Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (Full Version)

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robwilling -> Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 5:39:35 AM)

After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further.



ExtremeOwnerIL -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 5:44:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: robwilling

After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further.


I'm assuming you've expressed in a non-judgemental, open-minded positive way to her about your interests and your willingness to seek a good compromise in fulfilling each other's desires and needs?

If not, that's your first step.

If so, what did she and you agree and disagree on?

Regards,
EO



SimplyMichael -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 5:52:34 AM)

I would buy her two precious things.  A plane ticket and a clue and trust me, with those she will go far, very far.



TigerNINTails -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 6:06:47 AM)

LOL Michael... Dude, that's bad... [;)] In a kinda, blunt, in your face, not really so bad sorta bad kinda way...[:D]

quote:

ORIGINAL: robwilling

After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further.


First off... Communicate openly, plainly and honestly. With your wife that is.

Second off... "She thought it was legit"... WTF does that mean? Was it legit, or wasn't it?

Thirdly... What are you personally doing to stoke the fire? If you're not doing anything to stoke those flames, what is it that you're bringing to the table motivate her libido, as you put it? If you're not ramping her up, there's not much reason for her to go further. There's no anticipation, excitement, desire there for her to WANT to go further. And in that case, it doesn't matter what you want.

But I'm sure she'd go very far, even without a plane ticket or a clue, if you gave her the proper tools/reasoning/motivation if she's really subbing for you...

You've been together 28 years and you haven't figured this out yet? Like I said... Pay attention to the first, second and third statements above.

Just my take on it, with the very limited amount of information you've given here.

Peace.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 6:10:38 AM)

I too am curious about what you mean by legit.  But libido is one thing...experimenting with things she may be uncomfortable with is quite the other.  So are you saying she really has a low libido or that she is unsure if she wants to experiment with "going farther"?  If it's libido I would first rule out anything physical and then work on anything that may be emotional or psychological.  If it is a play aspect, there must be communication and trust.  Do you have that?  Do you listen to her and take her opinions and thoughts into consideration when discussing these scenarios? 

I think a bit more info is needed...



waterdance -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 6:14:46 AM)

i am a submissive and would like to add my 02 cents if i may... i am in my fifties and it is a fact that our bodies go through many hormonal changes and the libido does wane.  i must agree with the other two Gentleman and Lady who have emphasized communication.  That to me is the key to not only this lifestyle but in everyday life.  Talk with your wife and be open to what she says.  You'll be amazed what kind of information you can get.  Good luck. [:)]



whipingherfeet -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 10:10:21 AM)

GIVE HER 15 LASHES ON THE SOLES OF HER FEET .AFTER THAT SHE WILL DO ANY THING YOU WANT



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 10:20:00 AM)

what a few have repeated - communication.  i wonder if you ever sat down and actually communicated to her what you wanted or did you just suddenly thought she likes what you like without question?  have you ever considered she's going through menopause or has a hormonal imbalance? sounds like to me you're being very insensitive towards her feelings too.

like everyone else - what do you mean by legit? did you hire male escorts or what?



puella -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 10:39:06 AM)

With all due respect to Michael, I must disagree with him, a smidge.

Women's sexuality does not just 'randomly' go away (trust me I am an expert on this!), there is either somethinig physical (and don't blame hormones), or as I would suspect, something emotional going on.

Even with an absent sexual response, a woman who is deeply commited to you as a submissive and partner will probably serve you well, dispite her own lack of reciprocal pleasure.

Perhaps you should try to inspire her more fully, not just sicking a couple of strangers on her that you found off the net?

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.



Kinkypupper -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 2:09:04 PM)

You need to first sit down with her and CLEARLY discuss what the two of you want, what are interested in, and what you "currently" will not do.

from there you can BOTH go far



sillygirl09 -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 3:37:46 PM)

Very well put Puella!



Celeste43 -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 4:39:54 PM)

At 48 with menopause or perimenopause libido changes are all too common. If she hasn't yet hit menopause there are very few suggestions except to add soy to the diet if she can. The hormonal fluctuations are so severe that it is unlikely she will be put on HRT yet. If she is done fully menstruating then HRT will restore libido. Also if her vaginal tissues are thinning and drying, sex will become painful. If everytime you try it she's in pain then she will shut down physically. Estrogen cream and lube for this.

As far as lying to her about having other men touch her? That is totally wrong. Talk to her about what you would like her to do and respect her wishes. Maybe she'll consider some of your fantasies if you consider some of hers.



KnightofMists -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 5:02:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
Even with an absent sexual response, a woman who is deeply commited to you as a submissive and partner will probably serve you well, dispite her own lack of reciprocal pleasure.



I will echo my agreement with this statement.  My alandra has a very low sex drive.. always has.. and I suspect always will.  It is very rare that she is ever self-motivated for sex.  She is much more motivated to cuddle to me.

However, she is an eager participate in our sexual fun.  She appreciates that I have a rather greedy sex drive... so she is more than ready for the daily use she gets when I am around.  I think she likes it cause afterwards she gets the cuddle time.. but not to much cuddle cause then I wanna fuck again lol.

mmmmm maybe thats why she is so excited when kyra is home... kyra's sex drive matches my own.. but after sex.. kyra would prefer no cuddling.. something about too hot.. she doesn't do hot very well... so in comes alandra for cuddle time.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm and she cuddles me till wanna fuck again mmmmmmmmmmm seems I am caught in pleasure cycle  *G*


mmmmmmm oh I digress from the point... I suggest the OP... get in touch with her mind and heart.... the body is sure to follow. 



Suleiman -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 5:13:26 PM)

So far, the concensus seems to be communication. Are you as obtuse with your wife as you have been here? That might be your problem. Your wife, sir, is not a mind reader, and neither are the persons frequenting these fora. Hie thee to a dictionary, and come back with a complete sentence.



outlier -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 5:20:59 PM)

I will also agree with something Puella said:

quote:

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.


Which she might want to consider as a sig line.

The only thing I would add is the  word "Fully" in front of it.  Intellectually,
emotionally, psychologically, physically, let her know by your actions that she
is the center of your attention when you are engaged; and that her well being
is a priority even when you are not.  

Outlier



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 6:33:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would buy her two precious things.  A plane ticket and a clue and trust me, with those she will go far, very far.


This seems a little out of context..?



TigerNINTails -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 6:43:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.


Abso-frickin-lutely!!

'nuff said.[:D]



MissDiscipline -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 6:51:08 PM)

Lead by example- let those men massage you . Show her how a sub does- That'll teach her- yeah!!-  Hey good luck - I know when  I hit peri or any type of pause- I am gonna beat more ass than the law allows-



Invictus754 -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 7:02:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: robwilling
After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further. 


A couple of things:
Define: I want her to do more.  "Do" more K9s?  Have sex with the Pope?  What exactly is the act you want more of?
 
Define: it & legit.  'She thought it was legit' could mean that she thought the $200 you paid for two youngs studs to rub her down that you found online was a good price for an hour of massage.
 
Lastly - have you ASKED her what would turn her on?  Maybe she wants a three way with a clown and an Appaloosa.  Or maybe she just wants you wearing a clown nose. 

If so - make it happen, stud.
 



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to get her to do more (4/17/2007 7:58:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

With all due respect to Michael, I must disagree with him, a smidge.

Women's sexuality does not just 'randomly' go away (trust me I am an expert on this!), there is either somethinig physical (and don't blame hormones), or as I would suspect, something emotional going on.

Even with an absent sexual response, a woman who is deeply commited to you as a submissive and partner will probably serve you well, dispite her own lack of reciprocal pleasure.

Perhaps you should try to inspire her more fully, not just sicking a couple of strangers on her that you found off the net?

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.
[sm=applause.gif]....Tempting



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