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Termyn8or -> RE: i need opinions...they matter... (4/14/2007 8:04:15 AM)
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thekajiracat;
Not bad. I have no comment about classes because I am self educated.
Now, I have no class or taste to cast off here, so here goes. You did well, but during the 'tomato' times you might throw in more detail. In other words as you think of the timeline in what you write, so you think of the timeline of the reader. There are certain things that could be dwelled upon, to sort of let it soak into the reader's mind more deeply.
Timelines are hard to deal with. Many writers try to put things in a chronological order, which makes sense, unlike Reseroir Dogs for example. But some go so far as to try to time it, and that is not necessarily what is needed. Keeping the sight on the goal can be hard, define the goal in your mind repeatedly. I need to get the idea across as accurately as possible, and make it interesting to read. Were there times that seemed like forever, did some times go too fast ? And should that be transferred to the story ? Or should you dwell on the climax ?
Those are questions for the author only, and the results, including incoming opinions become a guide.
Here's what might be a nice little exercise for you. I've written a story, shortly referred to as FSTA. Probably not your cup of tea but it got published on the web. But what might be of more interest is a little piece I got started called Cherry Girl.
This was new territory for me, because I am a 46 year old Man with a stable job and I am a dominant who likes to bottom (the switches have thrown me out lol). Well I wrote this story from the perspective of a 25 year old hooker on drugs. FSTA was written in first person, as this is, but a different person. In FSTA I envisioned myself as the main character, but in Cherry Girl there is no way to do that.
So this average (perhaps $50 a ride) hooker gets kidnapped by a very rich and powerful Man who transforms her life. After she submits, truly submits, she if offered a pile of money and the door, and decides to stay.
What you wrote is about a scene. It is a fine part of a story. I include scenes in mine, they belong there. And remember this is a story not a journal. If you were to embellish it, no problem. Make that scene happen the first day you met Him if you like. Let it all take you by surprise.
Many erotic writers do not like to put alot of life's details into the story. Actually Giles English is like that. He has been published on the web. In correspondence with him I had to ask, about his story Chastity Planet, just how they got there. I got my answer, but IMO it should've been in the story.
I put alot of life's details into FSTA, I am talking marriage and raising four kids, all the while having a kinky lifestyle with two Wives. That's when I learned about timeline.
When you go on to write some epic novel, timeline is a precious resource you can't use foolishly. Actually FSTA came to a halt because of it. People are getting old. It needs a rewrite. But whether that will ever happen is up in the air.
If you like writing, you'll get to that point, where you want a whole story, more than just a night, or a tryst. It is addictive. One of these days you'll be typing and look at the clock and see it is 4 AM and say "Oh shit".
Best of luck.
If you want to read the beginning of FSTA just search for Future Shock The Appliance. That is probably not your cup of tea but I think you'd like Cherry Girl. I'll make it available soon.
T
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