all expenses paid

all expenses paid (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

LadyAngelika -> all expenses paid (4/26/2005 3:38:27 PM)
So here is an interesting little thing that happened to me today. Btw, this is not a rant ;) I got a note from a submissive male that offered me all expense paid relocation and offered to support me. His words exactly were “I am looking for some one to settle with, a home base for you. I would provide for everyday expenses and you could pursue whatever you want to outside of that and I would help you.” Now I’m going to give this man the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is sincere. I did not post his words to mock him, but rather to present a scenario to you all. Because what first flashed in my mind was an issue of power balance. I often see “all expenses paid” type offers on male Dom profiles and I guess that fits the bill of “owning” to a certain point. But if a sub were to support me financially, wouldn’t he own me? I’m not insisting that he would. I’m throwing the question out there for your thoughts. - LA

Spike1777 -> RE: all expenses paid (4/26/2005 3:51:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika But if a sub were to support me financially, wouldn’t he own me? I’m not insisting that he would. I’m throwing the question out there for your thoughts. Sounds like he would own you. But if you have him cuckold and he is doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and misc housework then the tables would be reversed. Wouldn't you say? little spike

BeachMystress -> RE: all expenses paid (4/26/2005 4:32:49 PM)
Not necessarily. It depends upon the arrangement you set up. Many lifestyle Domme are supported by their subs. If it is set up such that the Domme is a signer on the accounts and access to any financial accounts, why does he own her? He is being given the opportunity of providing for her. He is not buying her. In the case of a stranger offering to support the Domme, I'd hope the woman would set things up such that he is dispensable. Rent paid for six months or a year in advance. Everything in HIS name, so that it is his credit at risk if he doesn't meet the utilities or such. I'd also want a contract stating the terms of support and absolving her of any repayment obligations. Who owns you depends upon who you feel owns you.

AAkasha -> RE: all expenses paid (4/26/2005 4:37:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika So here is an interesting little thing that happened to me today. Btw, this is not a rant ;) I got a note from a submissive male that offered me all expense paid relocation and offered to support me. His words exactly were “I am looking for some one to settle with, a home base for you. I would provide for everyday expenses and you could pursue whatever you want to outside of that and I would help you.” Now I’m going to give this man the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is sincere. I did not post his words to mock him, but rather to present a scenario to you all. Because what first flashed in my mind was an issue of power balance. I often see “all expenses paid” type offers on male Dom profiles and I guess that fits the bill of “owning” to a certain point. But if a sub were to support me financially, wouldn’t he own me? I’m not insisting that he would. I’m throwing the question out there for your thoughts. - LA If a man were supporting me 100% financially, I'd feel like he were controlling me to some degree. After all, he could toss me out at any time if I were not doing what he wanted me to do. And the minute I didn't dominate him enough, would he start withholding spending money or laying a guilt trip? "I work hard all day and all I want from you is a little domination and ...". I prefer to be self supporting 100%. Even when I was single and meeting a potential partner, I would pay the expenses, including travel and hotel. Because if things did not "work out" I did not want any sense of obligation. I think that's the word that irks me -- obligation. Domination for me has to come from the heart and from lust -- not from obligation. And now, when I take on a personal slave, I pay the expenses -- toys, phone bills, etc. It just makes me feel more in control. Akasha

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: all expenses paid (4/26/2005 4:41:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress Not necessarily. It depends upon the arrangement you set up. Many lifestyle Domme are supported by their subs. If it is set up such that the Domme is a signer on the accounts and access to any financial accounts, why does he own her? He is being given the opportunity of providing for her. He is not buying her. Who owns you depends upon who you feel owns you. I agree completely with this premise, because otherwise it would mean than that I should/could only connect with a sub who makes less money than I or no money at all... Having been there and done it, I think that position can be overrated in its glory... I don't think that a man having more money should negate his ability to submit; I think a lot of men think they can buy your topping them with their money, but I usually tell those to kiss my arse from afar, and suggest they buy blow up Domina with computer software. To each his/her own though, M

LadyAngelika -> RE: all expenses paid (4/26/2005 5:48:25 PM)
quote: I prefer to be self supporting 100%. Even when I was single and meeting a potential partner, I would pay the expenses, including travel and hotel. Because if things did not "work out" I did not want any sense of obligation. I think that's the word that irks me -- obligation. Domination for me has to come from the heart and from lust -- not from obligation. I guess this is what irks me was as well. I have always been so very self-sufficient because I never want to be indepted to anyone. That said, I can see and respect Beach & M's points of view totally. I just don't think I personally could let a man support me. Build a team, sure. Make more money then me, no problem. Support me... errr... I just can't wrap my head around that. - LA

SweetDommes -> RE: all expenses paid (4/26/2005 6:14:04 PM)
Honestly, I would go insane if I were supported by someone else, no matter who it is. I need to have a job, get out of the house, be productive. Not everyone does, but I do. Most that we have talked to who have mentioned that he could/would support us, the guy didn't want us to work (thus putting us entirely dependant upon him), and I can't and won't do that. I happen to like my job, even if it doesn't pay as well as others (although, now that I'm looking into more than just working in a hospital, I'm getting paid a hell of a lot more LOL). Holly likes her job as well, even though she is making just above minimum wage - why should we give up things that we like just because someone else can support us? Having them contribute more to the budget than we do ... totally not a problem, honestly my thoughts are "woohoo, that means we can buy more toys/equipment" ... but to be supported by him? Huh uh.

diaperedbaby -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 5:48:05 AM)
I am not sure I would see anything wrong with it. I must admit, I have considered this avenue but it would work better if someone is self sufficient. My plan would be initially to provide a place pre-paid. If it didn't work out, someone is not reliant on you if they choose. On the other side of that, if someone relocated from another area, I would feel obligated to provide support until they decided what they wanted to do. My personal preference would be that they didn't work and had more available time for travel and play. Sometimes employment can get in the way of those things. Location is sometimes an issue because I have residences in TN & FL. Since I am a adult baby, I think some play can be one sided and I think I should be bringing something to the table so to speak. With a couple I quess it might work a little differently, but I have never tried that long term. Have to find that right situation, but I am pretty patient. diaperedbaby

QnofH3arts -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 7:58:42 AM)
Ownership is about attitude, not financial status. Through much deliberation, I have come to the following conclusions: In so-called "normal" society, a woman may be expected to "put out" because a man spends money on her. People have difficulty shedding the expectations of "normal" society when they enter this lifestyle. Oftimes, it is strictly a matter of how you allow yourself to perceive something that can make all the difference. You do not dominate a male because he brings you a paycheck. You do it because you are a Woman and you own him. A male does not bring you his paycheck because he expects to be dominated. He does so because it is just one of many services that he offers to you as the One who owns him. The instant that Domination becomes work or a financial obligation, it is no longer domination, but service. My apologies to any professional Dommes reading this, but I could never get past the idea that being paid for domination was simply serving the "sub". The only way I could see it as domination would be if the sub said, "I understand that your time is valuable and I would like to make your life easier. In addition to serving you in any manner that you desire, I would like to offer the additional service of a financial tribute for your time and attention."... without offering his laundry-list of fantasies and fetishes and without her setting a specific price upon said "domination." So, upon reviewing my list of requirements for any slave I might consider, financial status never even made the list. Of course, you might say that was easy to eliminate, if you have interviewed as many subs/slaves as I have. The majority of them are in a very good financial position. I am very independent and capable and I have deliberated on the idea of being the sole source of income for a household that does include a slave. I have come to the conclusion that while I could do that and have someone available to serve me at all times, I would be at work a lot of that time and his life would be made easier rather than the other way around. Up until recently, all of these ideas were just "talking the talk" for me. In the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to "walk the walk" to determine if my ideas fit into the reality of owning a slave under my conclusions. My first date with a potential slave who had an income triple my own was at a restaurant much more expensive than any I would have chosen had I been the one paying the bill. It was a perfect evening in all respects - the meal was excellent and discreetly served and the conversation during dinner was intellectually stimulating. After dinner, we went to his home. There, we spent two more hours in both intellectually and sexually stimulating conversation. But, I left with no more than giving him a gentle kiss. At no point did I feel an obligation to dominate him in exchange for that wonderful evening. I did make it clear to him at the time that I appreciated the effort he had gone to that night to serve me in such an exemplary manner and he made it clear to me that he received a great deal of pleasure from the knowledge that I had enjoyed myself so much. He perceives his ability to earn a good income as just another way of providing a service to the Woman who will eventually own him. That income will give her more time to pursue interests outside of her work or even to quit her work if it is unsatisfying. It will give her the freedom to pursue a better career, more education or simply more time to leisurely contemplate all of the wonderful ways she can enjoy her slave. If I decide to own this slave one day, it will not be because of his financial status. It will be because I have taken the time to determine if his submissive needs are compatible with my dominant needs, if his "vanilla" interests are compatible with my own and if he meets all of the requirements that I have set for the male I will eventually own. My final response to the initial question would be, do not eliminate someone from consideration simply because they are in a position to and willing to serve you financially. But do not seek someone out strictly for that reason easier. Instead, get to know the whole person and if all things seem compatible and your requisites are met, then you can deal with the financial situation as appropriate to your individual desires.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 8:05:22 AM)
It depends- would he financially support you by giving over all income to you, putting all assets in your name, etc? Service is service, and providing service through physical money is no different than service by oral sex. Is the slave owning you because they have their mouth around your genitals? What matters is who has the authority, not who has the power or the resources.

ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 8:52:00 AM)
i hand over all my earnings to my Master, but He owns me...He owns me & my money therefore i own nothing....perhaps if you handle the finances, eventhough he is the one producing you are still the one in charge, you are in charge of him and his finances...? hmmm, i don't know if that makes much sense or not, lol...it's an interesting scenario... i guess it all depends how you look at it and how it feels to both of you.

SweetDommes -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 10:17:29 AM)
The thing is that most who contact a Domme saying that they will support them have absolutely no intentions of putting everything into the Domme's name (in my experience about 95%) - some are even quite clear that they will still be in charge of the money and that the Domme will be "given an allowance." We have only talked to one who, was not only willing to put things into our names, but suggested it himself before we could. The others who have talked about supporting us were clear that they wanted us to work no more than 2 days a week and would prefer that we not work at all, and that their money would be THEIRS except for our allowances. Not our ideal situation, I can assure you. If one was willing to put at least some things in our names, and wouldn't mention anything about us giving up our jobs - I would have absolutely no problems with our boy making far more than both of us combined. But I would want to make sure that we didn't end up out in the cold one day just because he didn't feel we were dominating him enough - there would have to be something that was ours so that we would have a place to go and money to go there with.

ManOwner -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 10:39:43 AM)
Mind you this is not legal advice, but I've been thinking that a revocable living trust with the Domme as the trustee and both Domme and sub as beneficiaries would probably be ideal.

LadyAngelika -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 6:14:12 PM)
quote: My final response to the initial question would be, do not eliminate someone from consideration simply because they are in a position to and willing to serve you financially. But do not seek someone out strictly for that reason easier. Instead, get to know the whole person and if all things seem compatible and your requisites are met, then you can deal with the financial situation as appropriate to your individual desires. Well there are other reasons why I would not consider the person who sent me this offer. But I understand what you are saying. I have had subs that were millionaires. Many if fact. I guess I always made so much a point of telling them their money was worthless where I was concerned because they couldn't buy me. Perhaps a pattern I need to get over. - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 6:15:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir i hand over all my earnings to my Master, but He owns me...He owns me & my money therefore i own nothing....perhaps if you handle the finances, eventhough he is the one producing you are still the one in charge, you are in charge of him and his finances...? hmmm, i don't know if that makes much sense or not, lol...it's an interesting scenario... i guess it all depends how you look at it and how it feels to both of you. Oh my! I just don't like dealing with finances. Perhaps he could just hand it over to my accountant ;) - LA

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 8:18:17 PM)
I find it an interesting paradox, and likely one tied to our moral and social values more than anything. We go on and on about how we want strong, self-sufficient subs who know how to take care of things. And then, the moment a dom LETS a sub take care of things, suddenly somehow the dominant isn't dominant, the sub is in control and things are all going to ruin! Slaves are there to be used, if they have financial resources that you can put to use and it would benefit you all, do it! If you have a meeting to get to and the slave has an evening free, send them to the grocery store! They aren't in control just because they are the ones providing the resources.

BeachMystress -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 8:38:39 PM)
I very much agree with Emerald that this is tied in to our moral and social values. My sub told me a story the other day about one of his co-workers being from a town so small, that the big night out was going to Red Lobster; and if you went there, the girl KNEW she was putting out. There is a traditional unfortunate dynamic of spending money on the female equating to her being obligated to repay the male with her body. I do not subscribe to that way of thinking and it would never occur to me to feel obligated in such a way.

SweetDommes -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 8:43:36 PM)
Once again - for us at least - it's not a matter of who makes more or using the sub/slave or whatever. It's a matter of some subs 'requiring' to keep control of the money. They will give the Domme an allowance, and that is to be her only money. She is not to have an income of her own, she is to survive on whatever the 'sub' gives her. In a situation like that, I can't help but see that the Domme would not really have the control - with no income, and only the allowance ... she has to keep the sub happy or she will be homeless. Having them contribute - hell yeah, we require it. Even if it's only a part time job they have to have a job and contribute to the finances of the household. But to be entirely dependant upon the 'sub' for money? Not our thing.

BeachMystress -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 9:00:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes I can't help but see that the Domme would not really have the control - with no income, and only the allowance ... she has to keep the sub happy or she will be homeless. Then the woman is not controlled by the sub or the money, but by her own laziness or fear of making her own way. She always has the option of walking away. Starting over can be hard, but it isn't impossible.

SweetDommes -> RE: all expenses paid (4/27/2005 9:05:42 PM)
Starting with absolutely nothing is terrifying - that's a big part of why abused women don't leave. It isn't just that they feel they deserve it (although for some that is part of it) it's knowing that by leaving the abuser, they will most likely have nothing - no money because he will clean out the accounts, a job, maybe, few friends because of having to hide the marks of abuse, etc. Even being a Domme doesn't make one immune to that. I would never allow myself to be put in such a situation, and honestly, I don't know of any Dommes who would - thus all of these guys complaining that there are not 'real' Dommes out there because no one has taken them up on their 'generous offer.' That is my point though - I would never be in a situation where the 'sub' controlled all of the money, because starting over sucks, starting over with nothing sucks even worse.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125