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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 11:33:30 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		How do you mean short? Either way I definatly think she was less concerned about you than she should of been. Her behavior was rude. enexcusable, and could of endangered you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestWanderer

. I thought she might appologize after knowing I'd been in surgery but she was still very short with me even after it.


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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 12:04:39 PM   
WestWanderer


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

How do you mean short? Either way I definatly think she was less concerned about you than she should of been. Her behavior was rude. enexcusable, and could of endangered you.



I mean that when I talked to her she still sounded as though she were angry with me. She barely talked to me at all actually and Im the one who had to call her.

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 12:09:24 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		aww :(

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 12:46:22 PM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		Goodness, the more I read this thread, the more I feel for you. If I were in your shoes, I would thank my lucky stars I got away from her. IMHO she has no right to claim to be a Domme, and to even think in her wildest dreams that she's worthy of a sub. Someone needs to smack some sense into her.

A fuming Shadow

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 1:06:14 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Taking you at your word here, I think that particular mistress recklessly put your life in danger, and you need to heed that and walk away from someone with so little concern for one in her hands/care... 
Not taking you to the hospital, and than acting put off for something that caused you abdominal surgery and a week stay at the hospital, was careless, cruel, and stupid because it could have landed her in jail for standing by and watching a potential disaster.   I hope that you will be more careful in choosing to whom you submit in the future, and for heaven's sake, don't feel badly or guilty for having been with a narcissistic jerk.    M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 1:12:58 PM   
MissDiscipline


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline 		SMACK KACK!!!!  That is for the "dumme" who did not have enough sense to get you to the hospital, make sure you were well healed and begin the torment again.  Seriously. I cant  say I am always so concerned with my subs feelings, but their health and safety is my number one concern. Besides if they die, they might not come back.

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 1:59:39 PM   
KaramelGoddess


Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		To answer your question: no you didn't screw things up.  This woman obviously had no idea what safe, sane and consensual is.  Perhaps you should point her towards the collarme boards or other BDSM sites so she can get an education.
 
Having said that however, both of you were wrong when you didn't set a safeword - which you have admitted.  It wasn't just your fault, she was at fault too. 
 
I can't understand her attitude...but then again we all know very little about your relationship before this incident.
 
All the best for a speedy recovery.  Use this as a lesson for future encounters.
 
~Kara

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 3:29:02 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Just curious - did she bother to apologize or explain her behavior in any way?
She just sounds like a complete Bitch, IMO.

And actually, had you died, or gotten irrevocably ill as a result of her ignoring your request, I even wonder if she couldn't be charged with criminal negligence (or even Manslaughter? I am not a lawyer)...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/16/2007 3:31:44 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 4:18:22 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		Wow.  I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.  As everyone else has already reassured you, it is Not A Good Thing not to take reasonable medical care of someone whom you have accepted responsibility for.  The bond between owner and slave goes both ways, and with rights come responsibilities..

If you need a friend while you take time to heal, drop me a line on the other side.

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 4:58:53 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		You have nothing to feel guilty about.  I am appalled that this would have happened to you or anyone.
I had an instance with a boy who came to visit, and ended up with a hairline ankle fracture two days before he was to depart.  I not only took him to the clinic, but as soon as I realized that the wait there would be too long, I put him back into the car and got him to an emergency room where he received faster care.  He was embarrassed when I took him home with a cast, put him into bed and brought him a 7-up and his pain medication.  He felt he should be serving Me and felt guilty that he had hurt himself!  We had a good laugh about that!   But with that perspective, I am sure that feeling some guilt, regardless of the circumstances, is a normal reaction for many submissives.  Now, let it go!  *Smile* 
These things happen.  It is life.  This was hard way to realize that this Lady was not the one for you, and the words  "better to know now then later" does not always cure everything.  But I am glad she is out of your life.
Best of luck...  

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/16/2007 5:00:41 PM >

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 4:59:32 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Holy hell! You were abused! Why are you, the victim, worried about how the abuser, the Dominant who didn't take your to the hospital when you requested, felt??? Health comes first. Why didn't you walk your ass over to her telephone and make the call for a taxi or to 911 yourself? I'm sorry, but you did screw things up, but not in the way you feel. You should never have let things go for two hours before getting treatment. YOU knew there was something really wrong. Why didn't you insist upon being cared for or go and care for yourself? Your behaviour smacks of a person who stays in an abusive relationship because they don't feel that they are worth anything more. Please, find help to change your attitude about yourself!

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 5:30:40 PM   
WestWanderer


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Holy hell! You were abused! Why are you, the victim, worried about how the abuser, the Dominant who didn't take your to the hospital when you requested, felt??? Health comes first. Why didn't you walk your ass over to her telephone and make the call for a taxi or to 911 yourself? I'm sorry, but you did screw things up, but not in the way you feel. You should never have let things go for two hours before getting treatment. YOU knew there was something really wrong. Why didn't you insist upon being cared for or go and care for yourself? Your behaviour smacks of a person who stays in an abusive relationship because they don't feel that they are worth anything more. Please, find help to change your attitude about yourself!


The only honest answer I can give to that is that I was delerious, it was about 3 in the morning and I already had not slept very well the night before (I was very excited). The thought did occure to me to go to the front desk of the hotel and ask the lady to call an ambulance but I didn't want to just dissapear and leave her wondering what happened to me. I know that sounds very stupid right now, but like I said I was delerious and already feeling guilty so my mind wasn't all together.

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 5:35:40 PM   
WestWanderer


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Just curious - did she bother to apologize or explain her behavior in any way? She just sounds like a complete Bitch, IMO.


Nope. She barely said a thing to me from the time I walked into the hospital from her car or the two times I called her from my hospital bed. Never got a response when I gave her my final goodbye either. That's just how it is.

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 5:38:37 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Then quit feeling guilty. You were abused. You know this intellectually. The responses here confirm it. Internalize it. Feel it in your heart.  She is not worth having a sub.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 5:43:56 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Abuse vs BDSM
http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 5:56:59 PM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Honestly, the guilt is normal, I've done that too (though not in such a severe situation).  Submissives love to please, when we feel that we have angered or displeased someone (esp. a dominant someone), we feel bad. 
But that kind of thinking, and apologizing when we've done nothing wrong, can make us stay in abusive, hurtful relationships.  You didn't do anything to feel guilty about.  But what you should have done, when she refused to help you, was call an ambulance yourself.  Even if it meant using her phone without her permission. 

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 9:41:47 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		She doesn't sound like she really knew what she was doing. You better be a lot more careful next time. Both sub and Dom have to listen. You didn't listen to yourself when the little yellow warning lights went off. Listen when you think about not having a safe word. I can see myself leaving this out as I prefer teasing versus pain. But, having read this I see that there has to be some way to communicate outside of the sub and Dom space.

Glad you are feeling better. Definitely take time to heal before trying to meet other Doms for anything that isn't just a social chat over coffee. If you find someone interesting take time to get to know her. Don't rush to be sub and Dom, take time to just be two people who like each other first.


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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 9:42:27 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Screw the safeword. Screw the guilt. And screw that lunatic of a "domme"... because she sure as hell was going to screw you. The woman you describe doesn't sound fit to own a potted plant, much less an entire person.

I echo, wholeheartedly, what BeachMystress said in her first and second replies. As much as everyone yammers on about protocol and living the life 24/7 and "genuine slavery" there are times when it's not practical... not sane... and certainly not safe.



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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 10:10:11 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear WestWanderer, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
BDSM aside, in my mind's eyes I see--the most humane thing a person can do is take a person who is ill and request medical attention is to promptly take you the the Emergency Room.
 
In my mind's eyes I see, the guilt you might be feeling is the spirit of a slave who wants to please was unable to do so.  Of course you medically had an excuse!!! Your spirit, emotions and mental realms still aren't caught up with your medical crisis.  Plus, in my mind's eyes I see, the spirit, emotional and mental side is trying to make an excuse for the Domina's behavior--beating yourself up over something you cannot control, e.g. medical issue and the Mistress' behavior.
 
Hind sight is 20/20 lass.  I would not have put up with the lack of concern on their part.  No excuse for delaying medical help when requested.  If she delayed and caused you to loose a limb or a body part--how would you feel then?  She certainly not seem medically skilled.  If you died--what then?
 
I am guilty of being a bit of a worry wart and caring sort of Dominant,
so any complaint of medical concerns--its time to go to the ER, call the doctor for an appointment or call an ambulance and EMTs.  It certainly isn't going off on you because you're in pain.  I'll be the pain in the beehind/neck and pestering to get a lass/lad to the experts in medical fields toot sweet.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Did I screw things up? - 4/16/2007 10:20:02 PM   
WestWanderer


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		LadyHugs I always love reading your posts. :) Thanks for the insight.
And thanks everyone else too, I was really feeling very down when I posted this but after all the responses my mood has been lifted. I still feel that twinge of guilt but I know that it's not my fault now and that I shouldn't have to feel sorry for what happened. Im too busy dealing with the discomfort of the surgery to deal with that! So thanks everyone for the wisdom and kind words. Im very glad I found Collarme. :)

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