When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (Full Version)

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Totalmaster4you -> When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 2:57:10 PM)

After reading a few thousand profiles and some time on the boards I began to wonder if there's a difference between what a slave/sub says she wants in a Dominant/Domme and the type she actually responds too. (as an example I go back to high school where the pretty girl is telling me she just wants a nice guy who'll treat her nice but is in reality dating a jerk and all she does is complain about the way he treats her. I so wanted to scream HEY STOOPID THE NICE GUY IS HERE WITH YOU NOW! I didn't grow into my Dominennce until college.) [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image]
Oh and please don't provide former collar posts about this. I want to know what this current group is thinking and doing.



hisannabelle -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:11:49 PM)

greetings,

what is the point of questions like this? it seems like people just post to gripe about the difficulties of finding a partner. the fact is, for some people the answer is yes and for some it's no. likely, no one will ever tell you the answer is anything other than yes for them, because that would make them look bad.

anyway, when i'm looking, yes, what i say is what i do. i don't have a need or desire to misrepresent myself, as that only causes problems and wastes time and energy.

edited to add: this probably happens just as often with dom/mes looking for subs as well - the difference in word and action. it's pretty much a universal dating problem.

annabelle.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:12:14 PM)

when i met Daddy, i stated what i wasn't looking for in a man and yep like idiots they still replied only to end up being immediately deleted without a reply back. i don't respond to profiles that don't interest me or send one-liners asking to send my addy so they can see me on cam. i denied more requests than accepted before Daddy found me.



SadisticMan -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:14:47 PM)

maybe people are afraid to say what they REALLY want ...



slcsub -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:16:46 PM)

Well, I try to be as open and honest as possible. I *hope* that is what a Dom/me is interested in. Eventually, if you do get together, the truth will come out and make a bad situation (likely) worse. ("No, I really wanted the bad guy.")

Better to avoid that unpleasantness upfront, most likely. The downside being, of course, the more you share upfront the more you're allowing the other person to self-select out. Every piece of information could work for you or against you. There's no telling.

The larger issue is -- and this may drive back to your original quesiton better -- is to all subs honestly, truly know what they want? In my case, for example, I find it difficult to be specific as to what I am looking for beyond learning, experience, and the opportunity to fully explore my submissive desires with another. There's so much for me to learn and be taught that it's difficult to quantify what I "want" beyond the opportunity to see what it is that I *need*.

Hopefully a male sub perspective is fine even though you were referring to female subs.

Regards,
- don



HarleyKitty69 -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:19:30 PM)

Well with me it is like that
what I want is not available and what is available I do not want
So I quit looking...



stef -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:33:37 PM)

What people think they want and what they truly want, sometimes don't overlap perfectly.  I'm sure you've heard the phrase "I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when I see it."  It's not the kind of thing that goes over well in a profile so what ends up there might not always be spot on.  Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. 

I can't help but wonder if this was really the question you wanted to ask.  It seems that you might have really been looking for the answer to a question more along the lines of this; "Why don't the women I think should want me, want me?"

Bit of a plot twist, eh?

~stef



littleone35 -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:36:47 PM)

I was always uofront about what i needed and what i did not need in a Master.  I met a few Dom'd\s who were not a Match even though they said they were but when we met it w\changed all of a sudden.  Then i met my Master and as he alway says "I say what i mean and i mean what i say" he was up front too.  I respond more to a sensual rather than a sadistic Dom.

Matt's littleone



sillygirl09 -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 3:53:04 PM)

I have a pretty clear picture of what I'm looking for, the problem is some will say whatever they think you want to hear.  So I have developed a way of asking questions to try and get an honest response, I always try to ask my questions without giving any idea of what my thoughts are on the subject, once he's responded then I tell him my thoughts.



Casie -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 4:35:18 PM)

I think most people know what they want...but wheather or not they will admit their deepest desires are debatable depending on the person



Totalmaster4you -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 6:10:04 PM)

Obviously I wasn't as clear as I had hoped. To those of you who understood my question my compliments(slcsub, sillygirl and littleone).
annabelle- where do you see a gripe this was a simple question about do you know yourself.
stef-bet you thought yourself clever with your replacement question. Well I've been a Master for over 30 years and have owned a slave for a long time so it's not like I'm desparately seeking someone.........so I'll presume you let your smartass get in front of your eyeteeth and couldn't see what you were saying.
Thanks to you all for taking the time to try to answer my poorly concieved question.



KnightofMists -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 6:38:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

Thanks to you all for taking the time to try to answer my poorly concieved question.


Actually... I am not sure if you even asked a question.

Did you ask one?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????



firesign -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 7:27:51 PM)

*points to the subject line*  ;)

I know I have a hard time picturing the perfect person for me.  I think the difficulty lies in the fact that it's really really hard to find someone who comes close to satisfying the Dom from my fantasies who is also someone I could actually live a vanilla life with as well.  For example, I'm attracted to aloof Dominants, but I think if I tried to make a whole life with one, it'd be a disaster.  It's kind of the same thing where the words "always" and "never" really turn me on, but another aspect of my personality is really diminished by too much routine.

My solution?  Not looking, thanks!  ;) 





stef -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/17/2007 7:59:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

bet you thought yourself clever with your replacement question.

I know I'm clever, I hardly need this forum to prove it.  It was a legitimate question.

quote:

Well I've been a Master for over 30 years and have owned a slave for a long time so it's not like I'm desparately seeking someone.

I never claimed you were 'desparate.'  I just figured that there might be a different question you really wanted to ask but didn't for some reason.  It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to approach a topic in a round-about fashion.  It's just a shame that you had to jump right to insults rather than address it straight on.

~stef



Totalmaster4you -> RE: When you are looking for a Dom(me) is what you say what you do? (4/18/2007 12:28:12 AM)

Always intresting to see others perspectives.
stef I have no desire to get into a spitting contest with you however I didn't jump to insults but made a joke. Yes I did percieve your remade question as a smartass comment because you followed it with "bit of a plot twist, eh". If you didn't get the joke plz email me and I'll explain it.
Knight I admitted that the question was poorly concirved, however there was a question and most seemed to get it and answer it as well. If you didn't see it *insert clever remark here.
firesign your answer truely saddened me. That you have withdrawn so that you're not hurt or dissappointed seems like a difficult but extreme solution. I wish you well on your journey.



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