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RE: New Group - 4/27/2005 1:00:59 PM

siamsa24

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She dresses like that all the time, everyone knows who she is because no one around here dresses like that (we are all about the polos and khakis around here)

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RE: New Group - 4/27/2005 5:32:33 PM

proudsub

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quote:

She can basically do what she wants and have the school do what she wants.
Ahhhh, politics, the rich will always win

Then she's a good one to have in the group, may keep it from being shut down.

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RE: New Group - 4/27/2005 6:14:38 PM

SweetDommes

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Other than she'll probably drive siamsa up the wall - especially if it's just the two of them LOL

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RE: New Group - 4/28/2005 4:33:18 AM

FuriousAngel

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I don't know how much, if at all my thoughts will help you, but I'll share them anyways. A few months ago I found a group reasonably close to me and within three months deleted my membership without making it to a meet.

The group in question holds meets once a month. I missed the two that passed while I was a member. I did not feel comfortable attending them as the meets were being held in people's home's. I inquired with others in the lifestyle about this and got mixed reaction. Some said it was a bad idea due to safety, others said it is fairly normal. Regardless, as someone who had never attended a meet before I was not comfortable going to a stranger's house. I would have gone had they have been held on more neutral territory ie. restaurant, etc. I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt this way as they were having difficulty getting the new members to the meets.

They moved the meets to a hall, but I never made it up as I observed things unfolding within the group via the site that made me decide I did not want to be a part of it. In particular, I saw a lot of lecturing taking place reminding people about being discreet. Turns out members who were going to the meets were revealing names of those they met to others in the vanilla world. It was quite the upset as some of the members were prominant members of the city in question and did not appreciate having their personal lives exposed. I also some sort of conflict taking place about Dominant's touching the property of others without permission.

Ultimately, I saw a lot of negativity and what appeared to be no structure, or consequences within the group. After three months of observation, I decided it was not an environment I felt comfortable being a part of and quietly deleted my membership. Perhaps one day I will look the group up again and see if things have changed. I guess what I'm suggesting is that you have some form of structure, membership rules, and consequences for breaking them. (Running to the message board to rant and lecture is not quite how I felt such instances should be handled).

It's not just about the obvious reasons of ensuring those within your group are safe and secure, but also to make it inviting for those new to your group so they don't 'quietly delete their membership' before even making it out to one of your meets. I hope my thoughts helped you in some way though I'm sure most if not all are a given to you already! Good luck!

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RE: New Group - 4/28/2005 6:37:33 AM

siamsa24

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Thank you, those are some things to think about. One of the other people that I was talking to about this groups mentioned something about not having any kind of membership list, not using flyers to advertise and things like that because some people are not comfortable revealing that they are interested in BDSM. I told him that they would have to be comfrotable enough to show their face to potential strangers (and more likely people that they knew from class), so individuals not comfortable admitting that they were interested would not show up anyway.

We are meeting in the lounge of a residence hall, which I feel is fairly neutral. We can't meet in a location off campus because of transporttation issues for most of the students (I have a car, but most of the students don't).

SweetDommes and Proudsub,
One of the main reasons that I waited until now to start the group is because she is graduating in a couple weeks. Even if she does show up and try to take over (which she will), it won't last very long.
As far as the group getting shut down, I talked to the SGA (student government association) president. What he told me is that because the group is not officially associated with the college and is not "approved" by the SGA they can't shut us down.

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RE: New Group - 4/28/2005 10:16:24 PM

siamsa24

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I hung up 35 flyers this week.

They are all gone except for 3. Either people are tearing them down and throwing them away, or people are taking them to remember the time and date.

I did get a call today from someone interested, but unable to attend. At least that's promising.

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RE: New Group - 4/28/2005 10:24:56 PM

Emmmrld

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From: Las Vegas, Nevada
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Congradulations!

I applaud your effort to get things going in the community in which you live.

I've been the leader of established kink and vanilla groups and started my own. Here are some tips I'd give you:

**** Give it time. You may sit alone for the first few months, but if people see this as a re-occuring thing they will come out. Ever hear the saying "Build it, and they will come" ? Well it's true. If you can convince a friend to sit with you while you wait for people to show up that may help as well.

**** Have a host/ess. No one likes to go somewhere alone. Chances are people will not be out to their friends (but it is a college campus so they may). So when you are hosting such an event be on the look out for someone who is 'looking' for someone. Be able and willing to go up and say "Hi! (big smile here ;) ) Are you looking for ~insert group name~ ? " Make sure you tell them "Welcome, I'm glad you came". People want to feel welcomed and wanted. If you tell them every time that you see them that you are glad that they showed up, they will come again.

When I started a kink group I started with a discussion group. When the group was small and I knew everyone I'd personally introduce people around. As the group got larger I'd run it where after peple sat and chatted for about 10 minutes I got people's attention. I would introduce myself and say what the group was and the purpose. Then I'd give the format for the evening. This usually included doing a round of introductions, where introducing yourself was optional.

I did a themed thing because we met monthly. So for instance in the month of March I would say "Please introduce yourself with either your vanilla name or scene name - whatever you are comfortable with, if you want to share what role you prefer that is fine, if you'd like to share your availability status that is welcome, and then please share your favorite GREEN thing." I did this because the group got large and I couldn't be at every end of the room to get conversations started amongst strangers. So at least there was one point of conversation that they could start with to talk to another.

Since it was a discussion group I'd advertise the topics. Every time we met I would pass around a sheet that said "disscussion topic ideas" and ask people to put down an idea or two for future discussion groups. This took the burden off of me from having to "think" of new stuff and let it be more what the concensus wanted.

If you want some ideas on what you could use to start off with I'd be happy to pass them along to you. If you need any help / ideas / ear to vent frustrations too please feel free to contact me off the forums. :)

Good luck and GREAT job!

Emerald

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RE: New Group - 4/29/2005 7:16:06 AM

kc692

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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I hung up 35 flyers this week.

They are all gone except for 3. Either people are tearing them down and throwing them away, or people are taking them to remember the time and date.

I did get a call today from someone interested, but unable to attend. At least that's promising.

Just a guess, but I can't think of any reason that they would be pulling them down to throw them away...

Emmmrld is right, I started a swingers group about 5 months ago....the first meet and greet, less than 10 showed up, but I introduced everyone by their screen names (it is an internet site), second time 40 showed up, because once I knew some were interested, I pushed them to tell the ones they knew on the site. The next time there were over 75. We have one coming up in 3 weeks, and I hope to have at least 150 of the 215 members there, since we have a club opening up as a private party for us. Every party though, as people come in, I greet everybody until there gets to be too many, and since I have talked with more of them, I take them "by the hand" to someone else and introduce them to each other, telling them I think they have a lot in common. I also have some of the "regulars" help me if a lot arrive at the same time, and look like they are heading towards me. All the first time attendees look for me, they know I will introduce them to somebody, so no one is afraid of standing by themselves with nothing to do. My regulars do the same, with introductions to others, if there are too many for me to handle at once. If you have 32 flyers gone, they may not show up the first time, or even the second time, but if you keep putting those flyers out, they WILL come sooner or later. Good luck, and let us know tonight on the boards or tomorrow how it went. I know I, for one, am eager to hear about it and very hopeful for your success!!!

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RE: New Group - 4/29/2005 8:09:10 AM

happypervert

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quote:

Just a guess, but I can't think of any reason that they would be pulling them down to throw them away..

I can see some self-appointed moral crusaders doing it; call it an apprenticeship toward career goals of being like Jerry Falwell or Tom DeLay.

Depending on how the flyers were worded, it could push somebody's hot buttons -- for example if it has "BDSM" in big letters it could strike some as just pure evil and down it goes; it may be less likely to hit a hot button or preconceived misconceptions by describing the same things in terms like alternative sexual relations, power exchange, and other language like that.

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RE: New Group - 4/29/2005 9:12:13 AM

siamsa24

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The reason that I think they are being thrown away is because I found one out in the courtyard torn to shreds. And they were gone within 24 hours of me putting them up (there is only one left as of this morning).
I had several people read the flyer and they said that they didn't really understand what it ment and didn't find it offensive in the least (if read by someone familiar with BDSM they understood).

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RE: New Group - 4/29/2005 10:26:54 AM

kc692

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quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

Just a guess, but I can't think of any reason that they would be pulling them down to throw them away..

I can see some self-appointed moral crusaders doing it; call it an apprenticeship toward career goals of being like Jerry Falwell or Tom DeLay.

Depending on how the flyers were worded, it could push somebody's hot buttons -- for example if it has "BDSM" in big letters it could strike some as just pure evil and down it goes; it may be less likely to hit a hot button or preconceived misconceptions by describing the same things in terms like alternative sexual relations, power exchange, and other language like that.

True, but you would think they would have pulled them all down, wouldn't they?.

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RE: New Group - 4/29/2005 10:32:50 AM

siamsa24

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The other ones (well, one now) are tucked away. The only one that is left is on the "alternative lifestyle board" that generally advertises activities for the GLBT community here on campus.

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RE: New Group - 4/29/2005 7:43:39 PM

siamsa24

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Well, it was not really what would be considered a roaring success.
There were three of us there, me, and the two guys that expressed interest in the first place. It's not much, but it's a start and it's better then nothing. Hopefully we can get going a little stronger next semester

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 1:33:25 PM

kc692

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Well, at least it wasn't you by yourself..there are three of you to talk it up for the future. Part of the problem may be that you said a lot of people didn't know the term BDSM and what it entailed. Maybe there is a way to word the flyers that, although not offensive, gives students a slight glimpse into the "topic of interest" that would make them want to come to find out more....

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 1:39:04 PM

siamsa24

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We have decided to call ourselves "Tops and Bottoms" not quite BDSM related and yet it is. We have some ideas for next year for activities to get the word out. My partner is in a band and we may have them come and play for us, we may have a cookout with a DJ, whatever we can do to make it seem like a good group to be around.

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 1:56:08 PM

kc692

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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

We have decided to call ourselves "Tops and Bottoms" not quite BDSM related and yet it is. We have some ideas for next year for activities to get the word out. My partner is in a band and we may have them come and play for us, we may have a cookout with a DJ, whatever we can do to make it seem like a good group to be around.

Great ideas. Give them free food and music, and they will come!!!!!!!

Then you can educate them!

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 2:01:34 PM

siamsa24

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Free food and a free concert, the only way to communicate with a college student.
We are also going to try to get the Greeks involved, if they support it then other students will come (and bring beer, the third way to communicate with college students)

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 2:46:32 PM

kc692

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Free food, free music, and free beer attract the public at large, not just college students!!!!

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 8:39:17 PM

brightspot

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Hey siamsa!
I think you did Good girl!
Now there are 3 brains to come
up with idea's and for support!
Food, Beer, Music, Good Conversation,
Who could ask for more, except maybe
down the line... a good spanking ~wink.

*Brightspot

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RE: New Group - 4/30/2005 9:47:36 PM

SweetDommes

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Well, at least the fetishwear, know-it-all didn't show LOL

Hopefully the three of you can come up with ideas that will get people there next year