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Question...question. - 4/11/2007 7:28:14 AM   
Ayanaev717


Posts: 72
Status: offline 		I am a dominant woman. New to average to the scene and well, my concept of being a Domina is that she brings her subs into her fantasies. Free to be the kind of Domina she wants to be- not falling for the stereotypes of what she should be. Am I right about this? Or am I off? Is there is certain protocol to being a FemDom?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question...question. - 4/11/2007 8:20:34 AM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev717

I am a dominant woman. New to average to the scene and well, my concept of being a Domina is that she brings her subs into her fantasies. Free to be the kind of Domina she wants to be- not falling for the stereotypes of what she should be. Am I right about this? Or am I off? Is there is certain protocol to being a FemDom?


I think that you are spot-on with this.  There is no reason why you have to deny who you are in favor of a stereotype, because if you play into the fantasies of others at the expense of your own needs, you are never really going to enjoy your role.  And it is wonderful that you recognize this early on, because the sooner you realize this there better off and well-adjusted you will be.   So take good care and enjoy yourself.


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question...question. - 4/11/2007 8:26:11 AM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		I don't believe there is.  I have just observed that Domme's in my community in various situations and tried to copy that to a certain extent,(with my own personal florishes mind you.;) Read everything you can, talk to people,observe, and decide for yourself what is right to you.  If there is a particular Domme that you admire, maybe ask if she could mentor you.

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Question...question. - 4/11/2007 8:55:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The more you can get to know yourself and experiment to figure out what is good for you that lends itself to satisfying Ds, the more I think you are a dominant and not just a top. You will have to use things from your partner's lists of desires and needs but there is no reason to not do things your way and to satisfy yourself first and foremost.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question...question. - 4/11/2007 9:37:10 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev717

I am a dominant woman. New to average to the scene and well, my concept of being a Domina is that she brings her subs into her fantasies. Free to be the kind of Domina she wants to be- not falling for the stereotypes of what she should be. Am I right about this? Or am I off? Is there is certain protocol to being a FemDom?

Bingo! You are off to a wonderful start. Remember its your relationship do it YOUR way. Always keep it consensual, be safety concious and remember it is ok to love your sub and for them to love you (If you so desire). Always ask questions and do not always believe everything that you hear because a lot of it maybe wrong for your relationship. Let common sense rule your head and most of all have FUN.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question...question. - 4/11/2007 10:05:51 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I think there is a certain accepted protocol to being a decent human being or to dealing with social situations.  But how you deal with your relationship...all up to you.  You have it pegged correctly.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question...question. - 4/11/2007 11:10:00 AM   
stacydahling


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline 		I think you pretty much nailed it.  I think I've heard people call it my BDSM.  There are all sorts of protocols/expectations that a lot of people have for you and many will even expect it.  As long as you and your partner are in agreement on your BDSM, that is really all that matters.  Sounds like you are off to a great start.  Have fun.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question...question. - 4/12/2007 9:17:44 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Other than following the tenants of common courtesy and basic manners, I don't feel you should be following anyone else's rules of how to behave as a Dominant. I'm not saying you should never take advice that you find helpful. Choosing to use something that someone has told you is fine, as long as you consider it and decide it works for you. Just don't blindly accept their ideas of how things are done if they don't fit YOU! In my eyes, it is part of a Dominant's responsibility to grow and learn. You can't be expected to control someone totally the first time you try. It is a learning journey. Just because you don't Dominate the way someone else does, doesn't make you any less of a Dominant. It means you are your own person, not someone elses shadow. Just because you're closer to the beginning of your journey than someone else, also doesn't make you any less a Dominant. It just makes you less experienced.  Your Dominance comes from inside of you. It is a personal thing. It is not a contest. You don't have a set "finish line." Live, grow and Dominate according to your own needs. If someone else doesn't like it, as long as you're not being abusive then screw them! ( http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html )

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question...question. - 4/12/2007 10:18:28 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Make sure you understand and know how to use any tools. Don't cause harm through ignorance.

You have it right. Good luck, be yourself and have fun with it.


_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question...question. - 4/12/2007 10:54:18 PM   
Mysti


Posts: 125
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Make sure you understand and know how to use any tools. Don't cause harm through ignorance.



Sadly this doesnt get said enough. Thank You for posting it here!

_____________________________

Sic vis pacem, para bellum- If you want peace, prepare for war

Check me out: http://lolavalentinos.etsy.com

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question...question. - 4/12/2007 11:37:31 PM   
MistressSandra2U


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		The most important thing to remember right now is that you are a "new" Domme. Since every domme looks at all aspects of BDSM and D/s to pick their most personal favorites you can feel good about spending some time checking out every fetish. Spend more time learning about the ones that catch your interest and less time on the ones that bore or turn you off. One great way to find your own Domme style is to go to this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domination_and_submission_%28BDSM%29 to see the basics of D/s. Pick out two or three subjects a day to Google and research and then really bone up on the ones that excite you. This will lead to more and more discovery. Once you've read, looked at pictures and watched videos you'll see what real life experiences you want to try to gain and it will be easier to express what you are looking for in a sub. When a sub asks what you like to do you'll be able to say more than "well whatever I feel like". Knowing where to start exploring Ds will make you and your sub ready to begin. Once you've had this kind of experience you'll be able to say with confidence what kind of Domme you are. Everything about BDSM and Ds you learn about now will help to create the Domme you will become. Enjoy learning how to define your own style.


I started out with an interest in sissification and forced feminization. There is enough to learn about this subject that I spend a long period researching and domming sissies. Then my tastes expanded into CBT and bondage. I found Men In Pain to be very helpful in discovering my love for teasing and denial and torture. That website also got me really excited about role play as a Domme and I found I'm naturally talented in Teacher/Mommy domme, business domme, militant domme, and pain mistress roles. Now I that I have my core interests defined and explored I know which advanced domming techniques I want to add to my experience like rope bondage and suspension. I've found a great location and real time tutor in a dungeon after about a year of exploring online, on the phone and with the submissives I've met with for play at home.

Some day

(in reply to Mysti)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 12:35:52 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		No, there is no certain protocol to being a Domme. 

It is really only about power exchange and not much else. 

As others have said, resist adopting any artificial "Domme" persona and just be yourself.  

In my early days someone said a Dominant can only be a Dominant if s/he has a submissive and vice versa.  Each is essential.  I disagreed vehemently at the time, but I think I understand now: it is a symbiotic relationship and until you enter a D/s relationship, you can only theorise what kind of Domme you will be when the time comes

The kind of Domme you will be is not fixed - it varies with submissives and over time.  It depends where you are in life and what the other person brings out in you

There are no real rules

Good luck
 


_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MistressSandra2U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 1:20:28 AM   
womanworshipper


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		People invent protocols which suit themselves and sometimes they become common to groups of people, but You don't have to follow them. Everyone is different and You are free to be Your own type of Domme.

My current Owner has no direct involvement with O/others in the bdsm community/communities apart from myself and follows no rules other than Her own.

Good luck!  

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 1:52:43 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev717
Is there is certain protocol to being a FemDom?


Sure there is, just like there are mores and folkways to every part of our society and subcultures.

Here's just a few:

+ Respect one another.

+ Don't touch other people's things.

+ If it's in a collar, it's off limits.

While some might think these are common sense items, you'd be surprised at how many folks violate these three things over and over and over again.


_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 5:45:55 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		You received wonderful advice from some awesome women in the scene already.
    I came out publicly back in the late 80’s early 90’s. There were not any clubs then but there was a local underground scene and many private parties. In these circles femdoms, lol- you know the queen stately types such as I, were looked upon questionably.  I never was really into leather and preferred velvet gowns, long cigarette holders, more of the glam fetish scene. I didn’t hang whips from my belt or any of that. So when I came onto the scene many referred to me as a “Barbie Doll Domina” and I just wasn’t taken seriously.


  I did make up my mind when I was 14 years old that I was never going to follow the herd, so to speak and that I was going to follow my heart. I was born dominant and born a Goddess. Believe it or not I knew this back then I just didn’t know why or how yet.


  Ok, so I go to this party with several slaves of mine. Both I was intimately involved with. Out on the deck my slave was kneeling at my feet, I lifted him by his chin and then kissed him deeply. I was feeling good and a little horny. Afterwards a woman that worked at a place I did some writing for tells me that I should never kiss my slave like that in public. That it sends the wrong message. I was floored and actually defiant. I brought him into the dungeon, hung him up from suspension cuffs (wrist) and began a very passionate whipping scene. I pull my chain mail top off with breast exposed IN PUBLIC as people gathered around. I pushed my body into him, kissed him deeply and whipped him to welts. I grabbed his cock, smothered him with my breast, kissed, rubbed, whipped. When I was done with him I released him and then pissed all over his face and mouth. Every single person at that party now watched.


  I then took my own whip and walked over to a couple I know and trust. I handed my whip to this man and asked him to whip me. His slave strung me up and he whipped me. I had never been whipped before but he whipped me to welts and his slave placed a vibrator on my clit. I orgasm so hard, screamed so loud that I couldn’t hardly speak.


  You should have seen everyone gasping and freaking out. I could hear people saying, “I knew she really wasn’t dominant.”


  I am not submissive. I handed him the whip as an act of liberation. A ritual to empower myself. The intensity of those moments certainly did stimulate me but I also needed/wanted to prove that a woman, be she dominant or otherwise, should take pleasure as she sees fit. THAT is the essence of female domination.


  You know what? I didn’t care. I knew who I was and I also knew that my power was within in me and not the façade I showed the world. I went on to be a very well known lifestyle Domina not only as a professional dominatrix but writer, speaker and more. I never for once followed any protocol except what Ms Kat already articulated “being a good human being” , taking responsibly for my actions and always projecting my dominance constructively.


  Good luck to you. You are surrounded by much knowledge and support.


  Dianna Vesta

_____________________________



(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 7:52:44 AM   
Ayanaev717


Posts: 72
Status: offline 		I just got some wonderful advice from some very wonderful women. I appreciate this immensely.

Dianna Vesta...your description was very powerful.
I will take every word to mind.

Sincerely,

Ayanaev

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 8:42:54 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev717

I just got some wonderful advice from some very wonderful women. I appreciate this immensely.

Dianna Vesta...your description was very powerful.
I will take every word to mind.

Sincerely,

Ayanaev



Thank you. Please also come viist us at Femsupreme. Its free and much helpful info and a great network of women and males.


_____________________________



(in reply to Ayanaev717)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 8:59:56 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Dianna, many people do not understand the difference between being "submissive" and being a 'bottom" they just cannot wrap their heads around it. I like to bottom sometimes myself too and I am in no way submissive to my sub. Hell I am TELLING him what I want done, how submissive is that? lol

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 9:32:06 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Dianna, many people do not understand the difference between being "submissive" and being a 'bottom" they just cannot wrap their heads around it. I like to bottom sometimes myself too and I am in no way submissive to my sub. Hell I am TELLING him what I want done, how submissive is that? lol

~Lashra



This is true. I don't really 'bottom" per se. I do know a lot of dominant women that enjoy spanking and there has been many times when we flogged each other. It just feels good. I remember this friend had a huge multi-strand flogger that really felt like a massage. If you used it your arm got sore from the weight but to be the receiver its amazing.

But I agree, it really is the Mistress choice to seek pleasure however she sees fit and when it comes to desire & passion there is no protocol. IMO.


_____________________________



(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question...question. - 4/13/2007 10:29:31 AM   
stacydahling


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline 		I'm in complete agreement with everything I've read here.  There are still some who will try to force their version of kink on you and tell you that you shouldn't do certain things.  Just find what gives you and your partner pleasure and go with it.  Be safe and make sure you understand and can contol your methods of play, but if you both enjoy it, then you are doing it right.  You are doing this because you seek pleasure and as long as you both recieve pleasure from whatever exchange you come up with, you are doing very, very well. Some may questions the submissives pleasure in this concept, but even in the most painful of torments a submissive should find some kind of pleasure in it.  It could be that they suffer through to please their Mistress, that they truly enjoy these torments, or 100 other ways a submissive finds pleasure in pain.  It's all about pleasure...

Have fun and be safe,

Stacy and john

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 20
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