Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Does anyone else have this problem?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Does anyone else have this problem? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 7:53:42 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		[rant mode]

I have this serious problem with the combination of my job and the lifestyle. A lot of people make assumptions and/or tease me about things that I find rather offensive and degrading, and then don't seem to understand why I'm not so happy with them.

I'm a nurse - I am a nurse because I want to help people feel better. I am not a nurse for the latex (which I'm allergic to, btw), for the restraints (which are only used on patients who are a danger to themselves or us - not my idea of a good time), or anything else. I don't get off on my job - and in the same manner, I don't get off on any role play involving nurses ... something else that people just don't seem to get.

Tomorrow, I start a new job in a correctional facility as a med passer. It's a job, just like any other. I'll be doing pretty much the same things that I would be doing in a nursing home/rehabilitation facility. So why do I get the cracks about "caging" and handcuffs?

I'm really tired of this bullshit. It's my job people - I take it seriously. I find cracks about why I'm a nurse, and now about where I have accepted a job, to be totally out of line, and degrading to me, my job, my morality, AND my place in this lifestyle.

[/rant mode]
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:03:59 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I get cracks all the time about some of the "training" work I do, being an designer of instruction, etc. One of my good friends is a Dom and a dentist and I love teasing him about being a sadist. It's a cute little light banter back & forth between us.

Of course, you have a right not to like this. Stating it politely to someone who does it repeatedly might help. But the reality is that everyone gets teased at some point in their lives.

I'm sure most people are not ill-willed when they tease this way. In the end, you have to learn not to take it all seriously or ignore the comments that annoy you. People tend to stop repeating jokes that get no responses.

Good luck with your new job btw.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 4/27/2005 8:05:11 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:09:28 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		What gets me is that they don't stop when I mention that I find it degrading.

The person who was the 'final straw' has been told before (which is probably why it irritated me so much).

Once or twice would be ok, but continually? Especially when I have mentioned how much I dislike it ... unacceptable.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:21:36 PM   
SecretDomme


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		I am in the healthcare field as well and get some of the same comments. Playful banter between friends is one thing, but if it goes beyond that, I usually chalk it up to people who have a limited ability to get past the idea of D/s. It's along the same lines of people who think that all of my friends are Dommes and that any party I attend is a play party.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:29:41 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		My biggest problem is that it almost universally comes from others in the lifestyle - not people who don't have any concept of what the lifestyle is/can be.

This latest comment was made by a submissive that I have chatted with as friends off and on for a year or so. Other comments have been made by other people in the lifestyle. Only one person has made repeated jokes about it who wasn't in the lifestyle, and he's a nurse (and when I threatened to take him out of the minority of male nurses, he stopped).

(in reply to SecretDomme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:40:25 PM   
DallasDiva


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline 		I am in the Healthcare field, as well. In the psycological sense. I get the questions and jokes just the same...and sometimes, depending on what is said, I get offended. This is my job and I take it very serious. If I did the things some suggest I would be very unprofessional. It would even be abuse. My clients are not consenting to my lifestyle, therefore they are not involved. I am still me at work...just as I am at the mall, drug store, or where ever....but I know how to be discrete and not involve those who should not be involved.


(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:45:12 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DallasDiva

I am in the Healthcare field, as well. In the psycological sense. I get the questions and jokes just the same...and sometimes, depending on what is said, I get offended. This is my job and I take it very serious. If I did the things some suggest I would be very unprofessional. It would even be abuse. My clients are not consenting to my lifestyle, therefore they are not involved. I am still me at work...just as I am at the mall, drug store, or where ever....but I know how to be discrete and not involve those who should not be involved.





And this is exactly how I feel. And I don't understand why others can't get that.

(in reply to DallasDiva)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:50:19 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		Ask the repeat offenders what they do for a living, then find some way to drag it into BDSM, give them a taste of their own medicine (no pun intended).

Unless we are involved in the lifestyle professionally, we prefer to keep our jobs at work, bringing BDSM into a vanilla workplace is unprofessional.

When they start the nonsense, stare them down and then walk away without a word.

Just some suggestions.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 8:55:27 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I reminded the guy that I found it offensive - haven't said anything to him since. He did appologise, but since this isn't the first (or even second) time I've told him how much it bothers me, I can't quite bring myself to accept it in good grace yet.

(in reply to LadyShoshin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 10:35:04 PM   
CTclay


Posts: 123
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline 		I get the impression there are a lot of BDSM people in health care. Lots of lawyers, too, I think.

(in reply to DallasDiva)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/27/2005 11:08:04 PM   
MsSilvie


Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps you get teased about your job in combination with your kink because you allow yourself to get worked up over it.

People will push your buttons if you let them.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 3:31:43 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		To me, my job has nothing to do with my Dominant sexuality and so I keep my sexuality private. Even in my vanilla days, I didn't talk sex or sexuality with my co-workers and I certainly don't share BDSM details now....

However, in your case, if they know your BDSM persuasion, of course there's gonna be the immature minority who'll rib you about it. There'll also be the gossip-mongers and whisperers who won't say anything to your face but enjoy your discomfort privately....

So what to do? Firstly, human nature says they'll keep ribbing you as long as they're getting a reaction from you. So you control your reactions and generally ignore them at all levels except what your job requires.

But since you're starting a new job, I'm not sure why there's a potential problem there.... Are you working with others who already know in advance? If not, then just do what I do - keep job and private life in separate boxes.

BDSM is gossip bait for vanillas and there'll always be someone who can't control their big mouth. I"m not ashamed of my need for BDSM but I have no desire to be constantly defending my sexuality to the ignorant and obnoxious either! I shouldn't have to but my knowledge and experience of human behaviour dictates it's prudent to just not share my private life with those who'd never understand.... If they do know, all you can do is "damage control" - don't acknowledge their barbs.

Focus50.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 4:40:20 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		I do understand what all of you are saying about this. I am not in this particular field but i have many friends that are....and live within this realm also.
I don't want to sound insensitive by saying what i am going to, but honestly: Why are you giving them that much power over how you feel about your job? I can probably understand that it gets tireing after awhile, but why give a rats ass what others think about something that is so important to You? You love what you do....i imagine you are good at what you do....what else matters? <smilez>

If i offended you...that was not my intent. I hope y'all have a great day.

Happy Thursday!!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 5:04:33 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Why are you giving them that much power over how you feel about your job?


smilezz, you brilliant woman you ;) You said what I was trying to say last night, simply in a much clearer, no nonsense way. I second this, without any ill-intent.

As I said, don't play into it by giving them any feedback. Starve it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 5:21:56 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		What? People in BDSM doing this? What? Aren't we the most specialist, communicating, open, dependent upon honesty, cherishing our differences group of pals in the world?

Say it isn't so...

Anyway, ditto to Smile.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 5:35:24 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		I work in healthcare too and usually find that laughing and putting them straight on what uniforms are worn these days usually is enough.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 11:38:58 AM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		i have received many emails and im's from "folk" who once they know or read i am a Registered Nurse, automatically assume in am into medical play or gadgets that only go into my patients....

what i say to them is if you assume i am wanting you to put a speculum up my pu$$y then i will send you for my next pap smear
or
so you think i might have rectal cancer that you can shove that rod of steel up my behind to find out?

i dont think many, now this is MHO, who use medical play equipment really understand the potentially lfe saving tools they only "play" with for pleasure.

but it floats their boat!!! so be it.
but it just might not float their boat after they are a patient having the same procedure done for some medically needy reason.

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to Oumae)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 3:06:12 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		You know, I don't come here to get lectured on my behavior or the fact that - like a lot of other people - I have a temper. I come and post here for a number of reasons, but that is definitely not one of them. I come and post here to get relavent information, to find out if I/we are alone in having certain situations, and if I/we need it, to get advice on certain situations.

I am very well aware that if I let people get to me they will keep it up because people are fucking imature. That is why I come here and vent after I calmly tell them that I don't appreciate their humor. Once I vent, 99% of the time, I'm over it (at least, the anger part - frustration tends to last longer).

Being lectured about the fact that I need to vent doesn't help the situation at all. Some people can let things go imediately - I can't - I need to vent first. If that isn't how you work, then bully for you, but I don't work that way and never have. I don't hold grudges unless something truly massive happens - and even then, I don't stay angry, I just don't trust that person to behave properly - but I do need to vent - I thought that this was a place that I could do that without being lectured every single time, but obviously not.

*edited for a bit of clarity*

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/28/2005 4:27:46 PM >

(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 3:50:12 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

You know, I don't come here to get lectured on my behavior or the fact that - like a lot of other people - I have a temper. I come and post here for a number of reasons, but that is definitely not one of them. I come and post here to get relavent information, to find out if I/we are alone in having certain situations, and if I/we need it, to get advice on certain situations.

I am very well aware that if I let people get to me they will keep it up because people are fucking imature. That is why I come here and vent after I calmly tell them that I don't appreciate their humor. Once I vent, 99% of the time, I'm over it (at least, the anger part - frustration tends to last longer).

Being lectured about the fact that I need to vent doesn't help the situation at all. Some people can let things go imediately - I can't - I need to vent first. If that isn't how you work, then bully for you, but I don't work that way and never have. I don't hold grudges unless something truly massive happens - and even then, I don't stay angry, I just don't trust that person to behave properly - but I do need to vent - I thought that this was a place that I could do that, but obviously not.


You need to vent...okay. Apparantly you can do it here...because you did it. If you don't like the responses that you receive to your venting, perhaps you should vent about that...but then, be aware that you may receive some responses that you may not appreciate, which of course leads, to more venting.

Such wicked webs we weave...

~Thorns


_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Does anyone else have this problem? - 4/28/2005 7:27:38 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

You know, I don't come here to get lectured on my behavior or the fact that - like a lot of other people - I have a temper. I come and post here for a number of reasons, but that is definitely not one of them. I come and post here to get relavent information, to find out if I/we are alone in having certain situations, and if I/we need it, to get advice on certain situations.

I am very well aware that if I let people get to me they will keep it up because people are fucking imature. That is why I come here and vent after I calmly tell them that I don't appreciate their humor. Once I vent, 99% of the time, I'm over it (at least, the anger part - frustration tends to last longer).

Being lectured about the fact that I need to vent doesn't help the situation at all. Some people can let things go imediately - I can't - I need to vent first. If that isn't how you work, then bully for you, but I don't work that way and never have. I don't hold grudges unless something truly massive happens - and even then, I don't stay angry, I just don't trust that person to behave properly - but I do need to vent - I thought that this was a place that I could do that without being lectured every single time, but obviously not.

*edited for a bit of clarity*


So what's your point? Did you think you could "Dom" everyone here into just letting you do what you want without proffering any kind of opinion? C'mon, give us all some semblence of a break here.

If you aren't interested in feedback, perhaps you should say so in your original post. Or, you could just write your rant out, email it to yourself and feel better for the writing. But if you put your thoughts out on a message board, you get what you get.

It's the nature of the beast.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Does anyone else have this problem? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094