riff w brother -- resurfacing.

riff w brother -- resurfacing. (Full Version)

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pahunkboy -> riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/24/2007 5:08:09 AM)
telling me what to do. here we go. --i cant put it into words. i was supposed to go to chicago to visit. i detest the drive. we live in 2 differeent worlds. im back to the "he stole my mom" mode- sorta. this is my house. i cant put into woords,

Vendaval -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/24/2007 10:18:45 AM)
Hi there hunkboy, I know the feeling about not wanting to visit a family member and dreading the obligated interaction. What is it about his behavior that makes you so uncomfortable? Take care, Vendaval

pahunkboy -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 10:15:06 AM)
we go thru cycles in our brotherhood. ordinarily as adults we are very close. we would do anything for eachother. one defining difference via the 2 of us. he clooses metro big money life. i choose a slow pace small town. at its extreem, it can be viewed as worshipping money. i must say tho- that- people are well aware that i have bigshot brother that can write a check- so it lifts me up abit. not that i flaunt it- but there are some vulcher type that will scam or harm a meak/weak person just because they can. anyhow. Ed wisked mom away to chicago- and sibling riralry had set in. how dare u take my mommy- the primal part of me screams. yet- mom has free will and was not forced by any means. she is an adult- and it was her choice. on the one hand- ill enjoy Eds generous offer to fix up my place -ild pay materials- he has offerred 1 weeks labor. free. very generous. i am blessed. likewise he inspected this place- was so pleased with the sturdiness of it- he refused to have a plan "b". due to his overwprked status- the other night he started telling me what i can and cant do in regards to my own house. granted- ild love some of the suburbanized touches here. BUT- not at teh expense of me creative personness. i wont surrender my indentity to look like a suburban house is supposewd to look. i dont need to keep up with the jones- the jonses can kiss my azz. since he is the most financially successful one of the famly- he has taken on the patriack role. [even tho im the oldest] the family by and large is fine with him in this role. i happen to be gay. i happen to think outside the box. i view beauity as something that is not prepackaged. i recocgnize one can never live in a perfect world...where as he refuses to concede this. if i wish to be a free lance gypsy free spirit- then i should be aloowed to be me. to forced into a cookie cutter mold in life. one size fits all doesnt apply to me. i have a brain. i certainly dont have to money he does...but that is not the essance of life. in the end- i want to be able to say- i did it my way. [like that song] i did it MY way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OedipusRexIt -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 11:25:34 AM)
It seems like (from my distant armchair) you have a hot button when it comes to being "judged" in some way by your brother. Try hard to shake it off. He's helping, which could be because he wants to... My siblings all drive me crazy, too. Look past what he says, if you can, to what he does, and focus on that. ... and maybe he did steal mom. Is she important enough to brave the sucky drive? Hope so. Good luck. You feel things deeply, and that isn't a bad thing.

pahunkboy -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 11:37:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt It seems like (from my distant armchair) you have a hot button when it comes to being "judged" in some way by your brother. Try hard to shake it off. He's helping, which could be because he wants to... My siblings all drive me crazy, too. Look past what he says, if you can, to what he does, and focus on that. ... and maybe he did steal mom. Is she important enough to brave the sucky drive? Hope so. Good luck. You feel things deeply, and that isn't a bad thing. A few years ago- we had a nasty falling out. I was determined to be spiteful. [shame on me-] anyhow- he fixed my car brakes w/o me even asking him to. it was then- it dawned on me- that i was being juvenile. he cared about my safety. a true brother indeed. after seeing your reply and thank you. mom is worth the drive! hell yeah!!! it is 12 hours not 12 days by camel. i have no restrictions such as probation. mom is worth it. thank you for reminding me. i pretty much have my driver license and stuff tranferred over. so-- no excuses. you ROCK!

OedipusRexIt -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 2:11:47 PM)
You rock, too. Like all of us, stepping back for a moment can help. It just isn't easy at the time. They'll be glad to see you!

pahunkboy -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 2:51:03 PM)
i just been puttering around-looking for a way to secure the property. I have a dog and bird to consider. I was thinking of asking teh one nighbor to look in on things here. but i have boxes and boxes or personal papers- some "gay"- so not that any of iit is valuable but i dont want to create problems before its time. [she is babtist] if worse comes to worse i could board the dog. even still- ild prefer to have my personal effects less in the open. while im quite open online- ppl in a small town can get funny. for instance- i would never put out a rainbow flag- i want to be left alone more less=- and it is irrelevent what i do in my own bedroom. if the town talks behind my back- and im sure they do-- so be it- as everyine has their skeletons. the dont ask dont tell policy is best for this area. i realize they dont pay my bills- but i want to blend in with the sceenery -not create havok. some ppl have a very hard time getting past that. even in todays day and age. tho even if that were not a fact- i still would like my belongings to be abit more secure then at current. small town spats can be anoying. very annoying-and they can go on for 8-10 years. that was a good point about retiring early. im no longer part of that crowd- where people can and do black list eachtoher- one co-worker yrs ago- turned me in for an infraction since he was afraid i was after his girfriend. everyone knew he did what he did. i had no sexual interest in her or any of the cowrkers. i like to talk to old friends in chicago, hear about their problems. i come back envigorated- as anything here is trivial. very trivial. i like to see what teh latest styles and trends are. some i like- some i dont. i can get clothing that is stylish at their thrift stores that did not come into fashion here. :-) [yet] i do heavy thinking when i drive a road trip. it can clear ones mind. i knew i was over tired from teh move- now i feel i caught up with my sleep so- i should bop around here to see what needs done. this way when i go i can relax. also i dont want to have to turn around mid trip due to a dumb mistake. [like forgettting my meds] :-)

Vendaval -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 3:17:08 PM)
You have gotten some good advice here. Just keep your focus on the goal of making your mum happy and know that he does care about you, even if your priorities in life are very different. And it is only a few days out of your life, not months on end. I am looking forward to the same situation this summer, so I feel for you. Take care, Vendaval

pahunkboy -> RE: riff w brother -- resurfacing. (4/25/2007 3:35:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vendaval You have gotten some good advice here. Just keep your focus on the goal of making your mum happy and know that he does care about you, even if your priorities in life are very different. And it is only a few days out of your life, not months on end. I am looking forward to the same situation this summer, so I feel for you. Take care, Vendaval my 2 best friends told me- that im a fool- that i ought to appreciate what i have- jim said i ought to kiss her feet. at 1st i was "huh?" but now i get it. the whole idea of me staying in cheaper housing market is to afford to visit there. i was very afraid of doing the sleep on friends couch thing. but i got lucky by finding teh place i did- and aafford it- and having the right people pull strings. most realtors want big commissions- + everyone wants a starter home. for the amount of work she did she did not make much off of this sale. being that i knew her from years ago- and she took me looking at places a year ago- she knew to jump. also mom went to school with her boss- so the whole office was aware that this wasnt an outsider trying to upset the neighborhood... deals like the one i got everyone wants- they go fast- basically what i paaid- is what a teardown place costs. yes- you can get cheap -but i literally fell thru the floor to my waist at one place i looked at. be that as it may- it doesnt have to be good bye forever. i had been on probatrion for a while and needed written note to leave the state- but i completed probation and now i dont need any such permission. im free to leave the state or the country. :-) there is no saying i can only visit once a year- 3 times a yr is doable. even at high gas prices- i look forward to a visit!!! :-)

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