RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant?

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RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 1:22:14 AM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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I think that "acid test" was rather self-serving on the part of the author.

Hence, I offer an improved "acid test"

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#1: Does he have the term "Curious" in his alias? If not, he's probably not much of a thinker, and he'll be dull. This is the first sign of a dunce. In his blind fits of rage, often brought on by his frustration at tasks most would consider simple, such as opening a child-proof bottle of one of his many medications, he may beat you in a rather abusive manner. You don't want this.
#2: Does he have the term "Lord" in his alias? If not, he's not a true dominant, but a wanker. He wanks it with his "subbies". They are, by association, also wankers. And you'd be a wanker, too, if you wank it with them.
#3: Memorize this acid test! Use it at all times and in all situations.

Remember: MOST "DOM"s (95%+) ARE FAKES! Remember to follow the acid test to avoid these phonies, dunces, and wankers!

See? It's compressed and leads to better results with only a marginal increase in self-servingness.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 4/24/2007 1:50:45 AM >

(in reply to Guilty1974)

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Post #: 41

RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 1:59:21 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

We don't belong to any groups. He is a very private person. We are monogamous and do not play with others. So what should we join a group for? He joined a kink site to find a partner, he only goes there occasionally to see what I've been discussing and that's maybe once a month. So when it comes to statistics he would be overlooked.

He doesn't refer to himself as a Dominant, he envisions such people as wearing leather and carrying a flogger everywhere. He has no time or patience for such nonsense. He just is one naturally who wants a woman who is compatible with him in both vanilla and kink ways who prefers to have him take the lead.

The statistics seem to assume that dominant means sadist with experience. That's a wrong definition I see a lot. Admittedly most doms do some s & m and most subs either like that or will do it for their tops, but that doesn't mean all are. Now to be a competent sadist some practice is required and workshops are recommended for learning more difficult techniques. But I've seen shibari workshops offered and fireplay ones, and suspension, but I've never seen a workshop offered in how to control dominance during a disagreement in order to allow the sub the ability to speak freely. I've never seen a workshop offered on how fast you should push a sub to try things that are difficult and how you decide what speed is good for which subs. Those would be worthwhile things for dominants to know, but not sadists.

This is the best post I have read so far and I think it more or less says it all.
I am out on the London scene a lot and have to admit that I have the odd snigger at the leather clad dominant with the limp! He limps because he’s got so many tools hanging off his belt that he can’t walk properly.
Leather and tools do not make a dominant. Everything comes from the creative mind and real desire.
You can go into any play club and see many dominants flogging an arse or doing something physical to a sub but does that really make them dominant? Of course not and that is why we see so many subs moving from one supposed dominant to the next in the ever hope of getting some mind control.

I agree about the workshops. Sadistic skill classes are ten a penny but mind play and control is something that is hardly touched upon.
I recently went to an interrogation workshop and it was so packed that they are planning to do another 2 shops for all the people that did not get into the first one.

I must say though, it is I think easier for a woman to dominate a man than a man to dominate a woman. Women are more manipulative in the way of testing a dominant. I think a lot of males worry about this or even find it hard work. Female subs are very quick to wheedle out a weakness in a man, where as male subs tend to be less testing and are just thankful they have a Mistress at all.

(in reply to Celeste43)

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RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 4:50:01 AM

MrRodgers

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Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I also sometimes think that real time groups tend to have a higher proportion.

Higher proportion of what? Wankers or the genuine article? I was unclear as to how you meant that.

It has been in my experience that in real time lifestyle communities there is still a higher percentage of the "wanker" variety in comparison to the "genuine article". Again, I can only comment from my own experience, but in that experience I have found many times Dominants who can very convincingly portray the "genuine article" in the public spotlight but when one gets to know them away from the scrutinizing eye of the community you find that their Dominant stature is one that appears to be limited to the "show" and not an integral part of the way they live their life.

I have to ask you to tell us of your experience and don't hold back now...what specifically is it in a person that they 'appear' Dominant or a wanker and just exactly how does one 'show' domination to be an integral part of the way they live their life ?

These are all presumptions and and far too many here could be cut with a knife.

Public forums...play...munches are much more for the exihibitionist than for any instructional or relationship value in my opinion. Iam not a public person myself and believe it is only another fetish...and ultimately tells us little or nothing...and needn't...about how anyone met...really is...when you get to know them.

Email, profiles, chat, munches are only beginnings...never the end in getting to know people.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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Post #: 43

RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 7:37:14 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Since I'm submissive through and through, I can't speak about dommes and male subs. But having someone submit not because you as a person send them, but instead because it's the only way they'll get even a little of their kink met doesn't sound too appealing to me. It might to a sadist though :) And I wonder about a bifem sub, if the only reason a male sub submits is because he can't get anyone else to top him, that wouldn't work for a female sub. She can get other people to dom her, so there has to be something more than Hobson's choice there.

I can attempt to manipulate him deliberately but he sees through that. He is indulgent towards me but as I don't need or want "strict" that's just fine, I have come to the conclusion that people who toss around the word strict in their profiles really mean they have no adaptability. As a parent, I need him to adapt to the punches. If I'm tending someone who brought home a stomach virus then telling me I will be punished for not obeying doesn't work for me. There's a difference between being deliberately unwilling and being unable.

But the thing male doms have over female subs is physical power. He can, and has, forced me physically to submit. When I've been unable to talk to him he's been known to pull me into his arms and simply hold me there until I give in. There's no pain or punishment there, simply the fact that I'm not going anywhere, plus the physical touch by itself is an enormously potent weapon in his arsenal. The physical dominance tends to enforce the mental. And of course it's hot as hell so you remember why you wanted to submit in the first place. Dommes are usually smaller than a male sub so they can't do this.

(in reply to MariaB)

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Post #: 44

RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 8:11:23 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
I have to ask you to tell us of your experience and don't hold back now...what specifically is it in a person that they 'appear' Dominant or a wanker and just exactly how does one 'show' domination to be an integral part of the way they live their life ?

These are all presumptions and and far too many here could be cut with a knife.

Public forums...play...munches are much more for the exihibitionist than for any instructional or relationship value in my opinion. Iam not a public person myself and believe it is only another fetish...and ultimately tells us little or nothing...and needn't...about how anyone met...really is...when you get to know them.

Email, profiles, chat, munches are only beginnings...never the end in getting to know people.

You are asking me to define what constitutes "Dominant". Well the answer is that my answer would be of little value to you or anyone else as my definition is one that works for "me". Domination to "me" has little to do with how well someone can wield a flogger or whip, the size of their toy bag, the vastness of their fetishwear collection or how much terminology they know and has everything to do with their inherent personality, their ability to inspire submission, the degree of control they have over themselves, their personal level of integrity and how they apply those things in practice and not just in theory.

I'm not attempting to "cut anyone with a knife" for I can only answer questions from the perspective of my own experience and feelings on the matter. It would be unreasonable to assume that all Dominants here would "fit" into the definition of dominance that I personally recognize. If someone "sees" themself in my words and feels "cut" by them, I can only say that it is not my intent.

I do agree that these things are indeed only the beginnings. However, for "me" the end is where the reality of the product doesn't resemble the sales pitch.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/24/2007 8:13:37 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 11:58:05 AM

MrRodgers

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I miss-worded my thread. It should read that such presumptions about dominants or wankers here with what we see online versus what we would find realtime among other subjects are...so thick...one could cut it with a knife. I certainly didn't mean to imply you were actually out to 'cut' anybody young lady.

All those details needed for our theory...are not dicovered here but take time and a lotta realtime. Also, we don't know any 'end' until we give it that time.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/24/2007 5:49:23 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

The greatest dom I have ever played with does not attend public functions. Partially because he does not care for them and partially because of a misunderstanding that occured several years ago with a local Lifestyle couple, which got blown out of proportion and gave him a bad name over something he didn't really do to begin with.

He's probably one of only a handful of real dominants I have ever met in my life, and in my opinion is the BEST dominant I ever met. I couldn't sing his praises more if you paid me! However, he finds his local scene pretty laughable and would rather play in the privacy of his own home.

*Waves* Hello there!

I have similar issues with local BDSM scenes. In my experience, there's too much drama to justify being heavily involved. I was into the New Orleans scene big time for years. I made a few mistakes, made too many waves, and crossed the wrong people. And some people will never forget the past even if you've made ammends ten times over.

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"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

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RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/25/2007 9:56:33 AM

Jmv0405

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Joined: 9/8/2006
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It seems to me that the man being more dominant is so common in culture that a lot of "dominant" men, would not align themselves with Bdsm.

And with submissive men it is culturally uncommon enough that they would always align themselves within the bounds of our subculture, as they would not feel as if they belonged to the dominant culture.

I think a lot of psycologist/researchers forget that distinction.

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)

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RE: Wankers at Home, or Naturally Dominant? - 4/25/2007 1:41:24 PM

Nogimmicks

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Actually, I am familiar with the passage that you quoted. I read it on somebodies profile (probably pirated, lol). I recall that, when I first saw it, I was absolutely infuriated. The two points he makes that annoyed me were (1) that dominant men who are not into the "scene" are not really dominant men and (2) that a control freak (which I unabashadly am) is somehow less of a dominant than a more physically oriented person. Sorry, it just ain't so. The writer first identifies his particular perspective on the lifestyle as being "correct" and then establishes that if someone is not like him, he must be inferior. Not so at all.

However, the main point of the article is to help people identify the kind of men who will actually care about and nurture a slave (submissive) within the mutual needs of a relationship that feeds both from a pervert looking for a little fast and kinky sex. The real message is to be wary, to ask questions and demand some evidence of who he says he is. In that respect, I think the post is very valuable.

As to his statistics and where he got them from, I personally think he is fudging the numbers a little. True, there are a whole lot of bored and horny men doing a bit of mental (and physical) masturbation in the chat rooms and what have you, and I agree that real dominant men who are in a position to engage with the lifestyle are in a very small minority. However, I am not sure what the numbers really are and I don't know how one would ever establish such a thing to any reliable degree. In other words, I have no doubt but that the numbers were something he pulled out of his arse. Even so, the advice, overall, is probably good.

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Post #: 49