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Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 7:37:08 PM

shigglyboom

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
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...from tonight's breakup. Long-time coming, still hurts.

This will seem weird, but I don't want to wait another minute to meet new partners. I'm not rebounding, just practical. The breakup's been so long coming, so predictable, that I already did 90% of the grieving along the way. I want to go forward with life.

Yet there's still pain and disappointment, and they have me feeling a bit tonguetied. I think it's because I usually keep negative feelings like anger and sadness to myself, but in this case I won't able to completely sock my feelings away for some time.

So my question is - should I mention the breakup in my profile? It feels like hanging on to the past to mention it... yet it feels disingenous to omit since it's so recent and since it's bound to influence my behavior over the next couple of weeks.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

shig

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 7:48:12 PM

MzMia

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Joined: 7/30/2004
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I don't think you need to mention your break-up in your profile.
I don't see why you need to make this public knowledge.
You might want to say, that you are seeking FRIENDS first, which IMHO
is the way to go!
I hope you feel better soon, good luck!

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 7:55:05 PM

OrlandoDave

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/27/2005
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Since your profile doesn't mention that you were not "on the market," I don't think there is any reason to bring up the fact that you now are.
Good luck. Time heals all, except life.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 8:05:30 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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I wouldn't say that you need to put it on your profile, but I would mention it. I think it's good to know if the other person is coming out of a relationship recently.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 8:32:40 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

...from tonight's breakup. Long-time coming, still hurts.

Shig, you are so one of the most splendid women to grace this place.

I don't think it matters what, if anything, your profile says. Put your grocery list up if you want to. That special way you shine can't ever be occluded.

cry and then laugh and then put on your shoes
don’t ask for too much and
don’t fear that what you demand rightly will slip through your fingers

then cry some more if you feel like it
because, like Galway told you,

happiness is hiding in the last tear

just remember:

all manner of things will be well

Galway and Ludwig and Julianna and Heather and me are all here for you, any time.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 8:47:37 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

So my question is - should I mention the breakup in my profile? It feels like hanging on to the past to mention it... yet it feels disingenous to omit since it's so recent and since it's bound to influence my behavior over the next couple of weeks.

Sounds like you've got it all figured out. I don't think it makes sense to advertise the baggage; chances are that whatever influence it does have on your behavior wouldn't be noticable if someone weren't looking for it; however, if they are looking for it the effects may seem amplified to other behaviors that are perfectly normal for you. Furthermore, it would only serve to draw conversations in that direction, and that has the potential to just open a can of worms.

Anyway, I see the pitfalls as outweighing any benefits, so if I were in your shoes I wouldn't do it.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/11/2007 9:34:22 PM

minnetar

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this girl would mention it to another Master when it became serious as to let Them know you still have some serious feelings.

minnetar

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/12/2007 12:31:16 AM

Totalmaster4you

Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
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There was a time not so long ago that I separated from my wife and I included it in my profile. I found that most people seemed to be turned off by the reference. If the point is to meet new people, keep that focus. Don't bring it up until you're in much more serious conversation with someone and they want you to open up to them. Remember what the point of your profile is and what your goal is. If you need to "get it out" write in your diary or a blog on a different site because potential partners don't want to be with someone recently damaged. Personally it wouldn't bother me but reality is reality and most would be turned off. Good luck

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/12/2007 8:16:11 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I wouldn't say that you need to put it on your profile, but I would mention it. I think it's good to know if the other person is coming out of a relationship recently.

Ditto.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/12/2007 9:35:07 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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When I met my current partner, I let him know up front that I wasn't completely over my last relationship. But I didn't advertise it in my profile because it was information I only wanted to give to the people I chose---not all of CM. He was interested in building something long term with me. So it didn't matter to him.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/12/2007 9:36:50 AM

SirDominic

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I would not mention it in your profile. I would not mention it until the first meeting phase. Anything before that is too ephemeral.

How much should you tell? If you have been able to put this past relationship behind you, mentally and emotionally, I don't think it is that important to go into any great detail. Just mention that you are coming out of a bad relationship.

But if there is still a lot of negativity within you about the previous relationship (so called drama), you have a responsibility to let the new person know what happened and what issues remain because of it.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/12/2007 11:16:27 AM

Slavetrainer2007

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I would not mention it . And if your ready to jump back out their that is up to you. But from the view of potential partners, you would be on the rebound. Which often, but not always, is a very unstable phase. This tends make people shy away from people in this phase. If you are ready to seek i would just start seeking. And let it come up naturally.

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RE: Smarting..... - 4/12/2007 11:54:42 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
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I'm in the same place you are, so I can empathize. I removed any references to "him" from my profile and there are two journal entries that say all that needs to be said for anyone who wonders where "he" went. But I have had a few email inquiries about it anyway, to which I never responded.

Like you, I'm also moving on and not wasting any more time. I've already started up some great conversations with another dominant and I gave him the basics of my last relationship breakup. We are meeting for coffee/brunch Saturday and I'll share more with him if things prove as promising as they seem to be.

I wish you great success in your new journey.