"Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (Full Version)

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johntom571 -> "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:13:19 AM)

Let me start of by admitting that I am not a frequent visitor (never mind avid contributor) to these fora, so I am absolutely unaware of this issue having been discussed before.  All the same, anyone wishes to gratuitously berate me about it is welcome to do so.

Now to the issue at hand:

I recently had a short exchange of messages with a local sub with whom I was hoping to chat and interact.  The tone and content of her replies left me perplexed.  I approached her with a short message, to the effect that I was working in her town several days a week, was often there on weekends and a frequent attendee at the loal munch.

Her first reply was that she wasn't interested in a "weekend Dom", making allusion to my "busy schedule" (her quotations, not mine).

Overlooking the possible sarcasm and wishing to give her the benefit of the doubt, I inquired as to what she meant by "weekend Dom", considering I was in town on a far more regular basis.  Was she inundated with HNG messages and had read mine a bit too fast?  Was she making a mistaken assumption on the basis of limited information?  Would it be possible to have an adult discussion about our respective needs, wishes and expectations?

Her subsequent replies went from curt to rude, calling me stupid and ignorant and apparently unable to understand my own words.  I would have liked to thank her for her time and candor (it would have been insincere to compliment her on her grace and charm), but she apparently blocked me.

I realize this is not much to go by, but did I do something wrong here, or am I just dealing with an unhinged individual who took out her frustrations with the world on me?  Is there a flattering connotation the the expression "weekend Dom" with which I am not familiar?  Any other Doms out there familiar with this sort of verbal abuse?

I may not be back online for a few days so feel free to post, reply and argue amongst yourselves.  I'll enjoy the debate when I get back.

JohnTom571





SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:15:54 AM)

I wouldn't worry about it.

she has issues

I panfry the big ones and throw back the little ones

Ross
©º°¨¨°º©




KatyLied -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:16:42 AM)

No, it's not flattering.  Some also call those type of doms "weekend warriors".  



SusanofO -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:26:44 AM)

Maybe a bit of both, re: Doing "somethig wrong" and-or dealing with a (possibly) "un-hinged individual", IMO.

Yes some female submissives do get messages from Dominants simply wanting a "quickie" scene when they are "in town". I have received these messages, and I don't consider them flattering. In any case, it's not what I am seeking.

However, it doesn't appear that is necessarily exactly what you had in mind (as evidenced by your confusion with her response, as well as how you phrased what you proposed to her, IMO), and it is a shame she couldn't seem to investigate the possibility, that wasn't maybe the case, this particular time. I don't think this was necessarily your fault. But, I can understand her reaction, to a degree.

I can understand why she might jump to this conclusion, if she's received lots of similar messages, minus any possible intent of the sender, to maybe pursue the potential for a deeper, more enduring relationship.

I don't think it was necessarily fair for you to be lumped into this category. 

She obviously didn't perceive your messages in an "I'd like to get to know you better as a person" sense. I think it would not have killed her, though, to be more polite, whether or not she was interested. Or to maybe have made some effort to clarify your intent. Speaking of which -

**If she is seeking LTR, for instance, but you're not (or vice-versa), and neither of you clarified this with eachother upfront (at least by listing it in a profile, maybe), that might, IMO be the cause of what appears to be mis-communication.
 
**You could both be wrongly assuming what the other's intentions actually are. Did she state whether she was seeking a LTR, or what type of relationship she is seeking, in a profile (or anywhere?) *Have you?
 
**I realize you were just on the verge of getting to know eachother, but having this kind of information somewhere in a profile, can help "weed out" people from the outset, who may not be seeking  the same type of relationships (and without having to even discuss it, or feel "pushy" in that regard, by bringing that issue up "too soon" - since it's already listed in writing, and can be read by the other person at any time). 

**I mean, you don't have to list whether or not your'e seeking a LTR (or not) in a profile if you don't feel like it, but  doing it could stop someone else from jumping to a wrong conclusion about your possible intentions.

**Then again, if you don't want to list that kid of info. for other reasons, I am not saying that's not legitimate, but if not, I'd be prepared for more possibe questions, or situations like this in the future, maybe arising (although hopefully with someone whose response is more polite, even if it's "no thanks"). 

Some people are simply unable to imagine more than one possibility, when discerning what others may mean by what they say.

On the other hand, it's possible that you simply didn't meet her criteria for other reasons.

I agree with losttreasure about nixing the whiny journal entries, even if you feel they are legit. They can be a major turn-off for some folks, IMO. Why not write some poetry, or do some hot creative writing, or even talk about your job or career, for instance, instead?

In any case, I'd simply march forward, and not let it ruin your week-end. Not much else you can do. Sorry it happened to you, though.

- Susan 



LotusSong -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:27:29 AM)

quote:

to the effect that I was working in her town several days a week, was often there on weekends and a frequent attendee at the loal munch.


This probably set her off.  It reflects the interaction is to be just a booty call while you are "in town". 



NakedGirlScout -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:30:08 AM)

Definitely an unhinged individual. Maybe in her own mind she thought you were inviting her to have sex with you on the weekend? Since she blocked you, it saved you the time of trying to have a normal conversation with her. Which I gather is just as well.



losttreasure -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 3:44:33 AM)

I can only guess based on my own experience, of course, but to me a message such as you've outlined would signal that you were seeking a part-time arrangement with limited availability.  I realize it seems unfair because it may not have been your intent, but many woman here receive propositions that amount to... and please excuse the vernacular... a weekend fuck. 

I cannot tell you how many offers I've had from men who claimed they would be "in my area" for business on a semi-regular basis.  For someone such as myself who desires a long-term, fully committed relationship (24/7 D/s, if you will), the terminology that you've used suggests, as best, the possibility of casual "dating" arrangement.  And to be honest, my first thought would be that you were married and seeking some "extracurricular" excitement to spice up your lonely business trips.

Edited to add:  The serious lack of information on your profile in addition to the complaining in your journal aren't helping.



windchymes -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 4:36:56 AM)

I don't know how early I have to get up to get ahead of you, losttreasure, but you just said exactly what I was just about to say, and it's only 7:30 a.m. on my day off, lol.[:D]

I will just second the notion that yes, writing to someone and showing interest for those days when you're going to "be in town" very strongly suggests that you already have attachments and responsibilities "back home" and that you are indeed only looking for a layover lay.

Also, I don't know, the girl might be mentally unbalanced, but I'd bet she's simply been burned before by the "weekenders", was tired of receiving those kinds of offers, your offer broke the camel's back and she went off on you. 





MstrssPassion -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 4:38:57 AM)

The only way to understand a situation like this is to experience some of what she (& other women) go through online.

I can only assume what her experience is since I am not her & she isn't here to tell her side of the story.

So I will put myself in her shoes & tell you what goes through my mind when I receive email messages that are along the lines of what you described. I can't comment on chatting because I refuse to use these as a medium for "getting to know someone".

Immediately my thoughts tell me that someone is looking for a weekend hook-up or a "girl in the port" when they tell me, "hey, I'll be in your area this weekend or I'll frequent your area from time to time. I am not looking for part time interaction & she most likely isn't looking for it either thus here reasons for shutting down any further dialog.




MstrssPassion -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 5:08:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Yes some female submissives do get messages from Dominants simply wanting a "quickie" scene when they are "in town". I have received these messages, and I don't consider them flattering. In any case, it's not what I am seeking.

However, it doesn't appear that is necessarily exactly what you had in mind (as evidenced by your confusion with her response, as well as how you phrased what you proposed to her, IMO), 
<snip>
I can understand why she might jump to this conclusion, <snip>


I agree with your perception here.. It was mine as well. No way to know for sure since we won't see the actual dialog that was exchanged or hear from the woman that was part of this story.

quote:

She obviously didn't perceive your messages in an "I'd like to get to know you better as a person" sense.


This seems to be very dead on... it is also why I don't engage in chatting with strangers. Instant messages is not an effective medium for introductions. Part of communication goes with gaging a person & how receptive they are to our attempts to communicate... nearly impossible a feat to do online with any medium. However, a well thought out email introduction will do a much better job of making a polite introduction. For one, the reader can read it when they wish too & not have it pop up expectantly thus placing them in a position that they HAVE to reply right then & there. Secondly, much more information can be exchanged all at once since chat is basically short abbreviated quips sent out & most often no context can be perceived.

quote:


**If she is seeking LTR, for instance, but you're not (or vice-versa), and neither of you clarified this with eachother upfront (at least by listing it in a profile, maybe), that might, IMO be the cause of what appears to be mis-communication.
 
**You could both be wrongly assuming what the other's intentions actually are. Did she state whether she was seeking a LTR, or what type of relationship she is seeking, in a profile (or anywhere?) *Have you? 


Again very good assessments of the situation & very good advice on ways to make intent know in a proactive manner. So many people fail to use profiles & so many more fail to read them. So many issues that we hear about online could be avoided completely if people would use this tool.

**I mean, you don't have to list whether or not your'e seeking a LTR (or not) in a profile if you don't feel like it, but  doing it could stop someone else from jumping to a wrong conclusion about your possible intentions.

**Then again, if you don't want to list that kid of info. for other reasons, I am not saying that's not legitimate, but if not, I'd be prepared for more possibe questions, or situations like this in the future, maybe arising (although hopefully with someone whose response is more polite, even if it's "no thanks"). 

quote:

Some people are simply unable to imagine more than one possibility, when discerning what others may mean by what they say.

On the other hand, it's possible that you simply didn't meet her criteria for other reasons.

I agree with losttreasure about nixing the whiny journal entries, even if you feel they are legit. They can be a major turn-off for some folks, IMO. Why not write some poetry, or do some hot creative writing, or even talk about your job or career, for instance, instead?

In any case, I'd simply march forward, and not let it ruin your week-end. Not much else you can do. Sorry it happened to you, though.

- Susan 


I'll third it... (or would it be even forth or more by the time I finish this post) that using profiles or journals to spell out negative experiences of failed attempts to talk with others online is a bad idea. It is never a good idea to offer negative anything in a first contact situation. Negativity brings out negativity. Keep things light, upbeat & welcoming. The only negative things that ever should be revealed prior to an established dialog would be things that are essentially hard limits, things that you are completely intolerable of & set on not incorporating in your own individual dynamic. This could be about your "lifestyle" choices or even personal preferences. (example: if you are a non-smoker & you abhor the use of tobacco, it would be best to say you seek a non-smoker)



TigressFL -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 5:47:45 AM)

quote:

Let me start of by admitting that I am not a frequent visitor (never mind avid contributor) to these fora, so I am absolutely unaware of this issue having been discussed before. All the same, anyone wishes to gratuitously berate me about it is welcome to do so.
quote:

ORIGINAL: johntom571

I do not have time to fully reply right now but I will later :)

My comments for now are....

How sad is it that anyone would feel the need to let the regs here know that they are not a constant poster and have no idea if this has been discussed before. This is how some of the bitchy regs make people feel - that is VERY sad. So for the bitchy regs that love to berate people that do not post often or post something that has already been discussed... GET OVER YOURSELF!!! Get a life and stop bashing people just because they do not post on every single thread (or even monthly) like you do. Good grief, talk about sad! OK... end of my rant!!!

Tigress~FL



KatyLied -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 5:53:34 AM)

quote:

I cannot tell you how many offers I've had from men who claimed they would be "in my area" for business on a semi-regular basis.  For someone such as myself who desires a long-term, fully committed relationship (24/7 D/s, if you will), the terminology that you've used suggests, as best, the possibility of casual "dating" arrangement.  And to be honest, my first thought would be that you were married and seeking some "extracurricular" excitement to spice up your lonely business trips.


I'm guessing the she saw it as exactly the same thing.  I often get these offers as well.  Men on business trips, wanting some weekend fun, it screams "I'm married  or my girlfriend is vanilla", it translates into -- not my problem.



onestandingstill -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 6:10:48 AM)

I feel if indeed she stated in her basic profile she only wished communication with local Dom's then she was justified.
If she did not specify she only wanted local contact then she was indeed rude.
I'd say in here you have to take communications with a grain of sand as there a binoculars view on another person and the tones, intentions, and point are often are miscommunicated in writing.

Just work your laws of numbers,and be sure you meet the criteria of those who you write to.
I can say personally when I get a I work in your area and want a sub there to play with letter I too usually am not open to it.
I state that in my profile.
If you wrote that to me I would not have been too rude, but rather I would have directed you to the verbiage in my profile where I state that's not the communications I seek.
I'm sure there's many a sub who don't mind being the girl waiting at port for you.
Lots of people like that dynamic.
Good luck in finding the one you seek,
suzanne



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 6:19:39 AM)

There certainly a large numbers of so called weekend warriors attending some of the events we attend and many explain that due to family and their employment this is all they can offer,THIS is fine in my humble opinion.Some subs find that not to their liking, I would say many submissives feel this way.MY advice to you is to hang in there,someone out there is seeking the same situation you seek...as always just the views of this ol" master



MasterFireMaam -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 7:34:44 AM)

It seems to me that one of two things happened:

Scenario 1: you didn't make it clear that you were looking for an ongoing commited relationship. She apparently is but since it wasn't made clear, she is assuming that you're just looking for kinky sex whenever you happen to be in town. That insults her.
Scenario 2: you are looking for a play partner available to entertain you while you happen to be in town. She is not and so the two of you aren't match.

In either case, I suggest you move on as there is little that you can do to convince her that you're NOT a weekend Dom or HNG now.

Master Fire



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 7:35:17 AM)

It doesn't justify her insults- however you should know that this is considered completely acceptable for females to insult any and all messages they consider dorky, and even encouraged and applauded by the cyber fem sub contingent in general.

YOu know who you are, I'd say try and meet people at the local munches you go to.



Driver1961 -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 8:24:01 AM)

He dips His lid to all,

I'll fall in line with the women, no debate.  The internet word seems to be read completely different than anywhere else (a general malady of net-ettiquette is cynicism, judgmentalism, and rudeness)

Warm regards to all, Driver.



MasterWilliam55 -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 10:14:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

Definitely an unhinged individual. Maybe in her own mind she thought you were inviting her to have sex with you on the weekend? Since she blocked you, it saved you the time of trying to have a normal conversation with her. Which I gather is just as well.


I agree somewhat with scout. Just as some Doms are impossibly rude, so are many subs. I seldom meet real time subs who exhibit reponses like this, only cyber subs. Better luck next time.



johntom571 -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 1:58:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

Definitely an unhinged individual. Maybe in her own mind she thought you were inviting her to have sex with you on the weekend? Since she blocked you, it saved you the time of trying to have a normal conversation with her. Which I gather is just as well.


Well i could see that being the case.  Unfortunately I was not given the opportunity to explain that i was merely describing opportunities for us to meet and discuss things further.   But thanks for the feedback.

JohnTom



johntom571 -> RE: "Weekend Dom": Netiquette and Name Calling (4/13/2007 2:02:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

Definitely an unhinged individual. Maybe in her own mind she thought you were inviting her to have sex with you on the weekend? Since she blocked you, it saved you the time of trying to have a normal conversation with her. Which I gather is just as well.


Thanks NGS, Mind you, there's always the chance that i'll run into the charming little at the local munch, since i volunteered the info.  Time will tell. 

btw, you girl scout uniform is definitely more to my liking than the ones they used to wear in my olden days. ;)

A grateful thank to all for your candid view and opinions, albeit disconcerting that many would readily assume this is a case of the "girl in every port", "dish on the side" type of quest for me.  But i look at it this way: when you have spent all day long knee deep in sewage, it's difficult to distinguish finer scents in other people.  I can't really expect subs who have been chronically exposed to the predation of "weekend warriors" to conceive other motives, when they encounter something else.

regards

JohnTom

JohnTom



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