When is Cheating not cheating?

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When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:13:52 AM

Dnomyar

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Seems that some on here consider a married man/woman playing on here without their partner being involved is cheating. Say both partners are involved together is'nt that still a form of cheating. What about poly relationships. The thing is that your still playing with another man/woman. So when is cheating not cheating. Are certian types of cheating acceptable. Can it be done without you being a hypocrite?

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:14:15 AM

Stranger1

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If it feels like you are cheating-you are.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:18:30 AM

darkinshadows

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Cheating is defined as a lie.

If what you are doing is a lie - then you have your answer.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:18:48 AM

szobras

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Cheating is not cheating when committed parties have agreed opon knowledge, practices, and or disclosure, and excersise the integrity to hold to those agreements. That is how it is defined in my relationship.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:20:13 AM

mstrjx

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When you feel denial is a healthy emotion. Good luck with that.

In fairness, I have considered on more than one occasion a partner whose current (at the time) relationship was unraveling and all parties knew and understood (albeit with varying degrees of acceptance). These opportunities were not ones that I sought, so I did not feel that I myself was wrecking someone else's home.

For myself, I have always been monogamous with my partners. Even when relationships of my own were in the late stages I did not take on an additional lover. One time it backfired that I did not, but I lived to tell the tale nonetheless.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:20:34 AM

WilliamWizer

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Cheating is always cheating. if you want to "cheat" without cheating... tell your partner that you are playing with another man/woman. xD

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There's only two rules for a sub:
- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

(in reply to Stranger1)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:26:38 AM

MasterFireMaam

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It's not cheating when the other partner not only knows...but approves.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:27:34 AM

lostsoulskitten

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I always have defined cheating as hiding a second relationship from a spouse or loved one. Yes I am poly, Have been for many years. But I made a point long time ago to keep open communication and to hit hide things like other students from each other. Even though I have retired from Memtoring, every one of my students knew of each other. It has always been that way for me.

If things like other girls are defined early on in a relationship I do not see it as cheating, especially if everyone knows of each other. Have I been cheated on in the past? Yes. Usually the girl withholds a boyfriend and all and it ends the relationship right there. If ones keep open communication, I do not have problems if they date casually other people.

(in reply to WilliamWizer)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:32:26 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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AN interesting question,I believe when one is playing with out their partner's knowledge now thats cheating,WE are in a poly relationship, we are a married Dom couple and for the most part only play with women,when a male slave is involved it usually a pain sub and absolute no sex at all between her and another male that goes without me having to say it..TO those feel that poly and playing with your partners permission is still cheating,I say to each their own,.,,bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 11:38:53 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Cheating is anything you feel you cannot share with the person you should share such things with.

I allow leniency for ethics in cases where one partner has a lifelong debilitating disease and/or is bedridden. But even then it still is cheating.

If you are full open and everyone accepts, then it's not cheating.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 12:12:17 PM

Casie

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It's isn't cheating if your have your partners blessing

(in reply to lostsoulskitten)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 12:43:45 PM

hereyesruponyou

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Cheating is when you need to lie or hide the relationship. I recently believed the "we live together but ahve separate lives" thing until i found out he couldn't communicate at all from home and i was never to call. Yeah, i don't think so.

(in reply to Casie)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 12:46:36 PM

puella

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It is not cheating when the person you refer to as your partner, because of some sort of vow or understanding you have between each other, knows and is okay with what you are doing. If you need to lie, either to yourself or to your partner, someone is being cheated out of something. If you need to keep something from the person you have committed yourself to, you are cheating that person, and the commitment you made to them.

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(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 3:12:16 PM

PONYSEEKER

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They have new stats on this on msnbc

(in reply to puella)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 3:13:32 PM

MellowSir

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That's pretty simple. It's cheating when there are lies told.

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 3:53:43 PM

faidedrose

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     Cheating is cheating if you have to lie to your partner to do it. If it is ok to do it, by the words of your partner than all is well. Also the question is....
     What is concidered cheating? I would still say, anything that involves someone else other than your partner that you BOTH do not agree on, and you have to hide it from them to do it, that is also cheating. From down to talking to someone else, to cyber, to the actual sexual act. Very small to the extreme.
     In this lifestyle, all is suppose to be discussed between all involved. If something is discussed, and agreed upon, that is the way it should be!! PERIOD.
     If Oone is not sure about the other person agreeing, it should be discussed. If you cannot agree on it, then it should not be done.

     Master and I have always stressed that Trust, Honor, Respect, and Communication is the key to any relationship. If one of those components are missing then you might as well move out/move on. You have nothing.

rose

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 4:00:21 PM

lockedaway

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It is refreshing to see so many people that know what cheating is and that cheating is wrong. There were so many posts on a related thread where a handful of people tried to justify the cheating on their partner. If you have an open marriage, that's not cheating. If you have a cuckolded your partner in connection with d/s, that isn't cheating either. Cheating is entering an intimate and or sexual relationship with someone other than your partner without your partner's knowldege or consent.

(in reply to faidedrose)

Post #: 17

RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 4:07:59 PM

krikket

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From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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Cheating is also lying by omission -- knowing that what you're doing is not only wrong but would hurt your partner. There are many ways of doing this, not just physical, but also emotional and mental.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Cheating is defined as a lie.
If what you are doing is a lie - then you have your answer.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 18

RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 4:09:41 PM

LadyPact

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I think you hit the nail on the head in the very first sentence "without their partner being involved". As soon as that happens, that is usually where the deception between the partners begin, and that is the core of the issue. Cheating is not when certain actions begin. It is where the lies begin. When the truth is being hidden, in words, actions, or deeds.

If both partners in a relationship are both participating together, as is My personal case, it would be hard pressed to say that what is happening is considered cheating. After all, We were the Ones to make that decision about Our relationship. We didn't invite everyone else's opinions into the debate because their definition didn't have a baring on the situation. At the end of the day, as long as We are happy in Our house, that's what matters.

Now, not all people have partners who participate at the same level. Some play with their partner's complete knowledge. If they have that kind of situation, more power to them. However, I have yet to meet any married submissive male who was willing to bring his wife to lunch to meet Me, where I would describe to her, in detail, what I would be doing with her husband, and have her say ok. (BTW, when I mention this proposition, I always stipulate that her ID is required.) I'm not saying it can't happen, but it hasn't been a challenge anyone has met to date with Me.

I can not make any comment as to your question of poly, as We have yet to evolve into a poly household. Some of the relationships have been a form of poly, but I do not think that is what you refer to.

As to hypocrisy, I don't consider Myself a hypocrite just because My definition of cheating may not match yours. My actions are very specifically equal to My words. I explain everything up front to My boys so that everyone understands the situation and knows what is acceptable and what is not. We have a list of house rules that We use that are adhered to by all involved. It works for Us.

Edited for spelling errors

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/18/2007 4:12:32 PM >

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 19

RE: When is Cheating not cheating? - 4/18/2007 4:14:53 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stranger1

If it feels like you are cheating-you are.

Excellent answer.

Also the obvious:
If you have not been up front and received the blessing(s) of your current intimate partner(s),
as well as having divulged to the prospective that you HAVE (an)other partner(s)...
then it is cheating.

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to Stranger1)

Post #: 20

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