RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (Full Version)

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faidedrose -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:16:42 PM)

i totally agree with you krikket. If it will hurt Yyour partner, DON'T DO IT!! Unless Yyou are trying to get them to leave Yyou.




MstrssPassion -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:19:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

When is Cheating not cheating?


No such thing. Only time cheating doesn't occur is when all players adhere to the rules

quote:

Seems that some on here consider a married man/woman playing on here without their partner being involved is cheating.


Thats not accurate... a lot of people on here consider it cheating when the married one is playing around & their partner is completely unaware of it & would most likely not be ok with their playing around.

quote:

Say both partners are involved together is'nt that still a form of cheating.


No.

quote:

What about poly relationships. The thing is that your still playing with another man/woman.


I don't think you have a real grasp on what poly is & how this type of relationship dynamic works. Playing (i.e. physical relations, be it bdsm or sex) do not have to be involved within a poly relationship & when it is, it doesn't mean that all have to be in the sack together. If one partner in a poly dynamic is having issues, such as jealousy.... well then it still isn't cheating but I'll bet dollars to donuts that it won't be a poly arrangement to much longer either.

quote:

So when is cheating not cheating. Are certian types of cheating acceptable. Can it be done without you being a hypocrite?


Cheating is always cheating. Personally I don't believe there is any such thing as acceptable cheating because to dabble around with that would make someone like myself, who doesn't engage in cheating a hypocrite.



MstrssPassion -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:21:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faidedrose

i totally agree with you krikket. If it will hurt Yyour partner, DON'T DO IT!! Unless Yyou are trying to get them to leave Yyou.




What a terrible thing to do

You find that to be an acceptable reason to hurt someone? Why not just own up to your choices & be an adult & tell your partner that you don't want to continue the relationship.

Cop outs like this & public statements to such speaks volumes about your communication skills.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:26:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: faidedrose

i totally agree with you krikket. If it will hurt Yyour partner, DON'T DO IT!! Unless Yyou are trying to get them to leave Yyou.




What a terrible thing to do

You find that to be an acceptable reason to hurt someone? Why not just own up to your choices & be an adult & tell your partner that you don't want to continue the relationship.

Cop outs like this & public statements to such speaks volumes about your communication skills.
    i couldnt AGREE more. My God, to hurt someone that deeply just to get "rid" of them geezus.



MstrssPassion -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:29:44 PM)

this whole business about cheating makes me think of an entirely different concept

Integrity

I was raised with the concept of this being the one & only thing a person truly had control of in their life...even more so than one's virginity (we all know that this can be taken from you)

Integrity is the one thing that you would have to throw away... no one can remove your integrity.

Cheaters have no integrity. They have very effectively proved that they are selfish, dishonest & deceitful.



honeysuckleblue -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:46:54 PM)

Interesting concepts.  i have been thinking alot about this and i have come to the conclusion that cheating only occurs when a married party sets out delibertly to cause his or her partner emotional pain.  i have discussed this at length with my Master as He is maried to a vanilla.   She is truely a slave, but has not yet reached her potential.  He was dating me when He met and married her.  Did He cheat on me?????   No absolutely not. Although He dated her without my knowledge and later married her with my knowlege, He did not cheat on me.  he is my Master and what He does is up to Him.  She can not meet His needs of the lifestyle and i do.  In due respect, she will find out about me and come to the same conclution that i have. there are those who need more that one partner.  He does and i do.  if i sleep with another, i am only cheating because i am His property.  He is my Master and He is her Master, she just doesn't realize it yet.  However Master does allow me to have men/women that are submissive and slave type personality.  One might suggest that He is passifing me because He can't be with me 24/7 right now, when indeed that is not true.  W/we are working towards a poly household and within the year, i imagine Master will have her, me, a male slave and another beta female.  So is He cheating on her?  No, just giving her time to adapt to new and fresh ideas she wasn't aware was acceptable.  Y/you may agree or disagree. 



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 4:47:34 PM)

then why get married or be in a committed relationship if you're going be with others (whether or not either partner knows/approves)? it doesn't make any common sense if you're married and have this open policy to play. the sanctity and union of 2 is totally shattered and no longer considered as a marriage if you decide to share yourself with others.  there is no middle ground, in my opinion, to define when an open relationship is not considered cheating. i'm firm on my belief that cheating is cheating - no ifs, ands or buts.

Daddy approves of this message



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 5:05:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

then why get married or be in a committed relationship if you're going be with others (whether or not either partner knows/approves)? it doesn't make any common sense if you're married and have this open policy to play. the sanctity and union of 2 is totally shattered and no longer considered as a marriage if you decide to share yourself with others.  there is no middle ground, in my opinion, to define when an open relationship is not considered cheating. i'm firm on my belief that cheating is cheating - no ifs, ands or buts.

Daddy approves of this message


If that is what marriage means to you- then yes, being with others would break the marriage and be pointless.

However, to many marriage is not a sanctified thing meaning "you and me no others ever"  For them, being with others is completely compatible with also being married.  They form unique relationships with each individual- which does not change the status of the others.

One could say that my partner and I have an open policy.  If he met a hot chick out at lunch today and they got really connected and he wanted to go fuck her all night long- pretty much all he'd have to do is call and let me know not to cook dinner for him tonight and where he was.  I'd be thrilled for him, slightly jealous, and happy that I got full control of the remote tonight.

Do we not have a strong bond together?  Does that somehow negate what we have?



LadyPact -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 5:35:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: honeysuckleblue

Interesting concepts.  i have been thinking alot about this and i have come to the conclusion that cheating only occurs when a married party sets out delibertly to cause his or her partner emotional pain.  i have discussed this at length with my Master as He is maried to a vanilla.   She is truely a slave, but has not yet reached her potential.  He was dating me when He met and married her.  Did He cheat on me?????   No absolutely not. Although He dated her without my knowledge and later married her with my knowlege, He did not cheat on me.  he is my Master and what He does is up to Him.  She can not meet His needs of the lifestyle and i do.  In due respect, she will find out about me and come to the same conclution that i have. there are those who need more that one partner.  He does and i do.  if i sleep with another, i am only cheating because i am His property.  He is my Master and He is her Master, she just doesn't realize it yet.  However Master does allow me to have men/women that are submissive and slave type personality.  One might suggest that He is passifing me because He can't be with me 24/7 right now, when indeed that is not true.  W/we are working towards a poly household and within the year, i imagine Master will have her, me, a male slave and another beta female.  So is He cheating on her?  No, just giving her time to adapt to new and fresh ideas she wasn't aware was acceptable.  Y/you may agree or disagree. 


I'll take you up on that.  Only for one particular point, and that is the reference to "deliberate" pain.  In some instances, I do believe that those cheating intentionally hide it so as not to cause pain to their partner.  Even though they know it would hurt their partner if they found out, they don't have the intention of the partner knowing the truth.  I don't think they cheat to intend to cause the pain, therefore, I don't agree with the term deliberate.



patina -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 5:55:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

It's not cheating when the other partner not only knows...but approves.

Master Fire



I agree with MFM if all parties know and approve then it is not cheating.

patina



Griswold -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 5:59:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stranger1

If it feels like you are cheating-you are.


That's perfect.

Nothing needs to be added.



santalia -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 6:14:01 PM)

Greetings

Poly is not cheating.

Seeking the companionship of others with your partner's knowledge and blessing is not cheating.

Going behind your partner's back, lying about what you're doing, going out of your way to hide your activities: that is cheating.

Hope this helps.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}t



cintia111 -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 6:18:00 PM)


Hello,
My name is dare, I was born in  pelham alabama,Born to family of three i.e My father, mother and me as
the only surviving child
My father is from same city where i was born while my mother came from Africa, Nigeria.I studied marketing and finished my course some few years back.my dad died in an auto crash 5 years ago after which my mother decided to relocate to Nigeria because we are not finding things easy with my father`s family and she doesn`t want me to live a full American Life and infact she prefer me to get married from her tribe.Initially i tried to go against her wish but after all the persuation and i have always wanted her to be happy so i eventaully accepted what she want, so i got maried to someone for her tribe though i was not happy with the marriage but i have no choice but the marriage only lasted for 2 years before the man came with a funny game by going into another marriage and send me packing to mom`s apartment...
Right now i need someone to wipe away my tears and live a happy life like when i was in the
U.S.A. I don`t need someone that will add to my sorrow.I need someone to take care of me and my mother because presently i don`t have a job and happiness has not been my friend for years,i need someone who wil bring back smile into my face...
cintia...i am online [email protected]



kiyari -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 6:22:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: santalia

Greetings

Poly is not cheating.

Seeking the companionship of others with your partner's knowledge and blessing is not cheating.

Going behind your partner's back, lying about what you're doing, going out of your way to hide your activities: that is cheating.

Hope this helps.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}t



True only insofar as those one would dally with know the truth of thy other entanglements



faidedrose -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 6:24:35 PM)

ok then take cheating out of it. I feel anyOone who does something behind the other partners back is WRONG. All should be shared and agreed upon. Secrets are like dynamite in a hole. Total destruction.

rose



CuriousLord -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 7:20:49 PM)

 Cheating isn't cheating when the other partner(s) knows, consents, and approves.
Also, it isn't cheating in an open relationship, or under circumstances in which the other partner(s) understand it may happen and general consent is provided in advance.

There are more unusual exception cases, too.  Rape, which the victim in no way invited and attempted, to the best of his/her ability, to fend off, for example.

Edit:
I'd like to point out there are cases that are cheating, and the other partner both knows and consents (but doesn't approve).  Such as, as sterotypical as I can think of here, a house wife with a neglectful husband.  The neglectful husband goes out late at night, when both know he's going to just sleep with some other woman.  The housewife knows, and, unwilling to stop him, consents (it is important to understand she can stop him, say, with a pistol- but she's unwilling, and, in her failure to act, provides consent).  However, she doesn't approve.
Bottom line being, to clarfy the orginial part of the post, the act being known and unprotested doesn't mean it's not cheating.



angelic -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 8:46:05 PM)

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and waddles like a duck.... .......



lockedaway -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 8:48:23 PM)

Like the Ever Ready bunny...still going.  Ok...cheating isn't cheating when their is full knowledge of both parties or when a complaint for divorce has been filed and the parties are living in different residences.



BeautifulRacket -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/18/2007 9:44:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: honeysuckleblue

Interesting concepts.  i have been thinking alot about this and i have come to the conclusion that cheating only occurs when a married party sets out delibertly to cause his or her partner emotional pain.  i have discussed this at length with my Master as He is maried to a vanilla.   She is truely a slave, but has not yet reached her potential.  He was dating me when He met and married her.  Did He cheat on me?????   No absolutely not. Although He dated her without my knowledge and later married her with my knowlege, He did not cheat on me.  he is my Master and what He does is up to Him.  She can not meet His needs of the lifestyle and i do.  In due respect, she will find out about me and come to the same conclution that i have. there are those who need more that one partner.  He does and i do.  if i sleep with another, i am only cheating because i am His property.  He is my Master and He is her Master, she just doesn't realize it yet.  However Master does allow me to have men/women that are submissive and slave type personality.  One might suggest that He is passifing me because He can't be with me 24/7 right now, when indeed that is not true.  W/we are working towards a poly household and within the year, i imagine Master will have her, me, a male slave and another beta female.  So is He cheating on her?  No, just giving her time to adapt to new and fresh ideas she wasn't aware was acceptable.  Y/you may agree or disagree. 

So, what you're saying is, there is absolutely NO chance that your master's wife will be hurt by him having a deep relationship with you before they met, through their courtship and entire marriage? And that's on top of there being NO chance that she's not (or won't realize she is) "truely a slave," she won't want him as her Dominant, a poly lifestyle/household, or find these "new and fresh ideas" of yours and his acceptable?

I truly hope you're kidding because his wife is a person and there's a very real possibility she isn't a submissive or poly and will be extremely hurt by his (and your) unethical behavior. Unless your master is delusional, he certainly is cheating on her by your own definition: there is absolutely no way for him to be positive about her orientations, desires or reactions without her knowledge; in that, he is setting out to cause her pain. Because, really, if she'd be happy with it as you both say, why didn't he tell her right from the start, or at least right now? Even if she was fine with it in months or years down the road, you two have been/are acting without integrity.



BeachMystress -> RE: When is Cheating not cheating? (4/19/2007 12:52:18 AM)

I agree with what szobras and MasterFireMaam said, as well as everyone who said if you have to lie it is cheating.




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