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How to Start? - 4/18/2007 11:34:31 PM

lcub3159

Posts: 7
Status: offline

I have a question for anyone really.

I have never been with a domme before. I have been "into" domination for quite some time online (a few years) and have never really gotten the courage to seek out a domme.

I finally want to meet someone and be trained, however it appears (and this could just be the people that I've spoken to via messages online) that all the dommes are Pros and don't want to bother with a newbie.

Should I try to find amateur dommes? If so, where do I find them?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Note, I approach dommes respectfully and not rudely. I approach with a message, send my photo, and ask if what they'd like me to do next. I'm not just a random guy asking to be dominated. I am willing to learn.

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 12:07:29 AM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

You should dip your toes in your local scene (munches/events) as its much easier to meet prospective play partners that way.

Good luck with it.

Miss Sam

(in reply to lcub3159)

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 12:28:44 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Just because a woman doesn't charge doesn't make her an "amateur." A Domme who doesn't charge for her services or demand tribute is called a Lifestyle Domme.

I suggest you start with some reading. I'll include some links at the bottom of this post. A couple of the sites discuss how to attract a Domme.

Also, I'd suggest getting the book Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus It not only contains Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual but also Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners The Workbook is more geared towards a sub teaching themselves skills that a Dominant might wish them to posess. And realistically, if you wish to attract a Lifestyle Domme, you need to have something to offer her. In general, women could care less if you tell them they can do anything they want with your body. It isn't anything special. We gets dozens of offers like that a week. You need to stand out in some way. Learning massage, getting into toymaking, becoming a great cook are all things that may attract a Lifestyle Domme.

Once you have educated yourself, head for your local scene and meet people. Check http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html to find local munches.

Submissive information
http://www.femalesincontrol.com/courtship.htm
http://gloria-brame.com/domidea/dompoe.htm
http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/subfever.htm
http://gloria-brame.com/domidea/subper.htm
http://www.malesubmission.com/faq/index.htm
http://www.thedsgarden.com/library/sub_drop.htm
http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/jerseyaftercare.htm

Random informative links..
http://www.domsub.info/faq.html
http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm
http://www.nlacolumbus.com/education/sm101/smbasic.html
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
http://www.evilmonk.org/A/begintip.cfm
http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html
http://www.erotic-bdsm.net/Articles/The_Collar.html
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdswitch.html

Links to sites for "Dungeon etiquitte."
http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/full_story.cfm?i=39
http://www.steel-door.com/dungeon_etiquette.htm
http://www.domsub.info/playpartyett.html

Play information and safety
http://lthredge.com/resources/safety.htm
http://www.medicaltoys.com/lib-soundplay.htm
http://no.place.like.home.mindspring.com/abbot/articles/jl980105.htm
http://www.malesubmission.com/faq/cbt.htm
http://www.medicaltoys.com/lib-electric.htm
http://www.mybdsm.com/pages/faustopheles/needle_play.html
http://www.domsub.info/caning.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/handball.html
http://www.thehumanequine.com/
http://www.bullwhip.org/
http://www.nlacolumbus.com/education/sm101/smtechniques.html
http://www.the-vox.com/paddles.shtml
http://www.tpe.com/~altarboy/clinks.htm
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Ds/humiliation.htm
http://www.nlacolumbus.com/education/sm101/smtoys.html

Make your own toys or find them around the house:
http://www.mybdsm.com/pages/carmb/howflog.html
http://www.saroftreve.com/workshop/
http://www.prrcat.com/prrv/making.htm
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/canes.html
http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/cheaptoys.htm
http://www.symtoys.com/toys.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/creatoy.html
http://www.annasart.com/bdsmhome/toymaker.html

Shopping sites
http://www.extremerestraints.com/
http://www.mr-s-leather.com/
http://www.stockroom.com/
http://www.eatleather.com/
http://stores.ebay.com/Stumpys-Woodworking_W0QQsspagenameZl2QQtZkm
https://www.bdsmtoybox.com/
http://www.blowfish.com/
http://www.bunnyflogger.com/
http://www.leathercellar.com/
http://www.reb-online.com/index-2.htm
http://www.snakepitleatherworks.com/
http://www.whipmasterbob.com/
http://nawtythings.com/
http://www.bigsextoystore.com/

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to lcub3159)

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 1:39:48 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

The odds aren't too good for submissive males, to be blunt with you. There are far more submissive males than Domme's. This is probably the greatest reason there is as to why many Domme's can make a living out of tribute from submissive males.

Of course, I'd never tell someone to give up on their interests. Just.. don't think you're failing.

As a general tip I'd give anyone, I've had far, far more experience meeting people who were interested in D/s in the vanilla world, whether it be in real life or online, than I have had in the BDSM world. I just make it known I'm a Master in the normal world- which, admitedly, comes with its consquences- and others with similar interests, even if less vocal, often come to me about it.
Of course, being a submissive male isn't something to always publize. Men can have a lot of power in their stature, as women can have a lot of influence in their physical apperance. While the socially-attributed, gender-based attribute may not be the one of your chosing, it's best to maintain it for normal interaction. Last thing you want is for other people to be walking all over you (or, maybe?).

My two copper pieces. (Yup, I'm an MMORPG'r.)

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 2:48:27 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

The odds aren't too good for submissive males, to be blunt with you. There are far more submissive males than Domme's. This is probably the greatest reason there is as to why many Domme's can make a living out of tribute from submissive males.

Of course, I'd never tell someone to give up on their interests. Just.. don't think you're failing.

Actually, brother, that's not true at all. Once you subtract all the silly-asses out of the picture, the odds become quite favorable. But don't tell anyone I told you that. *wink*

- R

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 3:11:16 AM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

It takes a lot of time and research. It also depends on where you are. There is no scene up at school but in detroit you could go to a party and find a ton of ppl to play with.

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 3:13:00 AM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

If you ever feel like making the U turn to Detroit I'd be glad to take ya... I used to live in Decatur in high school.

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 4:40:43 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Not ALL Dommes are pros thats a big fib. I am a lifestyle Domme and I have one male sub. I've never been pro and I doubt that I ever will. If you want to find a Domme then I suggest you go to a munch or look here on CM.

As long as you remain respectful and are sincere you should be able to find someone to match up with yourself.

Good Luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 4:50:02 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Just because a woman doesn't charge doesn't make her an "amateur."

am - a- teur |ˈamətər; -ˌtər; -ˌ ch oŏr; - ch ər|

adjective

engaging or engaged in without payment; nonprofessional : an amateur archaeologist | amateur athletics.

ORIGIN late 18th cent.: from French, from Italian amatore, from Latin amator ‘lover,’ from amare ‘to love.’

It seems to depend on how one decides to use the term.

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 5:47:30 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Just because a woman doesn't charge doesn't make her an "amateur." A Domme who doesn't charge for her services or demand tribute is called a Lifestyle Domme.

He did not suggest non pros were amatuer. he suggested he may need to find someone as green as he...which is completely a bad idea. I personally love to train new subs, if I think they have potential to stay with me. Finding someone who is new, will only lead to one or both of you getting harmed. I am happy to chat with you via email and learn more about you...offer more direct advice.
D~

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 6:47:08 AM

lcub3159

Posts: 7
Status: offline

Thank you all for your suggestions!

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 6:53:23 AM

marylynn

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

You're in Chicago?
wow - you're like in the heart of BDSM!
good luck in your search, and if you feel you need to mentor, try finding an "expert" Domme.
Of course, expert meaning - One who learns every day but has experience under Their belts.

Best of luck -

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RE: How to Start? - 4/19/2007 10:38:42 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Not everyone with experience discounts a submissive with none. The desire to learn is usually a very pleasant appeal. What may cause you more difficulty than lact of r/t experience, might be your age. Personally, I don't take boys as young as you (a personal preference), but I have been known to consider green subs if they have enough willingness to learn. Good luck to you.

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