Punishment w/o Fear or Pain?

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Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:45:38 PM

NeedAGoodBoy

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I am a new master, and i have a new boi that will need to be taught things, but he loves everything, from beatings to CBT, and i want to find a way that i can teach him a lesson, without making him fear me, and without hurting him. Any Ideas?

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:47:45 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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No cum for a month.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:51:42 PM

NeedAGoodBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtificerOfKink

No cum for a month.

Good idea, but im looking for something more immediate, something i can do right when i need it, then we can get back to normal operations.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:53:28 PM

NakedGirlScout

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How about heavy chores? That would be both useful and give him something to do for you.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:54:45 PM

marieToo

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Whats the offense?

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:56:28 PM

NeedAGoodBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

How about heavy chores? That would be both useful and give him something to do for you.

another good one, but still could take time, im not saying its bad, ill prob use it, but not quite what im lookin for right now

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 2:59:09 PM

SimplyMichael

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corner time
Telling someone he cares about that he disapointed you
Boring vanilla time
playing with someone else
staying home while you go somewhere
Telling him he disapointed you
Sending him home
Make him sleep alone or on the floor
Send him off to play with someone else because you don't want him

But as many will say, what is the crime and why does he commit it is the more important question and one many new dominants forget to ask. One cannot beat nor punish someone into being a better submissive, one has to lead them.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 3:04:55 PM

NeedAGoodBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

corner time -> good one
Telling someone he cares about that he disapointed you -> wouldnt work to well, not many people around here that know him
Boring vanilla time -> he likes that too lol
playing with someone else -> hes poly doesnt affect him
staying home while you go somewhere -> might work
Telling him he disapointed you -> prob best idea ive heard so far
Sending him home -> cost too much mone to do it spur of the moment
Make him sleep alone or on the floor -> another good one
Send him off to play with someone else because you don't want him -> no one else around me

But as many will say, what is the crime and why does he commit it is the more important question and one many new dominants forget to ask. One cannot beat nor punish someone into being a better submissive, one has to lead them.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 3:07:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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You're very confusing.

If you need immediacy, just say "We'll deal with this later, for now do X"

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 3:20:50 PM

NeedAGoodBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You're very confusing.

If you need immediacy, just say "We'll deal with this later, for now do X"

i cant help if im confusing sometimes, im just trying to find a good way to punish my boy, without having to hurt him, we have a very special relationship, that i dont want to hurt by making him be afraid of me, or hurting him

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 3:24:13 PM

amiciaN

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Never underestimate the power of a stern look, sharp word or clear gesture. Most subs want to please their Dominants and we can be very hard on ourselves knowing we have failed. Then, when there is time, go back and discuss what happened, so your boi has a clear understanding of what he did wrong and what you expect in similar cases in the future. Conversely, there is a great deal to be said for a simple nod or warm smile to let your boi know when he has pleased you. Subs are generally pretty good at filing away the things that please their Dominants. If he knows you were pleased with response X in situation Y, he will use that experience as a template in situation Yy. Because of that, knowing when you weren't pleased is important; otherwise your boi could create a template for trouble in the future.

One other nice thing about not using pain as punishment-- it leaves all those wonderful sensations for playtime.

As always, this is only my opinion, based on my personal experience and perspective. People are different, therefore, ymmv.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 3:25:49 PM

MstrssPassion

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I think you are missing the point of some of our comments... what is happening that requires so much corrective actions on your part?

If this boi is doing things in order to receive punishment then you are rewarding bad behavior & that is completely counter productive toward stopping an undesired behavior.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/11/2007 3:26:58 PM >

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 3:31:22 PM

NeedAGoodBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

I think you are missing the point of some of our comments... what is happening that requires so much corrective actions on your part?

If this boi is doing things in order to receive punishment then you are rewarding bad behavior & that is completely counter productive toward stopping an undisered behavior.

he hasnt done anything yet, im just trying to get ideas, and ive told him if he wants 'punishment like actions' then he can just ask for them, or play 'bad' and ill 'play punish' him, just for fun, he doesnt do much stuff thats bad, little to none now that i think about it, but what he does, its not like he forgets to do something, its deeper than a simple mistake, its something he does, that i dont like, and he wants to stop doing it, but he cant on his own, so i need something thatll work that doesnt inspire fear or cause pain

hope that helped

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 4:15:41 PM

leili

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i know that i am not really in the position to comment but i would say suspend him in the air but where he can fall and make him stay by himself there in the dark for however many minutes you wish if he likes that he's weird lol

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 4:29:06 PM

BrutalDemon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedAGoodBoy
he doesnt do much stuff thats bad, little to none now that i think about it, but what he does, its not like he forgets to do something, its deeper than a simple mistake, its something he does, that i dont like, and he wants to stop doing it, but he cant on his own, so i need something thatll work that doesnt inspire fear or cause pain

hope that helped

Not really

To me, it sounds like you're planing some 'Ultimate Sanction' for an offense that might never come up.

Without knowing you, your boi, and what you like and loathe in much more detail... I don't think there's much more in the way of useful advice any of us could offer that would help rather than hinder.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 5:27:36 PM

Kinkypupper

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In my opinion the best punnishment is mental not physical that way they to not equate pain play with punnishment

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 6:22:28 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'm more confused as to why you care enough about punishment to be building a store of ideas before anything actually merits it...but yet you don't want to just have a straight talk like mature adults?

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 6:31:16 PM

loverly

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if you have such a special and close relationship and he rarely dos anythin to be punished for.. standing Him the corner with a sign in front of him telling him of how disapointed YOU are WILL work Sir... i know.. also... by removing YOURSELF from His presence until further notice and he must go about His day ... and yes.. hard for You as well but think how hurt and feeling bad he will be to know he is not only disapointing You but also hurting you by his actions..... also perhaps having to wear that sign as well all day .

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 6:45:22 PM

Suleiman

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Report cards. Gold star for good behavior, black mark for inappropriate behavior. Whenever they do something wrong, stop whatever you are doing, make them go get their report card and put a black mark on it, with a note saying what they did to get that mark.

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RE: Punishment w/o Fear or Pain? - 4/11/2007 6:49:28 PM

blushingflower

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In my opinion, the best punishments are the ones that suit the actions that require punishing. That way the consequences are directly related to the actions. For example, if your sub has a tendency to whine, then when he whines, not only does he not get what he wants and/or have to keep doing what he doesn't like, he's not allowed to ask again for 24 hours.
If he's rude in his speech, speech restrictions (if he breaks it and talks when he's not supposed to, just don't answer, or gag him).
If there are specific habits/behaviors that you are trying to either break or reinforce, then you may wish to outline rules regarding those behaviors. You can then either line up specific punishments to specific infractions, so that he knows ahead of time what he'll be punished for and how he'll be punished or simply have a list of potential punishments, and use whichever seems most appropriate (and you can make sure that the punishments actually sound like punishment to him, no sense dreaming up something that he enjoys, that defeats the point of punishment). I think you do need to have a chat with him about what he thinks is actual punishment. And I also am very anti-brattiness. If I want a beating, I can just ask for one, I don't need to do something I shouldn't just to get one.
But for me, the worst punishment is hearing disappointment in Daddy's voice. The thought that I may have failed to please him, or worse, hurt him, is terrible.

< Message edited by blushingflower -- 4/11/2007 6:52:40 PM >

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