julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: acquiesce93
I have known MANY black male doms and one is my mentor. Most that I know/have known personally don't engage in community lifestyle involvement other than parties or clubbing. I can't speak for black male doms, but personally I completely understand why. I have a low tolerance for bullshit and drama, and most lifestyle communities that I've experience are rife with both.
Also, another turnoff in underrepresented lifestyle communities is that every time you rear your head at a munch or light play event, too much of the initial reaction is "I've always wanted to be dominated by a black woman". And then they go ooon and oooon making sure to insert "strong black woman", etc. with everything they say. Race play seems to be the FIRST and often only thing on their minds when they see you. Of course that often goes away with time and as the group gets to know you, but this seriously gets OLD as fuck, and often gets in the way of enjoying said munches and gatherings. Sad as it is to say, as many organizations and groups as I'm involved with, throughout my life, in my interaction with the BDSM community groups, race is pretty much *always* brought up by random persons.
I was introduced to Black Beat by my little sister who's not a lifestyler (but oh how she loves my stories!) but knew an active member. Though in Houston where I was brought into the lifestyle we did have regular meetings of black BDSM friends, we didn't bother to formalize the organization or even the parties. I know as far as the gay scene there are tons of amazing black male doms, and I think that the gay community is better at embracing and involving them.
The number of black doms represented at a BDSM event is absolutely NO indication on how many practicing black doms there are. When you think about advertising events, organization and clubs, very little is done to advertise certain lifestyle bdsm communities towards blacks in general. I think it's naive to say that "well we put it on, they didn't come... so there just aren't any". There are a few black clubs that have the occasional, VERY hot fetish nights, and though most are as with any fetish night, amateurs playing dress-up, you can spot many serious hard-core lifestylers. You might want to investigate in your area.
If you identify mainly as a black male dom searching for a white sub, go ahead and advertise yourself as such. As a black domme I leave race out of my selection and it isn't a center of focus in my play, but be vocal about it and they will flock. There are lots of you out there. I'm totally laughing at all of these people saying that black male domming is not represented in the black community. They've obviously not been around us much. As far as in the lifestyle sense, I think we are just now being included in the BDSM community as a whole. Of course, for women its a bit be accepting (hell, with so many communities having to restrict membership against single males, I kinda feel sorry for lifestyle guys anyway.. hahah). You should browse on the main site, there really are some wonderful and insiteful black male doms on here to network with. Best of luck, dear. Wish I was in Chi-town to point you in the right direction or go out on a black dom/me recruitment mission with ya. heh.
acquiesce,
Thank you thank you for such an accurate post!! Rather than cut and paste all over the place, I put in bold print the stuff I was saying "AMEN" to as I read.
"they will flock".. OMG...While it doesn't happen so much in the bdsm communities we're involved with, it happens all the time when we go other places. We walk in the door, he sits me down at a table and steps away for a minute, and the women practically run toward him.. "ooh, I've always wanted to be with a black man!!!" He just laughs. It IS humorous, but it's also downright embarrassing all at the same time for me to be watching this. I keep thinking about these women, "have a little pride!!" but pride rarely enters into things when it comes to lust and possible stereotypes being true.
I am also, quite frankly, offended that to these women, he's just the oddity, the piece of meat to try that's new and different. To me, he's a man, the best man I know, regardless of the color of his skin and silly me for just wishing that others would see how great he is without skin color, stereotypes and all that entering into things.
He, like you said, has a very low bs tolerance factor and to him, when entering into groups on a consistent basis, everyone is, in fact, agreeing to abide by the rules of that group (not a bad thing), and in fact, the rules of whoever is running that group. However, to him, while he'll visit every once in a while, staying apart from that group means that he's living his life without the expectations of others entering into it. As he puts it, he "travels through groups, not with them." And that's how he likes things. Drama is not something we enjoy at all, and when it gets too deep, I steer clear. On the other hand, he doesn't even get close.
Thanks again for your post.
juliet
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