what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (Full Version)

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crouchingtigress -> what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 5:59:37 AM)

i hear that a lot..."person x just uses the lifestyle to get laid".

first off, i dont think its accurate, because you must have some kink in you to go to all the trouble of learning enough to meet a real person in the LS to actually get laid, but beyond that i dont see whats wrong with that.

assuming the person has not lied, why is it a bad thing?






Devilslilsister -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:02:06 AM)

Its not

People are just judgemental.  People also like to be able to point and say "ooooh so and so SUCKS"  Which of course just makes them feel better about what they are doing and who they are.  Kind of like everything else



ShiftedJewel -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:04:45 AM)

It isn't a bad thing... unless, like you said, they lie about it. If more were up front about it, if they admitted right off that they are only into the kinky sex that would be awesome!! Would make the search for a committed long term relationship sooo much easier!
 
Jewel



hammernhoney -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:10:14 AM)

"assuming the person has not lied, why is it a bad thing?" Thats the whole case wrapped up in a pretty bow,however some guys just don't know how to get laid..smiles



SweetSarijane -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:10:39 AM)

I agree with ShiftedJewel. It's not a bad thing unless they lie about it and that's where I think a lot of the negativity toward it comes from...those who've been lied to and hurt by someone only in it for easy or kinky sex.



Satyr6406 -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:13:23 AM)

Dare I answer this honestly and risk REALLY pissing off a bunch of people?
 
Let me put on my "Diplomat's Hat".
 
The risk is that people that are using this lifestyle as a means to "just get their rocks off" learn, as Amy said, just enough to meet another person. They obtain that little bit of knowledge and, a little bit of knowledge is ... ? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
Michael



SimplyMichael -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:13:49 AM)

I wonder how many lie about being able to have sex, emotionally or physically and just do kink to hide it?



crouchingtigress -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:16:55 AM)

are you talking about ED micheal.?..wow i never thought of that....although i did date  an ED guy, who was amazing with shibari.



thetammyjo -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:16:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i hear that a lot..."person x just uses the lifestyle to get laid".

first off, i dont think its accurate, because you must have some kink in you to go to all the trouble of learning enough to meet a real person in the LS to actually get laid, but beyond that i dont see whats wrong with that.

assuming the person has not lied, why is it a bad thing?



Assuming it was clearly stated that "this is for sex" then there isn't anything morally or ethically wrong in my opinion.

However some people feel that the way they do things down to the motivations is the way it must be for everyone.

I confess I'm a bit that way myself. If it isn't between consenting adults I don't consider it BDSM and I don't consider it sex -- I consider it rape and abuse and a crime.

However the brief scenario you provided meets my personal criteria.



SimplyMichael -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:20:58 AM)

There are people who are deeply stunted emotionally who love "just" the S&M side and there are people who can't get it up who love "just" the S&M side.

I could care less why people want to do this or that, what I object is when their rationalization tries to pidgeon hole MY ass, then they are going to have a problem.



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:22:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

Dare I answer this honestly and risk REALLY pissing off a bunch of people?
 
Let me put on my "Diplomat's Hat".
 
The risk is that people that are using this lifestyle as a means to "just get their rocks off" learn, as Amy said, just enough to meet another person. They obtain that little bit of knowledge and, a little bit of knowledge is ... ? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
Michael

[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m25.gif[/image] OOH OOH!  I know I know!
A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing...



Jasmyn -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:23:25 AM)

Nice observation Michael ... people use the so called 'lifestyle' for all sorts of reasons...aren't here to judge ... though, gotta admit, those just looking for a sex kick have their uses...



thetammyjo -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:24:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

There are people who are deeply stunted emotionally who love "just" the S&M side and there are people who can't get it up who love "just" the S&M side.

I could care less why people want to do this or that, what I object is when their rationalization tries to pidgeon hole MY ass, then they are going to have a problem.


*nods*

Yeah, I will always love the Rinella phrase that part of the attaction of SM is our "rugged individualism."

I never grok when people want some cookie cutter mold or set of rules for everyone to follow beyond those that promote healthy relationships that don't bring you to the police's attention in a bad way.



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:24:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

There are people who are deeply stunted emotionally who love "just" the S&M side and there are people who can't get it up who love "just" the S&M side.

I could care less why people want to do this or that, what I object is when their rationalization tries to pidgeon hole MY ass, then they are going to have a problem.


Yeah.. What Michael said..



crouchingtigress -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:30:35 AM)

to no one inparticular...heres the thing, i dont think the LS offers easy sex for a new dom...i think subs tend to shun them..and i know its not about sex for the male sub because it is really hard to find a mistress let alone one they can have sex with.

i dont hting female subs are easy, i think it would be much easier to go to a bar and get laid, the to fake an interest in the LS.

Satyr Micheal, i hear what you are saying: a little bit of knowledge is a bad thing...and you make a point, but not a single one of us was born knowing how to do this stuff...so its a progression....right?

Shifted jewel: so its really about not being upfront about it....i think i get it....so what i am assuming happens is that you meet a person with bdsm interests but they lack committment?...isnt that a commitment issue?



Satyr6406 -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:34:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

are you talking about ED micheal.?..wow i never thought of that....although i did date  an ED guy, who was amazing with shibari.



Who the hell is Ed and how did we start talking about him?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m25.gif[/image] OOH OOH!  I know I know!
A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing...



I was sure someone was going to mention how I, obviously, only had a little bit of knowledge about adages!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Nice observation Michael ... people use the so called 'lifestyle' for all sorts of reasons...aren't here to judge ... though, gotta admit, those just looking for a sex kick have their uses...



I think, in my humble opinion, that that's because BDSM is the "play" and D/s is the lifestyle and too many people get confuzzled about the two. One of my biggest pet peeves is: "I am 24/7 BDSM ...". Really? Does that make it difficult, going to a parent teacher conference while your husband/master is flogging you, in those little desks that the teachers make you sit in? Does your wife/mistress untie you before you go to work or do you just hop, as much as the rope will let you, down to the bus stop?
 
D/s is how we live. BDSM is how some of us play.
 
Kia ora. Tene kotau, Jasmyn.
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
Michael



Guilty1974 -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:43:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

If more were up front about it, if they admitted right off that they are only into the kinky sex that would be awesome!!  


Perhaps more would if lifestylers wouldn't call it "only kinky sex" so often. No matter how it's meant, it does sound like it's something less.



crouchingtigress -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:47:52 AM)

ED= erectile dysfuntion....



SimplyMichael -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:49:59 AM)

So if you don't do D/s you aren't in our precious little lifestyle?  Funny thing how D/s as a seperate concept is a VERY recent phenominom in WIIWD. 



Satyr6406 -> RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle for Sex (4/20/2007 6:51:57 AM)

Ummmm Tigress? I Knew what you meant. I was just, kind of ... well ... I wanted to make ... I guess being humourous, in text, just doesn't work for me.
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
Michael



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