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When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:25:15 AM

kissmike

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline

To the Dommes here...

i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. What would You do or feel if it was clearly pointed out that You were wrong in a given situation? Its kinda like being caught red handed stealing candy and then struggling to avoid embarrassment. In the case of a Domme, i have seen Her struggle like a cornered animal to avoid admitting fault. Have You ever been in this situation or have You witnessed this type of situation whereby the Domme's power is clearly threatened by admittance of fault. How would You or have You addressed the issue?

mk

Post #: 1

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:29:34 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I think that if you corner anyone and point out fault that most people would get defensive, especially if the fault is pointed out in front of others.
Personally, I hate being wrong, but will generally admit when I am wrong if someone can back up their statements. Although, if I am in front of a group then I will fight to the death even if I know I am wrong, it's a pride thing.

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 2

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:31:55 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

To the Dommes here...

i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. What would You do or feel if it was clearly pointed out that You were wrong in a given situation? Its kinda like being caught red handed stealing candy and then struggling to avoid embarrassment. In the case of a Domme, i have seen Her struggle like a cornered animal to avoid admitting fault. Have You ever been in this situation or have You witnessed this type of situation whereby the Domme's power is clearly threatened by admittance of fault. How would You or have You addressed the issue?

mk

Well, it would entirely depend on the situation. If we are talking a public dungeon with a DM, then the DM has final say. In public play situations, everyone should be well acquainted with the club/organization rules prior to play. If someone does something that warrents the DM to call them out, they are obligated to defer to the DM. Usually, this is an ideal sitation, in that DMs in these situations are usually qualified to make this judgement call; however, I was recently in a situation where a DM made a call that was uncessesary and I felt it was simply to flex his 'power' as DM. Regardless, the DM has final say.

Everyone has a breaking point...Dom/me Sub/Slave, etc. You deal with it an move on or you don't last very long in WIIWD.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 3

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:41:10 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kissmike

To the Dommes here...

i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. What would You do or feel if it was clearly pointed out that You were wrong in a given situation? Its kinda like being caught red handed stealing candy and then struggling to avoid embarrassment. In the case of a Domme, i have seen Her struggle like a cornered animal to avoid admitting fault. Have You ever been in this situation or have You witnessed this type of situation whereby the Domme's power is clearly threatened by admittance of fault. How would You or have You addressed the issue?

mk

If a dominant cannot admit she is wrong and apologize like anyone else, that's a character flaw. Mind you, it's not only femdoms that do this. It's a character flaw a lot of people have, kinky or not.

If you are saying you're in a relationship with a dominant woman who can never show an ounce of humility, or a glimpse of weakness, or anything "undominant" then I think she might be insecure, or feel that these characteristics might compromise her power.

Akasha

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(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 4

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 2:33:36 PM

MsIce

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

When I am clearly wrong I have absolutely no problem with admitting that Im wrong and apologising. That is just a fact of life really. I had an issue a time ago with my slave which esculated into quite an upset. Once everyone had calmed we took time out to go for a walk and discuss the problem. The problem was that I had made a grave error regarding my treatment of him. We were at cross purposes, I thought he understood what I was trying to achieve, although to be fair I had never actually discussed it with him out of scene. He was totally confused and upset by my behaviour. It became obvious I was in fact in the wrong. I apologised. Problem solved.

IMO no matter what a persons demeanour we should all be capable of saying sorry, its not that big a word but carries a lot of power.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 5

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 2:51:39 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kissmike
To the Dommes here...
i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. How would You or have You addressed the issue?
mk

Not taking criticism well is a character flaw, being Dominant not withstanding.
Perhaps it's difficult for some dominants as they may associate being called on something as being challenged, and the only way I could trully critique the Domme's reaction would be if I knew what exactly happened (the problem may have been obvious and would have been corrected by her as soon as she noticed, or not), how you pointed out the problem and where you did it.

I consider myself fairly honest about the fact that I don't know everything or even most things I'd like to know; I haven't a single problem with learning from a sub or anyone for that matter; but try to shove your ideas/will down my throat with disrespect or condescension, and you will find that I will lose you faster than you can lose a set of keys. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 6

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 3:24:29 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

There are so many details missing I find it hard to respond. What would be most important to me is how do YOU feel about all this? If you felt betrayed, shamed, lied to and this event has weakened your trust for her, then it's a huge problem. You could be running down a dead end street trying to figure out what she was thinking/feeling. It's your life and its up to you to choose whom to be in a relationship with; I support you in choosing one that is healthy for you with someone you trust.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 7

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 3:32:54 PM

MistressInNYC

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

Me, too.
I'd admit if I'm clearly wrong. I'm not "knowing it all" dominant nor am I "knowing it all" vanilla person.
Most of the posters said "character flaw" that's what it is and has nothing to do with dominance (to me).

A dominant should accept the fact she was clearly wrong, and then handles the situation accordingly as a dominant.
It would be more painful to lose an intelligent sub than losing my face in a moment.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 8

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 4:18:07 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Just because one declares they are Dominant does not all of a sudden give them omnipotence- at the end of the day when the latex is hung away they are still human with human failings, carrying the whip does not make Me perfect-- it DOES charge Me with thinking clearly about My actions and decisions just as I do with My child, but I still make mistakes-- however there are Dommes who say they never make mistakes and bad decisions----must be nice--when I am I wrong I deal with it with the same aplomb I do in vanilla life--I do know a situation with a dear friend of mine, where the Domme is clearly in the wrong regularly and never admits blame-- its a bad situation--its always someone else's fault usually whoever is closest---btw whats with all these new postings about Dommes asking for money and not admitting error? Giving Domme-hood a bad name I'd say--<smiles>---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 9

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:18:42 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

-picks up a flogger and beats a dead horse-

If I were trying to tell someone that ten and twenty equaled fifty-seven point six I'd admit to being wrong. And I'd probably thank whomever (as long as they were informative and not condescending) for educating me.

I do not like being viewed as ignorant. If someone politely steps in and whispers a correction in my ear I'd be thankful to them for the information.

If someone takes something I said and tells everyone else how stupid I'd been to say such a thing I'd be less than pleased, defensive... and still wrong.

I can accept a correction. I would only hope that the person correcting me possessed enough tact to refrain from embarrassing me.

< Message edited by MadameDahlia -- 4/27/2005 9:29:52 PM >

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 10

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:26:28 PM

MsSilvie

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. That's a wonderful feeling of freedom that some people miss out on. The ability to say, "Yep, I sure was wrong there, glad I know better, now let's move on."

I might take some offense if someone pointed out a mistake in a way that is intended to make me look bad in a public way. But guess what? I've made it thru those experiences. It didn't kill me. The bad feelings I have in that situation dealt with the fact that it was not done in the spirit of doing the right thing and mentoring/guiding. Not that I made a mistake. I make plenty.

Two quotes I like a lot:

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.

Learn from my mistakes, you don't have time to make them all on your own.

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 11

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/28/2005 12:28:22 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Dominant or not, I have no problem in being advised, in a polite, tactful and proper manner, of course, that I may be wrong about something. It could be anything from erroneous information I am disseminating, to a misunderstanding due to a lack of proper communication. And it doesn't matter who needs to point it out to Me: co-worker, friend, Dominant, submissive or slave.
And I apologize, and learn, and try to remember. W/we all have O/our faults, and if W/we refuse to see them, W/we cannot grow.
But then, I honestly do try to live by My favorite Zen saying below!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/28/2005 12:30:43 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 12

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 5/16/2005 4:55:48 PM

MistressJude

Posts: 89
Joined: 1/8/2005
From: NC
Status: offline

I have to agree with siamsa24 to a degree. It really all depends on how the submissive (mine or anyone else's) calls me on an error. I tend to me more defensive in a group by nature (kinky or vanilla) but if the person whispers to me or asks to speak to me away from the group and calmly explains where they think I'm wrong I will be far more open to processing their view of things and handling the matter from there - whether it is explaining why something was done/said or apologizing. But if a sub/slave (or even Dom/me) gets in my faces, makes a loud scene, or goes about some other obnoxious way to point out my mistake it seems like they're doing it to be malicious or to "take me down a peg." I have no issues with saying I screwed up and that I'm sorry - IF it's clear that I am and IF it's handled properly.

_____________________________

Sir Jude
*Don't be afraid to go out on a limb... that's where all the fruit is*
**The best way to make a dream come true is to wake up**

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 13

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 5/30/2005 10:24:11 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I just thought I'd bump this, as another thread has brought it to my mind again.

(in reply to kissmike)

Post #: 14

RE: When You are clearly wrong - 5/31/2005 5:58:25 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

I would...and have...admit fault, apologize if appropriate, and offer an explanation of my action, if I thought that would help the situation. If the error caused harm to someone, even minor harm, I would offer to make amends as well.

I would (have) also look a bit deeper. Like, for example, what was I trying to accomplish when I made the goof? Did my action succeed at all? Just a little? Have the opposite effect? What caused my error? Was it a simple mistake...like misfingering a chord or making a typo? Or was it because of some character flaw I need to work on? Not to make too much of this....sometimes a goof is just a goof.

The important thing for me is to admit it...every bit of it....correct it...and move on.

More coffee is needed here!!

Bob (DesertRat)

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 5/31/2005 5:59:28 AM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 15

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