How do you tell your play partner to spank harder?

How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (Full Version)

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Spankme3 -> How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 7:00:17 AM)
Hi, I would like to know how to tell my play partner (we are both switches) that I would like him to spank me harder, longer, or use more implements. He isn't into the pain himself, but seems to enjoy it when he is spanking me. I don't want him to think I'm weird or a total pain slut (but I am). Any advice?

siamsa24 -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 7:02:26 AM)
Just tell him. There is no easier way to do it. If you try to drop hints or tell him without really telling him you will just end up frustrated because chances are he won't get it (nothing against him, that's just the way humans in general are)

Lordandmaster -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 7:09:20 AM)
THIS is the problem. Why don't you want him to know what you are? You'll never have a complete relationship if you keep yourself hidden like that. In effect, you're lying to him. quote: ORIGINAL: Spankme3 I don't want him to think I'm weird or a total pain slut (but I am).

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 7:42:54 AM)
Maybe he needs a safe pillow.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 9:57:08 AM)
Is that the best you can do you sissy? LOL... If he/she has a sense of humor, you'll come out of it with bruises, if not, scene stops. M

Spankme3 -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 3:24:53 PM)
Well, he has seen me play hard with others. I think he's just afraid of hurting me. It's hard for some guys to get over that. This is a new relationship and we are just in the process of discovering what each other likes...don't appreciate the lying to him remark. I was looking for honest advice. Thanks to those who responded.

siamsa24 -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 3:34:10 PM)
quote: This is a new relationship and we are just in the process of discovering what each other likes This makes it all the more important to communicate. If you can't just say it (I have trouble with that at times) then write him a letter.

ProtagonistLily -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 4:14:18 PM)
quote: Is that the best you can do you sissy? LOL... If he/she has a sense of humor, you'll come out of it with bruises, if not, scene stops. M As cute as this sounds, I think I'd opt for another option. Who really wants to risk "Sam" behavior in the middle of the scene given that the option might be that the scene goes south? If I were you, I'd try to discuss this with the Top. I wouldn't do it in scene. Some people, especially newer folks, are reluctant to go to town on a bottom. If you communicate your desires, at least you can find out if getting the Top to hit harder is an option. Lily

Lordandmaster -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 6:39:43 PM)
It was honest advice. If you don't want to hear other people's opinions, don't ask for advice. Besides, what siamsa said was right. It's even more important to be open and honest if this is a new relationship. If you don't tell him now what you really want, you may never have another chance. Are you worried about what he'll think? If he's turned off by the fact that you're a painslut, he's not the guy for you anyway. Lam quote: ORIGINAL: Spankme3 don't appreciate the lying to him remark. I was looking for honest advice.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 10:57:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily As cute as this sounds, I think I'd opt for another option. Who really wants to risk "Sam" behavior in the middle of the scene If I were you, I'd try to discuss this with the Top. I wouldn't do it in scene. Some people, especially newer folks, are reluctant to go to town on a bottom. Lily I know you are right Lily, because it is this very behavior (being a smart ass topper) which eventually ended my 1st relationship with one who called himself a slave, but it's also the one that got me to lose the fear and hurt him as he needed/wanted, so it was good for both of us at that time; not a good option for continuing communication. He didn't say exactly that, but he pretty much challenged me. I agree that talking to him after the fact or at a non-threatening time is best (my serious answer). [;)] M

BeachMystress -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/28/2005 11:52:14 PM)
You need to sit down and talk with your friend and let him know that you not only can take harder, but you'd find it erotic to take harder. I'd ask him to try out swats outside of a scene so he can get an idea of what is proper with you. Do keep in mind that outside of scene, you might not be able to take as much as you can when you have endorphins flowing. Another way you can try is a little on the toppy from below line.. beg for more in scene. Beg.. "Make me take more for you Sir.. Please make me take more." He doesn't have to do it if he doesn't want, so it isn't THAT much topping from below. Remember, you want a relationship based upon communication. Now is the time to start establishing that. If you don't do it in the beginning, it won't miraculously start somewhere down the line. You do have to work at a relationship, and sometimes bringing up things that are a bit embarrassing or that are practical has to happen. Good luck!

diaperedbaby -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/29/2005 5:42:51 AM)
I would do the above (great advise) and use a safe word . He will then know exactly were your limit is. If not, he would just be quessing.

APhacetoSit -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/29/2005 10:20:34 PM)
try telling your Master or Mistress that He/She hits like a girl. it has generally worked for me. one small warning, if you say this to a Mistress, She may burst into laughter.

Spike1777 -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/29/2005 10:48:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: APhacetoSit try telling your Master or Mistress that He/She hits like a girl. it has generally worked for me. one small warning, if you say this to a Mistress, She may burst into laughter. Ya know it always amazes me to hear a maschoist say something like that. All the sadist has to do is hit harder. But i guess that was the original question. Perhaps a heart to heart talk. Ya know, something like explaining the needs that come into play. Someone once told me that relationships are all about fulfilling each other's needs. i am sure that if the Top cares then there would be a little extra wood on the next spank.... little spike

MsSimone -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (4/30/2005 1:00:45 AM)
One of the best suggestions on this issue I ever heard was to pick the implement you desire him to use on you, get on your knees, present it to him/her and say: Please." Simple, respectful and gets to the heart of you. Mistress Simone

APhacetoSit -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (5/1/2005 2:21:18 AM)
Not so much a masochist as a pragmatist. it reaches the same goal, and makes it Master's choice, rather than topping from the bottom.

iwillserveu -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (5/1/2005 5:41:51 AM)
Very carefully.[&:] OK obvious joke done. I can tell you how to not do it. Don't say it during a scene. I assume hearing "You hit like wet spagetti" probably is not a turn on.[:)] (And yes, that is what "Harder, harder" gets translated as in the male mind. [I can only assume in the female mind, but I have a penis.[:D]) A good time would be if you kept a journal that he read. You could not tell him directly, but he'd know. Other than that I really can't think of a good time "Please pull up to the next window and thank you for eating at McDonalds." "You know dear, you can spank me harder." That may not be the best time.[:)]

glassdoll -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (5/2/2005 8:53:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spankme3 Hi, I would like to know how to tell my play partner (we are both switches) that I would like him to spank me harder, longer, or use more implements. He isn't into the pain himself, but seems to enjoy it when he is spanking me. I don't want him to think I'm weird or a total pain slut (but I am). Any advice? write it on his forehead in marker when he's sleeping.make sure he has no where to go for a day or two after that. or just buy rubbing alcohol to remove it.

BobcatsLilMinx -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (5/3/2005 6:11:03 AM)
quote: I can tell you how to not do it. Don't say it during a scene. I assume hearing "You hit like wet spagetti" probably is not a turn on. (And yes, that is what "Harder, harder" gets translated as in the male mind. [I can only assume in the female mind, but I have a penis. ) Is that right?? I've often begged "Harder, oh please, more!!" (or something similar) and I've never met a man who took it as anything so insulting... In fact, that seems to me a good way to let them know, moan and let them know how much you love it, and beg for more! Minx

Spankme3 -> RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? (5/3/2005 7:10:48 AM)
Thank you for all the good advice. I have decided to talk to him before our next scene. We usually talk for a good while first, anyway. I just didn't quite know how to ask him. Asked one of his friends and she insisted that he won't go running...so that's a relief. I'll let you know how it went. Thanks again.

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