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RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/20/2005 4:21:43 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Nope. The hunter is not at all in charge of his prey.


Ah but the Huntress is in full control of Hers! Believe me ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/20/2005 4:28:13 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

laughs at the irony. My dad and I were just talking about if you have to broad cast how sexy or witty or intelligent you are, you're likly not that great.


Like the person who claims to be well mannered, well learned, well bred, but acts talks and walks like getto booty wanna be over there lol. In fact with every insistance they're what they claim to be they proove by rude crass bad behavior they're not at all classy or well mannerd:P


I get what you are saying, and I know people who fall under the category of what it is that you are describing.

However, I don't think that what you suggest applies as a general rule.

I think when describing who we are, we need to give people an idea of what we are. In my profile I write "I am very feminine and always well groomed. I’m well educated, well cultured and well mannered." The reason I state this is because I'm looking for the same (well swap feminine for masculine). Ok, so I have my moments when I get trashy, yeah we all do. But I do think it's important for me to paint a picture of myself.

I actually like my image and who I am and I'm not afraid to state it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/20/2005 5:00:46 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Nope and you shouldn't be.

I ment that people w ho said they was and then constantly contradicted that saying. I am feminen too, I'm also vibrant and full of life :) Because we say that doesn't make it any less ture. but if we constantly said that then proved something else well........:))

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/20/2005 7:44:20 PM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		I have a tshirt which says I am grumpy I do like to warn them

Mind you I did wear to work one day on a casual day at work. It created for some interesting c omments from my clients

W

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/20/2005 8:39:38 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		So what about the Owner who caned my breasts the first five minutes after meeting me in my apartment and THEN gave me a dozen roses?

Courtship is courtship, some doms prefer to let subs come to them, some prefer to go hunt, some do both.

Some subs can't stand asking people out, some have no problem with it. It's really more about your personal preferences and what social and possibly sexist ideals you hold, rather than any orientation in Ds.

As long as you're happy, who cares how it came about?

(in reply to LdyAuburn)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/20/2005 9:15:53 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, Emerald. It's about personal preference.

MemphisDsCouple, I see your point. Have you ever played basketball? When you contain/guard someone at a distance, you use your footing to push them to a certain side of the court. By slightly turning your stance left, you naturally make them scoot left. It's a natural relationship between the two players. If that makes any sense.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/22/2005 5:44:50 PM   
baileythorne


Posts: 264
Joined: 6/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSilk
Whats' happen to this lifestyle???
I don't know if I'm 'Old School' or simply out of touch....probably the latter.


At the risk of hijacking this thread I wanted to comment. I attended a panel discussion in San Jose last night sponsored by Odyssey on "Leather/BDSM History & Traditions". The panel included 6 people who had been in the community for more than 10 years. In one case, Race Bannon, he had 31 years of experience.

This was about personal history, not community history. Each panelist mentioned things they missed about the "old days" and things they appreciated about today. There were pros & cons for each. But when it was all said and done, the consensus was to move forward. Figure out what works for you, look for like-minded individuals, don't be afraid to experiment, network and try new things, but move forward.

I have found that it does feel good to vent at times, but once you have indulged that desire, accept how things are and figure out how to work the system, not bitch about it.

Because, most of the quality folks I know are very positive -- and attract the same.

--bailey



_____________________________

Dance like no one's watching and
Love like you've never been hurt.

(in reply to MasterSilk)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/22/2005 5:58:18 PM   
ManOwner


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Would you mind sharing the kinds of things they said?

(in reply to baileythorne)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 4/22/2005 6:04:00 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Because, most of the quality folks I know are very positive -- and attract the same.


I truly wish most people would figure that out. It would alleviate a lot of unnecessary pain.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to baileythorne)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/28/2005 10:58:26 AM   
masterdarkthorn


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline 		I personally have found that the most negative change in tis lifestyle is the advent of on line D/s relationships. I remember years ago that the people who came out to munches and events were there for real. Now it seems every dom,dick and harry is a sub or a dom online. I actually think it is harder now to find real lifestylers than before because of all the on liners.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/28/2005 11:32:39 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Now it seems every dom,dick and harry is a sub or a dom online


Although I know this is off topic, what is the advantage to strictly being an online sub or dom? Why not seek it out in real life?

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

(in reply to masterdarkthorn)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/28/2005 4:18:21 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginger21

quote:

Now it seems every dom,dick and harry is a sub or a dom online


Although I know this is off topic, what is the advantage to strictly being an online sub or dom? Why not seek it out in real life?


Because it is a safe place to experiment, have fun, and try to learn what it is all about. There is also no necessity for any real commitment. So it can be done at your convenience, when in the mood. Not all online relationships are this way, but, IMO, 99.9999% are. Then when someone decides they are ready for real life, most of the time they aren't. They think real life is just an "in person" extension of what they were playing around with in a chatroom. Too bad. It's a little harder to log off and disappear or change your identity in real life.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/28/2005 5:12:39 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well master silk, my best explanation to your thread is that in this life style we all seemed to have entermingled many ideas but still in one way or another keep ourselves as individuals.

An example would be is a person sub or a masochist? A person dosen't have to be dominant to be a sadist. So in that retrospect comprimise may be made in a S&M relationship. Just because a person likes being tied, blind folded, spanked, and such dosen't mean they are going to follow all of your orders and commands. Many masochist still play on there own terms.
However, many including this web site, are interepting the term Sub as a masachist who likes being told what to do and the term Dom as a sadist who calls all the shots. A sub on the other hand my not have masochistic tendencies but just want to serve and be lead around. There are several relationships where you can clearly tell who says what goes yet no one never gets spanked, tied up, or anything.

Either way you look at it, the bottom line is to be true to yourself and stick to your standards in what you want. For in every relationship it's whatever floats the boat.



_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to MasterSilk)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/28/2005 6:08:42 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I guess I am the only one not spitting My food all over the place, hardly able to contain My childish glee at a roast where the guest of honor left early. Hmmm. Oh well.

Anyways, there are certainly situations that warrant O/one speaking about T/their qualities in a positive light. O/one can call it having a sense of self esteem and self worth. The occasion arises where projecting those qualities has merit.



_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/30/2005 8:08:27 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Because it is a safe place to experiment, have fun, and try to learn what it is all about. There is also no necessity for any real commitment. So it can be done at your convenience, when in the mood. Not all online relationships are this way, but, IMO, 99.9999% are. Then when someone decides they are ready for real life, most of the time they aren't. They think real life is just an "in person" extension of what they were playing around with in a chatroom.


This phenomenon is the most difficult thing for me to grasp in the equation.

I started off in real life bdsm relationships which left me soured on the whole lifestyle. When I came online, I met people who shared my interests who weren't apparently insane, and that was a great relief (and revelation). I also had a lot of fun (and still do) writing shared textual pornography on the internet ... the fact that more than 50% of my co-authors are men pretending to be women is irrelevant to me. I also maintained some ongoing and rather serious flirtations with women, not only on bdsm sites. But I also said to them (even the ones I had crushes on), if I visit on a trip, none of the flirtation or cybersex we had 'counts' as anything; we'll be starting off again from scratch, as friends, and we may or may not decide to play together.

When I did transition again into RL scening, it felt natural and easy.

Hence I am baffled both by those who express contempt for cyber relationships, and those who think they have anything to do with real life.


_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/30/2005 9:04:37 PM   
Lepidoptera


Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginger21

quote:

Now it seems every dom,dick and harry is a sub or a dom online


Although I know this is off topic, what is the advantage to strictly being an online sub or dom? Why not seek it out in real life?


I actually read a paper (academic) about online bdsm play, and it seems that a lot of people who do it really cannot experience it in real life- or don't really want to. One woman was a puritanical Baptist who had never uttered a swear in her life. She had 4 children and she was married. She found release in being an online sub that she couldn't find in her marriage or life- and she would never have dared to take it into real life. It's an escape.

Personally, I don't do it at all. I feel silly "role playing" and prefer something real.

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/30/2005 9:36:08 PM   
cellis


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		I see a distinct difference in the way a submissive is approached on line today, than 4 or 5 years ago. Outside of a few Dom-inots, most of the men I spoke with were respectful, thoughtful and articulate.

Today I cannot tell you the number of messages I get from people who don't read my profile, or have even a basic knowledge of the rudiments of BDSM. It seems that if you post an ad on certain boards that leaves you open to every freak in the area. Okay so freaky can be a good thing, too, just not in this instance.

At first I attempted to reply to everyone, until I would get these beligerent replies when I was not interested or someone did not meet my needs. I finally gave up on writing to most of them. My personal favorite was from someone who wanted me to f--k him and all of his buddies while is wife with alzhiemer's was in the other room.

I try to be open with people. It is a different world today.




(in reply to Lepidoptera)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/31/2005 5:24:34 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well I first got active online almost 7 years ago- and I haven't seen any change in any direction, good or bad, about how anyone acts online.

(in reply to cellis)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Times..They Are A Changin' - 5/31/2005 10:10:57 AM   
Kiaban


Posts: 124
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline 		While not agreeing with alot of what was said by the OP , logic gets flawed here:
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

*firmly planting tongue in cheek*


quote:


When did the Dominant become the lesser of the two?


Perhaps it has always been that way, and you are just now noticing? Do you remember how little you thought your parents knew when you were a kid? Do you remember the day that you realized that the more you know...the more you realize how little you used to know?
I still think neither is "lesser" of the two simply different roles, but you can stand by dominants being "lesser" if you like.

quote:


When did the subs start dictating what the Dominant can or can't do?
When did the subs start dictating what they will or won't do?


The moment a Dominant agrees to practice consensual dominance. A simple truth in life...the one giving consent is always in charge.


*removing tongue from cheek*

Taggard


Ok both people have to consent for it to happen so that pretty much is a draw wouldnt you say?
Next the dominant person [inspite of tactic and label] will always end up in charge once we are past the mutual consent .
The very word "submit" is putting yourself under another control or will ..now granted some doms run the show and some subs run the show but Labels aside if you are calling the shots you are the dominant one and if you are playing 'mother may I' you are the submissive one.

Otherwise the one-liner was pretty good.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 39
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