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RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 2:00:17 PM   
gregor2001us


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I had a vaguely similar situation.  I wanted to be locked in a device so my Wife/Domme and I tried it for 6 months or so.  While it was fun, it was not something I could wear long term for several reasons, most important of which was it caused a rash and irritations after a couple days.

But I did learn that having my orgasm denied and controled by a woman was what I really wanted.  And I suddenly realized that I wanted to give her that control.  So I came up with an alternative solution.

I promised to never, ever play with myself again, except under her specific direction.  That was over 5 yrs ago, and it has (and is) working well for us.  And one big advantage over a device is that she has access to me whenever she wants without dealing with a device.

I am sure you both will come up with a solution that works for you all as well.  Taking a break to regroup is not so bad.  Gives you time to think and be creative.  Best wishes!

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 2:27:26 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I can understand how disenfranchizing it is to learn that something you've invested your energy and time into doesn't work out the way you want it to.

Rather than focus on the device and its failures (because I'm sure there is a way, either with modifications or another CD, that it could work), how about bringing your attention on the communication breakdown that happened.  I get the feeling that caused more issues internally for you than the device not working did.  Much of this will shape how you both move on into the future of your relationship, especially where you'll both be together rather than separated by a distance.

Get a clear understanding of how it made you feel when he finally told you it wasn't working, after giving you the impression that all was well.  What were your reactions?  (angry, sad, disappointed)  Why did you feel that way? Why did he wait so long to tell you?  Or did he?  Had he let on that he was having issues but it just wasn't clear? 

More importantly, how are you going to address these communication issues so that you don't wind up with a repeat?  Do you encourage him to be transparent in his thoughts and feelings, and do you compel him to divulge to you what's going on in his head?  Has there been an environment created where that can happen and where he can say what's on his mind without fear of judgement and/or punishment? 

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 3:41:32 PM   
Mysti


Posts: 125
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		You mentioned piercing being a limit and kudos to you for acknowledging and respecting it. Perhaps a cock ring that slips on and coud stay on with out causing spontanious erections. ( could just imagine in the middle of exams.. makes me glad my plumbing is internal) I've seen several and in fact own one thats made of a stretchy material and slips over the cock without caging it. He still has normal penis function without the risk of rash or bacteria, and also has the visual reminder that his cock is yours and is in a sense "collared"

I hope you find a suitable solution! good luck!

_____________________________

Sic vis pacem, para bellum- If you want peace, prepare for war

Check me out: http://lolavalentinos.etsy.com

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 4:42:53 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: canupleaseme

How have you dealt with situations in your relationship that havent worked out in the end?


You just chalk it up to experience and move on.  My slave also realized that SM hurts!!!!!
quote:


Is it normal to feel disapointed? 


Only if you are human :)

quote:


Does anyone else have anything like my key that they cherish ?


Yes.  The wellbeing of my submissive.  Sometimes if you can't raise the bridge you have to lower the river. In other words, what can you think of that will give the same result from a different angle.  This is the work part of domination. Try mental chastity. Whever he has a thought or desire to touch what is YOURS he is to write about it, in detail.  IF he finds it too much trouble, then his only other option is to wear the devices.
 
My slave had problems with his CB2000 (precurser to the CB300)  He ended up wearing a condom over his penis before applying it.   He'd cut off the tip of the condom so that it was just a laytex sheath. It cusioned it.  This activity still gets old and the adage of  "sometimes the fantasy is better thanthe reality"
 
Have him put the key on his keychain as a reminder.. you can also wear on  a chain around your neck so that when he sees it, he'll be reminded of his failure and of your disappoinment.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 4/15/2007 4:47:07 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 7:51:20 PM   
draba


Posts: 81
Joined: 2/22/2006
Status: offline 		When he comes home from uni you can try again. Did you try the differant size spacers and rings. Perhaps you just need to finetune the fit. I wear a CB2000 for period of 10 days for my Mistress. It took several adjustments until we found the best fit for me. Now I could wear it for a month. But, I do not get a key. I have to be sure to see Mistress every 3 or 4 days so she can remove it and allow me to have a good cleaning. I noticed your boy had a key so he could change devises at night. If he wanted to be unfaithful he could and would have. But it sounds like he may have been true to you.

Texas Maam, I always love your posts. Well said

draba
a genus in the mustard family

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 8:01:00 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		canup:

I just recently had my slave in the cb3000.  
The device has its faults.  The rings are insecure.  They break.  When you add the extra piece on it, it really becomes venerable.
The extra device caused my slave to have an infection which resulted in swelling.  I immediately removed it. 
The manufacturer sent us two more rings; however, we feel they will probably break.  
I am going to try again; however, if the rings break again, then I will bind the cock myself. 
It is a powerful toy.   It gives a female absoulte power over a male. 
Don't forget to milk the prostate.  That has to be done when using chasity.
Now, I would try it for a few days at the time.   I would only use it when you are there.   The sad thing about this device is it is not sized very well.  One size does not fit all.
Hope that helps some.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 9:11:10 PM   
angielouwhos


Posts: 87
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I might second the thought of trying the CB2000. My husband has worn that device pretty much non-stop for the last seven years. I am not the usual keyholder except when we are unattached (our Master and/or Mistress is usually). We have never tried the 3000, but have heard others say that the fit is better on the 2000.

It absolutely does take time to get use to for the man. I would say it took my honey at least six months to get use to it and not wake up at night. The other thing we found is that baby powder is his friend. It helps keep the friction down and just makes everything better for him. Every man is different down there of course, I think the success with these devices is partially dependent on how a man is built, the hang of his testicles etc.

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 9:22:34 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		The same company makes the CB2000 as well as the curve.
I understand missing your key. I have had things that I tried with submissives and when they didn't work I was very disappointed.
Hopefully you can find another ritual that will keep giving you some of the things that gave you such fulfillment while you are researching and finding out if there is a way to continue to explore chastity without the problems.
Good luck
~E

(in reply to angielouwhos)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 9:34:55 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		A former submissive of mine was able to wear the cb3000 for extended periods of time, but everyone is different in what they can tolerate.  There are many other chastity devices on the market, but of chastity devices are out there that might be more user-friendly, but if chastity devices are out of the question, there are still so many ways to make him feel 'all yours'; when you cannot be together. 

Others mentioned necklaces, cock rings.  Having a male wear panties I have referred to as a lacy little chastity device.  While it's removable, the male is conscious of the lingerie while at work, in the restroom, and will be feeling that what is beneath the panties belongs to another. 

There are a few different harnesses that can be worn under clothing as well, and perhaps a key could be used with the harness.  Even having him write on his cock (and/or surrounding area) with a permanent marker every day or two, sending you the photos displaying that he has written what you stated is fun too.  No key involved, but still....

I had a key dangling from my necklace for about a year and know how it felt when it was no longer there.  you still have your male, and the relationship... and that is far more satisfying than a key.  Something equally meaningful will find its way into your relationship in the future.

(in reply to angielouwhos)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/16/2007 1:52:42 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		gregor  Thankyou for your reply.  I am definatly still in control of when he can play with it and everything.  Thats a very important part of our relationship.  Im glad you found a way to overcome your problem with using a device too

MisPandora I told my boy immediatly how upset I was that he hadnt told me about this before.  Communication is such a big thing with us and with everything else we havent had a problem.  He is fully aware that he can talk to me about anything and I have made it clear many times that if something isnt working its fine as long as we talk about it.  I feel like I have done evrything I can to reasure him in our relationship about communicating with me.  He knows i'm not unaprroachable and dont get cross about things like that.  At times (and they have been odd times) he has mentioned it being uncomfortable but not in a way that caused me to have concerns, through reading about others experiences what he was complaining about and the infrequency of it allowed me to believe that it wasn't an issue.  We are constantly talking about the things we do and how they effect us, I do feel quite let down by him for not telling me sooner.  I feel if I had known about this and it hadnt come as such a shock then maybe I wouldnt feel like I do about it now.  Im not sure how much clearer I can make it to him and he says he has no problem talking to me about things so I really dont know how this happened.  It does make me question my skills.  This has affected me more than I thought it would and we definatly still have some talking to do about it.  Thankyou for your reply :)

Mysti  Thats a good idea about the cock ring.  I am sure that between us we will find something for him to do with it.  Thankyou

LotusSong  Thnakyou for your reply.  Please dont think that I dont cherish what I have with my boy I really do so much. I think I just feel like Ive had something taken away from me. I feel a bitlike ive lost some control. And lost the symbol of his commitment to me.  I know that having him as mine should be enough and if we hadnt used the cb and the key hadnt been given to me with such sentiment I know I wouldnt have any problem at all.  I think I just need to get over the feeling of loss and see what happens when we are together again properly.  I am showing him this thread so he can see what others have said and ideas we have been given and hopefully we will find something that fills the gap its left.

Draba  We have tried every combination of rings and spacers etc possible its been quite an experiment.  I am aware that by him having a key he could take it off whenever but I do trust him and the device was never to prevent him from being unfaithful to me, thats something I have no worry about.  It did cross my mind as TexasMaam said that maybe he was looking for a way out but having talked to him about this concern I see that wasnt his reasoning at all.Thankyou for your reply:)

MissSCD Its funny how so many people are having the same problems with it.  I think for now I want to just not have any chasity in our relationship like that because the whole thing has just put me off.  It is such a powerful toy to play with and untill I feel better about it all im definatly going to leave it out. Thankyou for your reply:)

angielouwhos When the time comes to look at this again I will have a good look at the cb2000 many people have said this works better .  I hear that the cb6000 will be out soon to so that will be interesting to look at.  I am so pleased that it has worked so well for you :) And I will remeber baby powder :D

Elorin  We are going to discuss a new ritual when I see him properly next.  I hate trying to sort out things like this with him through email and I.M Thankyou for your reply :)

MistressLorelei  thankyou for your ideas I will definatly show him them.  I know there is so much we can do in place of him not wearing the cb.  And as you said at some point something else will come into our relationship with equal meaning, having him and our relationship is definatly more important than any key I just miss it lol:)

Thankyou everyone for your replies you have all been so helpful.. I just need to get over it really I understand that and I understand that the feeling of loss and disapointment will go away.  I have been tring to sum up exactly what it is thats upsetting me and its definatly not that I wont have him locked up anymore I can get over that and there are many other things we can do instead.  I am hurt that I am sat questioning my skills as a domme by not picking up on anything and that he didnt come and talk to me sooner.  Mostly though I am upset that I have lost something that symbolised a big thing to me.  I know I am so lucky to have him in my life and I cherish him so much and love him dearly and I know he feels the same but ive lost my symbol of that.  I know it should still hold its value but it doesnt his cock doesnt feel like it belongs to me now, I feel like ive lost some control,  when we have long periods of time apart as silly as it sounds having my key was comforting.  I feel a bit demoted and very much like I have lost something special.  I do know that he will try his best to fill the gap I have now with it all and the suggestions that have been made have been great.  I just want it to come from him so that it has the same meaning as my key did.  It feels like ive lost my wedding ring or something !!


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to MistressLorelei)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/16/2007 5:59:05 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm going to offer you different suggestions that something else to work as a chastity device.

The first is to try a new rule about his orgasms. Put the power to maintain his submission to you in his mind and body. Not being able to orgasm because you have a piece of equipment on you is fine but perhaps a higher level of submission and control happens when you don't need that device at all but merely you command and his will to obey. You can make the rule anything you want but I'd recommend making it something you can both live with an maintain.

The second suggestion is to find another symbol you could lock on him and keep the key to. A collar might be too showy so why not a bracelet or an anklet? Locks come in all sizes and you can get it made just of stainless steel chain so he can wear it all the time.

It all comes down to what that chastity device was supposed to do. If it was to give you more control, there are many things you can do to exercise control and that he can do to obey you. If this was about the chastity device itself, having something on his private parts, then follow up on the suggestions about finding a better one.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/16/2007 2:32:29 PM   
Boondoggle


Posts: 123
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		I've had the same experiences with the CB line as your sub. I found a bit of lube around the inside of the ring would help.

However, since then, I have seen (on a chastity fetish listserv) the following advice and positive responses to it:
Wear the smallest ring possible so the CB is as close to the base of his shaft as possible. This prevents his cock from swelling enough to pull hard on his testicles. The trick to getting the CB on that tight is to use a stocking. Put his cock completely in the stocking and thread the end through the CB. Then you can easily slide the rings up as far necessary, lock the belt on and pull the stocking out from underneath.

I've yet to have the occasion to try this, unfortunately. The biggest problem with the CB cages, for me, is the inability to ride my bicycle wearing it. I found out it would pinch my scrotum between the cage and the saddle.

Another cage that I have heard rave reviews about (and have had a good experience talking to the owner/designer about biking in it, she told me it probably wouldn't work) is the Exobelt: http://www.exobelt.com/

It is more expensive than the CB models, but my understanding is that it doesn't have the problem of pulling on the scrotum or the pinching that always seems to happen with the CB cages.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/16/2007 9:31:20 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Maybe you need to ease into such a device? When we began with bondage we used silky ties and they were loosely tied. I've heard of others who did not tie them or had the sub hold chair legs so that the bondage is easy to escape if it becomes too much. I was talking to a sub who was afraid of being blindfolded so I suggested just keeping his eyes closed or having a damp cloth over the top of his head, covering his eyes as well.

Is there something else you could do to get that feeling of having his key without using a device which (from what I have read) is almost a fetish in itself outside of the chastity and control it was meant for. How about using food colouring to dye his cock and balls dark blue. I doubt he'd be in a hurry to drop his pants that way. Just my first thought, likely others will have much better and far more devious ideas.


_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/17/2007 3:59:49 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		TheTammyJo Thankyou for your suggestions they have all been noted down :) Rightnow mental control is the option i'm willing to try.

Boondoggle  Ouch I can imagine it would pinch while riding your bike!!  Thankyou for telling us your experiencees too with it.  Wehave tired all the ring combinations I think the cb just wasnt for us, should we try again though we will try your stocking idea!

Laura  We both feel we did ease into this or were trying to at least and it was something he presented me with rather than it be me pushing him with something new. Ive not heard of a key fetish but it sounds very interesting :) The food colouring idea is great and could be fun though i have no worries that he woud wish to drop his pants to anyone anyway

Thankyou again for all your replies


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 34
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