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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:49:58 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
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This is just going to show how innocent I really am.

I’m with my first for everything expect for kissing. I’m the non-‘nilla, influence. I think the trick for us has been going slow. We’ve been together for over 2.5 years and I hope we’re together forever. See that darn innocents again.

(in reply to bowandserve)

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Post #: 21

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:56:47 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
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I'm still best friends with my best friend from childhood. We actually live in a house together (because frankly who can afford a home in So cal on their own) as roommates. The first man I ever loved I still love. He knew that until the day he died 2 years ago. The first sub I ever owned is still in my heart, I buried him more years ago than I care to remember at the moment. I would still be with him today without a doubt if I hadn't. So the next sub that comes along may not be my first; but I have every intention of him being my last.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 4/15/2007 1:57:20 PM >

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She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 2:00:43 PM

His1kitten

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Joined: 4/2/2007
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i am with my first and we have been married over 6 years now. Sure we are still learning from and about one another and i believe we always will. That is important.

(in reply to Stranger1)

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 2:03:43 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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If my first Dom had not been married, I think we might have lasted (he couldn't take me as a slave). M is my first time with 24/7 though, so I guess that can count as my first in that way. I sure hope it lasts...the wedding is planned.

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~Curvylicious
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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 2:23:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's rare for anyone to stay with their first anything in the long term.

I'd focus more on why you keep repeating your pattern and how you can alter it to get the results you want.

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 2:27:05 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bowandserve

I am a Domme and as much trouble as they are I am still drawn to newbie subs. Love to draw them out, help them discover their true selves, be the one to take them down the journey. Time after time they end up being too much or freaking out and running away.

Question is more directed to subs but maybe doms have some answers - does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

Yes it's possible.... why is it you blame them time after time... have you actually considered that you are doing something wrong that is driving them to run away.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 2:30:11 PM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's rare for anyone to stay with their first anything in the long term.

I'd focus more on why you keep repeating your pattern and how you can alter it to get the results you want.

Bingo.

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Post #: 27

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 2:42:05 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

not sure i have never found what you are describing attractive....the young bucking broncos are so much work, so much tears and fears, and so much *poof* and they are gone that i never feel drawn...i am loathe to admit this but i am actually kinda repelled by folks still in the fear and shame stages of awakening to their lives, i much prefer the old reliable trail horse...nice dependable..no chance of getting kicked in the head...

but i am glad that women like you exist...dont get me wrong....because after they leave ...they might suffer for years...and when they finaly come back, they are more broken in....

Oh geez I so agree with this!!! And I would add to that that newbie subs tend to fall in love with their first Mistress, which can be a real pain in the arse when you have a partner.
Give me a trusted masochist or a sub that’s been round the block a few times and I will be able to relax and have some fun but give me a newbie and Im going to be treading knee deep in cotton wool.

Saying all that, I have been known to take a newbie at the spur of the moment. Sometimes I just need to play and it becomes a bit like an alcoholic needing a drink! If he/she lives close enough and can fit into my agenda that day, then after a very brief online chat followed by phone call, I will invite them over. It’s the whole shock thing of it being totally unexpected and out of the blue.
I hasten to add that when I have done this I always have someone else with me in the house.

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 3:36:44 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I didn't stay with mine. I won't speak for any one else, but for me I can't say if it's possible or not to stay with a first. I would have liked to have more time and been with him longer than the 1 year long distance, but many things would of had to change and be differnt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bowandserve

does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 5:01:02 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
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I married my first boyfriend at 19, that lasted for 23 years.

I've been with my first Dom for over 3 years and we married last December.

The difference? My first husband was domineering (in a bad way), my Master is dominant. It took me many years to find out the difference, and now my submissive nature is a blessing not a curse.

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 5:18:59 PM

Mystique567

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Joined: 6/11/2006
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I am not with my first although we are truly great friends. I am hoping for the last sometime soon.

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 5:37:17 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
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For me it wasn't really about thrill seeking..it was about discovery. I married my first Master and we were together a total of three years. He was my teacher and I learned a great deal from him about both lifestyle and myself. I found that the life He described sounded really good to me in theory, but in practice we were not well matched. The type of slave He wanted just wasn't who I am, and the type of Dominant I needed just wasn't who He was. Likewise I have had a few newbie submissives train with me for the short term. I kind of see myself as their facilitator, but I wouldn't expect things to be permanent. Lifestyle is such a smorgasbord. I truly believe that newcomers should taste its many flavors before settling down.

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Post #: 32

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 5:54:21 PM

Sinergy

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My first had the idea that pissing me off was a good way to get savagely beaten and butt-raped.

I tried to explain to her that this approach was unlikely to have good outcomes for her.

Then she tried the approach of threatening to give me her collar back if I didnt do what she wanted.

I tried to explain that she would do that one too many times.

Then she did it again.

I asked for her collar and house keys back and I was done.

Sinergy

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 6:00:23 PM

wyldsubmissive

Posts: 157
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
i am actually kinda repelled by folks still in the fear and shame stages of awakening to their lives

I've gotta agree here. I'm pretty out...and I'm not done yet. In a lot of ways, just being with me means that you probably need to be out, too. Fear and shame are the two biggest things that keep people from coming out. So....that's not gonna work with me.

Now, once they're past this...I like newbies. They're full of wonder. They're fun. They're an opportunity.

Master Fire

Oh, oh! I'm a newbie. Take me! *raises hand and almost falls out of her desk*

_____________________________

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 6:02:29 PM

wyldsubmissive

Posts: 157
Joined: 5/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovewithoutfear
"How many "best friends forever" from high school do people still talk to? It just shows how rare it is to find a person who you can really build something permanent with, and how lucky people who have accomplished that should feel."

Moving every 3 years because of Mom's military life taught me to hang on to the good friends because they only get great with time. I still talk to my 3 main best friends from high schools (2 from one, 1 from the other). And I still chit chat and send e-mails to my best friend from junior high. Who currently resides in Norway.

Yay power of the intarweb!

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 6:57:09 PM

MrTime

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quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

i am with my first and we have been married over 6 years now. Sure we are still learning from and about one another and i believe we always will. That is important.

As my dear wife says, it is important.

The main thing that works with us is that we are constantly communicating, which is harder for one than the other.

This is the second marriage for both of us, and the complaint we both had was lack of communication, guess we had already learnt there.

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 7:35:18 PM

MasterGremlin

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Joined: 12/30/2006
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My Master is my first and only Master and W/we have been together for 9 years now, will be married for 8 in June. He is still teaching me and W/we are still exploring things, some things that even He hasn't tried before so it has worked well for U/us.

I do however, agree with what some others have said as far as the beginning stages still full of fear and shame. It really takes a special kind of Dom/me to be able to guide someone through all of that. To know when to push and how far and when to back off and let nature take it's course.
Cordially,
minxy

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 7:57:12 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrTime

quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

i am with my first and we have been married over 6 years now. Sure we are still learning from and about one another and i believe we always will. That is important.

As my dear wife says, it is important.

The main thing that works with us is that we are constantly communicating, which is harder for one than the other.

This is the second marriage for both of us, and the complaint we both had was lack of communication, guess we had already learnt there.

The issue I frequently run into is that while I spend lots and lots of time talking to my partner, what often happens is that she doesnt listen.

Go figure?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 8:51:00 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
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From: San Antonio, TX
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Didn't stay with my first D/s relationship - domme or sub - but both were founded on premises that were unhealthy. My ex-husband wasn't actually dominant ~chuckles~ and my first ex-submissive was far more sexually motivated than I was and didn't believe that I wasn't rejecting her, I just don't want sex that much.

I do like working with newcomers to the scene, but I like mentoring and teaching new experiences. Should any of them decide they want to be with me long term, I'd be willing to put the work into it, but mostly I just enjoy sharing and teaching and don't expect more from them until they indicate interest.

~E

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RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/16/2007 12:17:43 AM

areyouworthy4