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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 7:46:10 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		When the relationship no longer fulfills you, cannot be fixed and when you are unhappy it is time to go.

Good Luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to newsub27)
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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 8:12:19 AM   
serillabound


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

I try to "communicate" my needs........he just never seems to "get it".


I think this should answer your question...really, if he doesn't get it, or is choosing to ignore your needs, don't waste your time...move on.



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submission is not a gift but the result of a mind raping partnership

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 8:13:28 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		It was time for you to walk away when you decided that you wanted to manipulate the relationship to suit your needs over suiting his. You both agreed to certain conditions when getting into this relationship. Now it seems you think that because you didn't abide to those conditions, it should be changed to suit you.

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 9:13:57 AM   
newsub27


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		know it's the oldest, and perhaps cheesiest, trick in the book but have you tried writing him a letter? Work on it over several days and make sure it's exactly what you want to say..........





I did this last night, unfortunatly I am not sure I verbalized it as well as I would have liked as I wrote it in the heat of the moment.  But Master and I talked some last night and I feel a little bit better, but we still have more talking to do.  He is my first Master and many times I am just not sure how to handle the extremely strong feelings that seem to come along with this type of relationship, I have never submitted my all to someone.  I do not want to "walk away" and leave him, I do believe that he does care, and I feel that it could work if we could learn to communicate better.....so yes I do have some homework of my own to do as well.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 9:25:49 AM   
newsub27


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		Wow MrDicipline....you kind of caught me off guard there.  I have no intention of tryng to "minipulate" Master, I am just asking for his imput on things.  I know that I have no right to push him into caring for me but I also have the right to ask questoins and get answers, this was one of the deals we made in the begining as well, so if I didnt follow some of the conditions of our "contract" then neither did he.  His needs are very important to me and if I am becomming a detrament to his well being then I need him to verbalize this .....and yes, I do have needs as well.....suprise....I am submissive not passive therefor there are times when I need to take care of me as well.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 10:01:46 AM   
a_caged_princess


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

How do you know when you get yourself involved to deep and just need to walk away?  Stupid me allowed my feelings for Master to go too deep, and was not part of the deal.  When should I leave in order to keep from getting hurt to badly? 


I doubt I am unique but hurt for me is hurt, the degree makes no difference.  The way I see it is your hurting already.  . . .  You have already invested yourself emotionally, my question is did you invest and save some for yourself?  Or did you throw it all in the basket and hope for the best? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

Thanks you for imput, I dont want to leave Master, I do care very much for him and enjoy our time together.  I feel that sometimes he does care but he is being the all powerful Master therefor he cant let on he has any emotions, and at other times I feel he is being very apathetic.  I think we really need to work on our communication and I am trying...........


I belive that Masters have feelings just like the rest of us.  Only they handle them differently.  Those times you see apathy could be saying much more then he is sharing.  Yet pushing him to say wont work in your best interest.  You mention that ~we~ really need to work on communication.  Yet you cant force ~we~ to do anything.  All you can do is work on your own communication skills. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

I try to "communicate" my needs........he just never seems to "get it".


If he's not ~getting it~ maybe you need a different approach.  I've heard in other posts where baring your soul helps, yet many times that can come off as sounding needy.  It's also possible that he does ~get it~ but honestly dosnt know what to do with it.  Maybe he's overwhelmed. 



Quivver,

It sounds as though you have some experience here and I would greatly value your insight.  I am not comfortable asking my own questions in public, yet I'm not sure who to ask about these sorts of things--as I'm sure you know, friends who do not share our lifestyle do not understand how we are supposed to act, and can be more of a hindrance than a help in such cases.  I often forget how to act myself and therein lies the problem.  Is there an alternate method, if you are willing, for me to consult you?

Thank you for your post,

acp

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 10:11:44 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		If he is a reasonably intelligent man and after repeated attempts at explaining to him he "still doesn't get it" i would say he doesn't want to get it and no amount of trying to get him to is going to change that. Many people who don't want to face an issue or communicate use this approach - it's called avoidance. 

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 10:11:50 AM   
Donnalee


Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think the most important thing you could find out right now is if the emotion you spoke of in your OP is a dealbreaker for him right now.  All these other things may be moot if so.  Could you really fall out of love (if that is the emotion you're dealing with) and keep the relationship if that's the offer on the table?

Relationships with emotion attachment are VERY hard to end, but it's better to bite the bullet sooner than later, IMO.

Best wishes to you.

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Just through all of your ups and downs ... know that I love you dearly.

(in reply to a_caged_princess)
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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 10:12:01 AM   
simplyangelic1


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		This sounds all too familiar to me.  I can only say that if you have tried repeatedly to communicate your needs in the relationship and there is no affirmation of them or no effort to meet some of them, then that is the time to leave.  I recently went through something similar where I wasn't getting the emotional support I needed to survive.  It was only by turning here that I was able to admit that I needed to leave the situation. 

Try to talk with him again.  If need be try writing out all the things you want to say so that you make sure you are very clear.  Explain why those things are important to you.

I wish you much luck in whatever you decide to do.  Just be sure that whatever the choice is, that it is the best one for you.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 10:24:56 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

When do you know it is time to walk away?
When you keep looking at your watch.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 10:29:47 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

If he is a reasonably intelligent man and after repeated attempts at explaining to him he "still doesn't get it" i would say he doesn't want to get it and no amount of trying to get him to is going to change that. Many people who don't want to face an issue or communicate use this approach - it's called avoidance. 


This could be true OR it could be that their communication styles are so different that he truly doesn't get it. I've found that if I can stop and try a completely different way of telling someone something, different words and point-of-view, maybe they'll understand better. Not everyone communicates in exactly the same way so using various methods of communicating can help too.

Just my thoughts....

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/22/2007 5:06:39 PM   
Wildnfreehrt2004


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline 		One trick I was taught when something was bothering me was to write it down - all of it, the ego stuff, no matter how childish any of it might sound, but to write until I had no other thoughts about the matter.

Then put it away for a minimum of 24 hours.

Then re-write in a calm, logical manner and leave as much of the emotional side out of it as possible. Leave it that way for a short time, review it to be sure it conveys exactly what you want it to say and then send it.

Hope this is helpful,
Wildy

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/22/2007 6:32:27 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I'm just getting the suspicion that He has bought into the fantasy version of being a Dom ... "Masters don't show emotions", "Masters are all-knowing and all-powerful", "Masters are mind readers so don't have to listen to their subs" ... you all know the sort of silly ideas that get bandied around. Masters (and Mistresses!) need to remember that they are HUMAN with human feelings, talents and frailties. I liked the comment from Oedipus ... make sure He does the studying with you! Try reading some of the communication threads too. Also, is He new at all this too? Could be He is overwhelmed/unsure of what best to do. Are you both in touch with your local scene? Or are you isolated and trying to go this alone? See if He would consider finding a Dom Mentor through these boards or in real life. When you are trying to talk to Him, make sure your body language matches your words too!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Wildnfreehrt2004)
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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/23/2007 9:27:52 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

Wow MrDicipline....you kind of caught me off guard there.  I have no intention of tryng to "minipulate" Master, I am just asking for his imput on things.  I know that I have no right to push him into caring for me but I also have the right to ask questoins and get answers, this was one of the deals we made in the begining as well, so if I didnt follow some of the conditions of our "contract" then neither did he.  His needs are very important to me and if I am becomming a detrament to his well being then I need him to verbalize this .....and yes, I do have needs as well.....suprise....I am submissive not passive therefor there are times when I need to take care of me as well.
while agree that Michael was a bit attacking in his statement, he made one simple point clear..you agreed from what I understand for no "love or emotions"or whatever to be in your relationship, now because you have not been able to stand by this you hope that possibly he may change his mind as well..true this could be a possibility..and I also understand not wanting to leave him, but as you say, you do have needs and if you think he will never be capable of returning this ever increasing need of yours then you may have to walk away..Personally however you started this thread with "when do you know it is time to walk away"? and then in another posting here you state you do not want to leave, there, I think,is where you have answered your own question..you do not want to leave so hence you will not..you also stated that if ,you are becoming a detrament to your Master then you need him to verbaliz this..ok, then if he says you are ,then what?...as with anything else..COMMUNICATION, then when all out in the open,,decisons may need to be made on both sides of the slash..best of wishes/Tempting

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/23/2007 9:29:36 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry I should learn to edit myself..I meant Mr Discipline not Michael..sorry Michael..:0)..Tempting

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/23/2007 9:45:54 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		when the benefits are out weighed by the losses.

losses can be:
self esteem
confidence
energy
self respect
time with loved ones
peace
joy
harmony
feeling secure
feeling alive


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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/23/2007 10:12:04 PM   
CypherEnigma


Posts: 62
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		Besides walking away, there was the intire issue as to what i would do after i did. It was harder than the decision to actually leave.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/24/2007 4:06:13 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		If you are asking this question in the first place, i think the answer is already there.

I wish you much peace,

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

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Profile   Post #: 38
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