RE: to respond or not to respond (Full Version)

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justinedoll -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 1:46:38 PM)

First i dont respond to people who i am not interested i write in my profilw who i am interested in, eg some age preferencies and when someone who dont fit writes me means dont respect my preferiencies or dont read my profile. I i am finding fitting preferencies i am surprised someone dont answer i try agains when is no answer i am starting to think some just made his profile for fun.



underlimited -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 2:03:20 PM)

i use the same logic as in the real life conversations.
If a bum comes up to me and asks me "hey you got a quater, i just ignore him, because i feel it's a more polite way of saying "fuck off". Thus, i think ignoring messages is okay if you are offended by the message or you think it is unthoughful bull****, or a copy-paste.

However, i have written some very long, very thoughful messages (that took me almost an hour) and i never got replies. That, i think is very rude, because i take my time, try to be sincere and everything.... and i get booted. Think about it this way, if you apply for a job, take your time and everything.... have an interview, and the employer calls you back to say "sorry we're not interested", that's a show of respect for my effort. If he/she doesn't call back.... I just think they are unconsiderate ass*oles.



thetammyjo -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 5:53:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife

thetammyjo: A person in a checkout line is not a business situation, but I am glad that you pointed out that these things are not legitimate comparisons, as so many of the people here that don't respond to mail make the illigitimate comparison of a personal e-mail and snailmail junk mail. They are two seperate things, and not responding to junk mail has nothing at all to do with not responding to an e-mail. It is not only a false analogy, but lazy logic as well.


If the person working at check out isn't in business, then what are they doing?

I'm saying that it is rude to reply when you are not interested for the reasons you would find in any etiquette guide: It sends the message that further communication is possible.

You might counter by saying "just say you aren't interested" but as people like Miss Manners have pointed out repeatedly that is still communicating and you are sending mixed signals.

Instead of trying to convince people to reply, against centuries of etiquette and manners, how about realizing that no reply is your reply?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 6:15:00 PM)

Pestered by a few?  If I were only that lucky.  I have started replying with a cut and paste reply about not looking.  If they write a second time, they are ignored.  I do not think it is poor manners not to engage someone who is trying to bait you.  Someone who writes a vulgar, nasty or overly demanding first email is going to be ignored immediately. If the email is polite, and at least descent, then I will reply appropriately. Interest or not, I will reply. However, someone who cannot be bothered to be polite to me in their first email will get the same respect they showed me.  If you are not polite, I feel no need to be.

DV



His1kitten -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 6:20:53 PM)

i believe in replying unless the message itself is rude.  Case in point, someone assuming they can call me sweetheart, slave or other terms such as that.  i feel if they don't know me the least they can do is show some decorum. 



MstrssPassion -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 6:33:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife
I don't think that anyone thinks you must respond, but some of us that value courtesy feel that it is only right to respond.

quote:

what I said earlier:
I have made it very clear as to the type of mail I will reply to & the type of mail I will not reply to. A majority of that "email we all get & know we shouldn't reply to" falls into that mail I described as being the ones I will not reply to. Must I be redundant & follow up this statement by responding to every individual who ignores, skips over or disregards my already written guidelines of what I am open to & not open to?


Ok, wrong analogy... but while we are being courteous... I already provided many people with information that would basically prevent their reply in the first place.

Who is lacking courtesy?

The way I see it, they didn't do me the coutesy of reading my profile. I don't owe anyone any further explaination if they chose to ignore my parameters.



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 7:12:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: underlimited

i use the same logic as in the real life conversations.
If a bum comes up to me and asks me "hey you got a quater, i just ignore him, because i feel it's a more polite way of saying "fuck off". Thus, i think ignoring messages is okay if you are offended by the message or you think it is unthoughful bull****, or a copy-paste.



I even speak to those who request spare change.  Even if it is to simply say, "sorry,  I do not carry cash."  In some of those cases, if money permits,  I will purchase them something to eat, and wish them well.



MistressLorelei -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 9:07:07 PM)

To those who insist a response should be mandatory... where do you draw the line?.  If you get 100 e-mails, do you have a duty to answer them all?  What if you have 20 minutes a day to e-mail, and wish to e-mail your 2 friends for 10 minutes each.... but since 20 others e-mailed, they are each entitled to a minute each of your time instead?  Is that fair to yourself or to your friends?

If I didn't request for someone specific to e-mail me, then I do not owe any random person a response.  If I choose to respond, that's a choice I can make individually and is often based on my time constraints as well as the quality of the received e-mail.

I'm not sure that no response is actually a reply, but rather the lack of a response carries a message to the sender that no interest is found on the other end.  That equates to about the same thing. 

If I send an e-mail and get no reply, by George... that person isn't compatible with me anyway..... more time to devote to someone who just may be.
.



FukinTroll -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 9:10:23 PM)

I get a few real gems and they always block me before I reply.



littlesarbonn -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/14/2007 10:59:08 PM)

I sometimes don't respond, but more often it's because I'm not sure how to respond, and then I put it aside to respond later, and before I know it, it ends up being too late to respond.



Sinergy -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 12:39:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

When someone contacts you personally and you are not interested, responding risks sending them the message that you are in fact still interested by leaving open a door for further communication.



I want to paraphrase a favorite quote of mine by replacing the word decide with respond.

Not to respond is to respond.

Sinergy

p.s.  The issue with a non-response is that the one being responded to gets upset.  However, there is no dynamic in place and the one not responding is not required by law to respond.

p.p.s.  On a similar note, if somebody gets 150 emails (like I used to in one of my support jobs) a day, expecting that person to write a response to each and every one seems a bit unreasonable.



Stranger1 -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 2:19:11 PM)

I always respond politely to a compliment.[:)]



Arpig -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 2:45:25 PM)

quote:

So do you all think it rude when you don't get a reply back or do you feel  like you are being rude when you don't reply?

No and No.
Keep in mind that it is an unsolicited email, and the recipient is in no way obligated to do anything with it.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 4:16:54 PM)

<fast reply>  I am very clear on who and what I am soliciting in the way of email.  If one approaches Me with the intent to open a dialogue for an exploration of a M/s relationship, they should be indicating, in many ways, that they have read My profile and be showing Me, in that email, why they feel they are meeting My requirements.  If this happens, they do get a response, even if they did not make the case for further correspondence.
I also reply to people who I have come to know on the message boards, and we occasionally exchange mail, and I always send a thank you to those who write to compliment Me on My profile or My photos.
With all that, I still do not reply to at least 90% of the mail I receive. 
I remember when we had a thread, quite a long time ago, from a male submissive who politely brought up this same topic.  He was not getting responses to his "well thought out and sincere emails".  We finally managed to get an example of his "well thought out and sincere email", and we were quite surprised.  It was much less than impressive.  I am beginning to wonder about all of these well thought out and sincere emails.  Perhaps we need a "How to approach 101" class.  That would also include teaching awareness of when it is not appropriate to approach at all, much less argue why you should be the exception to the rule. 



MadRabbit -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 5:01:04 PM)

I respond to all my messages except for the ones that go "do u train online subs, young online Master?"

Since they took the time to write that, I do them the favor of not taking the time to write a response.

It all balances out in the end.



Sinergy -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 5:48:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

quote:

ORIGINAL: underlimited

i use the same logic as in the real life conversations.
If a bum comes up to me and asks me "hey you got a quater, i just ignore him, because i feel it's a more polite way of saying "fuck off". Thus, i think ignoring messages is okay if you are offended by the message or you think it is unthoughful bull****, or a copy-paste.



I even speak to those who request spare change.  Even if it is to simply say, "sorry,  I do not carry cash."  In some of those cases, if money permits,  I will purchase them something to eat, and wish them well.


I had somebody ask me for some change the other day, but I was in a hurry, so I said I was all out.

When I finished what I was shopping for, I kept a dollar handy and said "Here ya go, brother, take care" and gave it to him.

I usually respond.  I dont have any problem saying yes or no.  However, these are my own guidelines and I heartily support somebodies right to not respond.  No response IS a response, whether or not the person is too dense to comprehend the response they get back.

Sinergy



dznutzx69 -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 5:52:37 PM)

the real question is:


How do you know you arent interested so soon you really can't know that easily without talking to someone. you can't read a bit of a profile and think you know someone enough to judge your interest



Sinergy -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 5:56:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

the real question is:


How do you know you arent interested so soon you really can't know that easily without talking to someone. you can't read a bit of a profile and think you know someone enough to judge your interest


While this may be true, as a Dominant it is really up to her to decide how she wants to spend what time she has here.

If that is not spending her time getting to know everybody that emails her, then so be it.

She is the Dominant, after all.

Sinergy



justheather -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 6:06:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

the real question is:


How do you know you arent interested so soon you really can't know that easily without talking to someone. you can't read a bit of a profile and think you know someone enough to judge your interest


Wanna bet?



SusanofO -> RE: to respond or not to respond (4/15/2007 6:48:58 PM)

Hehe, justheather. I concur.
And I am in no way a "snob" re: deciding these things. I definitely know what I am not looking for, though, and if the greater insinuation, based on someone's letter, or one-liner, or profile, seems to be that someone is not going to be what that is, I say ending something (or just not starting it) sooner, rather than later, is the most humane thing to do.

I could be wrong, but I think it saves them some future trouble and angst too, probably. 

- Susan



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