RE: Falling in love with a sub (Full Version)

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MadRabbit -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:27:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyDee

MadRabbit,
I like that.....changing from power exchange to "authority exchange"....I plan to steal the phrase and use it often.  Wise for one so young in years but not so young in soul I think.
PeggyDee~GW


I'm just lucky I have writing to express myself.

If your first impressions of me were in a different context, like hanging out with my buddies, you would probably call me a punk. (Not saying I am not [:D])

Thank you for the kind words.



PeggyDee -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:30:40 AM)

Suleiman,
rofl......stockholme syndrome...good one!!!   I think I suffer from that myself.
PeggyDee~GW



yenlui -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:32:52 AM)

I can't imagine anything but being in love with Him, and Him being in love with me. It's an amazing feeling, and it's not making Him less of a Dominant or give Him less control.



PeggyDee -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:33:49 AM)

MadRabbit,
Actually I like "punks"...my daughter is married to a guy who resembles you quite alot...although you don't have all the face piercings he does...we won't mention the other places he's pierced...lol.   No, you're wrong...I do believe I'd like you under any circumstances.  I'm old...52...and I have always gotten along better and related better to folks in their 20's.  Go figure.
PeggyDee~GW



CreativeDominant -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:35:24 AM)

I've also argued this before.  You can be in love with your submissive and still be dominant over her.  However, it can open up the possibility to being manipulated and the rational/cynical side of me tells me to be vigilant of that.

Of course, it can work both ways...the dominant can use that love to manipulate the submissive into doing things that she doesn't want or should not do.



SunNMoon -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:37:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

To love someone in a genuine way one must make themselves vulnerable.  If you choose partners who are either turned off by vulnerability or worse exploit it, then doing so will destroy the relationships, but in reality I don't think you have lost anything.  In fact, I would argue you have yet to have anything.


I really like that. [:)] Love is something I need to have in any of my relationships. Without it, well what do you have?



juliaoceania -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:39:01 AM)

quote:

Actually...to take it a bit further... if you have to deny yourself  something as natural to the human condition as love to remain in control... I think that there is an underlying issue which needs to be addressed within yourself


Amen!



MadRabbit -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:39:29 AM)

Exactly.

And love as an emotional blackmail isnt something that pertains solely to power based relationships (or authority based). People can do it in vanilla relationships as well.

If you couldnt be a dominant figure for someone without love, then parents are fucked.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:42:29 AM)

I agree with you tammyjoe,the way I love my one is entirely different then the love I share with slaves and subs.MY away message on yahoo id"What does love have to do with this slave".I have love a slave in the past and found to much of an attachment to do a good job as a MASTER ,IT shall never happen again.Again I say What does love have to do with this slave...bounty



MadRabbit -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:44:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

Agred. Again, a matter of semantics, but even a slight change in phrasing can make a vast difference. "Authority Exchange" is quite what I do.



Authority is more realistic semantics. Its passive. Power is more geared towards control and control is more active. I cant control every single action of a submissive every single moment of the day. However, I can read a book and tell her to crawl on a whim if I wanted because I have the authority to do so.

Power and control are more erotic and somewhat malicous semantics. I've noticed on the forums that people who think in terms of both have viewpoints like "Love cant happen."

Just my view if somewhat off subject



DaddyDeSade -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:51:43 AM)

I agree with you completely MariaB, which is why I have fallen in love with subs. 2 of the three collared subs I have had I was 'in love' with. and would even go so far as to say if either of them called tomorrow I would at least be willing to try to work it out with them. I think I have learned a lot in the intervening time. I might be able to be 'in love' and an effective Dom. But it is that 'might be' that makes me hold that it is not 'smart' per se to fall in love with a sub.



Celeste43 -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 11:54:44 AM)

I said to him in the beginning that I had no intentions of being the only vulnerable one here. Besides, men who are afraid to love are men who are not in control of themselves. They are controlled by their fears. And I don't give over control to someone who can't control himself.

The other thing is that I'm not a manipulative person. Him loving me allows me to love him even more, to be more open to him, to allow him greater control because I know his love for me will serve as a check and balance, so that he will think over the ramifications of what he wants more than he would with someone whom he did not care about how she might be afterwards.

Because he loves me, he won't indulge an interest in exhibition for example to demand I start flashing in inappropriate places. He rethinks what he would like to make sure there will be no ill effects such as getting arrested.

And him thinking things through is one of the reasons I can give control to him, it demonstrates how much I can trust him.



PrincessEllie -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 12:24:15 PM)

I have been in love once in the past and he was a Dom. I do not think I could have a Dominant who did not love me after feeling what it's like. I would never accept a collar from anyone or have a D/s relationship with someone who didn't love me and who I didn't love. 



DaddyDeSade -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 12:29:43 PM)

This is weird. I see myself as one of the most loving people I know. I'm a minister who embraces the call to love everyone. and not one of those 'you're all sinners and should be punished' ministers one usually finds in the bdsm world, but one of the cuddly forgiveness and understanding ministers. I got into this because preaching 'God loves you and holds nothing against you ever' while I believe it with every cell of my being, sometimes makes me want to spank someone. Yet this has got to be the third time at least I've said something and ended up feeling like I come across as emotionally immature and hypocritical. Which is not usual for me.
Maybe I phrased it wrong. Because with very few exceptions it seems like I am not making myself clear. But rereading what I said, I still agree with what it. Perhaps I could have had more detail, but I do not look at any of these comments and say 'that's not the way I feel, I don't agree with that.'
Obviously one should love ones sub. Obviously one should excercise self control. duh.
But this hormone soup that is the feeling of 'in love' is a hinderance to effective domming. And this is not infatuation I'm talking about. One of the subs I am referring to I have been in love with for nearly twenty years, and these feelings make it difficult to seperate the desire to make her happy from the desire to train her to be an effective sub. She wants to be an effective sub, in theory. All subs do. But in the day to day practice of training her. There are moments that I have to sit down and weigh options. Where if I wasn't 'in love' with her it would be a lot clearer.
Maybe I shouldn't have said it's a mistake to fall in love. and should have said instead it complicates things to fall in love. But now you folks will tell me how it doesn't complicate things.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 12:56:12 PM)

 IMO, Being inlove doesn't work for all and isn't for all. Being inlove  makes you an ineffective Dom when you let it. I have loved and cared for all my Masters/Mistress I have had but have been inlove with only one or two.  Being inlove is always a risk, whether it be a vanilla relationship or something else. Nothing is for sure and sometimes when it feels right you just have to take a chance. I know what works for us and thats all I worry about for now. Life is too short to worry about what ifs.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 12:57:30 PM)

DaddyDeSade,

Nobody is saying you are immature, I think what some of "see" are issues you can't yet.  Nobody here is perfect, me worst of all.  Patterns, the path to growth is observing patterns.  If it happens twice it might be a pattern, three times and IT is a pattern.

quote:

  Yet this has got to be the third time at least I've said something and ended up feeling like I come across as emotionally immature and hypocritical. Which is not usual for me.
Maybe I phrased it wrong.


I think you phrased it exactly right.  That isn't to say  you are either immature or hypocritical.  I think that there are issues you have that you have yet to find a way to resolve. 



PeggyDee -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 12:58:38 PM)

DaddyDeSade,
ohhh I never said it doesn't complicate things.  I think yes it does, and for the reasons you just stated.  We want our "lover or lovers" meaning folks we are "in love with" to be happy.  Yes that does tend to change the dynamic.  I've said it many a person who claims it's not a real M/s relationship unless you and your Master are in love.  I think "in love" definetely changes the dynamic.  Whether for good or ill is up to the parties involved.  But yes, it makes a difference in the way we approach certain aspects of D/s or M/s when we are "in love".  Some will deny it, but I could give you concrete examples out the wazoo, but that would be long, probably boring, and really to no real point since folks are going to believe what they want no matter what.  Even if the sky is blue someone will tell you it's raining on your head.
Best of Luck to you and yours,
PeggyDee~GW



Lashra -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 1:36:00 PM)

I love my sub with all of my heart and I am not embarrassed to admit that. Some may see it as a weakness, I see it as a strength as it makes our bond even more solid. Have I loved all of the subs in my life? No, but it was pretty close, I cared for them a great deal which I personally think is very important in a relationship. Unless of course your a casual player in which case I would think at least be friends.

Everyone has a different way of handling their own relationships and no one else really has the place to say whether it is wrong or right, only the people involved can make that determination.

~Lashra



Cuffkinks -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 1:59:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra


Everyone has a different way of handling their own relationships and no one else really has the place to say whether it is wrong or right, only the people involved can make that determination.

~Lashra


=======================================================

             AMEN!



MrTime -> RE: Falling in love with a sub (4/19/2007 2:28:58 PM)

Yes, you can be in love with your sub, I know I am, I married mine 6 years ago and it has been a great learning curve for both of us. Without the love, we wouldn't still be together.



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