, but I hadn't said "enough" with the trying either.



Quivver -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 2:13:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've been giving this a lot of thought lately. No, this isn't a depresso, oh woe is I (or me) kind of post. I've just never really found the person for whom I'm seeking, and I'm wondering if it's probably just a better idea to give up looking in the first place.



It must be something in the air.  So often that idea of giving up floats through my thoughts, but lately it's nagged at me. Never meeting that right individual is pretty common actually, some may come close but end up lacking the return interest, are unavailable, or something within that magical three month period just isnt right. 
The idea of Giving up always pops up.  But Damn it!  It's really hard to do!
~ ~ and btw Michael, being male doesnt make it harder ~ ~
What I've found is if you tell yourself your done it wont stop the ache.  That
ache only follows you around and you waste good time in mental masterbation
as you continually remind yourself of what you have given up.  What I am trying
is to keep me and my needs first.  I'm finding ways and others I share other
interests with and trying to stay busy.  You've already found the education
system, maybe try some fun things to learn, be selfish, you deserve it.  [;)]
And like what Michael said, When you do connect with someone, no matter where they are treasure what you can have.  Relish in the good stuff even if it's just a crumb.

My Best to You............




ShiftedJewel -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 3:49:30 AM)

I don't think you ever stop looking. You may stop putting forth the effort, you may give up searching, but in the back of your mind the need is there, the desire is there and there will always be that little voice that asks "Could she be the right one?"
 
I think there are too many people that simply don't want to step outside their comfort zone. They have this ideal of what they want or need and can't see beyond that. I know that for me, what I found wasn't what I was looking for, but I'm happier then I ever thought was possible.
 
Jewel



NakedGirlScout -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 3:59:08 AM)

I agree with most of the other responses. How can you ever truly give up? You can stop doing the things that make you visible to the person you want to meet, but what does giving up looking really mean. Do you stop wanting or hoping or dreaming. Do you make a bad decision and marry a vanilla person out of loneliness.

I know I had to cope with despair and frankly disbelief that the process had any possible good outcome, because it took me over 5 years of constant posting and putting up ads and reading 100+ emails a day (and answering the majority of them) to finally find my dom. I read so many nasty letters or just clueless letters that it began to get surreal, the search took on a life of its own, and I had made mental categories for all the different kinds of wankers in the world -- but no mental category for someone I wanted to meet. I took a couple of months off to take care of myself. I returned in a fresh frame of mind. One day just like all the other days, I wrote to a man who had already long given up but had reposted his profile out of sheer boredom right before Christmas. Now we are soul mates and married one year later.

I just wonder, what would have happened to me if he had given up forever? I'd never have been able to find him, and I need to find him so very badly.



Griswold -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 4:44:51 AM)

I'm thinking, by May, 2034 if I haven't found "The One" I'm absolutely going to give up.



MstrssPassion -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 5:17:56 AM)

if you give up then you have made the choice to not succeed

why not change the way you have gone about things... most often it is how we go about obtaining things that prevents us from obtaining it in the first place



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 5:38:39 AM)

WE haven't given up yet for that special little girl to fill the void here,however we have slowed down.I believe she will come to us with time..WE have people in our lives but the special one,the pain slave the bitch in heat combination of has eluded us so far..One day soon she shall cum knocking on our door..WE try never to give up just slowing down and taking a different approach,,,the world a this ol" master sees it this morning...bounty



Lady Alaria -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 6:27:22 AM)

Huh,

One post about giving up on searching, one on giving up on the activity done -between- searching...what remains? Maybe a total life overhaul. Maybe a re-evaluation of goals. Maybe a midlife crisis with a Ferrari and a leather jacket. Maybe not. Me, I'm a fan of the occasional total overhaul. Rooting out and examining by base principles, deepest assumptions, and self-conception. I've learned that most of the stuff I thought was just plain -true- about me was just stuff I -thought- about me. Same about the world.

If what you are doing isn't working, change what you are doing. Try new things. Go crazy. Follow impulses. After all, the worst that will happen is that you will 'fail', and that's what you were doing already.



onestandingstill -> RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up the search? (4/11/2007 6:41:22 AM)

quote:

I've just never really found the person for whom I'm seeking, and I'm wondering if it's probably just a better idea to give up looking in the first place

Hello littlesbonn,
We all at some point in our lives lose faith we'll find someone who meets the world with the same energy, or energy that compliments and benefits you both.
It's not that easy to search, nor is it easy to step back and sit on the sideline selling yourself short of many chances to smile even if they don't mean a mated commitment is the relationship you have with someone.
Sometimes for me when the well of hope and faith runs dry I do take the time and step back some.
I am actually currently in the process of toning things way down as far as focusing my energy so much on BDSM life and notions.
I'm re-evaluating my basic day to day life and getting in touch with what I like to do for me.
I'm making progress in the day to day Feng Shui feeling of my own identity and spending maybe 10% of my life in the community now.
LOL most of my community interaction is actually this message board community really.
I do work in my local dungeon and go to some munches, but I'm not actively seeking anyone, nor do I wish to be pursued till I'm feeling more full balance and contentment in my own environment.

Yes, it's lonely, yes it bites my ASS I'm not in the relationship I see in my minds eye with someone, yes I'm haunted by I'm not getting any younger, and yes I HATE to sleep alone in a cold bed.

But yes, I'm a good person, yes, I have many things I enjoy doing in my day to day life, yes, I'm blessed and have always been warm, dry, and fed.
Sometimes you have to look at the part of your life as a single person as the most opportunity you'll have to really go through full self discovery.
When you reach the point you fire on all cylinders and your one comes down the shoot all the things you've done to build a life you enjoy will attract the person who enjoys those same vanilla things.
Finding a Mistress and matching kinks is important to a degree, but finding someone who can be your best friend, and the one you trust to hold your heart isn't something you should compromise on.
Actively searching, or just feeling the draw to find her and not search matters not in the end.
It will be, when it will be.
I take care of me the best I can.
I enrich my life and seek my nirvana in all aspects of my life.
I get out and see my platonic friends & family often & over all life's a wonderful thing to wake up to in the morning partner here with me or not.

You have to trust God or what ever higher power you respect will allow you to meet the person you can truly connect with when you're ready and the timing is right.
Sending warm patient contentment wishes your way,
suzanne





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