Six reasons why you should think before you speak

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Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/18/2007 11:56:19 PM

santalia

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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back.

My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said , "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away

To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month- old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

So, I asked one more time,

"Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/19/2007 12:46:43 AM

rukna

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8 inches :))

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/19/2007 8:14:12 AM

Marc2b

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Thanks for returning the favor.

I once heard the young daughter of a friend say that she had seen mommy and daddy playing leap frog once but that "daddy wasn't very good at it."

For those of you who don't get it right away, think about it for a few minutes.

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/19/2007 9:46:28 AM

RubberWitch

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Talking to a pretty TS from this site, we got on to the subject of Anime, and Shirow's stuff in particular. commenting that it was very bladerunner like, she asked if I meant the film, or the book. I said the film, and she said she preferred the book. "I really am a big Dick fan"
silence.
more silence
A roar of laughter from us two, and her turning scarlet.
Now, even pointing to one of his books in a shop a sure fire recipe for the cutest blush you ever saw.

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/19/2007 9:50:39 PM

Aswad

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It gets even more complicated when you're speaking in a different language. There are a few jokes/urban legends about this in Norway. One pertaining to a diplomatic envoy to Japan that commented "I've heard that in your country, it is polite to rape after dinner" (the Norwegian word of the same spelling means to burp or belch), the other being about an emigrant to the US who was doing farmwork and asked if he could sleep with the guy's wife (sleep meaning to sharpen a tool). They wouldn't translate, though, so I'll not do that.

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/20/2007 4:49:10 PM

Hanable

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on the 8 in one: i bet he was red in the face.. and wouldnt look at her for a long time.. very funny... all of them.

H >:)

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/20/2007 5:00:10 PM

notlooking2

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That was priceless, thanks for sharing. I needed a good laugh today... and that just did the trick. Hope you don't mind if I save what you wrote.

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/20/2007 5:05:12 PM

notlooking2

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Coming from Germany originally, I certainly can relate. Translating something that is perfectly innocent from german into english and had people around me just crack up, or depending on the circumstance, look at me in horror. Quite embarrassing, thankfully, I've always been very capable on laughing at myself and don't take offense.

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RE: Six reasons why you should think before you speak - 4/22/2007 3:34:11 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: notlooking2

Translating something that is perfectly innocent from german into english and had people around me just crack up, or depending on the circumstance, look at me in horror. Quite embarrassing, thankfully, I've always been very capable on laughing at myself and don't take offense.

Yeah, it's even more embarassing from German to Norwegian.

For instance, my mother in law treated a German woman whose last name was Fitte, which is "cunt" (yes, the vulgar form) in Norwegian. I'm pretty sure that got some laughs at the army base where they were stationed, given how they always use last names. "Mr. and Mrs. Cunt reporting for duty, Sir!"... pretty embarassing.

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From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
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