Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relationships?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relationships? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:37:03 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		You put the way I feel so clearly.  Setting goals for relationships just seems wrong.  It's not that I don't have ideas about what I'd like to see happen, but those ideas are necessarly flexible and never as fixed as a goal would be. 

I set a goal to get my Ph.d. and no matter what happened in my life, and no matter how distracted I got, I kept returning to that goal.  But, that's a different process from falling in love, being there for a friend or looking up to someone you admire.   They're different processes involving different emotions and thinking patterns.  A goal implies there being a course of action to accomplish it if it is to be worth anything.  In a relationship, sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:51:50 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I had this friend in college, who had this impossible list of criteria, for any guy she would even consider dating. He had to be a millionaire, for one thing. She passed up a lot of really good guys, with this extremely exclusive attitude of hers, IMO.

She did actually date a total and complete bastard of a millionaire, for about 6 months (not that I am sure some of them aren't nice, but this guy was a real jerk, and pretty mean to her, in many "non-consensual" ways). So in some weird cases, maybe be careful what you wish for?...

Then she ditched him, and married her personal trainer instead, and they are now happy as two peas in a pod. Go figure.

- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/11/2007 6:03:15 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 6:10:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Exactly Gypsy.  I've got goals, for myself and for my partner, within our relationship.  There are things I know I want to be better at, and things I know he wants to be better at, and we know that part of the reason for this is to have an even more perfect relationship together.

That doesn't mean I have goals for the relationship itself, or had a goal to GET a relationship.  I've found for that I just have to let it go where it goes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 6:10:48 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval


If you are already in a relationship(s), what approach
did you use? 

 
I didn't have an approach.  I didn't want a relationship.  I was packing up my submissive bags and going home.  He contacted me out of the blue.  Little did I know that he would become my home.

quote:


Was your partner(s) approach the same or different?
 


He doesn't look for relationships.  He finds perspective interesting people to talk to and he contacts them (or replies to them if they contact him).  If  a submissive responds to him and impresses him, he continues, to see where it goes and where she is willing to go with him.  Sometimes, like me, she goes the distance.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes he sends her on her way.  He knows what he wants in someone and won't compromise that.  If she wants to give that to him, he will offer her the opportunity, if he sees potential.  He doesn't have a cookie cutter template because every submissive is unique and there's an ebb and flow to the pace each person needs in moving forward.  He has been extremely lenient with some, and not lenient at all with others, depending on what he sees in them.  It is a fascinating process for me to be privy to, particularly having gone through it myself!

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 6:22:03 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		ownedgirlie: It is a fascinating process for me to be privy to, particularly having gone through it myself!
 
Not trying to hijack the thread, but it is really fascinating to watch Daddy talk to other submissives. It's neat to see that some questions that sound important are almost frivolous and others that seem mundane are of such importance. It's just really cool to be a little bit of a voyeur, in that respect.
 
Okay, hijack over.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 6:24:24 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Are you goal orientated in your approach to relationships?


Daddy and i have similar goals when we first met in Aug. He was looking for a strong, successful, independent and intelligent woman ...i was looking for one guy for a long term monogamous relationship. both of us are very picky and that's our right because we know what we wanted in a relationship from our potential partners. one of the many reasons why we are so compatible and right for each other.

now since i'm allowed to meet and date other men (with His permission), i have an idea what i want and need from my potential partner in a committed ltr that i seek. i get bored easily by men who enjoy playing those tired games and requesting "meet and fuck" dates. whatever happen to romancing a woman's mind and not her vagina? one night stands are no longer my scene anymore as i near 40. i have a set of 4 standards to guide and help me choose when meeting and dating men. so many have tried and failed miserably to pass #1 and very few have reached #2 however only one from here has met all 4. i'm not looking to be collared by this person. that's up to him if he wants to or not as our relationship develops further. i'm completely happy wearing Daddy's collars but with the way things are going between us, it might be something other than a collar for me wear.




_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 6:34:15 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Goal oriented.  Definately.

Life, for me, is a series of goals.  I never get to slow down, though I do end up procrastinating a lot.

-Finish Engineering Associate (last year).
-Finish Physics major (next year).
-Finish Chemical Engineering major (two years).
-Find career (two years).
-Save up cash for law school (no more than three years total).
-Law school (varient as I can't predict the structure of law degree programs in the future).
-Finally put the Chemical Engineering/Law degrees to use with a legal career with regards to chemical manufactors.
-Write a book on Physics.

Point made, I'll leave it off here.  Tonight, too, has a series of goals.  Among them, eatting, ironically enough, since I find it a hastle to go out and get the food.  (Yeah, I can be lazy.)

I think I would lose my orientation and motivation if life ceased having goals.  Ultimately, if life went on forever, a goal would be to understand the very basic building blocks of the universe and gain a mastery in manipulating them.  However, I doubt that would be a reasonable goal within this lifetime.  Used to want to, back when I believed in an afterlife.  Ah, if only life were so long!

Now, I'm content with a career and my slave(s).  Research is still important, but it's lost some of its luster now that I realize I can't take it as far as I had wanted in my youth.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 6:54:41 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalDemon

If I thought for a second I was that kind of person, I'd kill myself

To me, the idea that every submissive is a mountain to be conquered... that there could or should be a NEED to 'plant my flag' on someone... just makes me cringe.

Like any honest male, I confess I have a primal urge to fuck as much pussy as I can get my dick into... but I hope I've evolved enough to be able to overcome that kind of impulsivness


I don't know if this was intended to be a reply to me or if this is your assumption of how I view a submissive... I had to set the record straight since your reply starts off if you were this kind of person you'd kill yourself.

I do not see my submissive or any submissive as something much less someone to be conquered. My submissive consented to the dynamic that I as a dominant designed. She in fact was looking for practically everything I told her that I expected. Our decision to move forward was also far from impulsive since we had  more than ourselves to consider in this union.

My partner is the most cherished person in my life along with my children. The partnership we have has a very solid foundation because of the goals I established & the ones we established together. (regarding both out lifestyle dynamic & our own individual goals with career & interests) Our goals will take a lifetime to achieve & as we accomplish them we will create more.

well, enough on that... I was just shocked to see such a negative post referenced back to me & I could not let it go by without clarifying that I don't fit the description depicted in it. 

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/11/2007 6:56:50 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to BrutalDemon)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 7:02:48 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Wonderful thread Vendaval!
I am very,very,very goal oriented in my approach to relationships.
At my age, I realize that I have the power to bring into my life and create
the life that I desire, and I do not take this lightly!
It was very different in my teens, 20s and early 30s but now I am older and wiser
and able to make better choices and decisions.
If I am not able to make better decisions at this stage of the game, then that means
I have not learned or benefited by past experience!
Up until recently I have not had a serious relationship for a variety of reasons.
I also have a small questionnaire that I give to those that make the basic cut.
I often hear that many people spend more time picking out cars and vacations,
then I mate!
Since, I ultimately seek a life-mate/partner, I take very,very,very seriously anyone
I allow to come into my personal space and my life.
It is like one of my old favorite songs--IT DON'T COME EASY.
Mia is a lot of things, but baby I don't come easy!
My life is serious and important to me, so yes selecting my life mate-is serious business!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/11/2007 7:04:18 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 7:14:08 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I am goal oriented in that I have a formal training program -- however, I never expect thing to go beyond training, if they do, that's great.

I am also goal oriented in that if I sign an ownership contract with someone, I will follow it and expect it to be followed. If it is not, the relationship is over. However, my contract take reality and mundane necessities into consideration so they are not impossible.

I do not, however, expect a forever relationship. Not even with the husband though I would exercise my legal rights (and he his) should that end.

The overall goal is for each person to become all they can become. If it turns out that isn't in to be, I'll be damned hurt, but I won't be surprised.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 7:38:10 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Greetings A/all,
 
Are you goal orientated in your approach to relationships?
Do you actively seek to collar someone or be collared to
someone? 
Or are you using more of the mind that what you want
will happen if it is meant to be?
 
If you are already in a relationship(s), what approach
did you use? 
Was your partner(s) approach the same or different?
 
Thank you for your answers,
 
Vendaval


I'm goal oriented in that if you can tell me right off the bat, 100 percent, there is no way in hell you would ever marry or have kids with me... I'm not dating you. It's a waste of my time. While I was never actively looking for a husband, I wasn't willing to date someone who wasn't open to the potential of it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 8:15:39 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

absolutely!

I had come to a point in life where I was never going to settle ever again. I knew my goals were a bit high but I knew by setting them where I did I would not find myself in a struggling relationship where I or all of us involved were completely miserable.

I determined most of the dynamics I currently have in place prior to meeting my current partner. I explained this to her & she consented to this when she consented to me. We have continued to build upon the blueprint I designed prior to meeting & it has all gone simply fabulous.

I tell people to never settle & never deviate from their ultimate goal & most of all... never give up.

to give up is to ensure failure


Well stated and bravo, I have noticed that most people tend to aim to low rather than to high!

I have also found that having clear expectations prior to meeting someone and then expressing them
up front, can save a lot of time.

It is not what you say, words mean so little to me, it is what you DO and how you live that matter the most.
Actions always speak louder than words.


< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/11/2007 9:06:25 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/16/2007 1:03:35 PM   
masterdstar


Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am relationship orientated in My approach to goals.  Enjoy your wonder-filled day

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 33
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relationships? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063