"Compensating family caregivers"

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Vendaval -> "Compensating family caregivers" (4/19/2007 7:02:39 PM)
"Compensating family caregivers" By Linda Stern Wed Apr 18, 2:22 PM ET "WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Here's a question likely to spark some sibling debates: Should families pay the dutiful daughter or son who steps up to be an aging parent's primary caregiver? For many people, the first impulsive response is something like, "Heck, no!" It's about love, they'll say, not money. The whole idea of family members paying each other seems cold and calculating, and designed to sow dissent and hurt among the various family members. But in fact, there are some good reasons to put money behind these arrangements. For starters, the family member who is providing the care may be giving up her own income (it's usually, though not always, a woman) and putting her own money into that care. "If she's living with the person and doing cooking and grocery shopping and laundry and everything else, she should be asking for help for that too, in a financial sense," suggests Raeann Berman, co-author with Bernard H. Shulman, of "Caring for your Aging Parents" (Champion Press, 2005). Some well-to-do families have also started formalizing these arrangements as a way of getting money out of the aging parent's name. That could help the parent more easily qualify for Medicaid if nursing-home care becomes necessary." http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070418/bs_nm/column_finance_dc;_ylt=Atwxh6CJ9ZZGUuy9qm6K7XayBhIF

minnetar -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/19/2007 7:15:28 PM)
Very interesting subject. i had never seen this before. Just curious about some of the states subsidizing the caregiver. Curious if those states that do that would have paid the cost for the elderly to be in a nursing facility so you can do some kind of cost benefit analysis. Thanks!! minnetar

Termyn8or -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/21/2007 2:22:56 AM)
Just wondering if anyone remembered what family is. T

adoracat -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/21/2007 11:22:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or Just wondering if anyone remembered what family is. T yes. mama spent the last 5 years waiting on my infirm gramma hand and foot. granny was 94 when she passed away easter sunday morning. she had parkison's disease, she had begining stage altzheimer's, and a few other problems. she was incontinent, she used a wheelchair, she was a demanding person who ONLY would let mama take care of her. i live several states away. my cousins live literally next door and hadnt seen our granny in more than a year. mama was hospitalized twice for exhaustion even WITH a part time caregiver. so yes, i do understand what you mean by saying "remember what family is".....but at the same time, letting all the eldercare (or invalid care) rest on the shoulders of one family member isnt right either. kitten, who already needs a wheelchair part time, and isnt getting any better.

hisannabelle -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 1:28:32 AM)
greetings all, i think it's important to remember what a financial, emotional, and mental hardship this can be for EVERYONE involved, and to not be shy about pooling resources. if you can donate time, do that, if you can donate money, do that. my sister is caretaker for two of my aunts, one of whom is mostly bedridden due to diabetes complications, and the other has cancer. one of my aunts is the financial support because my sister doesn't have a place to live and is unable to get a job right now, especially between taking care of my aunts and her own children. it works out well for them - they tend to get on each other's nerves a lot, but overall, the situation is probably the best it could be under the circumstances, and it wouldn't be possible without the resources everyone puts into it. family is important, but it's not just the health of the person being cared for that matters, the health of the caregivers and other family members has to be taken into consideration, too. my sister just had kidney surgery, for example, and her kidneys were shutting down...there's no way she could deal with that, care for everyone else, AND pay all the bills herself. it's just not possible. annabelle.

seeksfemslave -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 2:20:49 AM)
In the UK financial non means tested help is available. When I got it, it basically offset my tax bill.

ownedgirlie -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 2:57:03 AM)
The IRS offers a Section 125 plan which is a medical savings type plan, where employees can put money away pre-taxed, to draw on for the purpose of paying for medical bills, and for caring for the elderly. Perhaps this is a start in that direction. Compensation is an interesting notion. I missed a LOT of work last year in caring for my Dad - I went on an FMLA leave from work to do so. My parents continually asked me if I was ok financially, and did I need money/help. I told them I would ask for help if I needed it, but so far I was good. When all my vacation and sick time was used up at work and my days off became unpaid, my Mom would sometimes slip a check in my purse "as a gift" she would say, so I would take it. Or she'd pay for me to get my hair done, stuff like that. I told them if it ever came down to having to leave my job or go significant time unpaid, then I would ask for help at that point. My bills did need to be paid, after all. I cared for my Dad out of love, but love was not going to pay my mortgage. We spoke of it realistically and it all worked out. Other family members had no ill feelings about it, in fact, several asked me if I needed help financially since I was missing so much time from work. I know if it were someone else in my family who lost income to care for my parents, I would have no qualms at all about that person being helped/supported financially. The care of an ill parent is at times an overwhelming task. Anyone simply out to make a buck would be better off working a day job, in my opinion...

Vendaval -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 8:08:07 PM)
Would you elaborate, seeks? Are you talking about financial aid only? Or having someone as a care-giver?

sillygirl09 -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 8:15:39 PM)
My parents gave my sister and her husband money to buy a home on the condition that they would move in with them, the decision was made between the 4 of them and then we were told about it. Fast forward a few years and dad is already gone and mom is really sick, and my sister becomes a martyr who has forgotten how she paid for her house. The rest of us are made to feel guilty continually. My sister is in a pretty prominent community position and allows outsiders to think she is just a saint and unappreciated by her siblings. I'm not saying you shouldn't pool resources but am saying that sometimes things go on in a family that outsiders don't know about. It is a tough situation to guess how you'll behave until you are in it.

HutchGarahl -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 10:39:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vendaval "Compensating family caregivers" By Linda Stern Wed Apr 18, 2:22 PM ET "WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Here's a question likely to spark some sibling debates: Should families pay the dutiful daughter or son who steps up to be an aging parent's primary caregiver? Where there is more than one family member involved, to HAVE to pay one person to care for a persons needs is wrong.....simply because to me....they are family and family supposed to take care of family. I do however agree that as family, all should help in the cost and time it takes to care for the person in need. My dad is completely bed ridden...loss of one leg due to diabetes, cannot control himself so has to where diapers, needs to be spoonfed, basically a lump on a log now that breaths and constantly having little heart attacks. He is at home, there is mom...who works every night, my brother, and my sister who all live together and me, which I go over every week to help. We all pull together to care for my dad, including a friend who comes every morning and evening to help. The thought of only one having to deal with caring for him alone has never crossed our minds as we all feel the same way. Personally...and this is my opinion....and family member that skips out on helping to care for another, even if they paid the other family members to do the caring...doesn't care.

BrutalDemon -> RE: "Compensating family caregivers" (4/22/2007 10:56:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seeksfemslave In the UK financial non means tested help is available. When I got it, it basically offset my tax bill. Scrounger! :) Okay... potshots aside. We've actually got it pretty good in UK... compared to The States... but it still falls a long way short of what it would cost the state to provide care to a bare legal requirement. Family Carers are taken advantage of, quite badly in some cases, in the hope that familial loyalty and love will compel people to shoulder the financial burden (quite apart from the emotional ones) themselves.

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