Offline/Online (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

caitlyn -> Offline/Online (4/21/2005 1:51:22 PM)

This may be a new spin on a tired topic ... or maybe not. Either way, here goes.

I was in a chat room on collarme last night and was kinda checking out profiles. I rarely chat and an not very talkative so I like to look at profiles and see what other people have to say. One profile was this guy that said he was only looking for an online slave. No biggy really, if you ask me.

In his notes area, or diary, or whatever, he said people were giving him grief about being an online Dom, and of course I've seen many posts on here that sort of look down a nose at online relationships. Knocking online people has always seemed strange to me. I mean real life relationships are better than online to be sure, but then again, to me strawberries are way better then grapefruit.

But, I eat strawberries, and I eat grapefruit too. I guess if I had them both, and I was really hungry, I would probably eat both.

So whats so different about online and offline?. Offline is better for sure, but does that mean online isn't good at all?

I don't have an online relationship and have never had one, but I wouldn't rule one out because offline is better ... especially when I consider that I have actually made some friends online that are good friends and cool people.

I guess my spin on this is that maybe this doesn't have to be so black and white, but is maybe more of a shade of grey.

caitlyn



AAkasha -> RE: Offline/Online (4/21/2005 2:53:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

This may be a new spin on a tired topic ... or maybe not. Either way, here goes.

I was in a chat room on collarme last night and was kinda checking out profiles. I rarely chat and an not very talkative so I like to look at profiles and see what other people have to say. One profile was this guy that said he was only looking for an online slave. No biggy really, if you ask me.

In his notes area, or diary, or whatever, he said people were giving him grief about being an online Dom, and of course I've seen many posts on here that sort of look down a nose at online relationships. Knocking online people has always seemed strange to me. I mean real life relationships are better than online to be sure, but then again, to me strawberries are way better then grapefruit.

But, I eat strawberries, and I eat grapefruit too. I guess if I had them both, and I was really hungry, I would probably eat both.

So whats so different about online and offline?. Offline is better for sure, but does that mean online isn't good at all?

I don't have an online relationship and have never had one, but I wouldn't rule one out because offline is better ... especially when I consider that I have actually made some friends online that are good friends and cool people.

I guess my spin on this is that maybe this doesn't have to be so black and white, but is maybe more of a shade of grey.

caitlyn


I don't look down on anyone for whatever type or style of BDSM that they practice. Personally, I have done real life, online and phone domination, and all of them give me a different kind of satisfaction and fulfill a need. I have a wide range of interests and desires, so the different "avenues" can complement each other.

Real life is my BDSM of choice and nothing can replace it. I found out in my 20s though that if I was more than 2 weeks away from my next "BDSM FIX" (playtime, opportunity to feed that hunger) then phone domination would "take the edge off." I learned over time that phone and online domination satisfied me in a different way; but it took a LOT of it and a GOOD partner to get even close to the satisfaction of a mindblowing real life interaction.

I enjoy online domination if the sub is a good writer and can communicate well, and really knows how to push my buttons. It also only works if there are photos involved..I want to see him do the acts, and then have him write about it. Some subs are awful online because they communicate zero passion in their writing style; however, I've found some real life subs that blow me away who just lack in the online area -- it's not their thing.

Phone domination works for me because I love sounds and breathing, voices and accents. But again, it depends on the partner. If the guy is a bore and can't communicate any passion, or just is a robotic, "yes Mistress, no Mistress...what next Mistress.." then I want to pull my hair out.

Now I am at a stage in my life where I have a real life partner available all the time, so my "drive" for online/phone domination as a "fix" is not as high unless he's unavailable for some period of time. However, there are some things that I do not enjoy doing to *him* particularly (chastity being one -- I like sex too much -- and forced femme being another -- he's just a *man* to me and I don't want to femme him, except for the occassional forced panties session...) -- and those urges I am free to pursue online and on the phone.

And, sometimes I just want variety. A good online slave/phone slave is a nice appetizer in the afternoon to prepare me for a mindblowing real life overnight scene with my husband.

Some people only like their domination one way; I just enjoy all of them for different reasons.

Akasha



onceburned -> RE: Offline/Online (4/21/2005 3:04:43 PM)

I don't think online would do anything for me. But I have read many people describe very satisfying online relationships. <shrug> Its not my kink, but it is ok.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Offline/Online (4/21/2005 6:34:59 PM)

I find the only problem is when people who have only online experience try to act like it's the same as offline, when it isn't. It's a totally different type of relationship and they really can't be compared.

Otherwise, enjoy.



Tempestspet -> RE: Offline/Online (4/21/2005 6:41:57 PM)

I'm in agreement with emerald, the only time I have a problem with people who have online... is when they insist they know all about the real life / real time stuff. They can't....they've never done it.

Other than that, to each his or her own.

Tempest's pet
jennifer



CelticPrince -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 3:50:46 AM)

caitlyn,

I was really suprised to pull up your profile after reading your post to see your age.
Your observations were well articulated and address the issue of how and why r/t folks tend to look down their noses at folks that for one reason or another are limited to on line, either permanently [as in married] or temporarily [as in remote local]

Ea has their own benefits and drawbacks but it can be said that for the value received on line folks have an edge if they can reach subspace or Domzone.

It is the mind that is rewarded in both r/t as well as on line and folks that take on line seriously reap more rewards then are normally recognized.

Grins, almost like I saying the r/t folks are disadvantaged, nay not so, just less advantaged then they believe.

I have done both so I belive I can speak with some authority

CP



Padriag -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 6:33:34 AM)

In my own experience part of the reason for the negative reaction to online has a lot to do with the amount of fraud to be found online. While there are honest people online who are sincere about who they are and what they want, there are also many who are very dishonest. It doesn't take being lied to more than a few times by someone pretending to be young and single when in reality they are married, have kids, etc. for most people to become very cynical. I think a lot of the negative reaction is just that, cynicism. With that cynicism comes a distrust of any kind of online relationship and a lot of people just close themselves off to it entirely rather than risk themselves emotionally on something they see as being too dicey.

Personally I think online can be a starting point to a relationship. I think if both people are honest about who they are and are sincere about the relationship you can build a foundation online to a lasting relationship offline. Online tends to focus you on communication because that is nearly all you have here. If that communication is honest you can learn much more about each other online than you would offline in the same amount of time. One draw back though is that often emotions develop online well in advance of trust, which can be very scary. One morning you wake up an realize you are falling in love with a person you have never met face to face and haven't known long enough to be sure you trust them and it scares the hell out of you.

I've met some that just want a purely online relationship, with no possibility of it ever moving offline. I have a hard time understanding that and personally tend to be suspicious of it. As has already been said, online is not really a substitute for being with some one face to face. You can't snuggle up to your monitor, you're keyboard won't keep you warm at night, and if you flog your slave drive it tends to stop working. [;)]



darkinshadows -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 6:56:08 AM)

After visiting this site for a while, I have seen how much negativity is given to 'online' relationships... on how they can't be 'true' or 'real'.

My personal view is, if it makes someone happy, who are we as a community to judge? Seeing as we are constantly bemoaning about others judging us?

I am a submissve person, but it isn't just touch that satisfies me when I submit, or external feelings. Taste, sight and spiritual awareness also effect my headspace.

Tantra is an often used medium that needs no touch to set the persons heart, spirit or 'loins' (sorry... one of my 'words of the moment'...lol) on fire.

I can read a book, or listen to music and it effects my attitude at that moment. Who has ever used music as a stimulant during a session, or even as a romantic tool?

I am a voyeur. Visually, sights that I find stimulating and interesting, arouse me. Yet I am not touching it, or tasting... it is my eyes, my brain and sometimes my hearing that is at work. Lights can send me into a state of awareness that is practically orgasmic.

Not everyone yearns for the sting of a paddle or hand, or the gentle strokes of a finger or the intenseness of a vibrator, mouth or plug. They gain their sensations from different mediums be it silk, sensory loss or words. So ok, there are those that might 'pretend' in an online world. But to ridicule everyone under the same presumptions, seems ignorant to me.

I wouldn't dismiss anothers fetish or desire, but rather be quite impressed at someone who felt free enough and who is able enough to understand their own capabilities in such ways.

Peace and Love



DreamWeaverAz -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 7:15:47 AM)

Having been around the online world for going on 10 years and a vast many more in the offline world *grins*...

the online world is dangerously riddled with deception and out right falsehoods but at the very same time its possible to find something or someOone good in it occasionally. its the deception and ease of falseness (is that really a word??) that I believe makes Mmany look down thier noses at purely online relationships.

Wwe all live our worlds in different ways even though, here at least, Wwe share a commonality of admitting/enjoying some form of the Lifestyle be it online or offline. the point being that not everybody can be as open in the offline world about what it is they like or want or even need...not so much because of themselves..but because of those around them. I dont think we should have to hide who or what we are and like but sometimes its easier or even better for us to use the tool and experience of online than risk a job, station, or something else because others around us are less open.

having been around online as long as I have, I have witnessed many disastrous things, witnessed far fewer good things such as couples meeting and making it happen. I have witnessed boredom and I have witnessed extreme arousal as well. sure being online any of it could be faked...but thats were getting to know the person(s) over time helps at least....and trust...well thats a basis for much that we supposedly practice too isnt it :)

for some of Uus online is the only medium available to us to let a piece of us out into existance and preserve the rest of what we have and have worked for. for others its just a playground or candystore...and for others...perhaps its just torture.

your point of it needing to be a grey area vs black and white....thats a perfect idea in My mind....yes..I am one who exists in someways only online...but I do it openly...as long as Oone does it openly and does not hide facts from the rest...grey is good..or should be

DW



DreamWeaverAz -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 7:35:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel


I can read a book, or listen to music and it effects my attitude at that moment. Who has ever used music as a stimulant during a session, or even as a romantic tool?

I am a voyeur. Visually, sights that I find stimulating and interesting, arouse me. Yet I am not touching it, or tasting... it is my eyes, my brain and sometimes my hearing that is at work. Lights can send me into a state of awareness that is practically orgasmic.

Peace and Love



ok..being a detail oriented Person here...you mean those things actually have effects? *grins* ok I am being fecicious.

If Oone takes the time and has the desire to see the details in thier mind and put them to words...then with any luck at all the receiving one forms the same image...or at least one that is similiarly pleasing or intense to them. that is part of what has kept the online world alive to Me ..lol...details. Aanybody that has taken the time to know Me knows this...details ......"the light of the room lit up her body" vs "the warmth of the flickering torchlight brought out the glow of her crimson flesh"....which one is going to deliver the better message and have the effect desired? hehehe

obviously there is far more to it that a simple example..but your point of senses...more than pure reading of words comes to play...is right on track as always. at least in the online world..where words are all Wwe have....the selection of them to deliver the desired sense of sight,sound,taste, feel....all is necessary to complete the desired moment in time be it the delivery of a swift sting that burns deeply into the tender flesh...or ...the peaceful babbling of a waterfall cascading down into a pond....or even the way candlelight flickers on a wall casting shadows of images brought to life by the flickerings

ok..more babblings ....maybe I should have stayed a reader and not a writer...lol



caitlyn -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 8:38:13 AM)

Wow, this is going pretty well for my first topic. Nice responses and nobody has flamed me yet ... though the day is still young.

I think everyones right that there are lots of game players online, but I've dated lots of them offline too. I bet we all have. I dated this college guy that was a bigtime game player. Does that mean I should stop dating college guys?

The other thing that stranges me out is why so many people are down on cyber sex and roleplay. I mean, whats the big deal? Don't these people ever masterbate? If not, what do they do with all that free time in the bubble bath. ;-)

Thanks everyone that contributed so far. :-)



siamsa24 -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 9:09:06 AM)

quote:

I dated this college guy that was a bigtime game player. Does that mean I should stop dating college guys?


I highly recommend not dating college guys, they tend to get wierd when you bust out the whips and chains, but maybe that's just me [:D]

I don't really like cyber sex, it's too hard to type with one hand. I prefer to just watch porn movies (just being honest here)



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 9:16:38 AM)

LOL I recommend not dating college guys for several reasons...but my boyfriend happens to BE a college guy and I can't speak highly enough of him.



PenelopePitstop -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 9:23:53 AM)

I met my current boyfriend online and I learned a lot about the nature of online as oppsed to offline relationships.

I guess in our case, online freed us up to be the people we were inside, say the things we'd never said to anybody else, and all with the added safety of being able to click a button when we'd had enough of each other!

The double-edged sword in all this is that as soon as we made our relationship real, all the horrible limitations of real life descended. He is so much quieter and less forthcoming in real life, and all the wonderful fantasies we shared just don't figure anymore (he professed a preference for dominance, but when confronted with a hungry sub he chickened out. I'm still very bitter about it). Dont get me wrong, I've been happy these last two years since we've been living together (we were online for two years before meeting as well so we've been 'together' for four years) but now the cracks are showing. We weren't clear enough about what was fantasy and what wasn't and part of the reason I'm here in the first place is I'm going insane because I'm not getting what I really need from him. Online is just...too easy?

I'd like to believe



darkinshadows -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 9:49:48 AM)

quote:

I don't really like cyber sex, it's too hard to type with one hand. I prefer to just watch porn movies (just being honest here)


Ah... someone after my own heart siamsa!...lololol...

I enjoy erotic films (black an white/arthouse...lol... still, porn is porn!) But I think the distinction is that not all online revolves on 'getting off'. Some of it is of the mind, just like BDSM...

If I am in a scene, and say, music is used. Now people who know me, know the effect that sounds and certain words have on me... so they use that to their advantage to move me beyond my boundries in a good way. I wouldn't have to be touched or anything, the sound alone can take me into that headspace.

Just like BDSM isn't 'just about sex' for some people, I am sure that being in an online relationship, no matter whether cyber sex is involved or not, is the same and not just about 'getting off'... it is about getting into a certain headspace and being 'free' in that headspace to be oneself.

And surely no one can deny that isn't a positive position to be in.

Peace and Love



darkinshadows -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 9:52:28 AM)

quote:

ok..being a detail oriented Person here...you mean those things actually have effects?


[:-]
...lololol...
Good jobs I luvs ya M!



Mercnbeth -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 10:21:38 AM)

beth and I met from an ad-site. We are grateful to have had the internet as a resource to use when we searched for each other. Our common goal was to meet someone compatible with our desires and be with them. Through the internet - we succeeded. Until we were able to live with each other 24/7 we bridged the gap of distance and time by using the internet to chat. We used it as a tool to get to know each other better, to discuss concerns and fears.

I agree with the idea that people are less inhibited when they don't see the person they are communicating. The issue is when on-line becomes a person's perception of reality to the exclusion of real life contact. When a person loses the desire to have real life experiences or when the cyber life is the preferred life, that's when on-line in an un-healthy pastime.

The internet is a nice distraction to life - but it isn't a life. That said, I've come up with a few ways to tell if you may be slipping into an altered state. I'll leave it to the wise members of this group to determine how many of these you say "Yes" to, indicates a need to re-asses your life choices.

Your know you have lost touch with reality and don’t have a life if…

…Your definition of a nice romantic evening is ordering a pizza and beer and enjoying it to the romantic glow of a computer screen.

…You know from memory how to make more than 5 “faces” or “emotional” expressions using keyboard letters and symbols.

…The last time a hug you received wasn’t typed as a chat message was more than 6 months ago.

…You have “Master” “Lord” “God” “Goddess” “slave” “kijara” “King” “Emperor” as part of your screen name and will ONLY answer if someone address you in that fashion.

…Your cat died because you didn’t feed it, your house plants died from lack of water, but your “cyber-pet” has 100% “Life-Force”.

…Your left hand is soft and supple from all the lotion you use, but your right had index finger is callused where it taps the computer mouse.

…Your chair in front of the computer has more stains then your mattress.

…You can type faster with one hand than 90% of the people can type with two.

…You believe that the person on the other end of the chat looks like the IM display image or the pictures they have sent you. And they believe the same of you.

…You start to get wet (or hard) at the sight of a computer terminal.

…You are seriously considering buying a “FuckU-FuckMe” peripheral for your computer. (You have to see this site: http://www.fu-fme.com/)

…You tell your friends that you’re “busy” when they ask you to join them for socializing after work and instead go home and log on to your computer.

…You don’t have “Real” friends.

…You’ve spent more than 5 minutes deciding your screen name.

…You have more than 1 profile on CollarMe, in case you want to disagree with yourself.

…The only sunrise or sunset you’ve seen is your screen saver.

…You have told people, and believe; that the most satisfaction you have ever gotten from a relationship is one you have maintained on-line.

…Instead of going to bed with your spouse or significant other and making love or just holding them as you fall asleep, you say; “I’ll be right there” and go on the computer.

…You can’t wait to see a thread about the legitimacy of on-line relationships so you can rationalize that you are living a fulfilling life.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 10:33:37 AM)

ROFL OMG!!!!!!!

The sad part is that one or two of those definitely is ME.

I used to judge based on how many meals you eat in front of the computer and whether you felt you NEEDED to stay online in case someone you liked popped on or a new post came up.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 11:52:00 AM)

quote:

The sad part is that one or two of those definitely is ME.


I don't think one or two is so sad. I bet there are some out there that would get an almost perfect score!



caitlyn -> RE: Offline/Online (4/22/2005 12:02:51 PM)

That was waaaaay funny Mercnbeth!

I only scored a 1 ... I usually believe the person in the picture is who they say they are, and I know that little waving emoticon in my profile is really, actually, positively, me (ok, it's not me, but let's just call that my first attempt at online roleplay).



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875