RE: Am I alone in this?

RE: Am I alone in this? (Full Version)

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myobedience -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 9:53:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled I am drifting from the point but, do you find it a turn off when you met someone you are interested in and find they have had sexual relationships with other people you know or may socialize with? OR they have been sexual with someone in which you question their safety practices? Am I odd in desiring to find someone who has not been passed around so to speak? I had a touch of jealousy this last week that I really had to check... I am in a all women group that discusses kinks and fetishes and such... and I started a topic on deep throating cock which is my thrill and asked how others felt about it. The domme who started the group ansered she deepthroated and did it well, for the best dom she knows. The green color showed its ugly face, but I have had pictures in my head of her sucking Sir ever since. ughhhh... rrrr I told Sir about it. He was very comforting and very quick to remind me that was years ago that she was his sub and she is a much better domme than she ever was sub. I still cant seem to get it out of my mind that "my thrill" was once in her mouth and throat.... its like stuck on slow slip stream. Not exactly what you are asking about ps but I guess close enough.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 10:00:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled I am drifting from the point but, do you find it a turn off when you met someone you are interested in and find they have had sexual relationships with other people you know or may socialize with? OR they have been sexual with someone in which you question their safety practices? Am I odd in desiring to find someone who has not been passed around so to speak? I dont find it odd at al not to like to socalize with someone you know may have had sex with your new significant other. That is awkward at best, and occasionally can cause problems within a social group. As for whether or not I question their safety practices... if there is a question as to whether or not they were safe I do not interact with them. I am not willing to chance that. As for wanting someone who hasnt been passed around... the older I get the less important that becomes. I am going to have a hard time meeting someone now who hasnt had a few girlfriends before me, but I am ok with that. I dont want to hear about them, and I prefer someone not have children becasue that means more likely than not they will have to interact with their exs. I dont mind someone who has stayed friends, but I dont want to be their friend. And the times I ahve had sig others with kids, the relationship between them and their ex was never good and its drama Id ratehr not involve myself with. But thats just me DV

Devilslilsister -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 10:51:35 PM)
Depends. Well if they've slept with all a 100 over a few months.. i'd prolly sum them up as a player and a slut..... and lose interest......... If they are open and honest.. "hey i like sex.. they like sex.. " and it was all on the up and up... i'd think about it.. but my first assessement wouldnt be far from my mind and no way in hell would i be hopping into bed with them any time soon. If they slept with a bunch of skanks and trash...... i'd lose respect.. my interest would disappear... Depends on what level of trash it equates to, i suppose. What you describe can be done in a tactful, respectful, honest, way with morals and all that. I'd evaulate the situation to see if it was a symptom of them being trash or not. And if not.......... then nah, i wouldnt be bothered and would actually enjoy it. You'd have about a million opportunities to learn about the person. Which would further credit or discredit the person. Not that you believe everything you hear, but you store information about them for later to see if its true. Not a turn off - just a reason to be skeptical about their sincerity and an opening to learn about who they are and not just what they want you to see.

TexasMaam -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 11:04:57 PM)
notty, what did you make this reply for? The girl was sincere. Goofy thing. : p TM quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail you are so alone, darlin'....that kinda sick is justewwwwwwwwww. perhaps if you could tone it down, I don't know. But really, I have searched many threads, and you are just so wrong. Ron

tulinwl -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 11:09:13 PM)
Practice very safe sex. You can have relations with many people - but just make sure your health is protected at ALL times.

minnetar -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 11:13:27 PM)
i think Master Ron was trying to be funny. minnetar

TexasMaam -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/14/2007 11:17:33 PM)
yesssss his cerebral dry wit can be a bit grating, at times. He knows I adore him, don't ya ronnie baby? ; ) TM

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 12:17:50 AM)
I recently attended my first munch and was the only single one there. I could've scened with the attached Doms, but chose to watch instead. Playing with an attached Dom would feel to me like I was stepping on someone else's territory, kinda like women who knowingly date and sleep with married men. Passing around isn't my thing. Guess it's just my stupid morals getting in the way.

StacyCat -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 2:10:51 AM)
So, if someone is new to your area, and you dont know his previous sexual partners, does that make it better? Is it just the interaction with his other partners that becomes an issue? How many partners does it take for a prospective partner to fall into a problem? 100? 10? 5? What if it were three, but you knew all three, why is that different than 10 that you do not know? But, you also have to practice what you preach. How would you feel if your prospective sexual partner says he will not fuck you because you dated X person 5 years ago? Would that be fair in your eyes? As long as someone is safe, consensual, and honest, I just dont care.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 3:39:14 AM)
The older you are the more you realize our community is small and we all have pasts. Plus, another point, some on here have talked about their random and plentiful sex experiences openly. I respect these folks and am not criticizing them for one aspect of their lives. Worrying about past relationships is a form of jealousy. We don’t necessary care that they have played before, but we compare ourselves to past partners and wonder how we measure up. We feel threatened. If we get past that jealousy, it can be valuable to discuss past passions and learn about desires, boundaries and problems. It may change how you look at the other, but keep in mind it is the past and did happen, after all. You both share and give the other an insight to what you want as you learn about the other’s emotions and physical desires. The point is that you are going to build a much stronger relationship this time around. You may have loved your old car, but the newer, better quality one, will surpass it as your favorite. When you come to love your new car more, the old one looses its shine to memories of when it broke down on the interstate and you burn off the past, persistent, surrounding mist with the heat of present day reality.

ChainedExistence -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 4:38:08 AM)
It sounds as if you were going to enjoy your role as "teacher" and were disappointed that you might not be able to fulfill it. In fact, no matter what past anyone has, they don't have a past with YOU. Every relationship presents new opportunities for learning and growth. Let's say you adore flogging and then find this new person has experienced that activity before. It really doesn't mean all that much, because I'm sure everyone has variations in their style, timing, types of floggers, and so on. If this person interested you before you knew, then you liked the person those previous relationships helped to create. We are a sum of our pasts, and they color the person we become. Obviously those previous relationships were lacking in some regard or this person would still be in them. While this may not be your opportunity to be their first relationship, it can be your chance to be their best.

MistressDoMe -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 7:57:30 AM)
I don't want someone that is known for being promiscuous, and has a reputation for getting around. We all have a right to set the bar at a level that is comfortable for us. I have found that most of the people that enjoy and desire a lot of different partners, usually don't change and settle down with one for long anyway. Again, we all have a right to have standards and select mates that we are comfortable with, comfortable being with in public and WIITWD settings.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 8:20:53 AM)
I'd have to say I'd find them less interesting for a relationship because they obviously don't seem to be capable of maintaining something for the long term- whatever the reason or whoever it's with is irrelevant- the past inability to commit or make good judgements in commitment is an issue for me. However, fucking/playing with someone is hardly enough reason and doesn't show much to me. Back in the Boston/DC/Baltimore scenes, part of the fun in meeting someone new was trying to play the 6 degrees game and see how many common connections you had. My friends were all people who played and fucked fairly casually with people- but did not confuse playing/fucking with having an actual relationship. That contingent existed, but those are also the people who tend to burn themselves out in a few years also. The good news for the OP is that newbies are always streaming in, so she might have a chance with one of them if prior experience really is such an issue for her.

virgovstaurus -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 8:31:50 AM)
Well just take him to the vet and have him checked over before doing anything sexual with him, just common sense really seeing as you cant account for the actions of everyone else they've been with.

MistressDoMe -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 8:40:07 AM)
If you read the OP's thread, she was stating that she did not feel comfortable, being in certain circles with someone so well known. Everyone does not want to be with someone that has been around the block with a lot of the people they socialize with. She does not want someone who has had relationships with others in the same circle, I totally understand this. To me, if everyone has been or played with my partner, he is not that special. IMHO

AquaticSub -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 9:11:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled I know I am opening a can of worms so I will apologize in advance. But I really need to know if my way of thinking is off. I know the lifestyle is about having different views and a sort of sexual independance and a type of freedom. How is there such a thing as too much or not having enough? The reason I am asking this is because I met someone recently that I really liked...and part of the reason I like him was because I thought he was new to area so I hate to say this term but he was "fresh meat". As we talked I found he was not as new as I thought as he had lived in the area sometime ago and we knew some of the same people. I am drifting from the point but, do you find it a turn off when you met someone you are interested in and find they have had sexual relationships with other people you know or may socialize with? OR they have been sexual with someone in which you question their safety practices? Am I odd in desiring to find someone who has not been passed around so to speak? I don't give a shit. But then again, I've had more then my fair share of partners. I prefer that they haven't had sex with a very close friend, but even that is just a preference. The only line I draw is that I will not fuck someone who fucked one of my family members. Asides from that, I insist on clean STD reports. shrugs Valyraen doesn't seem to care about having a girl who has been "passed around", as you put it.

Viridana -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 11:27:35 AM)
I don't so much mind how many partners my partner has had. But I do mind if that person has been with my friend or a family member. Those kind of sceneries can often cause drama and that's just a whirlwind I'd rather stay clear of. So I do up to some point understand your concerns proudlyspoiled. I do also make reservations if my potential partner is known to have been with people or a person of very questionable background. Call me snobby but I am picky up to a certain level. edit: this was a reply to the original post. [:)]

proudlyspoiled -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 1:14:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StacyCat So, if someone is new to your area, and you dont know his previous sexual partners, does that make it better? Is it just the interaction with his other partners that becomes an issue? How many partners does it take for a prospective partner to fall into a problem? 100? 10? 5? What if it were three, but you knew all three, why is that different than 10 that you do not know? But, you also have to practice what you preach. How would you feel if your prospective sexual partner says he will not fuck you because you dated X person 5 years ago? Would that be fair in your eyes? As long as someone is safe, consensual, and honest, I just dont care. I know this will make me sound bad but yes it makes me feel better...I am not presented with the knowledge he has fucked my friends or my "enemies" for that fact. As to how many partners...well truth is 1 is too many...if I meet someone who has fucked someone I know...meaning someone I consider a friend he is automatically Xed off my list...If it is someone I know in the sense I have met or may have a brief knowledge of then I look at that previous person and do my homework...if they are cautious then I am ok. If they are open like 7-11 then they are Xed from my list. As to practicing what I preach...I guess I am prude but I have attended the same parties for 6-7 years and in that time I have had sex with 3 people that "ran" in the same group and 1 of those I was in a long term relationship with. So if a person had the same feelings about me, yes I would understand but I would also ask for an explanation because the truth is they may know something about that person that I don't and SHOULD.

proudlyspoiled -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 1:17:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence It sounds as if you were going to enjoy your role as "teacher" and were disappointed that you might not be able to fulfill it. In fact, no matter what past anyone has, they don't have a past with YOU. Every relationship presents new opportunities for learning and growth. Let's say you adore flogging and then find this new person has experienced that activity before. It really doesn't mean all that much, because I'm sure everyone has variations in their style, timing, types of floggers, and so on. If this person interested you before you knew, then you liked the person those previous relationships helped to create. We are a sum of our pasts, and they color the person we become. Obviously those previous relationships were lacking in some regard or this person would still be in them. While this may not be your opportunity to be their first relationship, it can be your chance to be their best. Actually this has nothing to do with a teacher role as I prefer not to take that responsibility for I am sure you know with knowledge comes responsibility and well I have enough of my own to have to add to it. But thank you for the input it is something to think about

TrojanManCo -> RE: Am I alone in this? (4/15/2007 2:27:34 PM)
personaly i find it would only be wierd if one of his past relationships was eaither someone directly related to you, or someone you your self were in a past relationship with and it didnt end well... other wise if you like him you like him.. trust your instincts

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