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TigerNINTails -> RE: Do you demand obedience automatically? (4/24/2007 10:58:34 PM)
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Absolutely... NOT!
I don't tend towards demands, unless I'm dealing with an unruly contractor that can't pull his head out of... Yeah, you get the idea.
When it comes to submissive personalities, I generally speak to them the same as anyone else, with an understanding that they are submissive, and a tailored method of addressing them, in a non-obtrusive manner as a submissive.
When it comes to slave personalities, I may expect them to uphold more rigid address protocols, but only those that they are familiar with... Or not... I think it's acceptable, under any circumstances to expect the same amount of respect given.
To also expect that if you put the submissive to use by "requesting" certain things to be done, one could expect that they be done. If they are outright refused, wasting time with testing or pursuit any further is fruitless.
I consider basic things such as a request to have a phone call, or have an e-mail in my inbox by a certain time will be obeyed. If not, they aren't interested enough to warrant serious consideration.
If they do, but they're late, there could be a number of underlying factors to consider. Perhaps they need discipline in their timing. Perhaps their "pushing" for effect. Perhaps they're "testing limits"... Perhaps they're simply simply absent minded. Or any number of other things that aren't coming to mind right at the moment.
Someone that is eager to please is going to show this, by "obeying" certain "requests". I'm mildly surprised every time that it happens in the beginning, and it pleases me, of course, as I'm not truly expecting anything of them, rather testing to see if those expectations can or will be met.
I don't expect it wholeheartedly, however, any more than I'd demand it. To do so only sets me up for disappointment. I have enough in my life, dealing with other people, setting me up in one way or another, I don't need to do it myself.[8|]
So that said, absolutely not. There's no reason to expect any obedience from someone other than the obedience which is born of respect, which has been earned. I do expect that someone show respect, but that's also because I give what I expect in return... First. Of course, if they don't show the respect, I don't verbalize that. It's more of a mental thing for me.
If they fail to return respect that I've shown in a like manner, I kick em to the curb. After all, if they can't be courteous and respectful (whether they have factual respect for me or not) then they aren't worth investing my energy into.
If I were in a completely M/s environment and the "rules of engagement" had been laid down with obedience in my favour, of course I'd enforce obedience, but that's an entirely different situation.
I don't expect total obedience right off the bat from anyone. I do expect the upholding of protocols as they apply, and the common courtesy and manners expected in even the most vanilla of environments. Being polite is a sign of a proper attitude to me.
I'm with Dominic in that I read things as they flow, and if they don't flow, I discontinue the interaction. There's no point to demanding something if the person is not willing to place themselves under my authority.
I'm not sure if I'm repeating myself here or not. Which I know I have that tendency sometimes. [:D]
Ahh well, chit happens.
Peace.
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