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Scared - 4/16/2007 9:34:45 AM

sensitivesoul

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I have been owned and collared to the best Master in the world for the past 3 years. We are very new to Ds and i am his first sub and He my first Master. Having been an avid reader of this forum i would decribe us as very naturally Master and sub. i get to see him a couple of times a week and one of these times we spend the day together. Whilst the journey with him has been fabulous it has not been without its scary moments. I am 43 and throughout my life have tailored 'who i am' to suit the people around me. my Master on the other hand encourages me to be 'myself' which is obviously incredibly freeing but sometimes i have self doubt. Recently, a couple of days after seeing him and it being a very emotionally and physically intence meeting i 'came down' with a bang. i felt empty and began this self doubt thing. my emotions were running high but he seems to deal with our time apart so easily which only fuels my self doubt till i get to the point of trying to express how i feel. When i blurt it all out he always seems to understand and give me the verbal reassurance that is backed up by the demonstrated reassurance that can only be given over time. I am learning that being 'myself' rather than avoiding being too 'heavy' 'emotional' 'intense' as i would and have done in all my past relationships but it is easier said than done. Does this ring any bells with any Masters out there and if so i would be very interested in your experience.

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 9:51:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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The answer to any question that begins "Does anyone else...?" is always yes.

That being said, I often say how slaves do half the work for the doms mentally and also drive the doms crazy with seemingly very little effort :)

You already know the answer because he's already told it to you, now you have to live the answer for yourself.

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 10:30:23 AM

Celeste43

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The emotional let down from an intense meeting is usually referred to as sub drop. Search the term and you'll get a lot of info. But in a nutshell, intense sessions take a lot out of you. Blood sugar drops, endorphin levels drop, serotonin gets used up. Add to that a tendency not to stop play just because you're thirsty and you add dehydration into the mix. If you didn't eat wisely that day, then malnourishment is there also. No time to unwind at the end? Fatigue.

When you look at all the brain and body chemistry going on, it's a wonder we don't have bad responses more often. Take it easy, learn from your mistakes. Insist on what you need and set it up. That can be as simple as packing a blanket and a bottle of water and a power bar to help you recover physically. It can also entail not playing if you know that you'll need to do a long job immediately afterward.

You need to cuddle afterwards, mention it ahead of time.

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 6:03:27 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Blood sugar drops,

Don't forget water. But, yeah, with extended play, I'd recommend getting a light meal some time in advance, or at least some slowly-metabolized carbohydrates, as well as using water, soda or sport drinks to keep the fluid levels up during a session. Getting some, but not too much, sugar in there occasionally could be a good thing.

quote:

endorphin levels drop,

Endorphins do drop, but generally not before the pain does. I don't think this is necessarily related to the drop in energy, although I'm open to suggestions to the contrary. It will constitute a drop in the high, though, which might make you feel just how far you've been pushed.

quote:

serotonin gets used up.

That's technically incorrect, I'm pretty sure. Sufficient serotonin release to deplete the vesicular stores through MAO-degradation should not occur unless the sub is already predisposed to depression or eating the wrong food. Even MDMA doesn't do that in one single run, though it does cause some desensitization. You could test this theory with a RIMA; my experience with irreversible MAOIs indicates it isn't a factor.

Personally, I think it's related to the shift in consciousness. I get this after Martial Arts training; during the training, I can take virtually anything (slamming a sprained (? not native speaker, so unsure if this is the right term for a lengthwise hairline fracture on one side) bone by accident didn't hurt at all) and can exert myself far beyond the point where I'd normally be dropping, even before the endorphins have time to do anything (not that they do anything for me in the first place) and once we do the closing ceremony (which gets me out of the "trance" again), exhaustion etc sets in very quickly.

Just some thoughts.

Aswad

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 6:11:29 PM

Kinkypupper

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life is full of doubt at some level or another.
Being full time an with each other is better and more secure for both at first then a distance one

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 6:16:08 PM

Elorin

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I can say that if Sir were reading this it would be all too familiar.

Men and women process things differently. I feel like when we are apart I am missing him madly and wish he were here the whole time, while he just couldn't care less. But that's not true. He just doesn't do things like write sappy love notes or call just to say "guess what made me think of you" or say "I miss you" very much.

Part of any long term relationship is figuring out how he communicates those things, so you can hear them, and him learning how you communicate, so he can hear you.

Good luck

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 6:35:04 PM

willowspirit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

The emotional let down from an intense meeting is usually referred to as sub drop. Search the term and you'll get a lot of info. But in a nutshell, intense sessions take a lot out of you. Blood sugar drops, endorphin levels drop, serotonin gets used up.

Absoulutely!

It may take something different for you than for someone else. It may take something different to help you at different times. Lots of things to learn about. Steel Door Scrolls has a good article on some differnt things to do.
I call it "crashing" -- sometimes "drop" isn't a strong enough word.

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RE: Scared - 4/16/2007 6:52:52 PM

willowspirit

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It sounds like He's growing too. Seeing as how you are both fairly new to much of this, you will be helping each other more than you may realize.

Depending on how deeply psychologically submissive you are innately, "being yourself"isn't the same thing as it is for people who aren't like you are.
If you were to ask a chammeleon (spelling ??) to show you its true colors what would you get? Adapting to its surroundings IS its "true self" !
Or like what some chefs say about tofu -- its flavor becomes the flavor of the food around it.
anyway, I understand your view. His view is that He wants to help you grow and discover yourself. Give it time.
Remember Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride? The way she liked her eggs? Whatever way the guy did... time after time... different guy / different eggs. Sooooo subbie!

Best wishes!

< Message edited by willowspirit -- 4/16/2007 6:54:26 PM >

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RE: Scared - 4/17/2007 4:46:56 AM

sensitivesoul

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Celeste
Thank you for your response. I searched the term 'sub-drop' and i now recognise i have suffered varying degrees of this, this week probably being the greatest. It is probably directly connected to the fact that this past weekend was a particularly intense meeting and we had little contact afterwards until we spoke today. i have sent him an article to read which closest describes how i have been feeling. Once again, thank You

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RE: Scared - 4/17/2007 7:34:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'm confused about the "newness" of things when you say you've been together and collared for three years? Has something changed recently in how you interact together?

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RE: Scared - 4/17/2007 7:46:57 AM

sensitivesoul

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I refer to the newness as we are both new to this kind of relationship and have journeyed through accepting this to be the natural dynamics of the relationship without looking into it as a style or scene. As for anything changing, yes it is constantly changing or growing more to the point. Our last meeting was extremely intense for me. We seem to get to places never experienced before by either of us and in the most part we share the reflection of this and move on. This experience was mindblowing for me but left me feeling so low a couple of days later and it was hard to put words to my feeling that after 3 years did not seem puzzling. The information i have read with regards to sub drop does seem to touch on things i have experienced.

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RE: Scared - 4/17/2007 12:20:07 PM

junecleaver

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I can somewhat relate. Now that I am in a commited relationship based on mutual trust and feelings of fuzziness, I experience subdrop a significant amount less than I did with play partners or 'friends.' But before that...I was always eaten with insecurities and irrational fears about the relationship even if it wasn't a real relationship while coming back down. I can remember how awful those feelings were and if yours are anything similar my heart goes out to you. One of the the first things I learned about my current relationship is that we were both free to be as creepy as we wanted to be. I don't worry about sounding pathetic or clingy or dependent. Because he has repeatedly told me that it's okay. If I want to drop to my hands and knees to kiss his feet, I can and he thinks even more of me for being honest and brave enough to outwardly show what I feel on the inside. I can tell him I love him and I miss him and that my pillow smells like him and it makes me miss him more---and it's not 'creepy' it's just being in love and all the wonderful fuzzy things that go with it. It sounds like you have a relationship where you are free and even encouraged to be emotionally open and honest. You don't have to worry about being 'intense.' So don't worry about it. Listen to your Dominant and trust him to be the decider of what is okay and what isn't okay. It sounds like he's giving you reassurance, you just have to trust in that.

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