RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/24/2007 11:43:01 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
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From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I have often complained about the limited identification choices here. It's funny that they give sub AND slave as an option but not dom AND master. And not top or bottom at all. Anyone else want to petition them to add more choices? Everyone here has given great advice though. Look for play partners, not owners.

That would be great...would also be great if they added a "marital/dating" status option.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/24/2007 11:58:59 AM

cybersport

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Some really interesting points of view here, all of which are appreciated....

I consider myself a bottom because I'm the one who enjoys being tied (by a female only) but what I'm looking for is a mutually beneficial relationship with two people in it who are supportive of and care for one another..

Mutual respect, trust and intelligence are the big issues for me, much as they would be in a vanilla relationship... For better or worse though, my need to be tied would have to be part of it too, which narrows the field considerably it seems.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/24/2007 12:09:53 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

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To be honest? If your goal is to have a vanilla relationship where she'll tie you up as well....you're probably better off finding an open-minded vanilla than looking through the BDSM scene. While you'll certainly chase a few away, the overall pool is going to be a lot larger.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 4/24/2007 12:10:36 PM >

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/24/2007 12:20:46 PM

cybersport

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I've also been told the opposite, that the only way I'll find someone I'll be compatible with is through a B&D site or the like.. What's the saying.. "too vanilla for the kinky, too kinky for the vanilla?"

I guess that's the situation I find myself in.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/24/2007 11:22:13 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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cybersport, go to munches and play parties in your local area and tell people you like bondage. We have lots of bondage classes and bondage interest groups in our city, so you might too. Thats the best way to find genuine lovers of bondage bunnies (they DO exist!)

The internet has far too many tyre kickers interested in lots of talk (analyse, fantasise and criticise!) but not enough action

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 7:08:49 AM

cybersport

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Any suggestions on how to bring up the subject with a vanilla friend? The relationship with her at this point is strictly platonic.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 7:19:25 AM

SweetDommes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Here in Australia a "bottom" would be someone more into physical sensation play (eg masochism) while a "submissive" would be more into psychological play (being controlled). In a nutshell at play parties, playful bottoms have all the fun; submissives stand around holding handbags....so who wouldn't prefer to be a bottom!!

However, I suggest that you tell the Domme what you mean by "not a submissive". You might be mis-labelling yourself. You don't have to be a doormat to be a submissive. You might find the Mistress is looking for a bright, fun and considerate guy who enjoys pleasing his woman......including by submitting to being tied up. You might both be getting caught up in labels and missing how much you have in common (besides loving ropework)

Maybe the subs end up holding purses while the bottoms get to play at the parties that you go to - but I have yet to hear any such complaints about the parties that the groups we've been members of have hosted. I'd also have to point out that your definitions of "bottom" and "submissive" are pretty much the same thing as the other definitions, just different words.

I would guess that he is right in his assessment that he's not submissive, that he's just a bottom - and as long as he continues to be honest about it, he'll eventually find someone ... he may just have to be really really patient.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 7:34:53 AM

cybersport

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I do my best to be patient, but it is tough. and because I am involved in some freelance and community ervice work apart from my full time job, it's tough to block out time to go to an event, even on a Saturday night.

Wish there were Dommes or Tops that were available for Thursday afternoon lunch!!! :)

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 9:25:44 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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Were you taking them out to lunch...or were these Tops for lunch? ;-)

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 9:32:33 AM

cybersport

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LOL Taking them out for a nice lunch..... I can't expect them to bring a rope to the local diner

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 9:34:08 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cybersport

Any suggestions on how to bring up the subject with a vanilla friend? The relationship with her at this point is strictly platonic.

Regardless of whether or not an individual combines SM or bondage with sex or not, by and large BDSM is considered part of human sexuality by the mainstream culture and many health and mental care professionals.

Therefore I actually wouldn't bring this up with a vanilla platonic friend. I'd bring it up in a romantic or sexual relationship as some extra spice you'd like to add.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 10:30:14 AM

MistressDolly

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Might be hard to find a dominant woman to top service your needs; if you're not their lover/pet or a close friend they may feel "what's in it for me?" But, anything is possible. :)

Have you considered a pro?

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 10:36:57 AM

cybersport

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I have gone in that direction for much of my adult life, because finding a partner is so hard. I am not knocking Pro Dommes, but I am now at a point in life where I would prefer not to do that anymore...

Finding someone who understands my situation, however, has been a significant challenge. I am not going to dazzle anybody with my looks or bank account. Hopefully, having an intelligent, ethical, loyal guy n her life would be enough for somebody.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 6:45:00 PM

MzMia

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I know the difference between a bottom and a submissive.
That is has been MY problem, I meet too many bottoms who think they are
submissives.
At least you know and admit you are a bottom.

I can respect that.
Good luck!

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 6:54:30 PM

cybersport

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I applaud you for understanding the distinction between the two!!!!

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 6:56:03 PM

ErusUxor

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Top/bottom = what you do

Dominant/submissive = Who you are

When they said "penny for your thoughts" ...I had to try and figure out how to make change.

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 7:02:41 PM

cybersport

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So the rhetorical question is, is there someone out there who would be a good fit for a basically vanilla guy who is honest, hardworking and respects women but really enjoys being tied up?

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RE: The Difference Between a Bottom and a Sub - 4/25/2007 8:52:18 PM

MzMia

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cybersport, I think there is someone for everyone.
Good luck!

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To Each His/Her Own
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What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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