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A Request for Opinions - 4/21/2005 3:40:18 PM

MasterofNeed

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/10/2004
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One of My wife's/submissive's favorites jokes is, "If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, is a man still srong?" The answer, obviously is- "Of course!!" This post is a request for opinions on something that happened in which I am possibly off base on which would not be the first or the last time and so opinions are welcome.
Recently I had been approached by one on this site who it turns out lives just a few minutes from Me. They are a couple who play together or separately. My wife and I are poly and I had told her about this person and had also informed the person of My wife so everything was above board. My wife is bi as is the other party. This person said that she wanted to meet and so after some time a day was scheduled for just she and I to meet, unfortunately My wife had to work that day and I had to arrange to get away from work early. It was supposed to just be this other person and Myself, this time. I rushed home and waited.... she never showed. After not communicating with Me for a few days I was told she was upset that My wife was not going to be there. Am I wrong in thinking that here is a case of topping from the bottom even before meeting and the interest lay more in My wife? I would have no problem if the two of them hit it off to letting them go out or have their time but this was to be a meeting between U/us and came across as rude and very much contary to one who claims to be "slave" at heart. I had asked before hand if there was anything that would make the meeting easier, either to meet publically or to have others there and nothing was communicated so I feel at a loss to know what I might have done better.Thank you for your time.

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/21/2005 3:58:30 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I do not feel this is topping from below, since you don't have those situations before an acknowledged relationship. The woman was just rude and inconsiderate. Had the women spoke beforehand? Did the woman realize your wife really did know about the meeting? I'm not sure how your wife not being there was a problem when it sounds like it was set to be that way from the beginning. Did you ever talk to her husband to be sure HE knew of their open arrangement?

One of the warning signs you should have noticed was the claim of being a slave at heart. A slave would not be looking outside of their relationship for fulfilment unless ordered to do so. If her husband was interested in her bi side he would have others in. When someone claims an orientation that throws up red flags, their credibility goes down. Could it happen that a slave is out seeking instead of taking care of the main person in their life.. it could. Is it likely? No.

It sounds to me like you hit another one of the wanna be players who thought maybe this time they'd take the jump to real life, but didn't have the courage to follow it through.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/21/2005 6:37:38 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I'm not sure I agree on the fulfillment or leap from offline, but they generally were rude and stood you up. If they want to meet again and you actually want to meet them still, make it for a public place you will already be going so if they show it's a bonus and if they don't it's not a big deal.

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/22/2005 3:23:16 PM

MasterofNeed

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/10/2004
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I appreciate the replies, and thank Y/you. It was unfortunate that the women had not yet had the opportunity to speak. I had mentioned to both that I wanted them to be able to chat at some point soon. I had made a point both in chat and by letter that My wife had been informed of everything, and that it was indeed her suggestion that that day might be a good day for Me to get together with the woman (did I mention that I have a wonderful wife/submissive in far more ways than just for this). The woman's husband is sub and knew. Well chalk one up to learning from experience and after all that is what the lifestyle is about. Be well abd blessed be.

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/22/2005 7:31:57 PM

BeardyMan1970

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/13/2005
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Hmm, seems that not alot of open and honest communication was going on in the whole situation; I can't help but wonder why from the initial contact, that no one suggested speaking with each other's primary partner. The mishap of a first meeting in your home is an obvious sign of something was an issue...even if she is a novice, maybe the meeting should have been rescheduled for a more convient time, when all four people could have sat down and discussed any or all expectations/concerns.

Everyone could have had the best intentions at heart, but without having the other participants perspective of the events that took place to base an informed opinion on...I venture to say that there was a definite break down in the lines of communication. No need for judging this one to be a case of the "bees" or a bottom trying to top.

We all live and learn, hopefully while staying safe in our pursuit.

This reply is based on my opinion...B-man.

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/23/2005 4:15:13 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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The possibilities are endless - maybe she was rude, maybe she was spooked blah blah.... I'd suspect she got cold feet at the prospect of a single woman meeting a strange man in *his* home. But who really knows other than her; you (and we) haven't heard her side.

I'd think the logical approach would be to arrange a meeting with ALL parties potentially involved to be present at the same time and place. Surely it can't be that difficult to arrange an informal meet in a club, cafe or even some picnic park at the local lake/beach/whatever.... Your own home is hardly ever a good idea - get to know each other first.

Focus50.

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/23/2005 4:52:14 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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I have to agree. As positive as people can seem like from letters, It could be very foolish of anyone to invite someone to their house who you really don't know. You could be placing yourself in danger and your wifes.

You mention that all this happened 'recently'... but how recently?
And was the house meet, just that... to get to know each other(in which case, would it not be advisable for all parties to be present?)... or was more expected? Again, playing without knowing someones history can be dangerous. Not just because of the fear that a person may be a danger to you... but you are leaving yourself open to all manner of accusations. References and patience can lead to great dividens in the long run. I know how exciting new relationships can be, even just single scene moments. But personal care is paramount.

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.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/23/2005 7:12:00 AM

MasterofNeed

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Joined: 12/10/2004
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Again I appreciate all of the comments. dark~angel this was very recent. W/we had chatted first and written. This person had wanted to come over but I had originally suggested that W/we get together for coffee or a dinner out in public, either the two of U/us or all four whichever was most comfortable for her. she did have this scenerio in mind that seemed to captivate her that she would create as W/we spoke.
I should have insisted on a public meeting with all of U/us there. By bad! I had given her My cell phone number with instructions to call if she could not make it or if she felt uneasy in any way, to call at a set time and tell Me. Looking back, I should have rescheduled when all could have met, when jobs and kids did not interfere with that meet. Unfortunately any time I spoke of changing things the conversation ended which should have been a red flag. Some times in our desire to meet new people the better judgement gets lost. Patience should have been a key and if that contact was lost then that was just how things were meant to be.

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RE: A Request for Opinions - 4/23/2005 9:37:03 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
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It sounds like too much hassle from the outset, to me... I'd personally start looking again. I know I'm new to this but I think most people will agree that proper communication is paramount in any relationship, be it Vanilla or otherwise, MORE SO in this life that we lead, and you haven't been able to establish the channels of communication here.

best wishes

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Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

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