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When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 2:41:24 PM

Dastardly

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

This is my first thread on here, hello to all you lovely people *waving from the UK* I've been lurking for ages and finally figured the only way to increase my post count and lose that godawful newbie status was to jump right in - it took a while but it finally sunk in LOL

Apologies, I'm sure this topic has been raised a million times on here before but for the submissives and slaves who are currently without a Master/Mistress or Owner I have a few questions
Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?
How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?
Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?
Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

I work within a lesbian butch/femme dynamic and so I am really only attracted to butch submissive women and believe me they aren't thick on the ground. I've found that at times it is like I put my dominant side to bed for a little while to allow me to get on with my life and then at other times it comes roaring out and won't be boxed in. Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

Many thanks

_____________________________

'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 3:20:27 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

quote:

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?
How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?
Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?
Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel? Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

Greetings Mistress Dastardly:

1: Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now? i can only speak for myself but for me the goal is to be owned, but until i am collared i am happy as i am right now... speaking to a Gorean Master.

2: Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc? i have done this and been very unhappy due to not being able to serve a Master.

3: Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? i used to think that i would never find the perfect partner for myself and then i realized that the only reason i would not is because that is what i was projecting onto myself and that if i want a Master, i had to change that. How does that feel? it felt lonely, like i was lost, but then as i said i changed my way of thinking and feel that is what will help me in the long run.

4: Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone? this is a question that was hard to answer at first but after some thought, i can say that i know that when i am not with someone, i tend to behave as i would if i was in their presence. i try to be as pleasing as possible in all i say and do but also strive to learn and grow as a slave.

the other questions i could not answer because i don't remember a time that i was not collared other than to raise unmentionables and due to health issues.

may this day find You well.

Blessed Be
cariad

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to Dastardly)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 4:46:13 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Interesting set of questions. :)

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

I'm pretty committment shy which is paradoxical because I attach so easily. I haven't really been able to come to grips with the idea of a collar. I like the idea of belonging to someone because it gives me a warm fuzzy and makes me feel good, but I think thats different from being owned in the way most people think of it. I'm happy with the way I am now.

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc?

Someone claimed me once and decided he owned me. Actually that's happened a couple times. The feeling wasn't reciprocated, except in the most shallow sense (as in pwned!)

Does that make a difference to your contributions on here?

Not really. I'm careful to speak from my own experience.

Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that?

Not really. I capture glimpses of what I'm after every now and again. I'm also a masochist so I'm as much about the journey as the getting there.

That your contributions are less valid?

I don't feel my contributions are less valid, but I do feel that some take a reductivist approach to this stuff that devalue the experiences of those of us who aren't in long term relationships.

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?

Not anymore. I think I've become allergic to vanilla.

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner?

I try to stay focused on the partner I'm with. If he's going to go out of his way to spend time with me, I feel I owe him that much even in the absense of a committment. So, I don't worry much about some perfect partner that may or not be out there. I guess you could say I seek perfect moments rather than perfect partners.

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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 5:41:45 PM

Asraii

Posts: 91
Status: offline

quote:

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

I am happy with the way things are right now. If it changes; that's ok also but I am not going to sweat it.

quote:

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc?

I have been.

quote:

Does that make a difference to your contributions on here?

No, it does not.

quote:

Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?

No, and no.

quote:

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?

Absolutly

quote:

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

I do not believe in 'perfection'.
I do however believe that two people can make a relationship work when they are ready to make it work and that it can be as good or as bad as they wish it to be.

quote:

Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

Yes and no. It really depends on what I am doing and for whom.

(in reply to Dastardly)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 5:43:51 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now? LTR is my goal. Wouldn't say unhappy but definately not complete..???

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Not yet.

Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? I'd probably visit and post less if someone else was around.

Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? Yes

That your contributions are less valid? Feel most are valid but unfortunately most of my posts relate to general bullshit because I really can't comment on "lifestyle" stuff based on rt experience.

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc? No

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? Ain't lookin too good.

How does that feel? Incomplete......

Welcome to the group....!!!!!

< Message edited by stockingluvr54 -- 4/22/2007 5:45:04 PM >

(in reply to Dastardly)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 6:00:58 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

This is my first thread on here, hello to all you lovely people *waving from the UK* I've been lurking for ages and finally figured the only way to increase my post count and lose that godawful newbie status was to jump right in - it took a while but it finally sunk in LOL

Welcome.... enjoy your stay!

Apologies, I'm sure this topic has been raised a million times on here before but for the submissives and slaves who are currently without a Master/Mistress or Owner I have a few questions. Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

A owner might be nice, but I dont see it as the be all end all. If somethings right then so be it. But should I never find one to own me, that is ok too.

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc?

no official collar ever here.

Does that make a difference to your contributions on here?

at times it does.

Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that?

A part yes, but it's a small fraction in all honesty.

That your contributions are less valid?

not in the least.

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?

Sigh... I tried, it didnt go well.

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner?

I dont know. In many ways I have known the ~perfect~ partner, yet the ~perfect~ circumstance is a large part of the final outcome isnt it?

How does that feel?

it feels like life.... it's all in what we make of it.

I work within a lesbian butch/femme dynamic and so I am really only attracted to butch submissive women and believe me they aren't thick on the ground. I've found that at times it is like I put my dominant side to bed for a little while to allow me to get on with my life and then at other times it comes roaring out and won't be boxed in. Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

my submissive side is fed with children, people I work with, old friends, new one's too when they come along. it's not a sexual submission but giving of oneself feeds that in many ways other then sex.

Many thanks

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 8:49:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly
Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

The long term goal is to be true to me. Whether that means at any particular time being in a relationship or not is a mix of my choices and life crap.

quote:

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? [/quiote]
There is both a very real difference in how a slave is responded to as to whether they are currently in a relationship or not AND there is extreme peer pressure which CREATES that difference in perception as well.

quote:

Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?
[
Some do, but that's sad.

quote:

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?

SOme do but I find that tends to be counter-productive.

quote:

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

How does it feel for vanillas?

quote:

Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

Until the stereotype that submissive = X personality, this will sadly be a problem. There are many slaves who are not "typical" in their attitude.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 10:19:37 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly
This is my first thread on here, hello to all you lovely people *waving from the UK* I've been lurking for ages and finally figured the only way to increase my post count and lose that godawful newbie status was to jump right in - it took a while but it finally sunk in LOL

Welcome!!!

quote:

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

I'm very happy with the way things are. I would also be very happy to be once again owned. If it happens life will be grand....and if it doesn't happen....life will be grand.

quote:

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc?

I've was owned for 25 of the last 28 years. Not being owned is really a rather new thing for me...a thing that took me some time to get used to....and have finally become comfortable with.

quote:

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?

Intimate vanilla relationships? No. They hold no appeal for me.

quote:

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

Oh I don't know. I guess sometimes I wonder if I will. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I already had that. Sometimes I wonder if I have it right now...lol. It's not something I stress over or put pressure on myself about.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Dastardly)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 10:33:04 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly
Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

Oops...guess I missed this question. It's a bit more indepth to answer. I am active within my lifestyle community and attend functions whenever time allows. I have many lifestyle friends, both Dominant and submissive, that I spend time with. If my masochistic side starts screaming for attentions there are a few who are generally all too eager to volunteer to make it scream louder...lol. I have a couple of Dominant friends who never seem to complain when I get an urge to clean a house, give a foot rub or make a nice meal. I have one Dominant friend who I am particularly close with. He lets me express my submission in whatever ways feel natural to me at the moment.....whether it be cleaning his house, cooking, running errands for him or sitting at his feet with my head in his lap. Neither of us ever pressure the other for commitment and just enjoy what is.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/22/2007 10:34:17 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Dastardly)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/22/2007 11:39:09 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

I used to be very hung up on "finding someone." I am now at the point in my life that if I find someone, great. If I don't, oh well. I'm happy with my life as it is...I have friends who meet my physical needs and emotional needs and I don't have to be in a romance (either D/s or otherwise) to feel fulfilled.

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?

I've only been technically owned one time....I don't feel my contributions are any less valid for having had only one master. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever want to be owned again.

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?

No. I find them boring and unfulfilling. If I just want someone to hang out with, I'll spend time with my best friends. If I want sex, I'll get the kinky kind from one of my exes who are more than willing to do the honors when my itch needs scratched. Why waste time on a vanilla relationship?

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

I think about it all the time and yeah, it sucks to an extent. But I remind myself that I have family, friends, pets, a good job, engaging hobbies etc, and that I have way too many wonderful things in my life to stress over romance. I look around me and see all the other people who are happy with their partners and it renews my faith that there is someone for EVERYONE, no matter how weird you are, how you look, what your interests are etc. I also remind myself that I am only 24 and many people don't find the perfect partner until they are in their 40s or 50s! This makes me realize that I need to just focus one enjoying life, cause it may be 20 yrs before Master Right shows up.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/23/2007 2:59:45 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

This is my first thread on here, hello to all you lovely people *waving from the UK* I've been lurking for ages and finally figured the only way to increase my post count and lose that godawful newbie status was to jump right in - it took a while but it finally sunk in LOL

Apologies, I'm sure this topic has been raised a million times on here before but for the submissives and slaves who are currently without a Master/Mistress or Owner I have a few questions
Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?

My long term goal is to have one stable relationship.

How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?

i was collared for such a short time that i am embarassed.
i don't think my contributions are less valid, just different. i do feel unfulfilled and at times even inept or flawed but i try hard to not take ownership of other people's opinions.

Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?
i'm not the kind of person who ever gets approached and i haven't been asked out on a date in nearly 10 years but i don't think i would like a vanilla relationship at all.

Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

i try to tell myself that i am a perfectly wonderful human being all by myself and that once i accept myself as solitary i can devote more time to finding solitary pleasures. There are days when it really hurts to think i am not suitable for anyone and other days when i imagine the one i am suitable for lives in the middle of some remote rain forest and it's just that i'll never meet Him and other days when it all matters not, i have other things to do.

I work within a lesbian butch/femme dynamic and so I am really only attracted to butch submissive women and believe me they aren't thick on the ground. I've found that at times it is like I put my dominant side to bed for a little while to allow me to get on with my life and then at other times it comes roaring out and won't be boxed in. Does your submissive side seek expression in other ways when you are not with someone?

Many thanks

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Dastardly)

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/23/2007 2:11:12 PM

Dastardly

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

Thanks so much for all your replies

Out of all the rooms this is the one that fascinates me and the one I have enjoyed reading the most in my lurking around and the questions I posed had come up while I'd been reading.

Lucky Albatross - I loved what your wrote about submission NOT equalling personality - in my other life I work very much in a butch-femme dynamic and address the same issues there - that being a femme (which is different to how femme is viewed in a D/s context) does not mean I will behave with a certain set of behaviours. For a lot of the butch-femme community it is a real challenge for a femme to wear a cock, for instance, and yet I move into the D/s world and that becomes acceptable again. It's that thing of boxes making people comfortable wherever you are, it's just different labels on them. And the same questions but just a different context.

Thank you all for sharing, I'm off to lurk again LOL * blowing kisses to you all*

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'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

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RE: When you're not in a BDSM relationship.... - 4/23/2007 3:08:08 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Is the long term goal always to be collared/owned/pick the term of your choice or are you happy with the way you are now?
How many of you have never been owned/collared etc etc? Does that make a difference to your contributions on here? Do you feel like a part of you is unfulfilled for never having that? That your contributions are less valid?
Do you consider, partake in vanilla relationships while searching for your perfect Master/Mistress etc etc?
Do you ever think that you won't ever find your perfect partner? How does that feel?

my long term goal is to grow old and die with the same person.

i prefer to be owned, though collaring doesn't do anything for me.

i like the way things are now; having fun, playing, meeting new people, expanding my knowledge, trying new things, but i'd still prefer to be owned.

i don't feel being owned at one time or not would have anything to do with the validity or value of someones contributions on the forums.

i don't do vanilla; sex or relationships.

i never feel like i won't find the perfect partner because i've already had many perfect partners in my lifetime; they were perfect for then, so someone else will come along that will be perfect for now.

(in reply to Dastardly)

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