the race or the result - what drives you?

the race or the result - what drives you? (Full Version)

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hereyesruponyou -> the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 1:09:44 PM)
Looking for opinons on all sides here. It's one of those lying in bed things where your mind wanders without a clear path.... I was thinking about the many complaints from both sides about how relationships on here seem to be going well, and just as you are finally getting really amped up and excited the other person disappears. Or just when you are finally going to meet in person, or take the next step that will make everything real.... We all have given opinions at times about this but i got to wondering, perhaps it is because the chase is the fun part for many people and i wonder is it enough for some? I admit that when i first started exploring this scene, the excitement and adrenaline at the start of something new was very appealing. The idea that this could be "the one" or just something else as fantastic that i can't even imagine got the wheels turning and made me almost obsessive about exploring. At some point i think i hit a phase where i felt like nothing was going to work out so i HAD to try to get as many on the hook as possible in hopes that just one would. Then even that got wearying. Now i find that i do not trust easily and the more their words ring true the less i believe them, waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop. Starting something new is not exciting to me. My excitement builds as my knowledge of the person grows and as i finally find myself being able to see a future with someone instead of just the momentary thrill of play or a scene etc... Thanks for your thoughts

Griswold -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 1:54:51 PM)
What was the question?

mstrjx -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 1:57:19 PM)
Getting from point 'A' to point 'B' in the getting-to-know-you period can be interesting. It can be wonderful or it can be grinding, depending on your emotional state. The end result is where it's at. Jeff

Stranger1 -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 1:57:58 PM)
Many seek that new relationship thrill-it's like a drug. When that thrill wears off-they need a stronger drug (next.please!!!!)-and it's a distressing bore to be honest enough to admit it.

TigerNINTails -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 2:19:27 PM)
I think there's something about the new idea/adventure thing which ultimately, is as Stranger pointed out, is like a drug... It's always exciting for me, for a few minutes, when I'm working with a new girl, but then, I always allow my wary side to come through, and while stifle isn't the best word, perhaps "check" is a better way to put what it does for my excitement over the moment. There's a lot that can be contrary, when dealing with people online. That's the first thing to remember. Second thing is that ultimately, you're looking for that "One", and if you allow your wary and suspicious mindset to dictate how you see what you know to be "True" you're not going to find that person. In fact, you're causing the other shoe to drop, so to speak. We attract what we put out, especially subconsciously. That's a rule of the universe, in all actuality... It's why comets that we are familiar with keep showing up... What goes out, invariably comes back to us. If you're looking for the other shoe to drop, guess what... It's going to. If you're seeking the truth, with the idea of eliminating any previous "truth" you've thought you've known in your previous experience, guess what... You'll find it. Now, when it comes to a direct answer of the question, I highly enjoy the chase, but the end result is more important... In fact, so much so, that I don't chase. I just do my thing, and from my experience, they come to me... So what I put out, is me, honestly, and bluntly and this attracts people. This is likely over simplified. In any case, what I'm driven by are results. Not the chase... The chase is fun, but tiring, and the catch is what's important, with the result of being pleased by the girl I've caught being far more exciting to me, even if all I'm doing is watching her... But that comes down to having the result of possesing that slave... So results... Not the race... How you perform in the race is important, but the results weigh more, overall. Hope that helps. Peace.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 2:26:34 PM)
ITS not only here but just about every bdsm site you can think of,Bondage dot com alt there are just those that prefer to chat and get you excited about the prospects only to disappear..What one to do keep exploring the possibilities and weed out the players...bounty

tulinwl -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/15/2007 2:27:12 PM)
The race for me in ANYTHING is the ultimate high. Anticipation leading up makes the end result even more satisfying. However there is also a bad side to that. The anticipation may lead to disappointment if it is built up to much and too fast. But as in life, I like challenges and I don't mind waiting for what is to come. So, I will take that risk. tulinwl

mythi -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/16/2007 5:41:09 PM)
I don't really see a relationship as race + result. It's more like a life cycle for me...infancy, growing, maturity, death. And I try to experience and enjoy the uniqueness of each stage as it happens. No matter how or how long each goes, it'll never happen the exact same way again, even if it were to be with the same person. Even the rough patches, because I know there are plenty of people I'd love to argue with once more just to have them back for that time.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/16/2007 6:07:15 PM)
Most people experience frenzy. Most people burn out on frenzy. Most people just want a regular happy fun stable life.

MasterMagnus321 -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 2:41:46 PM)
I agree with mythi... and, as Buddhist principles will have us know, life is, if nothing else, impermanent and fleeting, and everything changes, continually, eternally... so I do not cling to temporary moments, states, feelings, whatever. In closing, I have been involved in the race and the result, and find them both to be very, very pleasureable...

OedipusRexIt -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 3:06:36 PM)
If I understand the OP's question correctly as "are you really here for the chase, or to catch the prey?", then my response is: The chase can indeed be enjoyable, and full of it's own intrinsic rewards. However, for myself, it is not the end, simply the means. I'm here for the connection. The less hunting I have to do, the sharper my spear will stay. That being said, it seemed there was a further point, connecting the chase to sudden disappearance of a promising "prey". That's an interesting thought, one which I had not yet applied in generalizing people's performances. Further thought required...

hereyesruponyou -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 3:31:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt That being said, it seemed there was a further point, connecting the chase to sudden disappearance of a promising "prey". That's an interesting thought, one which I had not yet applied in generalizing people's performances. Further thought required... I'm still thinking on it myself... Thanks all for your thoughts, it's interesting to experience others points of view

OrlandoDave -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 3:52:10 PM)
quote: The less hunting I have to do, the sharper my spear will stay. Amen and well said!

Devilslilsister -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 6:22:41 PM)
i prefer the result. Everything else is just a step in unknown territory feeling things out. Its all mechanics. Gets boring, old, tedious, and pretty much same old same ol. The process of getting to know some one doesnt really change from one person to the next........ same process. Some people it takes longer, some people its shorter - some people its easy some ppl you have to work to figure them out - some people are upfront, some people have hidden suprises. IMO it takes years to build any sort of foundation with another human being. At the same time, usually with the ones that it takes years - it ends up working out. The ones you dont want around are pretty easy to weed through quickly. No matter that everyone is different, how they present themselves, or how long it takes to get to know, or even what type of relationship you're building - its the same damn process....... over.......... and over............ and over......... again. On top of that...... along with the humdrum of figuring out whether another will fit into your life or not.... there's the "honeymoon" period in any relationship where everything seems absolutetly compatible........and then reality hits and the newness wears off.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 6:28:43 PM)
Hate the race.... I want that first place prize when WE cross the finish line....

juliaoceania -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 6:29:48 PM)
I corresponded with several men before I met my Daddy. I was talking with all of them concurrently. I was not overly excited about any of them, I did my best not to invest emotionally in anyone until we met face to face. This was possible with everyone but my Daddy, and I tried very hard not to let this be so, but I have to admit that the excitement was there. I think that the problem for the most part with online courtship is that people invest themselves before meeting each other, which is very easy to do. I can remember Sinergy and I saying out loud "we have not met yet, we will know when we meet".... I think we said that for ourselves as much as for the other person. That is why it is better to meet sooner rather than later in my opinion.... especially if travel is not a big deal. It is just frustrating to build up expectations surrounding a person you will never meet, and completely unnecessary.

CreativeDominant -> RE: the race or the result - what drives you? (4/18/2007 6:40:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou Looking for opinons on all sides here. It's one of those lying in bed things where your mind wanders without a clear path.... I was thinking about the many complaints from both sides about how relationships on here seem to be going well, and just as you are finally getting really amped up and excited the other person disappears. Or just when you are finally going to meet in person, or take the next step that will make everything real.... We all have given opinions at times about this but i got to wondering, perhaps it is because the chase is the fun part for many people and i wonder is it enough for some? I admit that when i first started exploring this scene, the excitement and adrenaline at the start of something new was very appealing. The idea that this could be "the one" or just something else as fantastic that i can't even imagine got the wheels turning and made me almost obsessive about exploring. At some point i think i hit a phase where i felt like nothing was going to work out so i HAD to try to get as many on the hook as possible in hopes that just one would. Then even that got wearying. Now i find that i do not trust easily and the more their words ring true the less i believe them, waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop. Starting something new is not exciting to me. My excitement builds as my knowledge of the person grows and as i finally find myself being able to see a future with someone instead of just the momentary thrill of play or a scene etc... Thanks for your thoughts I do not think of it as a race and and an end to a race. As another noted, I see it as the cycle you have to be in to get the end result...being with someone and exploring all that there is to explore in D/s and BDSM and life with them. It can be fun getting there but in my opinion...it can be a pain. There is a part of you that wants to move to that final step and yet another part that is so cautious because of past misunderstandings, past mistakes, past bad encounters that you sometimes become overly cautious. The one nice thing about being at the end...though you can still fuck it up? All that patience that should be there during the nice-nice get to know you phase usually shows up as you get to know each other more as "my" partner.

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