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Satyr6406 -> RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? (4/23/2007 5:14:54 AM)
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I guess it depends on your definition of "mean".
During my marriage, my ex wife was a screaming shrew. She also became physically violent and abusive. I admit that I fell into some of the same behavior with the exception of the physical (and I'm not even proud of the screaming and yelling) because, after a while, I started thinking it was the only way to "get through to her".
When, I ended that marriage, I "took some time off" and re-assessed who I had been, before the marriage, who I was, at that point, and who I wanted to be. One of the things that I decided was that "violence" (this includes "yelling and screaming" but, a slightly raised voice is okay) was not going to be tolerated in my house.
Fast forward a few years. I met a young lady, on-line who lived a good distance away (3,500 miles). One thing about LDRs: it provides you with a long time (usually) to spend a lot of time talking without the pressure of sexual intimacy raising its head. While talking doesn't ensure "getting to know" a person - because of the oft-repeated honesty issues - it means that you can get a pretty good idea of some things.
Anyway, this young lady was well aware of how I felt about "violence". We didn't meet, initially, for nine months.
On one of our visits, she became really angry and started yelling. I sat her down and calmly reminded her that we had discussed things that I would and would not tolerate. I was very strict in my underscoring of these principles.
On another visit (she was at my house, at this point), she got angry with me, slammed my bedroom door and thud-walked her way downstairs (There's also no reason for heavy-stepping). I got up off the bed and started packing her bag.
When she came back upstairs: "Michael, what are you doing?"
"Packing a bag." (I guess I didn't look like I was milking a duck)
"But, that's my bag, Michael."
"Why, yes, Sara. It is!"
"But, I have nowhere to go." (As if I would have been packing a bag for me to leave MY house!)
"You can use the phone to call some hotels, Sara."
Now, in all honesty, I don't see this as "mean". She had been told, prior to our meeting, how I felt about such behavior. She had engaged in it, once and been given a fairly stern (/strict) warning, and yet, she had decided to "give it another try". I don't know. I don't find it to be mean. Others might disagree but, I guess my point is: If there's enough "aggravating circumstances", some measure that seem "drastic" might not, necessarily, be mean.
Peace and comfort,
Michael
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